i shaved my penis (2139 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.32 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by josh golden <joshuawgolden.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2008-03-02 04:49:48 EST
i shaved my penis, sometimes the subject says it all, but not this time. i also never capitalize, the shift key causes unnecessary strain to my pinky.
first of all, i had shaved the shaft of my penis several times to keep hair out of my girlfriend's mouth and encourage her to engulf me further, this didn't work, she does have a gag reflex. my loss.
but it did make my penis less freaky as hair grew several inches up the member itself. also it provided no real discomfort, just a sense of pride that my shaft was now hairless.
but yesterday i decided to shave the whole area, balls and all. it took quite some time. i trimmed the hair beforehand but it was so thick that i had to clean the razor every couple of strokes. but once you start you can't stop. who wants a patchy pubic area? not me.
so i went along shaving and shaving with my schick quattro titanium coated steal razor, and eventually i was as hairless as i was born. balls and all. the balls were tricky, had to stretch them in many different angles to get it all, even plucked a few stragglers with my bare hands. this didn't hurt as much as you'd think but the next few days have been a world of pain and misery.
first, the razor bumps. oh god why did i ever do this. my girlfriend didn't even like it, she said the hair covered up the ugliest parts. including a birthmark i never knew i had. does it hurt? ever been shot? i havn't but my pubic area is now covered in red painful bumps. like zits, except they hurt like hell when i wear pants. and you can't pop them.
now stage two, the stubble. the seven year itch is now my master, i bought some razor rash cream, but it asys it takes a few days. DAYS?!? i cannot wait that long, fortunately vodka works wonders. taken orally not rubbed on my dick.
so if your girlfriend/boyfriend ever asks you to shave your pubes, punch him/her in the chode and tell them to fuck off. my life is horrible now, my nights at work delivering pizza's are filled with painful walks, sitting down in the car is the hardest as my mandatory belt scrapes against my pubic reagion everytime. i wear a constant grimace, and now wear my belt much closer to my belly-button wich i am sure looks cool as hell. don't do it ever, unless you hate yourself. even masturbating and sex hurts now, my life is empty and uncomfortable every moment of the day. a few days and it will be over hopefully, but i will never forget this, it hurts dammit!
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-03-09 20:10:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-02 10:36:42 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed like a moron at this.
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I thought this WAS Hurty. It has the same cruel disregard for English.
amusing though
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-03-09 19:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ALWAYS use a fresh razor.
DON'T stop doing it. the rash always happens the first time you just gotta keep at it.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-03-09 15:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2008-03-03 00:21:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DON'T EVER EVER EVER USE HAIR-REMOVAL GELS/ETC DOWN THERE.
ASK ME HOW I KNOW.
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Dont use a cut throat razor either
I wont go into it but... dont.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-03-04 02:47:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
3 things to remember.
1) Do it with a boner. The skin on the scrot is always tight then; no pulling in odd ways.
2) New razor blade. Two reasons for this; it's sharper, so less drag, and you don't REALLY want ball sweat on your face, do you?
3) Always, ALWAYS shave in direction of hair growth, or if you want closer at 90 degrees to it. NO MORE. That stops the red bumps, itching, pain etc.
Don't shave it all off, either. As you've found out, it ain't so great.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-04 01:48:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
motherfucker you signed up 9 days after i did, below.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2008-03-03 21:33:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-02 16:19:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i have a new favorite new guy.
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I see how it is, motherfucker.
THIS IS THE BEST POST EVAR!!
Submitted by Fat-Sacks (user info) at 2008-03-03 14:40:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this is not an alt, i have only one account i just changed my name, i thought my account name was the name that would appear, but instead my real name and email adress appeared, which wasnt intentional. i -2'd myself since i +2'd myself last time, now things are even. also my penis is much better now, and yes i have hair on my shaft, not much just on the side facing my balls, but shaving it doesnt produce bumps, the skin around my junk hurt like hell though.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-03 14:35:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
are you twelve?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-03-03 13:23:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-02 13:00:09 CST (#)
Ranking: 0
dude....you have hair growing on your penis?
is that normal?
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For hairy men, yes. Someone already said it but dude, just use a trimmer w/ guard and all will be well.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-03-03 12:23:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
if you do it enough, the irritation stops and it becomes just like shaving your face. you have to deal with this stuff the first few times. trust me, it gets easier and you'll be glad you stuck it out because you will have a nicely groomed penis and gay men will love you for it.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-03-03 07:36:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
The thing to do with this alter would have been to pretend to be female and say you shaved your pussy.
