Happy V-D (885 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.59 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Manicmommy (View user info) at 2008-02-14 09:57:55 EST
And happy venereal disease day to you too, my fellow Uberniks. As The Husband drives off to spend 14 hrs cooking for OTHER couples, I figure I should do my part in celebrating this whoresome (did I say whoresome? Of course I MEANT WHOLESOME) Hallmark holiday where women whine about getting travel irons instead of diamonds and the men shell out hundreds of dollars in the hopes of getting a special pass to the backdoor attractions ("Come on baby, today is SPECIAL").
Seems that the term "Everything's Bigger in Texas" just took on a whole new meaning as the Federal Appeals Court in Ft. Worth, TX overturned a statute outlawing sex toy sales in Texas. Here's the link if you're interested (fuck you I show my work)
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/S/SEX_TOYS_BAN?SITE=MIDTF&SECTION=US&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2008-02-13-21-27-36
To wrap it up in a nut (shell I mean NUTSHELL, damn you bastards. You thought I was going to make some sort of sick pun didn't you. DIDN'T YOU? Tough shit, if I mean a white, viscous, slightly piquant, liquid coming from a man's cannon I'll call it by one of the hundred different popular culture references that are out there. Poor little nut, never done NUTHIN wrong) shell Texans can now vibrate and plug any orifice with the PROPER tools and not go to jail when they head for the ER with a "dildo that just got away from them" for removal. Remember size DOES matter, things can get lost in there. This also means Apollo (note random name drop) can FINALLY go out and buy that jumbo sized, purple Rhino Dong with the suction cup end that he's been saving for. Good riding, Apollo.
Next up, The Michigan State Police are getting into the spirit of the day by adding something special to their automated call answering. Now you too can have a little phone time pleasure while waiting to make that complaint about the weird smells and noises coming from your neighbor's shed. Seems that Bridgeport, MI State Trooper post's main number was somehow linked to a Phone Sex operation offering to help you "Indulge yourself with the most exciting conversation imaginable."
That sums up our troopers right there....classy.
And last but not least on this day of NOT so free lovin, I salute the Mayor of Detroit, Hizzhonor, The Kwamster, King Kwame Kilpatrick for giving America the best sex related scandal since Big Billy Clinton and his Amazing Cigar Trick. A two year affair with his Chief of Staff, many random rendezvous on the taxpayer's dime, $9 million in cover-ups, a dead exotic dancer, and a whole shitload of racy text messages that are "highly personal" sent on city owned cell phones and are now public record for all due in part to the Freedom of Information Act and the tireless workings of those bastards at the Detroit Free Press. The next generation of politicians are going to have to work long and hard (hahahahah long AND hard) to top our thug mayor and his antics. Here's to raising the bar for the future, Kwame.
For my dear, darling Ubers I hope your day is full of BJs, Hummers, Anal Probing, Box Licking, and Hard Core Sex.
Dude, I said I HOPED. Doesn't mean it's gonna fall in your lap. Get your ass out there and find some your fucking self. I can't do EVERYTHING you know.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-02-19 01:34:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FLIP ME OFF, AGAIN
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-15 08:56:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-02-15 02:02:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
atuo michigan +2
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-02-15 01:34:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good old Detroit, the only major American city shittier than Cleveland!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-02-15 01:17:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mwah
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-14 17:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I TOLD YA!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-02-14 17:05:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
okay shlongy's edge is back
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:40:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Kwam-wizzle is doing a bang-up job, isn't he?
Fucker makes me sick. I think I'm more sick that I thought a nice, young, educated black man might actually bring the people together (you know which people I'm talking about. White people don't need to be brought together) to turn their neighborhoods and cities around.
The affair doesn't bother me at all. The lying doesn't bother me at all. The millions spent on covering shit up, the fact that during his defense, he talked mad shit about how great a job he's done when he's really done jack, is what bothers me. Clinton could use that logic, because when he said it, it was true.
I think we should give suge knight a shot at that job. At least with him, you'd know what you were getting into going in.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:23:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
god i am getting old, but plugs ???
Manic you make me laugh ty : )
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-02-14 13:54:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Love you too, caes.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-02-14 13:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Manicmother
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 13:06:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://members.iinet.net.au/~pontipak/redsquare.html
My best is 21.484 seconds.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-02-14 12:18:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my v-day is comprised of helping my daughter sort out her paper cards.
so lovely.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-14 12:05:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The ass stopper? For an elephant maybe - or Method's mom.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-02-14 12:05:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-02-14 12:03:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That butt plug is waaay to small for Method's Mom. Normally she uses Gary Coleman.
