I would keep all the bicycles (748 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.14 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ghola (View user info) at 2008-03-02 23:42:24 EST
I tried to give my bicycle to an old man, but he wouldn't take it. He was on the side of the road, picking up cigarette butts and lighting them with a purple lighter. He'd take a few puffs and drop the butt on the ground, smashing it into the gravel with the heel of his scuffed orange boots.
I read somewhere on the internet that young people weren't being very charitable. They weren't volunteering at local soup kitchens or helping at the animal shelter. Some young people were being nasty, throwing their trash on the side of the road, not saying thank you when the man at Kroger bagged their groceries. The world was ending and when all the older folks died, that'd be it.
I stopped beside the old man and offered him my bike. I explained that I didn't need it and he could have my helmet and the lock. I told him I'd write the combination on a scrap of paper that was in my book bag.
No thanks, he told me. He turned his back to me and kept picking up cigarette butts. I watched him until the light turned green and then I pedaled away, down the sidewalk.
My neighbor, Mike, steals bicycles, but he hasn't taken mine. I'm not sure what he does with them. I've heard that you can break them down and sale the scraps and parts. I can't picture Mike doing that.
Mike once spent an afternoon pinning strings to his ceiling in a huge spiral-like design. Then he hot glued pieces of broken glass in between the strings, so it looked like it was exploding. Otherwise, I never saw him do anything productive. Just smoked pot and watched reruns of South Park.
One time, Mike knocked on my door to show me a bike he'd stolen. He told me all about it, how the handlebars were flexigrip and the seat was padded. Something about the gears and the lightweight material the bike was made of.
He left it unlocked in front of his apartment. I took it and put in my kitchen, so you couldn't see it from the front door.
I bought a car a few months ago, but I'm planning on selling it whenever I get the loan paid down to less than the car is worth. I think I want to move to New York or some city where I don't need a car.
I have trouble steering the car. I think it's too heavy for the wheel to turn it. I've been going to the gym and doing arm exercises. I do the resistance machines. I can put forty pounds on the machine.
I read part of an article on the internet about how young people watch too much television. I think I've read the same article once a week for my whole life. Kids are always doing too much of something. It's about excess. It's about extra dessert and one more joint and seeing how late you can stay up watching Hellraiser one, two, three and four.
I have cable, but I don't pay for it. I think the whole building is hooked up for free cable. Mike says he has free cable too. He watches episodes of Family Guy and I try not to think that this makes him less intelligent.
I can't watch anything with canned laughter. It's too distracting. I spend all my time trying to figure out what kind of people were recorded laughing. Did someone do something funny so they'd laugh? Was it forced? Were they all adults? What was the ratio of women to men?
For Mike's birthday, I gave him the bicycle I took from him. He didn't remember that it'd been his. I showed him all the special features, the handlebars and the padded seat.
Afterwards we sat on his couch and watched Les Claypool videos. I thought that if I was high, I'd be getting more out of it. I pretended I was high and when Mike asked me to grab a beer out of his mini fridge, I didn't because I was pretending I was too heavy to move. My legs were cement and the couch was cement and there was no difference between the cushions and my legs.
I wore shorts to the gym today and they were too short to do leg exercises. I tried to do the one where you sit down and push your legs out, like you are doing a split. I covered my crotch with my hands and the guy across from me stared. I wondered if he thought I had to pee.
After that, I just did the arm machines.
There were lots of girls wearing Victoria Secret workout clothes and I worried about how I looked in my flannel pajamas and wife-beater.
Mike and I road bikes today. He wanted to ride in the road. He said that was where you were supposed to ride your bike.
I told him I couldn't pedal fast enough to keep up with the cars and he left me on the sidewalk. He pedaled faster than the cars and passed a gray Buick. An old man leaned out his window and made an obscene hand gesture. He didn't "shoot a bird." It was something else that looked like a grabbing motion. I knew it was bad.
After a few minutes, I couldn't see Mike anymore.
I rode along side the man in the gray Buick, but I didn't look at him. I looked ahead of me and counted the squares of sidewalk. With one pedal I was clearing three sidewalk squares, unless I was pedaling up a hill.
When I got back to the apartment, Mike's bicycle was propped up by his front door. I took it and put it back in my apartment.
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-03-04 13:19:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i didn't mean to sound defensive.
we differ.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-03-04 11:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Woah there, Missy. Don't get all defensive on me.
I wasn't trying to suggest that what you gravitate towards isn't interesting or beautiful in its own way. My point was only that I strive to get better at techniques that I am weak at so my overall writing skill becomes more versatile and the ideas I try to express become closer to the ideal I have in my head.
Doesn't mean that I always (or even usually) succeed, but that isn't really the point, now is it?
I wish you would reach a little more *because* I recognize your talent and I wonder how much more I could learn from your attempts.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-03-04 08:06:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-03-04 05:42:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't you ever feel that wordless urge to strain your literary talents in the creation of something ...beautiful? I know I do. It's the main reason why I write, get shit wrong, then write some more.