You'd have generated far more interest.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-03 06:38:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ouch! Hair on the shaft disturbs me, info I probably could do without really. Just keep it nice and neat and tidy. i'm sure that will suffice.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-03-03 04:00:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2008-03-03 01:03:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2008-03-03 00:21:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DON'T EVER EVER EVER USE HAIR-REMOVAL GELS/ETC DOWN THERE.
ASK ME HOW I KNOW.
****************************************************************
How do you know?
Submitted by bjrog2 (user info) at 2008-03-03 00:50:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Only piece of advice i can give, sharp razor, and use a lubricant like shaving gel.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-03-03 00:44:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
youz a foo
Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2008-03-03 00:21:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DON'T EVER EVER EVER USE HAIR-REMOVAL GELS/ETC DOWN THERE.
ASK ME HOW I KNOW.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-03-02 23:23:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wouldn't it make more sense to wax? Or atleast use the magic foam shit?
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-02 22:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2008-03-02 19:36:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I did this once, never again.
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So did I, I was just more of a man than this random guy (not you, the poster) - no cream or nothing, although the itching drove me nuts (har har har).
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2008-03-02 22:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Well Josh Golden, that was fucking retarded. I told all you kids before if you want the benefits of a nicely trimmed crotch, use a trimmer with a #2 guard on it. It will never itch, no razor burn (you dumbfuck), and your girlfriend will like it. It is trimmed and clean, short but still a little hair. Nice. This is almost as dumb as a guy I know who put Nair all over his balzac. Idiots.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-02 20:52:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You just know Mrs. Bubba's cooch could strip the paint off a fence post.
Nasty.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-02 19:40:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JustAnotherStudent (user info) at 2008-03-02 15:29:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First off, a +2 for pity- not that you were dumb enough to shave it all off, but that you have hair growing on your actual shaft. EW.
Get a trimmer, keep it well groomed, then quit whining- you aren't allowed to bitch about hair removal unless you've had that region waxed.
This is what millions of women have to deal with every day because their men like them hairless. Try getting to deal with that painful stubble every day for a few years. And wear a thong while you're at it.
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Men who want hairless women are perverts. Pussies MUST BE HAIRY!!!
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2008-03-02 19:36:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I did this once, never again.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-03-02 17:36:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I shave everything and it makes me happy
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-02 17:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain, brother. You and are are like the same halves that connect to make a whole.
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-03-02 17:32:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear ya, man.
Razors have no place around penises and balls. A quick trim can be a nice courtesy but shaving is stupid, in my opinion.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-03-02 17:22:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It could have been FAR worse. http://www.ubersite.com/m/92915
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-02 16:44:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i also know what youre talking about. it gets better, dont give up on it. that shit is a lot easier to deal with if you keep it clean and organized like.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2008-03-02 16:40:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I know exactly what you're talking about.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-02 16:19:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i have a new favorite new guy.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-03-02 16:04:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wax
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-03-02 15:45:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
consider waxing
Submitted by JustAnotherStudent (user info) at 2008-03-02 15:29:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First off, a +2 for pity- not that you were dumb enough to shave it all off, but that you have hair growing on your actual shaft. EW.
Get a trimmer, keep it well groomed, then quit whining- you aren't allowed to bitch about hair removal unless you've had that region waxed.
This is what millions of women have to deal with every day because their men like them hairless. Try getting to deal with that painful stubble every day for a few years. And wear a thong while you're at it.
Submitted by Dexter-Brown (user info) at 2008-03-02 14:57:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-03-02 14:21:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://cdbaby.com/cd/joshuagolden2
IS THIS YOU
PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS YOU
LET'S SHAVE OUR PENISES TOGETHER.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-03-02 14:20:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Alter
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-02 14:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dude....you have hair growing on your penis?
is that normal?
am I the freak?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-02 13:58:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*second
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-02 13:57:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Welcome Josh!
ps I think men who shave are unsexy. A trim is fine.
Also, your secind post sucked. :)
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2008-03-02 13:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This. This my friend, was golden.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2008-03-02 12:38:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It takes a few tries, Susan.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-02 12:13:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stfu
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-02 11:29:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Next time take a straight razor to it, you useless poof.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-03-02 11:19:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-02 05:36:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed at the moron in this.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-03-02 10:45:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Fat-Sacks (user info) at 2008-03-02 05:48:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i wish my real name wasn't included in this.. another lesson learned. this is my new name, a name i use for many things, it has never been as appropriate as it is now. my only hope is that no one i know will read this, if you enjoyed this then you are welcome, it is 100% true.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-02 05:36:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed like a moron at this.
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2008-03-02 05:35:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
softcock
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-03-02 04:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, man up. That always happens at first. And no offense but no woman wants to see hair growing on the SHAFT. Keep grooming, even if it's a close trim and isn't all the way down to the skin.