Lets build ourselves a nuke! (828 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: -0.47 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by alexer26 (View user info) at 2008-03-08 16:42:27 EST
Ever wondered how Iran got the ingredients on how to build nuclear weapons? Well, there are actually sites out there that openly say how to manufacture a nuclear weapon. Big thanks to Homeland Security for that one! Anyway, because most of some of the users of this site would be too lazy to actually go to the site and find out how, I will post here!
The following information taken from http://home.earthlink.net/~enigmaep/annihilation/buildabomb.html
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1. First, obtain about 25 pounds (~10 kg) of Plutonium239 at your local supplier (see NOTES 1 & 2). A nuclear power plant is not recommended, as you'll have to extract and separate it from spent fuel rods, and it's a messy job. Besides, large quantities of missing Plutonium tends to make plant engineers unhappy. We suggest that you contact one of the former Soviet Republics, or perhaps the Junior Achievement in your neighborhood.
2. Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most common varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise this enclosure as, for example; a briefcase, a lunch pail, or a Buick. Do not use tinfoil or gum wrappers.
3. Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispheral shapes, separated by about 4 cm. Use rubber cement to hold the Plutonium dust together.
4. Now get about 100 pounds (44 kg) of trinitrotoluene (TNT). Gelignite is much better, but messier to work with. Your helpful hardware man or local Bomb Depot store will be happy to provide you with this item.
5. Pack the explosives around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step 4. If you cannot find Gelignite, feel free to use TNT packed in with Playdoh or any modeling clay. Colored clay is acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy at this point.
6. Wrap this entire structure very tightly with duct tape. Use a whole roll. This shall be the neutron reflector and inertial containment.
7. Insert the assembly from step 6 into the enclosure made in step 2. Use a strong glue such as "Crazy Glue" to bind the hemisphere arrangement against the enclosure to prevent accidental detonation which might result from vibration or mishandling.
8. To fabricate a detonator for the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC) servo mechanism, as found in RC model airplanes and cars. With a modicum of effort, a remote plunger can be made that will strike a detonator cap to effect a small explosion. These detonation caps can be found in the electrical supply section of your local supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-O-Mactic" brand because they are no deposit-no return.
9. Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and children. The garage is not recommended because of high humidity and the extreme range of temperatures experienced there. Nuclear materials corrode easily, and devices have been known to spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions. The hall closet or under the sofa will be perfectly suitable.
10. Now you are the proud owner of a working nuclear device! It is a great ice-breaker at parties; is nice to cozy around on a cold night; and in a pinch, can be used for National Defense.
THEORY OF OPERATION
Oversimplified, the device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses the Plutonium into a critical mass (smaller sphere). The critical mass then produces a nuclear chain reaction similar to the domino chain reaction (discussed in this column, "Dominos on the March", February). The chain reaction happens really, really fast, which promptly produces a big explosion. And there you have it, a 10 kiloton party favor!
NOTES
1. Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive metallic element formed by the decay of Neptunium and is similar in chemical structure to Uranium, Saturnium, Jupiternium, and Marsium. Not to be confused with Unobtanium or Balonium.
2. Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined Plutonium, is somewhat dangerous. The shavings and dust have a nasty habit of igniting spontaneously, and are practically impossible to extinguish with materials found around the house.
Some Plutonium dust ignites spontaneously in a lab accident.
Wash your hands with soap and warm water after handling the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play in it or eat it. Any leftover Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You may wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your local junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely.
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Note: It is with extreme caution that the above information is to be used. It is highly recomended that you do not build any weapon that, if it happened to end up in the wrong hands, the result could be catostrophic.
User Reviews
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2008-03-10 22:44:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*Looks slowly around. Quietly steps outside*
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-03-10 22:30:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Plutonium is not "somewhat dangerous". It is poisonous both in the manner of Aresenic and in the manner of Mercury, carcenogenic by it's radioactivity and it's chemistry, the oxide dust settles in the lungs and irritates leading to pneumonia, and I have it on good authority that it tastes horridly like a veggie burger too.
Also: look up "critical geometry". It's important.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-10 21:34:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to +2 this now, because I laughed WAY too hard at the morons who took this seriously.
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If you cannot find Gelignite, feel free to use TNT packed in with Playdoh or any modeling clay. Colored clay is acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy at this point.
OMG! YOU CAN'T USE PLAYDOH TOO BUILD A NUKE!! I'M SMART I KNOW THESE THINGS!!
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Submitted by burlybrownbear (user info) at 2008-03-10 21:31:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
LOL makes me cringe with some of the comments its like some people cant actually understand a joke in one of its most basic forms. Aha...i need beer...
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-03-10 14:37:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Won't work.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-09 18:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-03-09 14:02:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
there is no ours or ourselves you fucking dolt.
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what are you talking about? ours = plural 1st person genitive. ourselves = plural 1st person dative. wtf?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-09 17:43:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
faggot.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2008-03-09 14:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ubersite should have its own nuclear arsenal...we could demand things from other websites.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-03-09 14:02:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
there is no ours or ourselves you fucking dolt.
please go ahead and nuke yourself maybe the brain will start to grow.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2008-03-09 10:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I wonder if these instructions keep you alive long enough to enjoy the test.
Maybe you want to fuck around with black powder first, to grasp some understanding of chemistry.
It's more then sufficient to blow you, your house and your neighborhood to hell aswell, and the components are probably in your kitchen closet.Sunday, bloody sunday...
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-03-09 09:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
if it happened to end up in the wrong hands, the result could be catostrophic.
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Such as, say, anyone on Ubersite you fool! FOOL!
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-03-09 09:04:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
nah, too radioactive!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-08 21:02:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i trust coyote on this one.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2008-03-08 20:34:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
A) This bomb wouldn't work
B) You'd poison yourself if you followed these instructions
C) Iran's bomb plans involve uranium, not plutonium
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-03-08 19:13:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
infidel!
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2008-03-08 18:31:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You are an idiot.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-08 18:27:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was actually studied by terrorists. The photos of them with this document was one of the reasons that the patriot act was passed. I learned that from Uncle John's Bathroom Reader.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-03-08 17:43:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha cool
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-08 16:52:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Rating breakdown:
+2 because it's a good post.
-2 because it's not yours.
+1 for actually giving the source.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-08 16:52:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Good thing you used an alter to post this.