Demise of a Wino (705 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: fiction
Rating: 1.72 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Flash Harry (View user info) at 2008-03-05 08:57:48 EST
Based on a true story: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article875336.ece
INT. LONDON RESTAURANT. EVENING.
THE LIGHTS ARE DIMMED ROMANTICALLY, AND THE GENTLE TINKLING OF A TALENTED PIANIST LIGHTLY DANCES OVER THE HUSHED ECHOES OF THE DINERS' LIGHT-HEARTED CONVERSATIONS. A WAITRESS, DOROTHY, STANDS ALONE, POLISHING CUTLERY AND HUMMING ALONG TO THE MUSIC.
Enter the Manager
Manager: (hissing) Dorothy! What ze fuck eez going on? Qu'est-ce que tu fait?
Dorothy: Well, what does it look like, Jean-Christophe? I'm polishing cutlery, obviously.
Manager: Et keeping ze eyes out on ze tables, I presume?
DOROTHY GLANCES NERVOUSLY OVER THE RESTAURANT.
Dorothy: I've just been round getting drinks orders...why, does someone need served?
Manager: Ce n'est pas le problem! (Pointing) Look over zere - zat is ze leetle problem!
DOROTHY FOLLOWS HIS POINTED FINGER OVER THE RESTAURANT TO THE FAR CORNER, WHERE A SINGLE PLUME OF SMOKE WAFTS CASUALLY UPWARDS.
Dorothy: Oh. Some dumbass must've forgotten about the smoking ban. I'll have them put it out.
Manager: Keep eet quiet, s'il vous plait. Over zere sits ze Monsieur from the Times. Ee cannot know what eez going on! Our reputation would be ru-eened if ee knew of zis! (Exeunt)
DOROTHY WALKS QUICKLY TO THE TABLE. THE SMOKE COMES FROM A MARLBORO LIGHT WHICH HANGS BETWEEN THE FINGERS OF AMY. SHE IS A PALE-SKINNED WAIF OF A WOMAN, WITH DARK HAIR PILED ON TOP OF HER HEAD, THICK MAKE-UP AND TIGHT-FITTING CLOTHES.
Dorothy: Excuse me...
Amy: STARES VACANTLY AHEAD OF HER.
Dorothy: (Waving) Hello? Pardon me but you can't smoke inside.
Amy: (Slowly lifting her gaze to the waitress) Wot's dat yer sayin', luv?
Dorothy: I'm afraid you can't smoke in here. You can take it outside, or stub it out.
AMY PICKS UP HER DOUBLE VODKA WITH HER SPARE HAND, AND SINKS IT WITHOUT TAKING HER STARE AWAY FROM DOROTHY
Amy: Ah've got a better ideer. 'Owsabout you mahnd yer own bleedin' bizness, and fetch me anotha drink!
Dorothy: I'm not getting you another drink until you put the cigarette out!
Amy: Ooooooh! Yoor 'ard, ain'tcha!
AMY LEANS OVER TO THE NEXT TABLE AND PLUCKS A HALF-FULL BOTTLE OF WINE FROM A STARTLED GENTLEMAN.
Amy: 'Ow abaht dat? I didn't need ya to get me a drink after all! Nah then, a toast...
SHE CLOSES HER EYES AND TAKES A DEEP PUFF FROM HER CIGARETTE, RAISING THE BOTTLE IN FRONT OF HER.
Amy: To my Blake...(Wails) Incarcerated! Them bastards took 'im away from me, y'know.
SHE LOOKS UP AT DOROTHY AND GUZZLES FROM THE BOTTLE.
Dorothy: (To the robbed gentleman) I'm very sorry, Sir, I'll get you another one in just a moment. (To Amy) Listen, if you don't put the cigarette out we'll have to phone the police. There's a newspaper critic over there, and the manager doesn't want a scene, so please just put the bloody thing out!
Amy: Noos-papers? Dat scummy fahker ain't gittin a picture of me!
Dorothy: It's not the paparazzi, its a restaurant critic. You're going to have to put the cigarette out, or I'll call the manager over, and he'll probably call the police, so its your choice.
AMY TWISTS HER FACE UP IN A SICKENING GRIMACE.
Amy: You grassin' little bitch. Fine, ah'll stub it out. Ah'll fahkin' show you. And yer shitty...fahkin...restaurant!
AMY LIFTS THE CIGARETTE TO HER FACE, AND BURIES IT INTO HER CHEEK. BY NOW MANY DINERS HAVE NOTICED THE ARGUMENT, AND GASPS OF DISGUST DROWN OUT THE PIANO AS THE CIGARETTE BURNS AND SINGES INTO AMY'S CHEEK. IT SMELLS LIKE BURNT BACON.
Dorothy: Holy shit. (She runs off to tell Christophe what has happened. Exeunt)
Amy: (Sings, and almost falls from her chair) The man said, "Why do you think you here?" / I said, "I got no idea" / I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose my baby / So I always keep a bottle near / He said, "I just think you're depressed" / Kiss me, yeah baby and go rest" / They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no" / Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know...
User Reviews
Submitted by loveinbrevity (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-03-06 18:37:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-05 19:18:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God I hate Amy Winehouse. I hope she drowns in a pool of radioactive (ghey s00p0r) AIDS.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-03-05 16:58:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
where the f did she come from?
why do I even know her name?
When is she fading back into obscurity?
The news said she has infantigo(sp), the nasty dirty whore that she is.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-05 13:16:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No freakin' Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-05 11:18:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Those poor, permanently bollocksed, bastards.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-03-05 10:29:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-05 10:25:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The Wino is a legend.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-05 10:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate Winehouse and I hate Docherty. They should be hung.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-05 09:53:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great. I love that there are still some old school rocka and rollers out there. I have deep and meaningful reason why, but singers behaving badly all ways makes me smile.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-03-05 09:37:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I cannot stand uppity french maitre' DEEZ.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-05 09:11:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I cannot stand Amy Winehouse