Two's a Crowd (Flash Fiction?) (1373 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.42 on 71 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orphelia (View user info) at 2008-03-06 07:39:20 EST
I stand at the kitchen sink, my hands immersed in the hot, foamy liquid. The dishes and plates crash together in the bowl as I vigorously wash each one. I am cross, mad at you for smashing the delicate rosebud teaplate my grandmother gave to me.
I feel you stood behind me, cool air tickles the fine hairs on my neck, goosepimples run down my arms. Choosing to ignore you, I do not turn around. I am tired of confrontation.
With my chore finished, I go upstairs to draw myself a bath. I need a long, bubbly soak to calm down. Turning the useless lock on the bathroom door, I begin to undress. Stepping into the swirling, steamy water, my anger begins to dissapear and I relax as growing calm washes over me.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
I sigh. What are you doing now? I listen carefully to the muffled noises from the room below. I hear the lounge door slam shut.
'Thud, thud, thud.' Heavy footsteps as you climb the stairs.
The floor boards outside the bathroom groan. I hold my breath with anticipation. You pass. With relief, I sigh and sink slowly under the water. There, if only temporarily, I find peace.
I can't remember anymore a time when you weren't like this. I used to think, if I knew what was wrong during these 'black' periods, I could help you somehow. The idea of you would excite me, make me feel alive.
Family and friends wondered how I put up living with such a volatile creature but I knew you were harmless.
Now though, I am tired of you and your disturbances, your sudden rages, your late night antics...
I climb into bed, sleepy rom my bath. As I reach for my book on the side table the bed begins to shake, a gentle vibration at first increasing to a violent shudder.
"You!" I shout.
"STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE"
I pull the duvet over my head and count to one hundred.
Maybe if I wish hard enough you will go to where you belong, Heaven, Hell, where ever, I don't care anymore.
As I hear the kitchen door slam and drawers being pulled out and tossed across the room I finally make the decision, in the morning, I'll phone the Priest and have you removed once and for all.
User Reviews
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-04-28 07:33:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-03-30 14:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/experima
and experima loves YOU!!!!
and YOU!!!!!!!!
and YOU!!!!!!!!
happy happy happy happy happy
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-30 14:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who doesn't?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-30 13:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally cherry-pick.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-30 13:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh for the fucking love of god...
that's the whole point, lady. it's not HATE, it's simply a giant group of retards, myself certainly included, spewing crap at each other. same as ever.
either *everything* is personal or nothing is, you can't cherrypick.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-30 13:40:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
learn to take what you so willingly give, eh?
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oh but i do. I do. you don't see half the shit written about me that i have to ignore. I'd rank myself in the top ten most hated.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-30 13:32:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jesus christ, lady.
you've called me fat, ugly, and stupid more than once and i certainly didn't have a goddamn aneurysm because of it.
learn to take what you so willingly give, eh?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-30 13:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-30 13:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck, Icamwhore once, ONCE. I can name several freakin' Yanks who do it every two flamin' minutes.
You pick me out as I am an easy target.
Pathetic. I actually thought you were a nice guy.
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Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-30 13:00:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
especially orphelia.
fucking daft, fat bitch spreading stupid everywhere.
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Yeah, thanks. I never had you down as nasty.
I don't know what your point was scourge, but you know, I have made some nicely written posts for Ubers entertainment. And I have camwhored ONCE. I used a pic of myself on DreamWeaver post as it was a parody of a post with a camwhore on it (F.J.Bell's).
Daft, yes. Fat, not when I am not pregnant. Stupid, sometimes. Bitch, NO.
I haven't done anything detrimental to Uber, if I have, get Bart to ban my accounts.
I don't circle jerk as half as much as the Yanks.
Oh, piss off.
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????????????????
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-03-28 12:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-28 04:16:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-03-27 16:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've contributed more to Uber than you ever have, Caul, give me a break
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Urgh. I can't believe you said that.
--
sorry, I was cranky :(
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-25 11:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You!" I shout.
"STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE"
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-25 04:43:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mmmmmm what was wrong with the rest, like? :(
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-25 04:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got all the way to hot, foamy liquid.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-03-24 14:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-24 08:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa, thanks rorrim.
Sorry for that. I just had to kick something, and Uber was the victim...
Hope i didn't mess-up the nice days? X
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-18 23:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i would have sworn it was going to be your kid asking for something to eat
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-18 22:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
OMFG!!! Bruce Willis was dead the WHOLE TIME ya'll!!!!!
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2008-03-18 22:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, sorry O
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-18 14:20:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For fucks sake. Uber really needs to reflect as a whole, and stop recyling the same bullshit reviews.
============
Haha, you're going to try and change this place single-handedly? You'll be the most recent in a long line of failures. Anyway, the only aspects of your personality that you've let slip on here are that you are young, pasty, ugly and a stoner. You're not giving us much to go on, slick.
I hear your mother is fat as well.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-03-18 14:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-18 13:51:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is nothing wrong with being thirty young man.
It just means we have shagged more than you, partied more than you, earn more money than you and are cooler than you.
We don't have to worry about braces, pimples or losing our virginity.
And Hurty is really 22. Or something ridiculously young like that.
I lied. I do that a lot. It completes me.
--
I know this. You may have done these things. Cooler then me. Right on. However, I've done the pimples, havent had braces in years and I lost my fucking virginity when I was 14. For fucks sake. Uber really needs to reflect as a whole, and stop recyling the same bullshit reviews.
You have also had more time to live, learn and figure out whats going on. Good for you.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2008-03-18 01:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
k...
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-03-13 11:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/115519
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-03-12 15:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh yeah
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:31:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well thank you my dear!!
Rowr
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-03-10 13:25:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
EVEN IF YOU WERE FAT I WOULD INTERNET LOVEEEES YOU>
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-03-10 00:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
?
