The Internet and the Ignorance of Modern Youth (1609 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.98 on 80 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2008-02-27 18:34:06 EST
Let me start this by saying I'm not perfect. Not now, not ever. In fact, I have a great many flaws and failings. In fact, I'm sort of an asshole.
Yet I hide it well. Oh yes.
Between the ages of 4 and 12 I caused thousands of dollars worth of damage to the property of various neighbors in two countries through the use of fire, water, small explosive devices and blunt objects. I stole things. I was tricky. I was a prick. In other words, I was a normal kid. I had bad haircuts and horrific taste in clothes and I took a lot of pictures in which I look (choose one or all) fat / stupid / awkward / drunk / clueless / unfuckable / smelly / retarded / hopeless to the point of having no productive future.
Yet I hide those pictures well. Oh yes.
Despite my uberpresence you (yeah you) have no idea who I am. I'm just a name and a face and a few stories and a couple of right-wing conservative rants in a few blurry pictures, and that's the way I like it. That is the way it should be.
No one meeting me in life will connect me with anything here unless I want them to. Employers, family members, friends, none have access to what I do online and how I present myself there.
These kids today, on the other hand, holy meat-beating Jesus. Just spend ten lousy minutes perusing myspace and ask yourself, if you were a prospective employer, a family member, or someone about to go on a date with someone and you stumbled across this shit, what would you do?
Don't you get it, you young numbskulls... and you shoulda-known-better older numbskulls?
THE INTERNET IS FOREVER.
WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-10-09 15:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack's family tree.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-10-09 15:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-04-01 20:05:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is still funny. I know all that has been said about the guy in the blue tights...
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-01 19:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is so fucking awesome.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-01 03:07:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That pic of the girl with the huge face is disturbibg and sad.
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2008-02-29 23:48:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
are you still writing about yourself?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-02-29 22:31:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing wrong with the site, just the people who use it.
Sound familiar?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-29 12:00:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2008-02-29 08:50:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-28 11:53:52 CST (#)
Ranking: 2
Case in point, I once had a coworker bring in her old Pentium 3. Not only did the thing have over 80 trojan infections in the system32 directory alone, it also had a link to her teenage daughter's myspace account with a very vivid account of a threesome she'd had that Thursday. I can only hope she's drowned the child.
Um, Im hoping she wasnt that much of a "child" to be having threesomes.
The world today - tut tut!
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15 or so I think. Send them off to the service, I say. Let them serve the Queen.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-02-29 10:55:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:08:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Isn't that orgasmatron in the blue tights?
---
Jack McCallum. Crazy wordspittin' Jack. You come out here and post your little image collage of your ex-boyfriends and you hope - you HOPE - that throwing my name out will make it all worth something. I understand that I'm a draw - I get what you're doing. But let's be real. Everyone here knows that if I slung on some transparent blue tights it would look like I was trying to hide a wild boar in my pants, so great is the girth and length (and tuskage) of my sex action. Hell, brother, the tights would burst like a hamster in a microwave and I'd walk around all blown out like an elephant's vagina.
It's hard goddamn work waking up every morning knowing that I've got the biggest dick in the country. I have to wake up every single day, look in the mirror, and know that it's me.
I'm sorry, Jack, but no, I won't open-mouth kiss you in front of Ubersite.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2008-02-29 08:50:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-28 11:53:52 CST (#)
Ranking: 2
Case in point, I once had a coworker bring in her old Pentium 3. Not only did the thing have over 80 trojan infections in the system32 directory alone, it also had a link to her teenage daughter's myspace account with a very vivid account of a threesome she'd had that Thursday. I can only hope she's drowned the child.
Um, Im hoping she wasnt that much of a "child" to be having threesomes.
The world today - tut tut!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-02-28 19:20:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahaha, someone should tell that kid in the blue tights that his cock and balls are showing.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-02-28 19:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know all of those kids.
Not all of those are that ridiculous.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2008-02-28 15:36:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man oh man... some people's kids...
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-02-28 14:58:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-28 11:36:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
For the record, I didn't actually visit ANY myspace pages. I find the concept and the site and the people on it as annoying as fuck. It's like everyone has their own personal high school yearbook and is shoving it your face. And I hated high school. People picked on me after they found out about my cat fetish.
