My Thoughts on Seeing 300 and Troy... (1037 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.09 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by icarus (View user info) at 2008-02-12 15:22:07 EST
Half-naked muscle boys male-bonding with anachronistic weapons while standing ankle-deep in make-believe gore... testosterone thicker than a turkish bathhouse...
User Reviews
Submitted by Glenn. (user info) at 2008-04-18 21:26:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pretty sure gay dudes love these movies. Sorry, latent homosexuals.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-02-13 22:39:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"if you changed the names around a bit and took out the big wood horse it could have been just about any story.:
yes, and thats the nature of the story. its been told and retold in a lot of different ways. the names and the wooden horse are arguably now its only unique assets.
look, im a fairly well-educated person, with a background in literature. i now write for a computer game company, where i design the narrative, the characters, cultures, places and races. while no field expert, i have a reasonable amount of knowledge. the film troy, while no classic, and certainly not particularly true to the original story, hasnt been 'dumbed down'. it was updated for a contemporary audience that doesnt recognise the elements of the original because - guess what: the original is like 3000 years old. sure they got orlando to reprise legolas, but thats an image that many people will be able to identify with, and it roughly matches up to the perception of the somewhat effeminate (in comparison to the other hard men of the story) paris. it was an enjoyable film that held my and most peoples attention for the duration. it was worth the money i paid to see it, and you cant ask for much more.
in short i guess im saying that puritanism sucks. learn to enjoy a story or a film on its merits and dont try to compare it or look for things to denigrate it over. if its enjoyable, then thats all you need to know.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-02-13 14:36:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-02-12 19:43:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
how interesting to hear of films a year later and then some.
WHAT IS YOUR OPINION OF GONE WITH THE WIND?
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hahaha. So funny.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-13 11:57:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-02-12 19:39:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i nailed down the discussion about cg ages ago:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89517
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CG doesn't kill movies; capitalism does. When Lucas set out to make the first Star Wars movies, he did it to bring the archetypal hero story to the genre of sci fi. The effects of the time (models and muppets as you said) were used to tell this story. The result was a succesful film franchise. When Lucas set about to make the prequels, the story was an excuse to show off all the neat effects. The result was Jar Jar Binks. This doesn't mean that CG cannot be used to tell a good story; it already has. It just means that particle effects or bump mapping are no replacement for solid writing.
I'd also have to disagree about Troy. The major problem is just what you said -- it dumbed the story down to the point of being mush. It wasn't bad enough that it tried to 'update' it by turning Achilles into Alan-fucking-Alda, and reprising Orlando Bloom's role as the androgynous elf-archer in some vague hopes of feeding off the Lord of the Rings crowd. It also pared the actual plot down to such a ludicrously bare-bones level that if you changed the names around a bit and took out the big wood horse it could have been just about any story. Why did Paris run off with Helen? I'yunno, doesn't mention anything about the golden apple. The gods, in fact, are pretty much stripped out despite the major role they played in the original story and Greek culture in general.
Did it need to? Are Americans that fucking stupid? I doubt it. Master and Commander was a dense series of novels, but they managed to turn it into a fairly succesful movie without veering that far from the original story.
Submitted by EkO (user info) at 2008-02-13 07:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was well deserved.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-02-13 03:38:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
greek = gay.
ya havta accept that, it's a fact.
so the film is historically correct.
that was the downfall of the greek empire, they were poking little boys instead of making new soldiers with their women folk.
sure, greek women are not known for their dazzling looks, but for the sake of the empire they should have at least given it a shot and tried it out with what nature prescribed as a means of procreation.
buggery is the downfall of civilisation.
so go shoot some queers and drink some beers for the sake of humanity
yee-haw.
* this rant has been officially sponsored by the American Nazi Party
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-02-13 02:34:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I really liked the bit where he ran forward chopping everyone up and I thought the whole shield bash thing was cool.
I did they they should have been wearing more armour though, the half naked thing seemed a bit odd.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-13 01:14:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought 300 was awesome.
Troy did suck rather heavily.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-12 21:30:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-02-13 02:13:54 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-12 15:32:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I got bored :(
And seriously, it's softcore gay porn.
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I thought so too, the original actually had more than three pages of dialogue.
If I wanted to watch a testosterone movie I'd watch the original Rambo - at least its not trying to be something that its not...
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You should see the new one, it's fucking amazing.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-02-12 21:13:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-12 15:32:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I got bored :(
And seriously, it's softcore gay porn.
_____
I thought so too, the original actually had more than three pages of dialogue.
If I wanted to watch a testosterone movie I'd watch the original Rambo - at least its not trying to be something that its not...
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-02-12 19:43:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
how interesting to hear of films a year later and then some.
