They’d eat their own poop (708 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.11 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FALLEN (View user info) at 2008-02-08 11:44:05 EST
Working the overnight audit at a hotel allows a unique chance to observe humanity in its finest, and more importantly the opportunity to ridicule them. I have always said the reason I work audit is that I do not have to be polite to whatever happens to float past my front desk.
That and the fact that as I get more tired the less tact I have to govern my conversations.
While this helps in dealing with drunks and punk teenagers, sometimes innocents get hurt like this poor bastard that stood before me.
He was a guy in his mid twenties that checked in with his girlfriend and their two dogs. They seemed nice enough when they checked in; weary from the road, around 11pm.
At about 1:30 am I noticed on the camera in the back office that there was someone at the front desk.
He wasn't saying anything, just looking around to see if anyone was working and completely unaware I was watching.
I make it a rule to let people stand there until they call out or knock. It is amazing how long some people will stand quietly at a seemingly empty desk and wait.
I feel I owe it to them to help teach them to assert themselves.
Anyway, it's clear that this guy is prepared to stand there all night, so I begrudgingly push away from the computer, zip up and make my way up front.
"Hi, I lost money in your soda machine"
Up here, It's pop, by the way.
"I was getting water and they got stuck"
I explained that our machine is designed for cans but we do have one selection with bottled water and they often get stuck.
Now at this point I would just hand him the money and he would be on his way, but he decides to share.
" The water is for my dogs, I give them bottled water instead of just tap."
With out missing a beat and before I gave any thought to it I looked him straight in the eyes and said..
"You know, given the opportunity, they'd eat their own poop, right?"
He went silent and just blinked at me.
He had the look a kid gets when the find out Santa isn't real. He attempted to respond.
"Um, well yeah, I guess, but.."
I cut him off and told him some crap about being a good owner to try and cheer him up. I did feel sorry for him. He was a nice guy but now his world stopped making sense, and it was all my fault.
Later in my shift around 6am, he came back to the desk. He appeared better than before so I was extra nice to him, still feeling a bit guilty and all. I hoped he learned a valuable lesson last night.
"Good morning, where can I find the closest drugstore?"
I gave him his directions and was prepared to let the conversation end.
But no, oblivious to what he was doing, he shared again.
"I need to get some motion sickness medication."
Fair enough I thought, a lot of people need to take..
"It's for my dogs, when they ride to long in the car they...."
A horrified deer in the headlights look came over him as he realized what was about to happen.
"You know it's probably because of all that bottled water you give them"
he had it coming.
User Reviews
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:58:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha. Some people don't seem to realize their pets are animals. A friend of mine (in fact, the same friend who was engaged to the girl who had Kendall) runs a dog boarding place where they also train dogs to herd sheep. All dogs apparently love to eat sheep shit, and the boarded dogs get their fair share. The thing is, it turns their own shit vivid green. The people who board their dogs are shocked twice: first when Fido comes home and shits green, then again when they find out it's because he was eating sheep shit instead of his expensive dog food.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-02-11 04:11:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
not particularly funny
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-02-09 10:06:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I snickered...
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-09 04:06:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain man. I work the Audit too. Remind me to tell you about 'crazy naked acid man trying to jump off my building' sometime.
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2008-02-09 03:25:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
hurtful
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-02-08 20:31:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-02-08 20:31:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2008-02-08 20:03:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You ruined that poor man's life...
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-08 19:53:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-08 19:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-02-08 16:13:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You may live.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-02-08 15:56:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
solid 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-08 14:16:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CHUUUUMMYYY!
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2008-02-08 13:51:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A horrified deer in the headlights look came over him as he realized what was about to happen.
I love the look people get when they realize they've just stepped over the TMI line. Anybody who buys bottled water for their pets deserves to be ridiculed. Unless your tap water is poisoned. Then that's an excuse.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-02-08 13:47:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Service!
Submitted by knowledge13 (user info) at 2008-02-08 13:40:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it, good read...+2
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-08 13:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YES.
Submitted by TheBrad (user info) at 2008-02-08 12:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
every time i see a chick carrying a tiny dog in a purse or a special carrying case, It makes of want to punch the cunt That is carrying it and bite the tiny fuckers head off.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-02-08 12:16:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't get it
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-02-08 12:12:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-08 11:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
eh, i liked it well enough
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-02-08 11:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-02-08 11:51:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
haha, ok
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-02-08 11:48:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh.