Ubertines '08- Necropolis (1213 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.97 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2008-02-13 10:29:57 EST
I stood near the base of the great pyramid with sand pelting me and the sun raping my skin. I was overcome with annoyance at the German and Japanese tourists that flocked around us, oblivious to anyone but themselves. I was crabby in my discomfort, and I made no effort to hide it.
On the other hand, my husband stood beside me, with a huge goofy grin on his face and the camera up to his eye. He sickened me. I couldn't stand to see how stupid and happy he was.
But then again, I sickened myself, because, like usual, I was miserable while the rest of the world rejoiced with life.
My husband asked if I wanted to go on a sunset horseback ride through the desert to celebrate valentines day. Immediately I thought of how sore my butt would be from riding, how messy my hair would be from the sand and the wind, how hungry I might become and worst of all, I worried about the throng of other tourists who had the same idea for a romantic evening.
In a joyful move, Henry swung me around and planted a kiss on my sand speckled forehead. He hugged me and told me how he loved me, as he had every day since we first announced our feelings for each other. I grumbled something about love to him, wiped my hand across my head, and turned back away from him.
"Okay, I guess we can go ride horses tonight".
As the day progressed we did various things, he was bursting with joy and I kept thinking about how much I hated him. I couldn't get outside of my own head, these thoughts were clogging my brain. I hated his stupid smile, his ignorant view of the world, his innocence and his tendency to find the best in everything. I hated everything that initially brought me to him.
When we first met I was entranced by his demeanor. I fell in love with how simple he made the world seem. He pulled me out of my misery and set me up on a golden pedestal.
Loving him made me feel like I found religion. He gave me something to believe in, something to trust and hope for the future.
However, it didn't take long for me to crawl back down to my usual place, the place where I knew the truth about the world. As I did with the church, I finally admitted to myself that no matter how much I hope that life will be grand, it's most likely going to be mediocre, with a mediocre ending that doesn't result in heaven or hell. It's all nothing.
I pulled myself out of my hate long enough to choose a horse. I walked from horse to horse, looking at their bodies and patting their noses. Of course, I knew nothing about horses, so it was ridiculous for me to attempt to choose a 'good one'.
As I was walking along, I let my fingers play over the various objects hanging from the stable walls. Long ropes and straps of leather. Things with buckles. Things with snaps. I realized then that I wanted a souvenir, so I forgot about the massive horses, and set my mind to finding the perfect object to take home with me.
I looked at everything, somewhat absently, until I saw the knife. It was rusted and dull, with a wooden handle, carved into the shape of a horses head. I shot a quick look around, seeing no one, and plucked the knife down from its place on the wall.
After my husband picked horses for both of us, happily assuring me that he chose the best horse for me, pointing out its sparkling eyes and shiny mane. He smiled as he helped me up.
I rolled my eyes at his joy, and held tightly to the reigns.
After he mounted his own horse, we rode off. The desert was a miserable cascade of sand and wind. The sun, barely visible over the dunes, glowed an uninteresting orange.
"Baby!" Henry quickly trotted over to me, pulling our horses close, pining my right leg and his left between their massive brown bodies. "Give me a wonderful kiss!" He exclaimed.
I groaned, but still leaned it to let him kiss me. As his lips brushed mine, I felt an overwhelming urge to get him out of my life. The previous hate was bulging into rage. He should realize that life wasn't as great as he thinks, he should have some pain, he should feel some misery. Everyone has a miserable experience that teeters them from joy to humility, and sometimes they fall into misery, as I have.
With the anger welling up in me, I calmly suggested we visit the nearby cemetery. The cemetery is called The City of the Dead. Because of an old Egyptian tradition of living for 40 days above your dead, there were simple houses built above each grave, giving the cemetery the look of an abandoned village. Below each home was a dead body, usually buried beneath the kitchen table, which allowed the family to eat with the dead.
Many Egyptians have come in from the countryside, seeking work in the already overpopulated city of Cairo. Unable to find work or shelter, they slowly began moving into the cemetery. Wires ran criss cross above the graves, carrying pirated electricity to the most affluent of inhabitants. You could hear a drum, pounding out music for unseen dancers. Boys played with rocks in the dirt roads. There was a hum of life above these dead.
As we came up to the cemetery, Henry expressed some doubts. The necropolis was known for its high crime and hostility toward foreigners. I assured him that it was okay, letting a rare smile spread across my face. After dismounting, I pulled a scarf out of my bag, letting my fingers gently glance the blade of the knife.
