Of Meat and Holes (502 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.46 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ilikesteak (View user info) at 2008-03-12 10:16:46 EDT
Last night I was eating a slice of salami. I found it in the meat drawer, under a few various kinds of shredded cheese. The last time I remember buying salami was a while ago. Far too long ago for me to be eating it right now. It looked fresh, and didn't smell like not salami. I don't really have anything to compare it with, as I never usually smell my salami.
I crashed on the couch with my laptop, and put on some random blues song. Just listening and eating, in that half paradise where the only concerns you have are deciding to get off the couch when the salami runs out, wondering when the salami will run out, and both are a long way off.
It had that perfect salami taste, where it's sweet and savory at the same time.
While peeling the next piece off the stack, I noticed that some of the white bits came out from the meat. These are the part that make me wonder just how close is this to mystery meat, because nobody knows exactly what it is.
I held it up to the screen to see the results of my magic peeling ability. For some reason, I decided to pull more out and set it aside. After a while I noticed there was more white than there was meat. Like the swiss cheese of meats. I began thinking deeply about this.
Why is it that our culture will so gladly accept something that's well over half filler, especially if it's covered with a nice pretext? I grow tired of asking this same question with different words. It's not that I don't think its all part of a mass failure in our social setup, and that we're conditioned to believe that it's acceptable to buy into the idea that designed obsolescence is acceptable. It's that I can't really bring myself to care.
I later drifted to the idea that the white stuff was there for flavor. That it's the "token black guy" of meat. It's meant to be in there, and who was I, the non-butcher with no real training or experience, to judge what is necessary to make salami taste delicious. It's already given me a state of euphoria, and that I should just stay on the couch forever and enjoy.
After which it occurred to me that it's just salami, and I was running out.
User Reviews
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-03-13 00:06:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-12 17:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A meat realted side note (there is something I never thought I would say)... a friend of mine is from Hawaii. She just told me they have a Spam Festival every year. I kind of want to go.
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I've heard of it before, but I never seem to get around to it.
I think it's because I hate the idea that I know that I'll find someone, somewhere singing the Monty Python sketch.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-12 17:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A meat realted side note (there is something I never thought I would say)... a friend of mine is from Hawaii. She just told me they have a Spam Festival every year. I kind of want to go.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-03-12 17:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
While writing this, I thought it'd be hilarious if I replaced the word salami with penis. It wasn't. It was more depressing than anything.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-12 16:46:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your mommy bought that meat with money earned by the sweat of your father
when you are a bad boy daddy will hide the salami and you won't be smiling for a week young man
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-12 15:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
silly vegetarians.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-12 13:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MEATY HOLES.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-12 12:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't noticed that Sico...
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-12 12:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-12 11:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did the font style of ubersite change? Someone for the love of life answer me, please.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2008-03-12 11:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was good
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You never have these sorts of problems with vegetables.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:49:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
didnt read it, good title
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I for one appreciate filler when it comes to the tubular meat, but this post felt like kielbasa in my can.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:23:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I stopped reading a small way in. I like salami and I wont have someone put thoughts into my head about it. I know what it is, and I like that I have that filed away never to be visited. So I don't want to be reminded because I like it.
Burghghghghghghghghgrhgrhgrhgrhgr
Too late. Cheers
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That wasn't filler...that was fungi, Doctor.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i think the same thing when my herion isn't pure enough