King of Beasts (220 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by X54 (View user info) at 2008-03-06 16:58:19 EST
God looked down upon the earth which He had created and saw that it was good. And God looked down upon the animals which He had created to populate the earth and saw that they were good. And God looked down upon Man, whom He had created to rule the animals of the earth, and saw that Man lived among the animals as one of them.
God said to Man, "Why dost thou not rule the animals of the earth as I intended, but live among them as one of them?"
And Man replied, "I do not wish to rule the animals of the earth. I prefer to live among them. It would pain my heart to be their master for it would set me apart from them."
God became angry. "Man, if thou will not take thy place as King of Beasts as I intended, thou shalt be cast out of my kingdom to spend all eternity in solitude!"
Man pondered this a long time. The animals all gathered round him, wondering why he had been singled out. Man looked upon the animals, with whom he felt as one, and it pained his heart to think of being separated from them. God grew impatient.
At last, Man replied, "Better to live as King of Beasts than as an outcast for all eternity."
God saw the tears in Man's eyes and took pity on Man. He reached down and ripped out Man's heart, which was filled with compassion and empathy and love, and replaced it with one which served only to pump Man's blood, a more fitting heart for the King of Beasts.
User Reviews
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2008-03-06 17:27:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was interesting. Unfortunately, subby, you have done the equivalent of submit plans for a state-of-the-art multiprocessor supercomputer to a group of excrement-chewing chimpanzees (i.e. they don't understand it)
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-06 17:27:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i have nothing witty to say about how this was horrible or about what a horrid person you are for posting it. i've had a rather long day, you see? so please just assume those things and we'll both be about our business.
you're probably a very nice person whose mother loves them.
jesus christ i could use a vacation.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-06 17:14:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-06 17:08:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-03-06 17:00:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I laughed! I cried! I shit myself!
--
So how was this different from any other day?
And you think SHLONGY IS PREDICTABLE?
Not only did I KNOW someone would say exactly that - VERBATIM - I also knew that if you were logged on to Uber - and really, when AREN'T you - that it would be you.
I'm clairvoyant.
=========
Nice review, Clair.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-06 17:08:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-03-06 17:00:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I laughed! I cried! I shit myself!
--
So how was this different from any other day?
And you think SHLONGY IS PREDICTABLE?
Not only did I KNOW someone would say exactly that - VERBATIM - I also knew that if you were logged on to Uber - and really, when AREN'T you - that it would be you.
I'm clairvoyant.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-06 17:08:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The best part was when the story ended.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-03-06 17:06:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
there is no excuse for this weekend
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-03-06 17:00:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I laughed! I cried! I shit myself!
--
So how was this different from any other day?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:59:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
An even crappier creation story. Awesome.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I laughed! I cried! I shit myself!