"What the heck, why not?!" He cheered with a grin spreading across his face.
I led him to a small, unlived in gravesite. I leaned against the wall and pulled him to me. Our lips met and I felt a fiery passion for the first time in years. I felt life springing from his mouth to mine. I unbuttoned my shirt and guided his hand to my breast. His lips traveled down to the small of my neck.
And I screamed. He looked up at me, startled, his hand still on my breast.
Within seconds there were five men standing in the doorway. I continued to scream and point at my husband as he removed himself from me, and busied himself looking from me to these lean, muscular, dark haired men.
He stammered, asking me what was wrong, not fully grasping the severity of the situation. The men looked from one another, said few words, then jumped on my husband.
I could hear bones cracking and blood splattering. I didn't smile. I didn't throw my hands up and embrace my newfound freedom. I didn't celebrate the loss of innocence.
After what seemed like seconds, the men relented. They stood, and looked at me with fire in their eyes and blood on their knuckles.
By the time they finished, many people had come to see what the commotion was.
"Is okay, miss?" said a young girl, who warily approached me. I was surprised that she knew any English at all, these people being the most under educated in the country.
I launched myself into hysterics, fell to the ground and sobbed. The women pulled me up and brought me outside to sit.
The young girl, practicing her English, asked if I wanted tea. The shrouded women stood around me, their clothes making them into a burst of color in an otherwise brown city.
I didn't smile.
Then I heard a groan from inside the house. Unbelievably, Henry was still alive. I reached for my bag and grabbed my knife, I pulled it out slowly, and walked into the hut.
No one stopped me.
I knelt beside his wrecked body, and looked into his swollen eyes. "Life isn't what you thought it was, is it?" I pulled the knife high above my head and plunged it into his chest. It barely went in. I could feel it scratch up against something hard as Henry gasped and made an attempt to grab at me.
I struggled to pull the knife back out, wrenching it back and forth, the horse-head shaped handle being awkward in my grasp. I plunged it in again, and it went down smooth, all the way to the base of the handle. I looked at his miserable, dying face, and felt love for him. I felt a warmth crawl over my body, appreciating what he was feeling, reveling in the fact that I was the one to help him feel this way.
Unfortunately, his death was unremarkable. He simply closed his eyes and died. I watched the life seep out of him, and when I looked up there was a tall man standing in the doorway, watching me work. He stepped over Henry and walked past me. He went into another room and yelled, "Yalla!", which brought the other four men into the house.
I could hear the scraping sound of stone against stone, and dust started to roll towards me. Before I realized what was happening, they came and lifted Henry off the ground. I followed them into the kitchen and watched as they tossed his heavy, lifeless body into the old grave.
Life was good.
User Reviews
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2008-02-25 18:01:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-02-21 09:20:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At last the first person ever to be able to put into words what I feel when I have morning rage.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2008-02-20 00:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-02-20 00:37:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-15 22:16:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty awesome. I almost cringed a bit at a couple points that really pushed her disenchantment and sarcasm over the top- "uninteresting orange" and "wonderful kiss!" but in the end they served as a little bit of comic relief, too.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-02-14 20:37:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S. I really hated that last line, felt like you could have ended with "grave."
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-02-14 20:36:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-02-13 21:23:56 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good enough for an uber +2, this is certain.
I thought the shift into violence and craziness was a bit...lazy? But I'm lazy myself. It could've been a really good story about loneliness and emptiness and all that shit. As soon as it started I thought "I hope she doesn't kill him."
========
Yeah, but the way she killed him went far beyond saving it.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-02-14 16:23:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Probably, I wrote it in about half an hour.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-14 16:21:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i might change this after reading aj's... but for the moment, this'll do. it just seemed a bit rushed, no?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-02-14 16:07:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i liked the beginning parts best - vintage cornnugget
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-02-14 11:50:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliantly cold. Perfect for Valentine's.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-02-14 07:44:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.
simply wow.
what an idea
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-02-14 07:29:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who am I to spoil it?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-02-14 00:23:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good enough for an uber +2, this is certain.
I thought the shift into violence and craziness was a bit...lazy? But I'm lazy myself. It could've been a really good story about loneliness and emptiness and all that shit. As soon as it started I thought "I hope she doesn't kill him."
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2008-02-14 00:03:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny haha and funny strange.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-02-13 21:04:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was like deja-vu because a long time ago one of my previous wife's tried to pull that shit, so...
i flew home and left her in the middle of Central America
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-13 20:12:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-13 18:28:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-02-13 12:23:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
First of all, thanks for the correction on my spelling. I'm sure that'll come in handy later. :-|
Second of all, you can hear this in my voice, because now that you know me better, you realize that I am somewhat psychopathic. ? No?