WHAT IS YOUR OPINION OF GONE WITH THE WIND?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-02-12 19:39:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i nailed down the discussion about cg ages ago:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89517
ps, the guy below that said that 300 is a 'true' portrayal of the events of thermopylae is a fucking moron.
and i thought troy was an excellent update of an ancient story for a modern audience - it was a fun portrayal of some heroic characters that p;layed with some of the conventions of myth and religionin an interesting way - given that its a sandal epic made to entertain the unwashed masses. if youve read the iliad, youll know thats its VERY fucking dense and not suitable for people to read or engage with now. and before anyone tries - claiming enjoyment of the iliad does not qualify you for mensa. it just means you like a particular book.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-12 19:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This wasn't even really +1-worthy, but have a +2 to help the bad rating.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-12 18:32:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you could do some amazing things with digital actors. Or you could severely fuck up. Once again, I think it depends on the imagination and creativity of the people in charge of the project. Beowulf, to me, was a bland take on Prince Valiant. It had about as much to do with the original story as it absolutely had to. I liked Shrek. I think the Song of Roland would make a good CG movie.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-12 17:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-12 22:25:49 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dull! Dull? My god man, have you never wanted to kick back, crack open a beer and watch people kick the shit out of each other in a stylised and awesome way? It seems that 300 is a movie that you either love or hate, I've never met someone who said it was just 'OK'.
Sure, it's homo-erotic and sure it's not realistic, but it's based on a comic book (which is also excellent) and captures the visceral yet almost unrealistic style of the violence excellently, for me at least. You say that the effects were too much for you, and that's fair enough, but without them the movie would fall flat on it's arse.
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CG isn't always a life-preserver when it comes to modern movies; just look at Beowulf, the Star Wars prequels, the Grinch, or worst of all, the new Hithchiker's Guide. CG can't stand alone. It needs characters, a storyline, writing etc to enhance. If you've got nothing there in the first place, you'll be dividing by 0. A neatly animated 0, grant you, with tons of particle effects, but 0 none the less.
It wasn't that 300 had nothing, it's that what it had in terms of characters, plotlines, writing etc was so bland and predictable that it couldn't help but carry over into the CG. The deaths were pretty, but nothing more. After about the seven or eight hundredth death, you came to expect exactly what Matrix-era effects to expect, and it got kinda dull. As it was, I thought this was an amazing proof of concept movie for how far you can go to blur the gap between CG and human. As an actual film, though? Thought it was dull.
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Fair points dude. I've not seen Beowulf, but I'd like to if only for the digitisation of the characters. I heard an interesting thing on the radio, with Ray Winstone I believe, discussing whether or not digitised characters would be better as the actual actors age. Personally, I think it would be terrible, but in stuff like 300 and Beowulf (I'm guessing) really helps the look of the film.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-12 17:25:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dull! Dull? My god man, have you never wanted to kick back, crack open a beer and watch people kick the shit out of each other in a stylised and awesome way? It seems that 300 is a movie that you either love or hate, I've never met someone who said it was just 'OK'.
Sure, it's homo-erotic and sure it's not realistic, but it's based on a comic book (which is also excellent) and captures the visceral yet almost unrealistic style of the violence excellently, for me at least. You say that the effects were too much for you, and that's fair enough, but without them the movie would fall flat on it's arse.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CG isn't always a life-preserver when it comes to modern movies; just look at Beowulf, the Star Wars prequels, the Grinch, or worst of all, the new Hithchiker's Guide. CG can't stand alone. It needs characters, a storyline, writing etc to enhance. If you've got nothing there in the first place, you'll be dividing by 0. A neatly animated 0, grant you, with tons of particle effects, but 0 none the less.
It wasn't that 300 had nothing, it's that what it had in terms of characters, plotlines, writing etc was so bland and predictable that it couldn't help but carry over into the CG. The deaths were pretty, but nothing more. After about the seven or eight hundredth death, you came to expect exactly what Matrix-era effects to expect, and it got kinda dull. As it was, I thought this was an amazing proof of concept movie for how far you can go to blur the gap between CG and human. As an actual film, though? Thought it was dull.
Just my opinion.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-12 17:24:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Shlongy doesn't watch fag movies like this one...Or two. Whatever.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-12 16:58:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-02-12 21:43:08 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
I heard a rumor somewhere that Spartans encouraged soldiers to be homosexual. The idea is that if your lover/friend/fellow soldier died in battle, it would enrage you to take vengance upon his killer and you would be overcome with a blood lust and fight harder... or something.
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Not true. Well, it sort of is. Basically at 12 (when they started the pedagog) they'd be given as lovers to the guys completing the trials. It was for education, however, rather than forming long lasting sexual relationships; it is true though that homosexuality, particularly pederasty was widespread and condoned throughout ancient Greece.
The joys of having a classics teacher for a mother!
