I swear I don't wear thongs (1496 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.68 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MyTeeOne <My_Tee_One.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2008-02-22 15:06:18 EST
It was beautiful Sunday here in Chicago and before I went out for the day I had to do my laundry so I didn't smell all funny for work. I had two new people move into my building on this lovely day, both of them cute (but married) women. I know this because I met them on my way upstairs.
I ran into the first one, my downstairs neighbor, on my way up with my laundry basket in hand. We exchanged pleasantries. The typical "Hi, I'm so and so, what do you think of the building, I do an improv show you should come see." Twice during this conversation she glanced down at my laundry basket and while I noticed it, it didn't really set off any alarms in my head...you know, like when you notice an Adam's apple on the cute girl in the bar. I didn't pick up anything was wrong with her glancing at my laundry as it was being held out in front of me.
I met the second one, my next door neighbor, on the very next flight and we had a similar conversation. "My name is so-and-so, its quiet here, come check out my show." She too glanced at my laundry basket and this time something did register. Not much, just a faint tickle in the back of my head. Oh, how I wish I would have paid attention.
I proceeded inside to hang my shirts, fold my pants, and stuff everything else in drawers as I often do. That's when I noticed that sitting on top of my laundry was a red lace thong. The reason these two ladies, my new neighbors, had been looking at my laundry was because I had sexy women's underwear right on top.
Peachy.
Now I'm hoping they just assumed these belonged to my girlfriend, but I never mentioned having one(cause I don't, but they don't know that). I did mention, however, having a roommate and that we are both actors, which often is associated with being gay. And it's not like I can go back, knock on their doors, and then explain that the thong doesn't belong to me.
"Hi, me again... Um, these aren't mine. They were just in my laundry. Are they perhaps yours?"
That's not going to go well. Plus it would be hard to explain to their husbands. Yes, that would just create an awkward situation. Overall, it's not like I really care, but it does bring up a question for me.
This is the THIRD pair of women's drawers I have found in my laundry and I am positive they aren't mine. I don't own any. (It also makes me wonder if they all belong to the same girl. Some poor woman in my building who is going commando because the washing machine keeps hiding her hamster holsters).
So the question becomes, what the hell do I do with them? They don't fit, so there is no point in keeping them. Plus they keep riding up. So what is the proper etiquette here? Do I throw them away? Do I return them to the laundry room, perhaps with a note including my phone number? It would be awful convenient to set up a booty call within the building. Or do I give them away as a gift?
I just don't know what to do with all these slingshots passing as under garments.
User Reviews
Submitted by Iamcool9and2 (user info) at 2008-02-23 23:06:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Leave the garments in front of your new neighbors doors. They might remember them. Then its their problem.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-02-22 23:48:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you want to get rid of them, tack it to the wall in your laundry room.
If you want to keep them, I suggest building a shrine to the various articles of women's clothing that "just happened to be there." You then would also need to build a shrine to mourn your loss of having sex with a real woman again.
If you want to have some fun with it, go up to the complex roof, and make it into a slingshot.
If you wanted to go the creepy route, you could stalk new hot-ish people and make a body mold of them, then you break into their rooms and hang the "them" that you made just above the bed. If they know each other, then you could switch hangings, and they'd call each other and laugh for hours about it while they have topless pillow fights. Because that's what women do when we aren't looking.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-22 18:18:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice Willie. Walked into that one.
And of course I did TL. What else would I do with them?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-02-22 18:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didja sniff em'?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-02-22 18:03:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha at Rick Renzi +2. Beer time!!
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-02-22 17:58:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Now I'm hoping they just assumed these belonged to my girlfriend, but I never mentioned having one(cause I don't, but they don't know that).
Trust me, they know.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-22 17:16:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I do what I can BeforeEmily
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-02-22 17:13:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hawt.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-22 17:03:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank God for that.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-22 16:58:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have used the self high five in real life Brd_nkd.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-22 16:54:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for giving me a chuckle, the reviews are the real kicker.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-22 16:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
People actually wasted memory on knowing the lyrics to that song?
See ya shakin that thang like who's da ish"
WTF does that even mean?
Now if it said Lish, I'd understand.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-22 16:22:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:00:12 CST (#)
Ranking: 0
Heck Cap'n... well done just remembering all the words.
-----------------
ROFL - yeah right! I cut and paste it from a lyrics search, dude...no WAY would I remember all of that off the top of my head, especially not having heard it in years.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-22 16:16:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Falafel.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-22 16:15:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNG!
every time i hear or see the word in print i think of the Todd.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-22 16:09:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah... should I mail those back to you or are you just going to come back for them (hint hint)?
