Two Things I love. (852 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.27 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Director (View user info) at 2008-02-26 16:15:28 EST
If someone asked me the stupid old question, "If you were stranded on a deserted island, what two things could you NOT live without," I'd have to say it'd be the two items below.
My very survival would depend on it.
This really isn't that funny.
But I don't care.
I'm bored.
I'm also horny.
I wish I could fix that the same way I fix boredom.
Wouldn't that be cool? Everytime I get bored, I can go to Ubersite, or read a book, or take a walk, or drool.
Everytime I get horny though, there is little I can do about it. I mean sure, I can beat off and splooge like a madman all over the walls, provided I'm in a private place, of course. The problem with being a male is that horniness can strike at any time, any place, in any given situation.
It's kinda like a stroke, really. Or a heart attack. And everytime you have a heart attack, there really isn't a quick fix, is there?
Be thankfull, ladies, that you don't have this problem. Or at least, not as frequently. I mean, yeah, if you're not a lesbian, you gotta take jizz flying at you or into you whenever you have sex, and I imagine that completly blows ass. But you don't ever have to face the reality of a stiffy in a board meeting, either, while glancing furtivly at Darla from accounting's ass.
In other news, I have a splitting goddamned headache, and I have to go back to my NEW JOB where I am NOT A WAITER, and it's depressing me.
:-(
SOUP'S ON BITCHES!
http://www.7secondsoflove.com/soupy_george/
And...
My friend sent me this picture she found while doing research at her job.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. What a job!
User Reviews
Submitted by maf54 (user info) at 2008-05-14 03:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
booze and jail?
Homosexual sex and lonliness?
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-02-27 14:32:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe if you didn't suck at life so much it wouldn't be so unfair.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-02-27 10:47:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Pie and lube?
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2008-02-27 08:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-26 19:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Director, you're a moron. Face it.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-27 02:23:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
SOUP ON YOUR HEAD AND WIPING YOUR ASS?
Way to aim high.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2008-02-26 23:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hmm, let's see:
1. Getting busted for DUI(more than once, because you're an immature nitwit).
2. Whining about it for the rest of your life.
What do I win?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-02-26 23:31:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
@apollo's comment, not you personally btw. but he is funny.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-02-26 23:31:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:33:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I could make do with leaves, so I'd say, a mute hot woman, and a knife.
----------------------------------
Most of the guys here would consider that "the ideal date".
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-02-26 23:30:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i knew you'd use it :)
and lol below
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-02-26 20:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
booze and divorce?
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-26 19:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Director, you're a moron. Face it.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-02-26 17:29:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so wait....ubersite and pussy are your two things?
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-26 17:15:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
How the hell am I THIS bored, and its only two.
TWO
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-02-26 17:08:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hear you're not allowed within 100 yards of elementary schools
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:51:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm glad to contribute to Uber lore.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:44:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"elongated head" is the new "ass-hat"
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:33:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i am married.
i also don't understand how people do not understand that the two things are ShitBeGone and the Soup video.
are uber people stupi....nevermind.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:33:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I could make do with leaves, so I'd say, a mute hot woman, and a knife.
It could only end in tears, but they'd be tropical island tears.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:28:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Scourge, but you're married, (I think...right?) Anyway I can't allow myself to become a home wrecker.
Otherwise, yeah. I couldn't live without you on a deserted island.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:26:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
While it's true my head is rather elongated, it's it utterly untrue that you made a hilarious joke.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:24:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I concur, I see no two items.
Please clarify.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:24:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i was sure i'd be one of the things.
:(
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:23:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Listen, Eisenstein, I wasn't implying that YOU were an ex-con.
I was stating that your last couple of jobs are the kind usually reserved exclusively FOR ex-cons...Get it?
It's another hilarious Shlongy joke that went right over your rather elongated head, and I didn't think that was possible.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:22:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
SOUP VIDEO AND SHITBEGONE, OF COURSE.
I'D OF THOUGHT THAT WAS OBVIOUS.
GAWD!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:21:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not really an "ex-con." DUI's are crimes, but it's not like I fucking raped someone, dicksnot. Jesus. I mean for fuck's sake, the goddamned President of the United States of America has a DUI.
LEAVE ME ALONE!
:-(
<sob>
You sure have a hardon for me Shlongy. Must be my wit, intelligence and good looks. I know. It's hard to resist. Don't be too hard on yourself about it. I completly understand.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What are the two things? Soup and toilet paper?
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:17:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA YEAH, its like a stroke.
omj.
thas funny.
Submitted by Dream (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:17:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Still confused as to which two items.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-26 16:17:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I GOT IT!
1) Low paying menial gigs, usually reserved for ex-cons
b) Swanson Dinner For Ones