Ubertines 08: Round 2 (I Say Again, and I Mean It, Show Us Your) Pairs (1094 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.01 on 74 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2008-02-18 10:40:34 EST
So I'm going to rock this old school, text style, courtesy of some technical difficulities preventing the use of the impressive bracket graphic that I so skillfully put together last week. If any of you want to do some sort of APW post based on it, be my guest. I've already received calls from Very Important Art Museums who want to display it.
Welcome to Ubertines - the eContest that simply doesn't care that its inspiration has already come and gone. We're challenging established assumptions about the calendar here, people. This is both revolutionary and overdue. Together, you and I can bring about an end to the bitch grip the fist of Gregory has had on these passing minutes of our lives. For too long have our noses been placed an inch away from the stink of Julian reform, for too long have we been told to sniff it out.
Anyway, put on your berets and grab your AKs. It's time to make whoopie.
Was anyone surprised that TheUniter didn't post?
Does anyone else wish sir_cowman had posted so Bubba wouldn't have advanced with a negative rating?
Were you disappointed by the lack of shown pairs?
Are you excited about the cash prize at the end of this thing?
Here are the Round 2 pairs after everyone who advanced from Round 1 was matched up with their bracketed competitor:
orphelia
v.
wardy
Sarcilicious
v.
Orgasmatron
HurtByTheSun
v.
EkO
Bubba2341
v.
corn_nugget
Fungah
v.
monkeyswithguns
Posts are due this Thursday, 11:59PM Eastern.
Feel free to suggest, swap or make up your own titles.
In the absense of an image attachment, please enjoy the following white space:
User Reviews
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-22 03:58:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Am I through??? I can't see a submission by wardy :( but does it mean I am through? TELL ME SOMEONE!
If I am, can I go head to head against Hurty. And I don't mean in a writing sense.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-21 23:24:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH HELL
I've been unexpectedly swamped the past 2 days at work. I've had this in the back of my mind, but apparently a little too far back to come up with anything.
I started to try to write something tonight, but it was just gratuitously hot and it made me realize that what I really need more than pulling a poorly conceived post out of my ass at the 11th hour is to have a diddle and go to sleep.
You're the last person I'd want to forfeit to. You deserve better. I will use one of your titles in a post sometime, though. Sorry, O.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-21 09:36:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Round 2 Entry: http://www.ubersite.com/m/115115
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-21 03:56:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-02-20 23:54:51 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-19 20:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a winnar!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/115090
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Not yet you aren't.
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Haha MWG like a nOOb would be allowed to win anyway. We only got through to round 2 'cos the 'elite' are toying with us.
hehe
beeltea should win anyway. That entry is awesome!
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-21 03:52:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's probably too late to enter but what the hell.
He was sitting at a counter with her; waiting on some eggs.
He told her; "you have the most delicate hands."
"Thank you" she said.
"No, really, your hands, they are so delicate, so small. My dick would look huge in those hands."
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-02-20 18:54:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-19 20:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a winnar!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/115090
-----
Not yet you aren't.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-19 20:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a winnar!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/115090
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-19 19:54:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/115089 now with added massive image!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-02-19 10:13:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Epic white space and untimely writing contests bring coleys out of the woodwork.
Good to know.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-19 09:22:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
those are some tough titties hurty but I'll give one a go.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-19 06:46:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Will there be a prize? Can I have a certificate for entering? Seriously.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-02-19 00:33:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-18 20:48:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cheers Brdn, here's a few for you:
My Love is Like a Red Red (Insert whatever you want, 'Prolapse' gave me a giggle)
Sex: An Awkward Teenage Awakening
Fist Can Be A Verb
Fuck You Up and Get High
Yeah... I'm not real good at the whole 'romance' thing huh?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-02-18 20:35:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yo yo, I'm here..from wisco, moved to OR in 2000.