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh man, I LOVE this alter
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-14 12:04:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
buahauahauahah spittle on the monitor means funny.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-02-14 12:03:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That butt plug is waaay to small for Method's Mom. Normally she uses Gary Coleman.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-14 11:53:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Edge is back
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V
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-14 11:52:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy also enjoys Valentine's Day.
It's the one day per year that I get to go buy roses and send them to Mrs. Shlongy at work so everyone she works with can get real jealous that Mrs. Shlongy is married to such a great guy - me - who does special things like this for her, when really, I'm just trying to impress everyone that she works with because I get "action" from Mrs. Shlongy whenever I want ANYWAYS, but because she does work with a few cute broads, I NOW have a chance to get a random hummer from one of her co-workers in the coat room at the next drunken work-related party.
You gotta play all the angles, kids. Another tip from Shlongy.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-02-14 11:51:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nah, the Shlongster loves his manicmommy which is just fine with me as long as he doesn't get any on me.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-02-14 11:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
shlongy is losing his edge
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-14 11:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy loves this broad.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-02-14 11:48:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL you make me laugh.
And... just because I went to scroll down and saw the tip of a FUCKING HUGE ANAL PLUG whilst at work... you get +2.
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That's why I went with the plug instead of the latex horse cock found on the same site, plausible deniability.
"No no, bossman, it's not a sex toy its a ... its a ... anchor for a small rowboat. Yeah that it, I'm going boating or something."
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-02-14 11:32:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
salad shooter
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-02-14 11:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is okay, but jesus fuck, I cannot +2 any post with that picture on it. Absolute terror!
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I think the words you were looking for are "Grim Determination"
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was funny and you obviously put some effort into it (maybe not much, but some). Have a +2.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL you make me laugh.
And... just because I went to scroll down and saw the tip of a FUCKING HUGE ANAL PLUG whilst at work... you get +2.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:42:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Here's the link if you're interested (fuck you I show my work) "
haha
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:40:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you told me you'd never post this picture of me
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:27:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
elevate things? i called you a retard. that, my beloved little simpleton, is simply calling a horse a horse.
my last name is nowhere on this site and it never will appear here. unless someone like you decides they want to try and search me out and post it, of course. THE HORROR!
but your veiled threats are very intimidating. seriously. i actually pissed on myself.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:21:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Scourge...you like to elevate things, don't you? I'm fairly certain you made mention of your last name on here if anyone could care enough to search for you.
Like I said earlier... Use my name all your little heart desires. It's something not worth worrying over.
Your translation comment was fairly humorous, btw.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:21:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-02-14 09:07:56 CST (#)
Ranking: 0
Simon, I write what I want, when I want, how I want. Too fucking bad for you if you didn't like it.
I hope your sack has an industrial accident with a salad shooter.
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I love you.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:19:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and how DARE you use my name on here!
i am shocked and aghast at this atrocious behaviour!
why, someone could open up a phone book for Illinois and pick me out of the hundred thousand or so Matt's that live here! i mean, my god, man, jonnyx is probably dialing my number right now!
WOE IS ME!
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:16:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Simon, valentine's day IS a bunch of 3rd grade bullshit. I just figured I might as well go with the flow.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:16:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
translation:
NUH UH, ME NO RETARDED... YOU RETARDED! HAHAHA ME SHOWED YOU!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:14:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Matthew, you sit in the back with the rest of the downies and shush up, you hear?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:12:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh manic...simon doesn't know what the word innuendo even means! he just strung some shit together and hoped it made sense.
really you should be a little kinder to him. retards aren't entirely responsible for their words and actions. and here i thought you were a nice lady...
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:11:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Valentine's isn't so bad, Scourge. It's Mother's Day I have a problem with.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:10:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I never said that you couldn't write what you want, when you want, how you wanted so that whole sentence was quite unnecessary. I just said that it took away from an otherwise enjoyable post. So defensive.
So, you want to cyber when your hubby's not around for 14 hours? Just hit alt + f4 if you and it'll take you write to my secret location.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BTW, A, I did an Ann Arbor post last night. It's #1 most heated now.
WOOO!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:08:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Valentines Day can suck my nuts and my hairy asshole and lick the toejam from in between my toes.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:07:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Simon, I write what I want, when I want, how I want. Too fucking bad for you if you didn't like it.
I hope your sack has an industrial accident with a salad shooter.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is okay, but jesus fuck, I cannot +2 any post with that picture on it. Absolute terror!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i hated being a chef on valentines day.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:03:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The corny third grade sexual innuendo killed an otherwise enjoyable post.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-14 10:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow, that thing looks painful.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-02-14 09:59:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Would you believe I shrank that picture by 50% when I added it. Hurts so good.