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-02-22 16:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha excellent
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-22 16:04:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-02-22 16:04:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How dare you, of course I'm wearing underwear. It's not like the red lace ones I left at your house are my only pair.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-22 16:00:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Heck Cap'n... well done just remembering all the words.
HEY EVERYONE - JEANNEE JUST SAID SHE ISN"T WEARING UNDERWEAR!!!
(It's why I love her)
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:58:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oops sry I must have forgotten them
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:52:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, didn't realise how old that song is now until I posted it...
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:51:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This thing right here
Is lettin all the ladies know
What guys talk about
You know
The finer things in life
Hahaha
Check it out
Ooh dat dress so scandalous
And ya know another nigga couldn't handle it
See ya shakin that thang like who's da ish
With a look in ya eye so devilish
Uh
Ya like to dance at all the hip hop spots
And ya cruise to the crews like connect da dots
Not just urban she likes the pop
Cuz she was livin la vida loca
She had dumps like a truck truck truck
Thighs like what what what
Baby move your butt butt butt
Uh
I think to sing it again
She had dumps like a truck truck truck
Thighs like what what what
All night long
Let me see that thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
That girl so scandalous
And I know another nigga couldn't handle it
And she shakin that thang like who's da ish
With a look in her eye so devilish
Uh
She like to dance at all the hip hop spots
And she cruise to the crews like connect da dots
Not just urban she likes the pop
Cuz she was livin la vida loca
She had dumps like a truck truck truck
Thighs like what what what
Baby move your butt butt butt
Uh
I think to sing it again
She had dumps like a truck truck truck
Thighs like what what what
All night long
Let me see that thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
Whoaaa
That dress so scandalous
And I swear another nigga couldn't handle it
See ya shakin that thang like who's da ish
With a look in her eye so devilish
(Whoa)
Uh ya like to dance at all the hip hop spots
And ya cruise to the crews like connect da dots
Not just urban ya like the pop
Cuz she was livin la vida loca
(Whoa)
She had dumps like a truck truck truck
Thighs like what what what
Baby move your butt butt butt
(Ooh)
Uh think to sing it again
Cuz she had dumps like a truck truck truck
Thighs like what what what
Baby move your butt butt butt
Uh think to sing it again
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Yeahhhh yeah
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
Whoa
Uh alright
Uh whoa yeah
Ooh
Whoa
(Like it when the beat goes da na da na)
(Baby make your booty go da na da na)
(Girl I know you wanna show da na da na)
Baby
(That thong th thong thong thong)
(I like it when the beat goes da na da na)
(Baby make your booty go da na da na)
(Girl I know you wanna show da na da na)
(That thong th thong thong thong)
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:48:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, I don't wear panties either netimportant.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:46:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack, that implies they're trying to say "Baby, take off your song."
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:10:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well what the fuck good is this if there's no picture at the end with a thong on?
What a stupid word. "Thong." Try saying it a bunch of times over and over again. It winds up sounding like nothing. It becomes the dry oatmeal of language.
--
FUCK you!
Guys with speech impediments love that word.
What's better;
Baby, take off your thong
Baby, take off your pantieth.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not wearing any panties
I wear these: http://www.depend.com/images-new/beltedBtn_280x280.jpg
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:38:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, but I suffer from gay envy. I think it's got to be easier to pick up guys then girls. If I could just get over my love of the female body.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:36:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
so you ARE gay?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:31:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Because I crave your attention and approval.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:26:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
why are you referencing me? wtf?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:23:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't blame you Lishy. Thongs look incredibly uncomforable. I wouldn't want something up my butt all day, like Scourge.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:23:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So....other people's laundry gets mixed with yours when they miss something in the washing machine.
Much hilarity ensuing here.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:17:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:17:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"THONG"
---
See? Stupid word.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:17:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We'll take a picture of you in those, then.
Don't forget to signature the shot with a handprint.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:17:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"THONG"
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:15:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, I prefer hipsters or nothing.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:13:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BOING
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:12:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm at work so I'm sorry to day I don't have a picture handy. My first thought though was that this need some sort of pic. Maybe Lishy or Jeannee will provide one.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:12:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just like the word any.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-02-22 15:10:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well what the fuck good is this if there's no picture at the end with a thong on?
What a stupid word. "Thong." Try saying it a bunch of times over and over again. It winds up sounding like nothing. It becomes the dry oatmeal of language.