Admiring the shape of one's skull (704 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.95 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lostnphound (View user info) at 2008-03-06 14:46:44 EST
So the title won't fit the post, but, it got you in here to read this piece of shit I've decided to spew out for your enjoyment/displeasure.
Some of you are aware that I play drums for a local band aching for attention here in Richmond, VA. Some of you are not. Shame on you for not realizing how big of a deal I am...or not caring. Take your pick.
What you might not know is that all five of us share a house as well. It is by far the best living situation I've had. The rent is cheap, we have our own rehearsal space in the furnished basement, we all have our own rooms, and much like a frat house, we abuse adult beverages and wreak havoc on each other.
Unfortunately, our lead singer is the primary focus of our pranks. In some instances, he is completely deserving of the shenanigans thrust upon him. In other cases, it's safe to say that he will do something in the future that would justify the prank we'd already committed. At least this is what we tell ourselves...
Below are the top 5 pranks we've dished out for Mr. Frontman, as he shall be called. Being the lead singer and front man, it is only appropriate that he serves as the primary target for our Tom Foolery.
5. Don't be surprised if you work in retail/sales and see a penis drawn on the back of a VISA card where the signature should be. The only rightful owner of a card bearing a phallus would be none other than Mr. Frontman. Still today he is entirely unaware of said penis and continues to use his card as per usual. He's still trying to figure out why waiters/waitresses are laughing at him or casting him glare of disgust.
4. One weekend while he was away visiting his girlfriend we turned all the furniture in his bedroom upside down. ALL OF IT. He was pissed. The end.
3. One other weekend when Mr. Frontman was out of town we removed all his food from his cabinet, placed it all in plastic bags, and hid them in his closet. It took him several hours to locate his goods. During those hours of searching we could hear the word, "assholes", and other such expletives echoing throughout the house.
2. We once arrived to a show late due to traffic and did not have time to eat before hand. We all placed our orders and received them in "to go" boxes, thus making the ride home a little more enjoyable. While Mr. Frontman was off retrieving the van for load out, we swapped his chicken wrap with his own jar of peanut butter (we have no idea why he brings peanut butter on the road). On the ride home we anxiously waited for Mr. Frontman to dive into his long, overdue dinner. The look of disappointment he sported rivaled the look an expectant mother would have after she's been notified of a miscarriage. I'm pretty sure we gave him his food back...I think...or did we?
1. Lastly, Mr. Frontman has a bad habit of not answering his fucking cell phone when his band counterparts are trying to reach him with urgent news. In July of 2007, we successfully "borrowed" his cellular device and changed our names in his contact list to read as his girlfriends name. The goal there was that he would see that his beloved was calling and would answer right away. He soon realized that something had gone awry. He began to inquire as to who messed with his cell phone. In the end we convinced him that his cell phone had a virus and that he should contact Verizon and seek restitution for this "invasion". Verizon assured him that he did not have a virus and the blame was then cast down to us. We wore the blame armor with pride. Later, we confiscated his phone once again, took a picture of a gigantic dick from the internetz, and set it as his background. He doesn't bother complaining anymore.
I wonder how much better/worse these would be if I had smoked some drugs. I suppose I'll have to remedy that, eh?
User Reviews
Submitted by greeneyedgrl (user info) at 2008-03-24 23:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-07 05:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
keep doing it and i suspect he will one day snap and spray you and all your fans with bullets.
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So basically, the death toll would be two (you and your mum)
Hahahaha
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-07 05:05:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You should've tried to be funny
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-07 00:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i just read it, you sound like bullies :(
it is only funny when you make the victim laugh.
keep doing it and i suspect he will one day snap and spray you and all your fans with bullets.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-06 21:53:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, the christian rock movement has really gone off the rails.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-03-06 19:21:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no doubt this is a reality show waiting to happen
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-03-06 18:23:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
When you start throwing TVs off of the roof of Holiday Inn's in Albany, NY, or getting blowjobs from chicks with jet black (dyed) hair in walk-in coolers at the bar you just finished playing at...or maybe watched one of your all time rock guitar God heroes shoot smack into his veins in YOUR dressing room five minutes before they took the stage....well, call me and we'll talk.
You rock n' roll party animal, you.
I added a point because you're suffering in Richmond, VA.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:46:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
-2 because your pranks were boring.
+3 because you're a drummer and you can spell.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:34:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Brdn, those drummers never amount to shit anyways.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:18:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:14:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckin drummers. seriously. what's funnny is i realised you said you were a drummer after i wrote all that. it's been true in my experience though.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:09:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. I think the wanger on the Visa should be in the #2 spot.
Funny shit. . .
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-06 15:51:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwahahaha. He looks like a dick though, so it's OK.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-06 15:21:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-06 15:18:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
can do soooo much more. I have to say that the bands I've been involved in it's always the drummer who deserves to be the brunt of every joke and prank. drummers suck. they're either high strung prima donna ass holes or just downright bitchy bitches or just general pains in the ass. i have not met a drummer who did not have issues and who was not deserving of prankage.
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Maybe we should meet then. I don't fit the typical stereotype you're describing above. I just want all the attention and when I don't get it, I bitch.
Of course I'm kidding.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-06 15:19:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MWG-
We play all over VA, NC, MD, PA, and WV typically. Hampton Roads we play regularly. However, there are hardly any venues to play there save for the Norva.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-06 15:18:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
can do soooo much more. I have to say that the bands I've been involved in it's always the drummer who deserves to be the brunt of every joke and prank. drummers suck. they're either high strung prima donna ass holes or just downright bitchy bitches or just general pains in the ass. i have not met a drummer who did not have issues and who was not deserving of prankage.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-06 15:18:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i appreciate people who can laugh at themselves.
good show, sir.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-03-06 15:17:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Richmond, Va is not the place to be for any for of attention. Try Hampton Roads or DC instead. Prefferably Hampton Roads/Norfolk.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-03-06 15:15:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
4. One weekend while he was away visiting his girlfriend we turned all the furniture in his bedroom upside down. ALL OF IT. He was pissed. The end.
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LOL
I dont endorse this post
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:57:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:55:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and they all said it was hard to convey sarcasm with the printed word...this guy understood, and he's a giant flaming homo. why is it so hard for everyone else?
+2 for mentioning my asshole
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I prefer bewildered fag, ok?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:55:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and they all said it was hard to convey sarcasm with the printed word...this guy understood, and he's a giant flaming homo. why is it so hard for everyone else?
+2 for mentioning my asshole
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:54:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You too Yozz. Your sarcasm is BLISS.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:53:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh the filename.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:53:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sico, I figured we'd wait to do that for when you swing by.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:52:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, scourge, I love the way sarcasm drips from your asshole.
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What about mine, dipass?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:52:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha
Meanines
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:52:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, scourge, I love the way sarcasm drips from your asshole.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:51:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rookies...I want to hear about the wiffle ball bat in the ass prank. That was classic!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:51:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you guys are so fucking zany.
i wish there was a camera filming you 24/7 so i could watch all your wild and crazy antics as they unfolded.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:49:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ophelia, can I snuggle 'tween Barnes and Noble, aka your boobicles?
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:49:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude - and that time you made him have sex with that cow! Man - that was CLASSIC! I want to party with YOU guys!!One!11!
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:49:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So the title won't fit the post, but, it got you in here to read this piece of shit I've decided to spew out for your enjoyment/displeasure.
--
Damn it. I like skulls.
To bite them.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:48:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BOING
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-06 14:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is about blind Melon, isn't it?