I simply googled myspace+geek or dickhead or loser or gay porn or asshole or idiot or moron, etc.
I have visited two (2) myspace pages in my lifetime. Two. Both of them were the pages of uberusers, linked in their posts.
-----------------------------------------
Wow! This is director's commentary on a terrible post.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-02-28 12:59:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy wow. This looks like the entire archives of wigger.com.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-02-28 12:58:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
<3 Icarius' review
Press-gang them back into the Navy.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-02-28 12:53:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See, Jack, here's the thing with children: they may be stupid, incompetent, and mediocre, but they're also vain and ignorant, so they're not only unaware of their stupid, incompetent mediocrity, but in love with it. And since they have no clue re: the phenomenon the rest of us call real life, they like to assume you are too.
Myspace just gives this vanity an outlet. Whereas in our generation, kids could only subject their arrogance and stupidity on a relatively small circle of equally inept and arrogant friends, they can now channel it to the rest of the world. It gives them a kind of celebrity status (OMG! 40 hits last week!), and they assume that the world actually gives a fuck about what song they're listening to, or what cereal they ate for breakfast. Even worse, they assume that they can be as slutty/stupid as they like, since this is the intarwebz, not real life.
Case in point, I once had a coworker bring in her old Pentium 3. Not only did the thing have over 80 trojan infections in the system32 directory alone, it also had a link to her teenage daughter's myspace account with a very vivid account of a threesome she'd had that Thursday. I can only hope she's drowned the child.
I think the only way to solve this problem is to press-gang children back into the Navy. Not the pansy-ass navy of today, where everyone gets a comfy chair at a console, but the Age of Sail navy of the early 1800's, where fighting was hand-to-hand, and there were plenty of masts to fall off of. That way, not only will we trim their numbers, but they'll also be a long, long way from the rest of us.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-28 12:30:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah.
Hi mom!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-28 12:28:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hilariously so, of course.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-28 12:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
just plain mean below
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-02-28 12:25:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack doesn't have to worry about anything because there's a prominent journalist that shares his name. Someone who's actually made something out of their writing. It's almost painfully ironic.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-28 12:20:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i wouldn't be so sure that your presence here couldn't be tied back to 'you', were someone so inclined as to make the connections, jack-o.
there are a lot of huge fucking losers out there with a lot of time, patience, and know how.
some of those shots were just plain depressing.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-28 12:03:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-28 11:36:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
For the record, I didn't actually visit ANY myspace pages.
----
thanks for setting THAT straight.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-02-28 11:49:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel so good about myself right now
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-28 11:36:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
For the record, I didn't actually visit ANY myspace pages. I find the concept and the site and the people on it as annoying as fuck. It's like everyone has their own personal high school yearbook and is shoving it your face. And I hated high school.
I simply googled myspace+geek or dickhead or loser or asshole or idiot or moron, etc.
I have visited two (2) myspace pages in my lifetime. Two. Both of them were the pages of uberusers, linked in their posts.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-02-28 11:20:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I fully expected to see a picture from my Myspace on there.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-02-28 11:08:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
har har fake abs.
also, agreed with most stuff.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-02-28 11:07:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha...sorry...yeah people are dumb
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-02-28 11:05:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
so the availability of new and rapidly growing media outlets is making once lesser known idiocy more widely known?
wow....fucking amazing discovery you've got here.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-02-28 10:51:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i just read the title and u calling anyone ignorant is fucking RICH!
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-02-28 10:41:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In a related story, police chief Wiggums is investigating allegations that someone has been getting Barney Gumble drunk.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2008-02-28 10:15:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I predict that a significant portion of the fine young citizens pictured here will die ignominious deaths.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-02-28 09:17:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Couldn't one argue that Uber is our myspace?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-02-28 09:00:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
unlit cigarette girl thinks she's america's next top model.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-02-28 06:49:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I want to tell the weird asian/maori looking chap with the quiff and pony tail that he looks like a dickhead, but I feel he is holding back some serious whoopass for whoever does that.
