Got to love the old (880 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.7 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by drogoroch (View user info) at 2008-03-05 05:09:36 EST
"Hi Gran its David."
"Oh hello dear. So lovely to hear from you I was only saying to your granddad the other day that we don't see you so much these days."
"Yes Gran look I need..."
"Your Granddad is upstairs at the moment trying to put up a curtain, I left him too it as you know what he gets like when he tries to do something like that. I was watching the news. Have you seen what has been happening recently?
"I know. Look Gran I need to ask you...."
"Awful I can tell you. Finding those remains in that place on Jersey. Your Granddad and I had a lovely time in Jersey a few years ago, very nice indeed. Fancy all those goings on just under your nose, quite awful really. Still it seems to happen a lot these days; if people aren't murdering poor prostitutes then they seem to be committing some deviant act on youngsters, and that sick chap who thought it was a good defense to say that he only had sex with that girl when she was dead but didn't actually murder her."
"Gran please...."
"I mean back in our day it was different. A wee was something you went to the toilet to do and not something you did in the living room in front of your friends. We were outside playing and running around. Come bed time we were all pooped out; no chance of us hanging around on street corners making the place look untidy like they do today..."
"Gran?"
"And the things they say to people. Well you just wouldn't believe it. I wouldn't have said boo to a goose when I was growing up but now its all F this and F that. They need a good clip round the ear if you ask me. I was telling your Granddad just the other day how they need a good clip round the ear. He will tell you, you mark my words."
"Gran that's lovely but..."
"I will get him for you if you like. He would like that. FRANK! FRANK! His hearing is really bad these days you will see what it's like one day when you get old. FRANK YOU DEAF OLD BASTARD!"
"What are you shouting about you stupid old bat? Dropped the remote again?"
"Don't you talk to me like that Francis Tiberius Rowbotham. I'm not some maid off the hills that you can treat with such disrespect."
"What do you want then? I'm halfway through hanging these god awful curtains and you start blaring at me like some dysfunctional blow horn. What is it?"
"Little Davy is on the phone. Pick up the upstairs and talk to him. I need to go to the toilet."
"Little Davy. Haven't seen him for a while. Hello Davy, how are you doing?"
"Fine Granddad really, it was just a quick call to ....."
"Your Grandmother brought you up just the other day, at least I think it was, I seem to block out most of what she talks about these days. She does go on. Can't get a word in edge ways sometimes. Normally ranting and raving about some crap she's seen on telly or something."
"Look Gramps I need a little..."
"Hello I'm back again, sorry about that dear but getting old has its crosses to bear. If you don't make it to the loo when you need it then you never know what could happen. Just the other day I was at the bottom of the garden tending the tulips, you remember the tulips you helped me plant?"
"Beatrice I'm sure Davy didn't ring to hear about your wetting accidents and your bloody Garden."
"Well he could, he was always very interested in my garden if you remember. You know we thought he was going to grow up as one of those 'happy' fellows. Always such a delicate boy. And we would have loved you just the same Davy mark my words."
"Yes well he didn't, did he Beatrice? So there is no need to bring it up. Remember what we talked about?"
"Gran? Grandpa? I...."
"Well we don't know do we Frank? I mean he has never brought any nice girls over to meet us has he? He could still be interested in gardening very much, just be a little shy about wanting to tell us. We should be supportive."
"I am supportive, but if he wants to come out as a poof then he has to do it in his own time. No point putting pressure on the boy is there? Probably doesn't want the world to know he is a bit of a Nancy."
"Anyway Davy. You do it in your own time. No rush. So what was it you wanted to talk about dear?"
"Umm nothing. It's okay. I have to go."
"Now look what you've done you stupid old bat. Scared him off now. Poor boy is probably already filled with shame that he likes to take it up the shitter and prance about in women's underwear; and you have to go and make him feel even more uncomfortable. I just......."
Click
"That was odd, normally only lasts 30 seconds. So Davy, sorry David. What are you going to do? You can still use 50/50 or ask the audience, or you can walk away with £2000."
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-07 17:33:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I frowned.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-07 17:11:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the set up has to be believable to make the punch-line funny.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-07 04:07:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-03-06 22:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
For all I know this is actually how your grandparents talk, but it didn't strike me as believable.
