2007 Performance Evaluation (529 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ozzY (View user info) at 2008-02-28 15:29:22 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/115242
Its that time of year again, folks. For those of you toiling away for the evil corporate empire, it is time for your performance evaluations. Don't you just LOVE these?
Each year, I know what to expect - I have been through this countless times, with a number of different organizations / companies. They are all the same, as anyone who has been in the workforce for over 10-15 years can understand. [*Paging Jack McCallum*] Give a positive, then give 2 or three "developmental" items. It's all bullshit, really.
In the past, this little annual exercise has always been a thorn in my side. And it's not the reason you probably think - nobody likes criticism, even if constructive. Its not that - I have no problem discussing my flaws, idiosyncratic behavior, problems, etc. No, there is another reason - well, actually two. First, the whole fucking process reminds me of the anniversary ritual of Chateau D'If prison - you get a severe beating on each anniversary you are imprisoned so that you remember how long you have been there (see the 2002 movie version of the Count of Monte Cristo). Pure sadism - in the corporate context.
Second, the actual review or appraisal is so goddamned subjective. Beauty (positives) is in the eye of the beholder. And negatives are ALWAYS plentiful. Cause and effect are NEVER considered. For example, during my last "performance evaluation" I was told that, although I have a real energy and expertise for projects in area "A", I do not put forth enough effort or show any interest in area "B", which is equally important. That sounds pretty damning without any context, doesn't it? I mean, it sounds like I'm an asshole [Shut up HBTS, Muddy, Shlongy, etc] that just wants to do things that interest me. Well, what is NOT said is that my "superiors" never discuss topics in area "B" with me, NOR do they assign me projects in area "B". So how the fuck am I going to show interest or put forth effort?
Anyway, I know the drill, but it still gets to me. Because God forbid that you actually say something to them or push back on their review. Then they really have some fodder for next year. It's like being on anti-depression medication and yelling at the pharmacist because he/she fucked up your order - they just look at you and think "now I know why you need that medicine" - you can't win.
So, my little corporate Uberites, when are YOURS? What will they say?
User Reviews
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-02-29 07:38:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Mine genrally say that I'm awesome and that I'm keeping my eye on the ball, staying on top of my game, thinking outside the box and some other bullshit Buzzwords.
They don't know that I'm spending most of my time on Ubersite and the interweb!
Ha.
It's all about managing their expectations. From day one they've expected very little, but that little done quite well. Now I do a little more, and do it really well I get nothing but praise for technically slacking.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-02-28 19:14:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mine would say I'm smart and capable but lazy. Which is the same shit I've been hearing my entire life from everyone I know.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-28 19:08:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Considering how much I fuck around mine is extremely positive. I keep waiting to get busted and it keeps on not happening.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-02-28 17:19:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some advice:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/93099
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-02-28 16:54:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My evaluation will probably say something about being a team player and all this positive shit.. when in reality if I were female, I'd be the angry bitch waitress from "Waiting". The one that rants insanely but gives a pleasant face to the public.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-28 16:32:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pity +2.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-28 16:29:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I told you to shut up.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-28 16:28:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll give you a "B +" for the name drop.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-28 16:20:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, apparently I AM retarded. Its either that or I didn't read CT's post closely. So, yes, I am retarded.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-02-28 16:17:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-02-28 16:16:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Are you people fucking retarted!?!? You don't change your damn name, you make a post with the title being an anagram of your name. Jesus fucking christ!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-28 16:15:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I never worry. My boss fucking loves me. I'm a real asset to my company.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-02-28 16:03:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't even realize you jacked your name up...instead of the title. That's legend!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-02-28 15:42:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I work in a small shop. My performance review occurred at 4:15pm on a Friday and consisted of
Company Owner: "You OK, still liking the work?
Me: "Yes indeed. Clients still OK with what I give 'em?"
CO: "Had many positive comments. We're jacking your rates 10% for the new year. Your raise will be commensurate."
Me: "Works for me!"
We then had a couple Red Stripe beers from the small fridge I keep in my office and discussed cases for an hour or so.
Best job I've ever had, this one.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-28 15:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And call me "sir" goddamnit!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-28 15:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm afraid scourge is correct. The idea was for the anagram to be your post title, and thereby the subject matter. Such as, in your case, Ozzy (Osbourne?).
Still, this entertained.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-28 15:38:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whoops.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-28 15:35:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the TITLE of the post was to utilize an anagram of your name, you fucking yahoo
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-02-28 15:32:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mine will say something about how I spend too much time on Uber during the work day.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-28 15:32:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Luckily I don't have that problem. I'm family.