I think my penchant for redheads has been nullified here as well, fuck.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-28 06:03:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No one meeting me in life will connect me with anything here unless I want them to. Employers, family members, friends, none have access to what I do online and how I present myself there.
---
until one of them stumbles across it and finds out that you harvest pics from kids on myspace.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-02-28 04:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Coupla smokin' hotties there...
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-28 04:30:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2008-02-28 04:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahaha
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-02-28 03:50:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Some of these are absolutely horrible/hilarious (the shirtless monobrow guy with the high-waisted pants cracks me up), but some of these are completely innocuous and not embarrassing at all. Like the girl sitting in the box pretending to drive it. So what. There's the guy with dyed red hair who looks like somebody took a picture of him while he was taking his sunglasses off. Then there's a kid wearing big sunglasses (the black and white photo). No big deal.
Plus, a lot of these folk aren't in compromising positions, they're just not attractive. Like the guy holding up the puppy -- looks like an average late 30's early 40's guy holding a puppy.
In short, you need more ridiculous pictures and less normal ones.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2008-02-28 03:25:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Is Colts Monster for real? She looks like a photoshop.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-02-28 02:58:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This is an example of why I hate my generation.
I'm not sure I like yours too much either.
Submitted by Randy_Rottenbuckets (user info) at 2008-02-28 02:33:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I understand the need to have people accept you, but fuck man... this isn't the place. Send your fucking pictures to face-book where you can invite people that give a fuck.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-02-28 01:03:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRKCmV3spWs
You think any of this is bad? you need to watch this kid wig the fuck out over myspace.
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-02-28 00:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-02-27 18:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You are SO BORING.
--
I guess we know who is holding the red guitar about a third of the way down...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/115053#2653383
-----------------------
I GUESS WE KNOW WHO IS FUCKING HIS CATS...
YOU
JACK MCCALLUM
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-02-27 23:21:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-02-27 22:53:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't mind bubba. He's like that guy on the subway that just shit where he usually sleeps, and doesn't quite realise that he'll still be sleeping there the next day.
*****
and don't forget the urine rainbow that emits from him when the light hits just right
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-27 23:14:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-27 21:31:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes...what you are saying is 100% true.
Now explain to me why you searched for all of those pictures.
--
There's this awesome new thing called Google. It does the searching for you. You should try it.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Jeff+Laben+Ass+Shovel&btnG=Search
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-27 23:09:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Playboy-shirt-wearing beefy chick near the bottom looks like she's storing nuts for the winter.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2008-02-27 23:02:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
just got me a Wii (near impossible to find round here)
auto "Me Wii" +2
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-02-27 22:53:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't mind bubba. He's like that guy on the subway that just shit where he usually sleeps, and doesn't quite realise that he'll still be sleeping there the next day.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-02-27 22:37:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-27 21:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-02-27 20:48:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont doubt it even a little bit.
OR IS THAT SADIE?! HMMMMMM
======
Holy Christ. You are dumb as your name and you memory is short.
-------
This is what I remember: You are a child molestor, you got banned, your "niece" sadie started posting, you got unbanned, sadie stopped posting. And you are a child molestor. Incest isn't far beyond that, but if I had incestuous designs on my niece i certainly wouldn't write about it just to out myself.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-27 21:31:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes...what you are saying is 100% true.
Now explain to me why you searched for all of those pictures.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-27 21:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-02-27 20:48:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont doubt it even a little bit.
OR IS THAT SADIE?! HMMMMMM
======
Holy Christ. You are dumb as your name and you memory is short.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-27 21:11:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was rather enjoyable.
I think you are a little naive about what kind of digital imprint you leave around here, though.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-02-27 20:48:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont doubt it even a little bit.
OR IS THAT SADIE?! HMMMMMM
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-27 20:46:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-02-27 20:38:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHY
was my first thought when i saw the picture above and to the left of the Colts Monster.
he must not be a fun person to hang out with. i am generally a very nice person but i would not ever let somebody who looks like that touch me, let alone two.
(somebody is going to read that and say im such an asshole. fuck that shit. buy a fucking treadmill, eat at burger king less. humans are not made to look like that. nobody i would ever find to be delightful will ever look like that.)