--
At which point did I imply that this was supposed to be believable?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-03-06 22:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
For all I know this is actually how your grandparents talk, but it didn't strike me as believable.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-06 22:22:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-03-06 19:19:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I chuckled
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-03-06 18:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-03-06 18:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-03-06 15:30:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-05 19:31:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL (srsly)
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-03-05 19:13:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:(
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-03-05 19:10:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Has dog penis breath below.
Digs 53-year-old chicks two below.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-03-05 18:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
has dog-breath, below
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-03-05 18:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-03-05 17:20:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-03-05 16:58:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-03-05 16:51:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is great
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-03-05 16:37:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The GOOD stuff. Very enjoyable.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2008-03-05 14:24:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hee hee! That was amusing, and original.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-05 14:06:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahaha, no, just a baby. Are the hormones that obvious?
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-03-05 14:03:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Someones got sand in their vagina, haven't they
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-05 13:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-03-05 18:51:33 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-05 18:13:36 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never said that you had a prob with ratings, I was just making a joke that the Scotts were stingey then i go and drop a +1 when I wanted to +2 'cos i liked your post.
I am sticking to no comment in the future. Or just staying off this shit hole, what ever.
================
1.Hurty isnt properly Scottish.
2.Scots. 1 T.
3.Please do
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What the fuck has it got to do with you?
Since you object to my presence here i will remember to stay off your posts in future - funny how you never complain when I am dropping the +2s your way. And you would never lower yourself to look at one of my posts, would you, you elitist git. Go and pet your ego and masturbate over how clever you are.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-05 13:54:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what would make this better, seriously?
Maybe a quick line or two before the phone call to establish that:
A. the guy knows NOTHING about the subject
B. the guy's grandpop just happens to be the world's leading authority on the subject
Then at the end, the guy should have NO lifelines left, so you know he was completely fucked by his dotty old grandmother. I mean, if they are so old and crazy, why would he call them in the first place? Because the grandpop knows that one subject.
Plus, more money at stake at the end.
Oh, and a different game show.
And funnier dialogue.
haha just kidding about the last two.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-03-05 13:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-05 18:13:36 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never said that you had a prob with ratings, I was just making a joke that the Scotts were stingey then i go and drop a +1 when I wanted to +2 'cos i liked your post.
I am sticking to no comment in the future. Or just staying off this shit hole, what ever.
================
1.Hurty isnt properly Scottish.
2.Scots. 1 T.
3.Please do
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-05 13:13:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I never said that you had a prob with ratings, I was just making a joke that the Scotts were stingey then i go and drop a +1 when I wanted to +2 'cos i liked your post.
I am sticking to no comment in the future. Or just staying off this shit hole, what ever.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-05 12:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No probs Orphelia. I have no issue with people dropping legitimate ratings. have good evening
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-05 12:33:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oooops, I was so busy thinking about nelly and Hurtys +1 I accidentally +1 you when it was supposed to be +2! Blonde day again! Sorry old bean. I will get my alter to drop by with a +2 later as compensation. :)
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-03-05 12:22:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ha, this was awesome
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-05 12:04:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Bloody stingey Scotts with their stingey ratings.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-05 11:47:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-05 11:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
A WOMAN PRESENTING MILLIONAIRE?!
These are truly dark times.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-03-05 11:29:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Needs more Tarrant in the pic.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-05 11:11:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BWUAHAHAHA
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2008-03-05 10:56:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha! Old people ARE funny.
Interesting tidbit: my roommates were on the show and won a good chunk of money.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-05 09:31:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is one of those almost-b@w posts (not quite good enoough, but still kickass)
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-03-05 08:10:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit.
B@W for sure.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-03-05 08:02:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-03-05 07:41:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice!
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-03-05 07:38:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent :-)
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2008-03-05 07:34:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was quite amusing, reminded me of when old folks don't hang up the phone.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-05 07:23:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
We cant do it at mine any more Sico, the neighbours are starting to talk.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-05 07:22:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So, shall we fuck then?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-05 07:17:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-05 06:08:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry to hear about your accident Chaos, make sure you keep Kitchen Towel handy next time I find it helps.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-03-05 06:05:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I was as funny as you...
:(
Oh yeah, you forgot the part where they go on and On and ON about their myriad health problems (My colostomy bag ripped a few days ago...blech).
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-05 05:38:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No no no no NO I had my sense of humour removed at birth so that I would blend in when I moved to Germany.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-03-05 05:36:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haHA!
you are a funny one, aren"t you?