========================
You will have need for your spelling of the word "reign," especially when you are crowned Queen of Uber.
Fantastic writing!
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-02-13 18:13:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pure shit
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-02-13 18:06:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-13 11:50:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant, yet disturbed. If there was a +3, I'd give it.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-02-13 17:30:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-13 16:21:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(Since the entries from Corn Nugget and Monkeyswithguns actually have some meat on their bones, I printed them out and read them while having a smoke.)
I started reading, thinking, please, not the same old shit, and then I hit the second paragraph.
Hahaha. Fucking great stuff here.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-13 16:18:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-13 16:11:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck.
um.
yikes.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-02-13 15:39:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
really really well thought out and written
aj is soooooooooo fucked
Submitted by BlazinBull (user info) at 2008-02-13 15:23:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-13 14:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoah.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-13 13:46:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck yeah!
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-02-13 13:30:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-13 12:45:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you sure this was phallic enough?
Because I'm not.
I'm not sure at all.
For instance, if you'd changed:
"With the anger welling up in me, I calmly suggested we visit the nearby cemetery. The cemetery is called The City of the Dead. Because of an old Egyptian tradition of living for 40 days above your dead, there were simple houses built above each grave, giving the cemetery the look of an abandoned village. Below each home was a dead body, usually buried beneath the kitchen table, which allowed the family to eat with the dead."
To:
"With the anger welling up in me like a semi-soft penis, I calmly suggested we visit the nearby cemetery. The cemetery is called The City of the Penis. Because of an old Egyptian tradition of living for 40 days above your penis, there were simple houses built above each penis, giving the cemetery the look of an abandoned condom. Below each home was a dead penis, usually buried beneath the kitchen table, which allowed the family to eat with the penis."
It would have been MUCH more phallic. Something to think about.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-02-13 12:37:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yalla!
Yalla! Yalla! Yalla!
Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla! Yalla!
Yalla!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-13 12:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no no no...
perhaps i wasn't clear enough in describing how i connected this to you. not necessarily the state of mind of Poopsie, or whatever her name is (we'll use Poopsie for the sake of efficiency), and certainly not in her actions. just her general implied demeanor. the focus on things past the immediate and at hand piece of life she is experiencing. the introspective nature of Poopsie. Poopsie's reluctance to accept what is offered at face value.
also the Egypt thing. the setting is drawn from your personal experiences.
you were able to spin a lovely piece from your own experience and life views, which is what most people do...fiction is rarely spun from thin air and imagination.
i suppose i was just referencing that my knowledge of you allowed me access to some of where this story came from. i believe if this was entered as an Ubermadness piece i would be able to pick out that it was you who wrote it despite the anonymity of the posters in that contest.
or maybe you ARE Poopsie?!?!?!
DUN DUN DUUUNNNNNN
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-02-13 12:23:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
First of all, thanks for the correction on my spelling. I'm sure that'll come in handy later. :-|
Second of all, you can hear this in my voice, because now that you know me better, you realize that I am somewhat psychopathic. ? No?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-13 12:19:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
of course.
he's fucking toast.
also you misspelled 'reins'
it's interesting to read something by someone once you know a little more about them. i can see you in this story. not that you are necessarily the main character in this, just that i can hear your...voice, i guess, behind this.
anyway, i've given far worse things than this a +2.
it was an odd take on what most would consider the theme of this contest. but the woman's concern with understanding the world around her, with other's ability to understand, comes from the same emotional plane as what most would describe as love i suppose. well...i mean as a psychopath it comes from there.
whatever.
blah.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-02-13 12:11:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No he doesn't, scourge. Automatic -2??
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-13 12:02:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and he doesn't have boobs, correct?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-02-13 12:00:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm up against aj.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-13 12:00:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i need to know who you are competing against so i can rate you correctly.
???
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-13 11:50:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant, yet disturbed. If there was a +3, I'd give it.
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-02-13 11:48:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I live in Florida. Do you think my fiance and I could get there by Valentines day?
I'm only joking.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-13 11:40:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was superlative. It is obviously a true story.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-02-13 11:26:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant and disturbing as well.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-02-13 11:12:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great. Best to hit the front page in weeks.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-13 11:11:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel that way often.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-13 10:37:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-13 10:37:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I emailed you this to proofread, not to steal you fucking slut!