Grocery Shlopping. (624 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.75 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nathan Shitler (View user info) at 2008-03-08 11:20:32 EST
Why does something simple as grocery shopping become another experience to fuel my hatred of people?
As soon as I pull into the parking lot people already start their stupidity. People taking up two spaces, or parking in front of the store entrance forcing you to go around them. How about going down an aisle looking for a parking space, where there is a group of people walking side by side blocking the aisle so you can't drive down it.
Inside the store, the mayhem gets worse. People blocking aisles with carts, bumping you with carts. Someone with a mental problem taking 10 minutes to decide what brand of peanut butter they want, and when you try grab a jar of peanut butter they look at you like you are in their way.
Kids screaming and running around, while mommy pays no attention to them. Or the fat ass mommy who buys 6 months of groceries in one stop, trying to drag around two carts overflowing with snakie cakes and banquet frozen dinners.
Or the annoying dipshit with a bluetooth set on, looks like they are talking to the boxes of cereal they are looking at. I also grind my teeth everytime I hear those Nextel walkie talkies make that loud chirping sound. CHIRP"Hey hun." CHIRP"What dear?" CHIRP"What cereal did you want?" CHIRP"<inaudible response>" CHIRP"What was that?" CHIRP"Cocoa Yummy Flakes" CHIRP"Ok."
And why can't the checkout process be as simple as scanning items, paying quickly, and getting the hell out of everyone's way! You think the selfscan checkout system would help but the dipshits start using those too. Like the person who is technology impaired and is totally confused by the selfscan computer screen. They nervously press different buttons always ending up with a store employee having to help them. Or the jackass who has a cart full of groceries that decides to use the selfscan.
I also get a kick out of someone who has just got their groceries rang up by someone and they tell them their total, and they act suprised like "I have to pay for this?" and then fumble around trying to find money or a credit card.
And what about those scooters for disable people, I repeat DISABLED people. Gee, I wonder if that ever gets abused.
Anyone care to share some of their wonderful shopping experiences?
User Reviews
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-03-11 20:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry I took so long picking out the peanut butter, but I was mind blitzingly stoned
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-03-11 19:36:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by dougiep (user info) at 2008-03-11 11:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-10 18:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Shlopping" is a pretty good word, Shitler.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-03-10 17:55:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Solid rant, bro. My girlfriend and I were just bitching about our grocery shopping experience on Saturday...
At the self checkout line where I shop, there are four kiosks to scan your procured goods. There is a sign in front of these that says PLEASE WAIT HERE. Pretty simple. This isn't two-lane metered traffic. But of course, people are lining up on opposite sides. An unattractive woman of Mexican ethnicity walks up to the opposite side of me instead of standing behind me. I'd been waiting for several minutes while the quartet of clods in front of me fumbled with their food and money. It's less than 3.5 nanoseconds that the first kiosk becomes available before the Mexican lady springs forward, cutting DIAGONALLY with no regard for human life to the machine on my side. I was already irritated enough by having to go out and deal with the general populous that I could not let this thing slide. "Uhhhm, that's nice of you to skip ahead of me, bitch", I nearly-sang out. When this statement was not met with a response, I turned up the volume on my mouth box and yelled a four letter word that ended in "unt". It was not bunt or gunt.
Some day when I'm filthy rich and have nothing better to do with my time, I'm going to go all out vigilante on these people. I'll follow her out to her car, drive behind her and nudge her at the first stop sign. Then I'll do it a little bit harder at the next. By the third red octagon, her fender will be removed. Then I will go home and eat my Kemps vanilla ice cream with sliced-up strawberries and be happy <3
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-10 14:48:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice rant. I've often wondered what it is with cell phones, blue tooth headsets, and all the other digital toys. I can understand how they'd be handy in emergencies, or useful in a variety of on-call professions, but you can't tell me that the teenage twat texting in the car ahead of me is a brain surgeon, or that the middle-aged cocksucker laughing his useless ass off into the bluetooth headset (ahead of me in the line, has to be reminded twice to move, and once to put his shit on the conveyor). There should be some sort of permit required, like conceal and carry.
Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2008-03-10 00:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by nathanscivic (user info) at 2008-03-08 11:35:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Those stickers are great! I like the picture of the truck that is on top of what appears to be a red corvette.
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Holy fuck. That's a ferrari you idiot.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-09 15:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what an interesting glimpse into your psyche
Submitted by JustAnotherStudent (user info) at 2008-03-09 13:21:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A couple nights ago I had to go buy some baby formula around midnight. I go to Harris Teeter, they don't have it, so I make my way to the only cashier (standing watch over a bank of selfscan) to ask him if they had any in the back. Two dickheads are trying to buy booze on the selfscan and are cussing, etc because it wont let them pay. The old man cashier goes to them to try to explain that he has to verify their ages and authorize the purchase before they can pay, but the guys refuse to listen and get belligerent. Finally the younger guy whips out his student id (You're driving, why the hell don't you have a fucking license?) to show his age, the transaction is completed. However, dumbfucks decide that as they are walking out, they want to pick up one of the balls on display and throw it at the old man who was just trying to do his job.
The fact that these fuckers were college kids like myself makes me wince. People like that make us all look like spoiled indulgent little shits.
I hate grocery shopping with a passion.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-03-08 16:50:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is clearly irresponsible use of the clown face.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-03-08 15:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113382
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-03-08 13:29:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am also retarded.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-03-08 13:28:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And what about those scooters for disable people, I repeat DISABLED people. Gee, I wonder if that ever gets abused.
--
You had me until here.
I've had some good times at the wheel of said scooter.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-08 13:09:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/58293
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-08 11:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I finished reading this and I echo your sentiments. I fucking loathe (let me emphasize FUCKING LOATHE) the fat fucks that abuse the electric carts, the ones too lazy to waddle their fat ass around stores. I've actually considered how nice it would be if there was a designated hour where tubby people were allowed in public.
I did use the electric cart one or twice but those were right after surgeries and it was all I could do to get to the store with the assistance of the weekly slore I was banging at the time.
Submitted by nathanscivic (user info) at 2008-03-08 11:35:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Those stickers are great! I like the picture of the truck that is on top of what appears to be a red corvette.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-08 11:32:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.iparklikeanidiot.com I bought some and they make you feel just a little better when slapping on someone's windshield/bumper/etc....