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-03-09 06:37:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Careful what you wish for, I have to return on this week : P (damn visa place was closed due to a random religious holiday. Bah!)
That sounds pretty cool in warped way, I like old stuff. I just lost half an hour reading about the black plague and various troubled times medieval era on wikipedia
We took a trip to a museum in year 5 and we saw a 5000 year old mummified hand in a box. I had a massive urge to touch it and did so when noone was looking after putting up with the urge after 20 minutes. I have no idea why I wanted to do so.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-07 12:36:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Merlina come back! :)
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2008-03-07 09:47:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:-)
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-03-07 01:05:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-03-06 18:24:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-06 18:21:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad.
I grew up in a haunted house and studied the supernatural a lot because of it. This was fairly close to accurate.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-03-06 18:05:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*blushes*
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:51:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bedtime is my favorite time of day.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-03-06 15:32:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lovely. Have a hug.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-03-06 15:12:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
[insert 'I heart you Ophelia, can we have sex' line]
I like this supernatural stuff. I was in Birmingham today and found some graves of people who were born in the 1700s - was a little creepy seeing them all neglected and overgrown. Like you said, I got the willies
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-06 12:40:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-06 12:04:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sarah mumbled, her slurred speech barely audible over the cries of her family. They gathered around her, seated her in a chair when she tried to walk to the door. She spoke again, words stumbled out of her mouth, broke down, dissolved in a tumult of panicky breaths, not hers, but theirs. A bloody tress of hair clung to her cheek. It fluttered just below her jawline.
She said, "dat's the last dime I dry to buck a forse."
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-06 11:55:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay Pizza!! Good the days over, at least the working part is woohoo, now to go lie on my new mattress yay!!!
Submitted by cocaine (user info) at 2008-03-06 11:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ok
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-03-06 11:30:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
cluck.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-03-06 11:24:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was very good.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-06 11:23:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:15:52 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bummer! I would have to be pretty shallow to bother about a record, and quite two faced too.
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Ok, lets run away together and eat flying saucers for breakfast and skinny dip in the sea.
Or just go for pizza, whatever...
Hehehe. :)
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-06 11:15:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bummer! I would have to be pretty shallow to bother about a record, and quite two faced too.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-06 11:04:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-06 15:27:13 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed it, thought it might be a dog at first. Also the thought of a soapy Orphelia leaves me feeling good. So it's Lungfish is it?? oh well whats another slash on my wrist?
Ho hum.
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I fear you are too young for me, Drog. Maybe in 10 years time, then you will be ripe.
Anyway, I was thinking, I don't think you would appreciate my criminal record.
Otherwise, it would be you all the way baby :)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-03-06 10:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-06 10:58:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This story midlly amused me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-06 10:51:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Show me your birth canal.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-06 10:38:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-06 10:27:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed it, thought it might be a dog at first. Also the thought of a soapy Orphelia leaves me feeling good. So it's Lungfish is it?? oh well whats another slash on my wrist?
Ho hum.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-06 10:14:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
because it was good and because you have chesticles.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-06 10:13:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wondered how long it would take for you to show up, Bosh.
Still, better than a story about dog vonit and all the hilarity that surrounds it - ie not much. :)
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-03-06 10:11:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
'Bang.'
'Bang.'
'BANG!.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-06 09:52:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Spooky!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-06 09:48:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, meant my other half. He is the only one for me.
Didn't realise you were logged in. :)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-06 09:43:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, bit far to travel for a threesome.
I flirt with everyone, you are not special, sorry. Maybe 27 on my list.
There is only one guy on here for me and that is Lungfish.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-03-06 09:38:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOW, now that was an excellent surprise ending. 1.5 Billion shades of awesome even!
On another note, the last time my wife came on here, she said "That ophelia girl seems to have a crush on you."
I just told her you did that to everyone though.
Unless you ever wanna come over and have a threesome...
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-03-06 08:34:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2008-03-06 08:28:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Enjoy.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-03-06 08:26:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
orphy makin me feel all welcome
i feel at home
and sleep deprived
plus its not often i catch a mistake i usualy read it as right
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-03-06 08:18:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-06 08:15:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And Joe, that was one of many spelling mistakes specifically included to make you feel right at home, you cheeky, erm, minx?!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-06 08:13:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sico, quit making it sound like you have already seen the goods. Unless, I have a ring on my finger, there will be no box showing... Wait...
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-06 08:09:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm wet. Please send more nude photos. Surprisingly enough, Orphelia's box holds more than my email box.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-06 08:03:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I got the willies"
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That made me giggle like a schoolgirl.
Yeah someone on here (can't remember who) told me that I was still working through a bad break-up based on my writing. Don't know how they figured that one out.
Jokewhore: Ever been on a Psychiatrists' ski holiday? Never seen so many Freudian's slip...
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-03-06 08:02:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sleepy rom my bath
my rom makes me sleepy also
good story none the less
rom
boobs
rom
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-06 07:56:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you feel haunted?
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Haha, I don't live there anymore but it left an impression on me.
Last night, about 1am as I was painting the spare room, I got the willies.
I imagined a ghost was watching me so I tried to talk to it but it turned out to be just wind (Natures, not mine) and of course wind doesn't reply.
I dunno. I am just bored and this popped into my head.
Ok, Freud? Hehehe. :)
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-06 07:47:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this based on anything? Its quite similar to that 'Home is Where the Heart Is' one of yours.
Do you feel haunted?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-06 07:44:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Excellent. Shame about the several hundred typo's/typos/typos'.
hehe.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-06 07:42:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And the apostrophe is most appropriate.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-06 07:42:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. You totally twisted my head at the end.
Good stuff!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-06 07:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope the apostrophe in the title is correct. I am shit with them :(