===============
Colts monster?? That's ma girlfrend, chump.
Submitted by aldenso (user info) at 2008-02-27 20:43:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
gayer. I wish there was a -3.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-02-27 20:38:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHY
was my first thought when i saw the picture above and to the left of the Colts Monster.
he must not be a fun person to hang out with. i am generally a very nice person but i would not ever let somebody who looks like that touch me, let alone two.
(somebody is going to read that and say im such an asshole. fuck that shit. buy a fucking treadmill, eat at burger king less. humans are not made to look like that. nobody i would ever find to be delightful will ever look like that.)
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-27 20:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HOLY SHIT THE GUY WITH THE LIGHTSABERS LOOKS LIKE ME
I'm serious, he looks almost exactly like me except I'm not a star wars nerd and I don't have unnaturally red lips.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-27 20:19:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The guy with the towel-cape and blue pants-thingies is a person I know. Doesn't just look like him, but it IS him for sure, the same glasses. This fact disturbs me considerably.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:59:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great honk!
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a horrific collage... LMAO at the warlock wannabe and the cat-faced gunman
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:22:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
what if he lives next door to a nice family and has some kind of darth maul mind conversion and thinks the nice family next door are the skywalkers.......i don't like having people like this just running around willy nilly. I suppose your light saber laws are as lax as your gun laws too.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:20:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't believe these people, who puts pictures of themselves on the internet!?!?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:14:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
the guy with the light sabers is kind of freaking me out, he looks terribly serious. Which quite frankly I find unnerving.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:14:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I might actually know the kid in the top left corner. Yikes.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:12:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Those people make me feel better about myself :)
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:08:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Isn't that orgasmatron in the blue tights?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-02-27 18:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You are SO BORING.
--
I guess we know who is holding the red guitar about a third of the way down...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/115053#2653383
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:05:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad that my kids are not in this montage !!!!
No really I am.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:04:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-02-27 18:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You are SO BORING.
---
Let's be lovers.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:00:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I went to a seminar on the subject of effective testimony in trial and deposition. One of the subjects was the fact that, as an expert witness, any aspect of one's life is available to the opposition for inquisition. As an example the lecturer opened, in front of the entire 235 attendees, the MySpace page of one of the attendees. His boss was in attendance at the seminar. The guy had put his real name, real employer, even actual case backgrounds and opinions on that page. Unfortunately for the guy, he was not in attendance the next day. The internet really is forever.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:00:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree completely. I can't even tell you how many times I've had to talk my friends out of putting up pictures just like these.
In other news, I think I actually know a couple of the kids you've got in this.
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-02-27 18:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You are SO BORING.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-02-27 18:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cue Sir Berty to arrive and defend the honour of these....these....I don't know what to call them.
I've taken to calling Berty the White Knight Champion of freaks, deviants, and the unsavory.
Good for them because they need that (by the looks of it).
Some aren't that bad. Like the woman with the pink lawn flamingo's head in her mouth. Now I might do something like that if I was drunk and egged into it.
Or worse. There is this picture (or was this picture. I destroyed it and the negative) of me, in my long, black, Matrix-esque trenchcoat that I've had for 20 years. I had a bullhorn and was standing on a coffee table doing Pink Floyd's 'Waiting for the Worms' where he rants and raves in a very inappropriate and non-PC diatribe about the final solution and strengthening the strain.
Yeah, THAT one.
For some odd reason, I had that rant memorized. Probably from listening to it so much during sophomore year of undergrad Uni. Whilst stoned. Really, really stoned.
So, my friends and aquaintances would wait until we were all smashed and egg me into to doing 'Waiting for the Worms.'
Shameful.
I breathe a sigh of relief that this picture no longer exists.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-27 18:48:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit that was funny. I love laughing AT people more than I like laughing WITH them.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-27 18:46:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The fat kid with the cowboy hat and lipstick print is hilarious for some reason...
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-27 18:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF is that thing in the Colts shirt?!?
KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-02-27 18:41:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was almost like my post about KFC, but then it turned all "myspace" and ruined it. Way to destroy solid potential.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2008-02-27 18:41:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
every single one of those degenerate miscreants gets laid more than you