Why? what?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-18 16:25:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Coley's in OR now.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-18 14:21:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
pretty sure some girl named coley was from wisco as well, but i have no idea if she's still on here.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-18 14:10:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that you mean i'm a fried cake covered in sugar. then
------------------------
Urgh. You Yanks butcher English high tea.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-18 14:10:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i think there's at least one more too. can't remember for sure.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-18 14:08:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-18 12:59:06 CST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-18 13:40:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wardy, still a sconnie? i think that was you. welcome back regardless. i'm ready to go home now.
=====
yes. unless by that you mean i'm a fried cake covered in sugar. then no, you have me confused.
================
Good lord, there's TWO of you on here from that excuse-for-a-state called Wisconsin? :P
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-18 13:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-18 13:41:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
orphelia -- does your name mean that you are infatuated with oriphaces?
---------------------
Hole in one.
======
i'm a part-time interpreter for sexualdeviantchat.com and part of my job is getting users in the proper rooms. oh the stories i have about fucking up on the job...
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Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-18 13:40:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wardy, still a sconnie? i think that was you. welcome back regardless. i'm ready to go home now.
=====
yes. unless by that you mean i'm a fried cake covered in sugar. then no, you have me confused.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-18 13:41:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
orphelia -- does your name mean that you are infatuated with oriphaces?
---------------------
Hole in one.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-18 13:40:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wardy, still a sconnie? i think that was you. welcome back regardless. i'm ready to go home now.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-18 13:32:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sac -- it's good to be back. i needed to get back to writing here so that i could hone my skills a bit before i finish the books i'm working on.
orphelia -- does your name mean that you are infatuated with oriphaces? if so, i have an uncle that you'd get along with great. as far as the titles go, might i make a suggestion? write something that has to do with love or valentine's day and then when you're done give it a lame ass title like 'love on valentine's day'. titles really don't mean anything. i mean, look at the bible. what the fuck does that title have anything to do with what's actually inside the book? they should have just made the title, 'god's tale: a story of love, hate, smiting and creating, fornication and crucifixtion. oh and it takes place in the middle east.'
see what i mean?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-18 13:17:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA- Glad you're back, Wardy.
I'm Going Outside now.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-18 13:08:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-18 16:15:44 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
orphelia, let me know if you need titles. as you'll note from my last title, titles mean absolutely nothing to me and have no bearing on what i write in the actual post, so if you want to give me titles, go ahead, but keep in mind the aforementioned.
also, i have no clean socks left. this fucking sucks.
--------------------
Mr wardy, since it appears to be ok with you I will choose my own title this round. I struggled terribly with the last set and I am lame enough without some crazy title to work with. Though I am sure your titles would be neither crazy or lame.
Feel free to use your own titles too. That sentence is pointless since you intend to anyway but there is no harm being polite.
I look forward to losing to you. I can't find any panties but that is ok I don't wear any.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-18 12:34:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
titles for hurty to choose from:
my little buttercup
heart in a blender
love live and laugh
Jeff's Hairy Vagina
Valentino
Cupid's a right bastard
or any comibination of those words. ie cupid's littl vagina or jeff's hairy blender
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-18 12:29:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-18 12:13:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My first boyfriend drove a Plymouth Horizon. If I can change that to "(Oral)Sex in the Backseat of a Plymouth Horizon," I can write a true story.
---------------------
how about 'why not to accept rides from bank tellers and other stories about turning 12'
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-18 12:29:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very enjoyable first round.
I, for one, am sad TheUniter didn't post. It hasn't been rating much, either.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-18 12:13:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My first boyfriend drove a Plymouth Horizon. If I can change that to "(Oral)Sex in the Backseat of a Plymouth Horizon," I can write a true story.
Breathless
Give My Love to Rose
Big Girl, You are Beautiful
Mahogany
Sweet the Sting
Valerie Loves Me
Full Moon, Empty Heart
A Red So Deep
Daddy Says
Fucking in Rhythm and Sorrow
Electric Alice
Beer! Beer! Beer! Bed! Bed! Bed!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-18 12:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Most of the men reviewing this post- with the clear exception of Shlongy - have bigger vaginas than QueenAshlee.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-18 12:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.