Then again, different strokes for different blokes, hey?
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Yes. Of course. Because my writing still is sparse, I must not want to create "beautiful" things.
Only really dense writing is beautiful. Got it.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-04 06:56:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
CJ, Juno sucked, plain and simple. I can't believe you've got such a hard-on for it.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-03-04 05:42:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-03 06:04:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Just for liking Juno. I'm not sorry.
**********************
Cock.
For the record, Juno made me feel all warm and fuzzy and relaxed inside when much of the rest of my life is currently rather...cold and remote.
...
Anyway, this wasn't bad, but it's also composed almost exactly like the vast majority of your story posts here.
I wish you'd make a serious attempt to tell a fully fleshed-out story instead of relying on that bare-bones style you seem to love so much.
I dunno, I just think you're starting to stagnate a bit. This sort of writing must be like a walk in the park for you now.
Don't you ever feel that wordless urge to strain your literary talents in the creation of something ...beautiful? I know I do. It's the main reason why I write, get shit wrong, then write some more.
Then again, different strokes for different blokes, hey?
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-03-03 14:51:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd trade you a cheese bagel and maybe some cream cheese
now I'm hungry
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-03-03 14:32:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-03-03 14:30:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm on a stupid laptop keyboard so I can't comment long but I liked this, and that thigh mastery machine has always been my favorite, but my gym is a women-only circuit training, so we're all in a circle and that machine is directly across from the only stairmaster so we all feel a weird need to avert our eyes when some random lady is spreading in our direct line of vision
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-03-03 14:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH, and it would be a Arby's Chicken Bacon & Swiss.
Even God would approve of it.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-03-03 14:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
um thanks for the explanation i guess. ha.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-03-03 14:14:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's about excess.
Good line.
I like this better than most of your other stuff, although I read one comment about how you used "I" too much, which is true, you're supposed to not try and repeat a word to many times, especially pronouns, unless it's absolutely necessary.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-03 13:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this was fucking boring.
mike sounds like a tweaker.
this story ain't worth anything edible.
i'll give you a handful of dirt for it and whatever doodle bugs inhabit same.
but only if you eat it.
i guess that's edible.
i retract line three.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-03 12:55:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i once skinned an old man
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-03 11:19:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 boner
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-03 09:25:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'd say it's worth a grilled tuna fish sammich. that's a stup up from a pbj and a regular tuna fish sammich but not quite as good as like a roast beast sammich.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-03-03 09:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In Florida we have a sandwich called a Cuban Sandwich. They are very good if you like various kinds of pig meat on your sandwich. I would say that this bit of writing is easily worth a Cuban Sandwich. A Cuban Sandwich plus a large fizzy drink. I would even say it's worth all that and a bag of chips.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-03-03 08:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-03-03 00:23:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-02 23:54:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
still better than much of what gets posted here, so worth more than a 0. at least so far as a rating has worth.
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nope
but it aint worth a -2
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I like the idea of writing being "worth" something. The numbers don't mean much though. Could someone tell me if my post is worth a sandwich? And if so, what sort of sandwich?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-03 08:19:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I very much enjoyed this.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-03-03 07:56:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like bicycles. I moved recently and just up the road is a large but lonely graveyard.
I plan to ride my bike there.
The dead don't mind much. They like the company.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-03-03 06:58:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did it hurt when you were possessed by Kurt Vonnegut there for a second? The whole 'cement' part. This was very good.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-03 06:04:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Just for liking Juno. I'm not sorry.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-03-03 00:31:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ho-hum
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-03-03 00:23:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-02 23:54:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
still better than much of what gets posted here, so worth more than a 0. at least so far as a rating has worth.
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nope
but it aint worth a -2
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-03-03 00:11:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The general lack of real hills, and the drink of choice is not Coca-Cola.
Kroger gives it away.
How close am I?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-02 23:59:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no no no...
nothing in the post or any of your reviews sounds like it is about homework. a lot of your posts seem like...practice. also, in the past you have said things were for class.
i think this has coloured how i read some things you post. i find myself trying to figure out what the assignment was.
don't read too much into that review.
and don't make any plans on getting a ham.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-03-02 23:55:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know which part of that sounds like it's about homework.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-02 23:54:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
still better than much of what gets posted here, so worth more than a 0. at least so far as a rating has worth.
you mostly only post your homework here, don't you?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-03-02 23:54:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I fucked up the last bit.
I see that now.
I'm too tired to be bothered.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-02 23:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you should have said
I'm bad about that.
I'm not sure why.
I will go back and change that now.
I Thank you much.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-03-02 23:51:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm bad about that.
I'm not sure why.
I will go back and change that now. Thanks much.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-02 23:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this sure had an awful lot of sentences that started with the word 'I'