Ubergrams: Butler Silk (869 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.71 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SeriousWriterSkullBite (View user info) at 2008-02-29 12:26:00 EST
They'll always ask if the scientists went too far. How far can one go in the name of science, before it becomes something else? Something sinister. Something that would change the face of the world, forever.
Well not forever. That's a hell of a long time. At least long enough for mankind to make its NEXT big mistake.
The year was 2023.
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew* were busy with their newest experiment. A top of the line, little technical doozy. A strange looking mechanical machine with a plethora of knobs and pulleys. Two large flashing lights adorned each side, and a long glass tube rose out of the top. Three men in white coats frantically maneuvered this delicately. Its sole purpose was to create a being by taking two subjects, and making a copy of two in one. Successes to date would include, a rat-beetle, dragon wasp and a strange looking giraffe gorilla.
The next experiment they would create would be their crowning achievement. Their one big break.
It would also seal their fates together, destined to destruction.
Pew quickly exited the room, and was escorted back in by two men. The first man was carrying a small black box, while the other was struggling with an unconcious butler.
Frocks pulled a small jar out of his lab coat, and started apply a sticky blue goo to the butlers balding head. He wrinkled his nose as a pungent smell hit his senses.
Huge took out a milky white test tube out of the black box. A large black spider was viciously attacking the grasshopper that was sharing its tube. Smiling now, Huge taps the glass.
Placing the tube into a small outlet in the machine, it suddenly began to whir loudly. The lights began to flash. Pew and Frock return to their stations at the machine, and begin to calibrate and test.
Huge takes out a small cord, flying it out of a small opening hatch part of the unit. Dragging it over to the unconcious man. He slowly places it just under his eye socket. A small amount of fluid started to flow back to the machine.
The long glass tube turned a bright blue. The machine gave a giant heave, and was still. Inside the now clear tube, was something undescribable. Half butler, half spider. The face was something out of a cliche sc-fi movie. Its snarling, spitting mass of fang and face gave off a terrifing aura. Muscles bulged out of the the things fur, strange patterns tracing their way along its seven appendeges. The thing gave a mighty shriek and smashed out of the glass tube.
Pew, Frock and Huge, in the moment while the thing was desending, decided NOW was a good time to collectivly shit themselves. The thing started with Pew, using its large front fangs to cleanly rip his face off. Deftly spinning him up with bits of web, that shot out of its ass.
Which of course was acid.
So as Pew was melting, Frock was crying, muttering prayers to a GOD he hadent "talked" to in years.
Hell it was a long shot, but the only shot he had to live. Huge stood tall, holding the only weapon that he had.
A broom.
The thing knocked Huge across the head with a lumbering limb, and he went skittering into a table.
Frock locked his gaze with its.
Frock was totally fucked.
Frock also knew this.
"Jolly good, with tea and little cookies, master?" The thing spoke as eloquently as any butler.
Frock, shakily accepted. The monster promptly ate his face.
"Jiminy cricket! This dust MUST GO."
Huge, quickly snapping the broom thrust it into the spider/butlers head.
The thing screamed.
Really loud.
Then shot out its insides.
Huge blinked, wiped some goo off his face and laughed.
Looking at the little steaming pile of Pew, and Frocks face, yet he lived. He would go on.
He would be famous.
He would in a few seconds be food for thousands of baby butler spiders.
Which crawled into this world from the sac, the monster had shot out.
User Reviews
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 18:53:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How fuck gay above.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 18:51:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 18:49:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
whoops.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-29 18:48:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You lowered my rating!!! huh! :)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-29 18:35:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So you are Linus?
*confusion, confusion*
You nOObs are odd. Said the nOOb.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 18:32:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course it was me.
Im offically addicted.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-29 18:28:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. You responsible for Uberboard?
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 18:20:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
About the uberboard.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 18:13:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-29 18:10:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 17:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-29 17:39:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The story itself was good, but your style on this particular one was... strange, to say the least. It was sort of... halting?
--
Couldnt resist being the rebel aye?
-------
yeah, pretty much. Sorry for a -2 bomb.
--
Yeah. Sorry for the uberboard.
Chill?
BTW im still laughing.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-29 18:10:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 17:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-29 17:39:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The story itself was good, but your style on this particular one was... strange, to say the least. It was sort of... halting?
--
Couldnt resist being the rebel aye?
-------
yeah, pretty much. Sorry for a -2 bomb.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 17:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-29 17:39:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The story itself was good, but your style on this particular one was... strange, to say the least. It was sort of... halting?
--
Couldnt resist being the rebel aye?
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-29 17:39:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The story itself was good, but your style on this particular one was... strange, to say the least. It was sort of... halting?
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-02-29 15:42:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont get why this is so good
but cant ruin it some other asshat will
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 15:35:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh.
This is the 23 review.
I just hit 10k in hits.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 15:34:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Some parts dont really make sense tho.
He would be famous.
They made a FUCKING DRAGON WASP.
How famous can you get?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-02-29 15:33:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Creative.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-29 15:14:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-02-29 14:48:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mindreader.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:37:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW!
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I snotrocketted at this. The story was toppers, as well.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:36:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I GOT CARRIED AWAY
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:35:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW! Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW!
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:32:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, it was the only thing I could think of through the whole story.
That and this: http://tinyurl.com/2wpzft (sfw, no worries)
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:28:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW!
--
Sad. I just spat mountain dew all over my keyboard.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientists at Frocks, Huge and Pew Pew PEW PEW PEEEWWW PEEEW BZZZZZT PEW BRRRAAAAATTATATATAT TAT PEW PEW PEEEWWW!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:25:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-07-20 12:59:06 CDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Some good anagrams for "STFU Maltese"...
Lamest Fetus
Lattes Fumes
Meats Flutes
Mutates Self
Flatus Teems
A Fetus Melts
Flame Test Us
Feast Me Slut
Ale Fest Smut
Meats Felt Us
Mates Left Us
Tastes Elf Um
Must Eat Self
Let Emus Fast
Fat Seem Slut
Last Fetus Me
Ma Leftest Us
Am Testes Flu
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:21:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought he was electro?
ahahaha
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:19:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 12:13:41 CST (#)
Ranking: 0
+100 button? Are you serious, maltese would've had a FUCKING field day.
-----------------------
True. Him AND Electro.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:14:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cash basket, YES! Good work, tuna.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:13:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
+100 button? Are you serious, maltese would've had a FUCKING field day.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:08:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I seriously wish there was a +100 button around here for stories like this.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:07:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 11:39:45 CST (#)
Ranking: 0
Frock Pew and Huge is an anagram of We Fuck Gophers
---------------------
*dies*
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-29 13:06:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W quality.
Hands down, the best entry so far. Anyone will be tough pressed to beat THIS story...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-29 12:54:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to give this a +1 because it's a little choppy, but this made me bray laughter like a whiskey-sipping donkey--
--
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 12:39:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Frock Pew and Huge is an anagram of We Fuck Gophers
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 12:39:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Frock Pew and Huge is an anagram of We Fuck Gophers
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-02-29 12:31:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-02-29 12:27:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
Linkwhore: http://www.ubersite.com/m/114275