People know me.
I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-18 12:02:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i hear bubba just lost his job.
and he pretends to be his own niece.
i'd say that's a perfect fit.
ps, why don't you both shut the fuck up?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-02-18 12:01:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LOOK HOW PISSED I AM ABOUT THIS I'M TYPING IN CAPS NOW.....GODDAMN YOU!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:59:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:57:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fair Enough, Hadley.
Besides, Muddy is the one who struts around this shithole like he's somebody important.
=============
I AM IMPORTANT YOU DIPSHIT...DON'T YOU GET IT YET....FUCK YOU ARE THICK!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:59:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
look kaos...bro....anything i do or say here is purely tongue in cheek. I feel no ill will towards you but back in the day you had a sense of humor and now you just take any and all comments by me and get all butthurt.
I'm sorry if I've ever offended you and I'll leave you alone from now on.
I'm sure there are plenty of other mentally unstable, out of work douchbags I can torment to make myself feel better about my shitty life.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:57:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fair Enough, Hadley.
Besides, Muddy is the one who struts around this shithole like he's somebody important.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:55:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:53:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:44:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i figured I had to...you've been spewing my name since you came back I felt it only appropriate to finally acknowledge your mediocrity
_________________________________
Hey, you're the self-righteous prick who started all this.
You got all fucking sanctimonious after I flipped out on Hadley. I never gave 2 shits about you one way or the other before.
Christ, I figure most users here think you're a raging asshole, but no one wants to say anything, 'cause you'll blast their posts off the front page - much like you do every single one of mine now.
But you keep on there, lil' man! Maybe someday you'll get that respect you so desperately crave.
-----
Leave me out of this.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:54:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Muddy's mom is a dick pig! OH SNAP!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:53:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:44:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i figured I had to...you've been spewing my name since you came back I felt it only appropriate to finally acknowledge your mediocrity
_________________________________
Hey, you're the self-righteous prick who started all this.
You got all fucking sanctimonious after I flipped out on Hadley. I never gave 2 shits about you one way or the other before.
Christ, I figure most users here think you're a raging asshole, but no one wants to say anything, 'cause you'll blast their posts off the front page - much like you do every single one of mine now.
But you keep on there, lil' man! Maybe someday you'll get that respect you so desperately crave.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:45:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh and well played Mr. Fungah. Clearly I have no business waiting until the last minute to write my contest entries.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:44:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yah, seriously though Brdn...take my spot. I'm sure that I could come up with something that would blow everyone away.... :) EkO doesn't want to participate either.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:44:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who is this "Sarcilicious" you speak of?
No matter. At least one of you will end up with an "O" by the end of this round. :)
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:44:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i figured I had to...you've been spewing my name since you came back I felt it only appropriate to finally acknowledge your mediocrity
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:42:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh look, I said "ignorant cunt," and Muddy showed up.
What a fucking shock...
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:41:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
simmer down nancy. i'm just poking at you with a stick.
you sure? i'll write but i don't have any inclination to steal your spot.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:38:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How is that being a bitch? I just don't feel like being part of this any more. If you would calm down and quit being such a dick pig you'd realize that it's pointless any way. Good luck!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:37:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:34:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for helping to provide this shithole site with content.
Unfortunately, this place is populated mostly by ignorant cunts anymore.
>>>cue all ignorant cunts to appear and throw lil' e-thuggery hissy fits from their cubicles<<<
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tee hee hee hee
Submitted by EkO (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:36:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In that case I request that S.I. Co. Semen take my place considering he wrote my entry anyway!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:35:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
are you really gonna be a bitch and bow out? I'll write for round two if that's really the case but I told you I don't mind that you won. solid effort beat me out. untwist your panties.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:34:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for helping to provide this shithole site with content.
Unfortunately, this place is populated mostly by ignorant cunts anymore.
