Paterson Pinball (625 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.89 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Death Mud (View user info) at 2008-03-12 07:51:08 EDT
When I hit the first one gratification washed over me like a free orgasm. Immediately the pain from months of stop and go, missing lights and acquiescing to lesser humans slipped away. And as little Jorge's dew rag slid down my windshield I knew that today I would be the champion of many of frustrated and angry souls that had traveled these streets before me.
I lined up my next target, a gimp legged mix breed with 'Mi Familia' air brushed across his quadruple XL jean jacket. At the last moment he noticed my fatal intention and mouth 'maricone' as I plastered him with my truck. The rainbow splatter of olive skin, red tissue and blue denim filled my soul with the glee of a thousand hand jobs and I moved onward towards more inviting targets.
Out stepped two 3 foot tall Mexicans with hair so slick that when I creamed them they nearly slid right off my bumper, but no such luck. Hose A and Hose B exchanged one last enchilada loving glance at one another perhaps reminiscing of playing hide the burrito all those nights before; I separated those lovers from one another and from their mortality.
I could feel the last few month's worth of anger washing away from me. As I started to transcend human emotion and take my rightful place amongst the realm of the higher conscious the coupe de gras of targets presented itself. There before me, mid crosswalk, was a trio of braided haired menaces, jive talking and laughing it up as they stood still in the middle of the road letting the entire world know how entitled they were to be standing in that very spot.
My hands were dripping sweat as I slowly moved my right hand from the steering wheel to the Nitrous switch. As I tossed the switch and the echo of my engine hitting maximum torque filled the streets echoing from one building to the next in an epic display of horse power; Snap, Crackle and Pop looked up at me with eyes popped and seemed instantly resigned to their coming demise.
As they tossed gang signs at me that would later be interpreted to reveal a simple solution to Cold Fusion, I laughed with glee as I liquefied the trio in an instant.
I continued on to work, backslapping myself into an aroused state. No longer would the 'Walk/Don't Walk' signals on the streets of Paterson be ignored for there is a new sheriff in town and he carries a big stick and rides like a deadly white death dealer amongst the chaos.
User Reviews
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-20 16:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-18 13:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OH NO JOHNNY STOP....MY RATING THINK OF MY RATING!!!!!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-03-18 13:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-12 17:09:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-12 16:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
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I've always marveled at the '0' no comment.
Must be a 'cult of personality' thing.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-12 16:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-12 16:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 11:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
road trip sounds good
i'm also looking for a gunner. I'm cutting a turret in the top of my truck and mounting a .60cal and need someone to rock that fucker
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*throws hand in the air*
Pick me! Pick me!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-12 11:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll work under the assumption that I am currently in the process of, or possibly have already lost it. Does that mean the font changed or not. I swear to you to that I did. Perhaps if I take a screen shot you'll believe me.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 11:07:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll assume that question is rhetorical.
That means it doesn't require answer.
It doesn't require an answer because whether or not the font changed has no bearing on the fact that you are indeed losing it.
There, I think I've laid it all out for you.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-12 11:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did the font just change on this site or am I losing it?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 11:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
road trip sounds good
i'm also looking for a gunner. I'm cutting a turret in the top of my truck and mounting a .60cal and need someone to rock that fucker
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interested in making a road trip? My town could benefit from your particular brand of expertise.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
as true as the day is long...i just finished scraping the front grill of my truck
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope this was true.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No thanks - that ever present cock smell on your breath kinda turns me off.
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Reminds you of mum....I know it's hard to handle.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:11:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ax - it's Main Street every morning at 6:15- 6:30 and afternoon between 3:15 and 3:30 its a fucking free for all. I just got incensed this morning because some mope had the audacity to look at me and throw his arms up as he crossed against my green light. MY first thought was just to gun it and smash the doofus and then get out laughing and saying 'WHO'S THE TOUGH GUY NOW ASSHOLE'!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No thanks - that ever present cock smell on your breath kinda turns me off.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what streets were you on?
my experiences in Paterson have been few and somewhat strange.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 09:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
awe Yozz...you didn't have to...let's make out
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-03-12 09:58:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/Yozz/l/favorites
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-03-12 09:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First Sico, now you? My world has turned upside down.
"My hands were dripping sweat as I slowly moved my right hand from the steering wheel to the Nitrous switch." That was fucking brilliant.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 09:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have no certain disdain for Mexicans...I tried to spread my hatred of jaywalkers across all the breeds here in Paterson....Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, Blacks
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-03-12 09:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Normally I would -2 anything that has to do with anything from NJ, even just a city name, fuck this state. But this was good.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-03-12 09:29:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
With no dis-respect to the Mexican people.
"acquiescing to lesser humans " is the greatest thing I have have ever read.
Muddy is a made man and will be treated as such.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LOUD NOISES!
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ahh Shit. I have Velcro on my shoes and my jacket seems rather tight.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you know what they say Drogo...if the shoe fits...
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:23:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Heheheheheehe. I'm giggling like a retard.
Hang on a minute. Maybe I am a re.....
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:20:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:19:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
paterson NJ?
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Yes that Paterson, home of the incorrectly spelled store signs.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:19:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
paterson NJ?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scourge is so old that he had tin fillings in his teeth that went rusty. Also he is epileptic so to beat him all you'd have to do is wave a torch in front of his eyes.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:07:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Thanks....but I'm gonna fly oathy to Camerooon, and fly you to Cameroon, and hire Scourge to kick both of your asses.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shut up sico or i'll mouth punch you with my dick
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The tone and story line don't seem to mesh well with the over-done language usage. This would've worked a lot better with a "see spot" format as to truly purvey your apparent rage. As of now it reads as though Tinkerbell is threatening to kick my ass.
No need to comment on how shitty I am at writing as I already know. Please just give me a veil threat of kicking my ass for the personal satisfaction.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
People shouldn't be allowed to turn right between 08:00 and 10:00. Either that or driving children to school should be made illegal.
I cannot rate this positivly because of your racism towards Mexicans. Brown power.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 07:59:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your mom
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-12 07:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pussy.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 07:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd fight him with my truck.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-12 07:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Would you fight Danny Trejo?