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-02-12 16:48:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
apart from the anti clothhead bias, i enjoyed it
actually, i enjoyed the anti-cloth head biais too - they were pretty amusing villains
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-02-12 16:43:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I heard a rumor somewhere that Spartans encouraged soldiers to be homosexual. The idea is that if your lover/friend/fellow soldier died in battle, it would enrage you to take vengance upon his killer and you would be overcome with a blood lust and fight harder... or something.
However, all evidence proves against that theory. (http://elysiumgates.com/~helena/Women.html)
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-12 16:42:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, 'Women in Love' has the most homo-erotic scene in cinema EVAR.
Submitted by DanteCrane (user info) at 2008-02-12 16:40:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-12 16:35:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's just that somewhere in the, what, two hours of almost constant "SPAAAAAAARTA" "RAAAAAAAAA" "GRUNT" "CLASH" "CHING" etc, you come to expect that EVERY death will be a slow motion take (from two angles) of someone getting impaled through the pyloric sphincter by the sort of spear you'd only see in replica sword magazines, their duodenum doing a perfect little pirrhouette on the tip before the camera cuts over to the next EXTREME death, which will be just as perfect and artistic and, after 20 more, quite dull.
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Dull! Dull? My god man, have you never wanted to kick back, crack open a beer and watch people kick the shit out of each other in a stylised and awesome way? It seems that 300 is a movie that you either love or hate, I've never met someone who said it was just 'OK'.
Sure, it's homo-erotic and sure it's not realistic, but it's based on a comic book (which is also excellent) and captures the visceral yet almost unrealistic style of the violence excellently, for me at least. You say that the effects were too much for you, and that's fair enough, but without them the movie would fall flat on it's arse.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-02-12 16:31:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah the Matrix 2 and 3 sucked donkey balls.
I still disagree about 300. The effects were awesome. It's not very common that a movie is shot entirely in front of a green screen. It was a visually stunning movie. Yeah, looking back some scenes didn't need to be slow motion, but it was done in an attempt to draw you in. The movie wasn't about Greek vs Persia as much as it was about a belief of freedom and standing up for that belief no matter the cost. I dont know. I really enjoyed 300 but I also love Frank Miller and his novels, so I'm a little biased.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-12 16:22:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No. I got bored.
It wasn't just that the movie almost entirely lacked a plot, it's that it tried to fill in for this lack of a plot with half naked men, "edgy" cinematography, downright annoying lighting, and extreme effects.
Now don't get me wrong.
Effects have their place. They were tolerable in movies like Master and Commander or Narnia, where the battles comprised all of 20 minutes. They made Saving Private Ryan into the unintentional laugh-fest it was. It's just that somewhere in the, what, two hours of almost constant "SPAAAAAAARTA" "RAAAAAAAAA" "GRUNT" "CLASH" "CHING" etc, you come to expect that EVERY death will be a slow motion take (from two angles) of someone getting impaled through the pyloric sphincter by the sort of spear you'd only see in replica sword magazines, their duodenum doing a perfect little pirrhouette on the tip before the camera cuts over to the next EXTREME death, which will be just as perfect and artistic and, after 20 more, quite dull.
Also, I'll concede that Troy was ten times worse. 300 at least attempted to stay loyal to the comic book rendition of the story (and no, it wasn't historical any more than the Illiad, Henry V, or the Archimedes Death Ray were; it was 9/10's the political propaganda of the time.) Troy rewrote the Illiad just to make at least a few of the characters likeable by modern standards, and was generally trash. I just couldn't find a good poster for Troy :(
PS. I still consider both to be kinda homoerotic :(
PPS. I also considered Highlander to be rather homoerotic, and believe the Matrix reeked of all manners of fetish.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-12 16:16:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
300 ruled, Troy sucked.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-02-12 16:08:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
300 was a bad ass movie, but it was still all about the gay love. There hasn't been that much anal sex on film since last Saturday night when I brought my Sony Handycam to Method's Mom's place. There were 300 guys there too, but they were black, not Spartan.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-02-12 15:52:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My thoughts: 300 was badass. Troy sucked.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-02-12 15:42:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
troy was stupid. everyone had different accents. once you got past that, it was alright.
300 was epic. its not gay porn because the only sex scene is when leonidas drills his hot ass wife. its not about combat and fighting and gore and bloodshed. its about the legendary battle of thermopylae as told by frank miller in his graphic novel.
its just easier to link this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Thermopylae
yes the battle really did happen. yes most of the movie is true. but keep in mind the book is slightly fictitious but based on the actual event.
but hey, if you like to be edgy and against the grain to seem slightly more intellectual and cool, by all means go for it.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-02-12 15:40:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So, you liked them?
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-02-12 15:32:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Aint dun seen that there three hunner
Troy was OK
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-12 15:32:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I got bored :(
And seriously, it's softcore gay porn.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-12 15:25:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Now you're shit posting? WTF is going on?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-12 15:24:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for constantly harassing simpleton.
didn't even look at the post.