>>>cue all ignorant cunts to appear and throw lil' e-thuggery hissy fits from their cubicles<<<
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:33:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-02-18 16:31:20 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
stop thinking HBTS, you're bound to hurt yourself
======
By Jove, you're right! I'll just go back to being brain-dead and playing Pikmin 2 again.
Cheerio!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:31:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
stop thinking HBTS, you're bound to hurt yourself
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was just making a joke, I hadn't checked the scores. Sico's account was my opponent.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:29:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-18 16:27:46 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're right, I knew I was talking to sico so I just assumed he lost the round.
========
I've always found that kind of funny. Personally I think he can write rather well yet people see 'Sico' and automatically get -2 rage. Meh.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:28:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:25:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-18 16:19:43 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brdn doesn't take your place because you would like him to, Brdn won the round.
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EkO got 1.6, Brdn got 1.41
I'm terrible at maths, but I thought that 1.6 > 1.41?
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sometimes, you are right. except in this case we are going by ausie rules, and by that accord just like the toilets flush backwards and spray water all over the bathroom, the ratings system is also affected. i can't remember the equation that converts it back to american numbers, you'll have to ask one of the aussies for that.
i think shlongy speaks aussie.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:27:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're right, I knew I was talking to sico so I just assumed he lost the round.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:25:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-18 16:19:43 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brdn doesn't take your place because you would like him to, Brdn won the round.
=======
EkO got 1.6, Brdn got 1.41
I'm terrible at maths, but I thought that 1.6 > 1.41?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:19:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brdn doesn't take your place because you would like him to, Brdn won the round.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:19:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i feel it only proper to question the scheduling on this contest....shouldn't we be writing for St. Uberick's Day by now and wrapping up on the impending Holiday?
Shouldn't these be....prepping the mood not causing it to linger on beyond it's 'good if used by' date?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:17:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So am I fighting EkO or brdn?
Submitted by EkO (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:16:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
EkO forfeited his previous round and would like Brdn_Nkd to take his place.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:15:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
orphelia, let me know if you need titles. as you'll note from my last title, titles mean absolutely nothing to me and have no bearing on what i write in the actual post, so if you want to give me titles, go ahead, but keep in mind the aforementioned.
also, i have no clean socks left. this fucking sucks.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Valentine's Day came and went.
This contest should do the same.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:09:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The owl should have delivered that Howler I sent to Ms. Nugget. I stated therein that I will attempt a serious entry IF I have the time. Looking for employment is very time consuming.
My apologies for the first entry. I figured Le Cowman would post something, so I improved one of O-man's poems. Heh. :) Just kidding! Put DOWN that Uzi!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
EkO forfeited his previous round and would like Brdn_Nkd to take his place.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-18 11:01:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
how come i wasn't informed there was a contest being held?
i love participating in these!
i'll start up (and forfeit from) the exhibition round NOW
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-18 10:54:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes sir.
I wrote an ubertine with one of those tittles last year. Please try to pay attention.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-02-18 10:50:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You will do what I tell you to, and like it.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-18 10:49:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HOW VERY DARE YOU
In response to this gesture of reparation I'm making up for you as I type, I reserve the right to consider any titles you give me, but will write what I damn well please. How's that sound?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-02-18 10:48:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Lishy, some titles:
Heart in a Cage
I Saw Red
She Divines Water
This Side of the Blue
Don't Let's Start
Do You Love Me?
Minimu Wage....HIYA!
Diary of a Good Girl
Spanks, Please
Handprints Make Me Know You Care
Sex on the Hood of a Plymouth Horizon
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-18 10:46:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sarcilicious reminds me of sarcophagus, which is where she'll put you.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-18 10:44:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone else wish sir_cowman had posted so Bubba wouldn't have advanced with a negative rating?
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You're just pissed because I diddled one of your poems. . .
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-02-18 10:43:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Oops. Make that "Sacrilicious."
I'm so screwed.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-02-18 10:42:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How is it that I never win contests.
I don't even win my own contests.