The Accidental Escort (1) (1246 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: smut
Rating: 1.47 on 54 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Flash Harry (View user info) at 2008-03-13 09:50:45 EDT
"Can I borrow your lighter? I can't seem to get mine to work."
"Sure," I said, handing it over and looking down her top at some splendid boobs. She was mid-thirties, at least ten years my senior, but she easily fell into the 'MILF' category. Her little black dress and knee-length boots displayed her boobs and legs quite nicely, and she had a cute face.
She struggled with the wind to light her cigarette, and I cupped my hands around it to help. Her skin was cold when I brushed against it.
"Some weather," I commented, as I lit my own cigarette. The guys I was with don't smoke, so I'd come outside on my own.
She smiled, shyly, and looked around. "I know, I'm freezing. Still, that's what you get for smoking these days."
We continued to talk as we enjoyed our cigarettes. I tried a few jokes on her, which she laughed at. She told me her name, but for this I'll refer to her as 'Busty', such was the impact of her dress. She was on a night out with the girls from the office; she was single; she agreed with me that the music inside was too loud; yes, the drinks were extortionate, too; and she'd love to go with me to get some chips...
She gave me her ticket for the cloak-room and I went to fetch our jackets. I sent off a quick text to one of the boys inside telling him I wouldn't be back in.
When I got outside, I helped Busty into her coat. She smiled uncertainly and asked what age I was. I'm 22, but I figured she was maybe 35, so I tried to meet her halfway.
"I'm 29, why?"
"Oh, just wondering. You look younger..."
"Well, I aim to please. Still fancy those chips?"
"Sure."
We set off, not quite hand-in-hand but close enough. We had been in Kushion, a club on Bath Street in Glasgow that has couches and beds dotted around in case you fancy a lie-down. We walked in the direction of my flat, in the Merchant City area, via Da Vinci's on Queen Street, the chip shop owned by the footballer James McFadden's parents. Busty seemed happy enough for me to lead the way, and I put my arm around her from time to time, giving her a good rub when she shivered.
"Do you live in Glasgow?" I asked.
"No, just outside. I was supposed to be sharing a taxi home with the girls..." Supposed to be?
"Well, you can stay at mine if you like. It's five minutes away and I've got a comfy couch."
"Yeah? Cool."
I've never been with a woman in her thirties before, and I was amazed at how easy-going she was. We stopped in at Da Vinci's and I ordered a King Rib supper for us to share. On the short walk back to my flat we talked about work - mainly, how boring mine is. She seemed genuinely concerned for me; a right sweetheart, this lady.
Soon we were home. I live in a one-bedroom flat above a furniture shop which the landlord decorated really nicely before I moved in. Its an old flat which has been renovated, so the ceilings are high and the windows are huge. There's a black leather couch and a brown suede couch, wooden flooring and a modern kitchen. The bedroom's white and the bed's comfy as hell.
Not long after I moved in, I bought a piano from a local charity shop. It's dated about 1912, apparently, and I did my back in helping the delivery guys get it up the stairs. Still, its a handsome piece and sounds not too bad, although it could do with getting tuned soon.
"You play the piano?" she asked, surprised. "And the guitar?" She pointed to my acoustic, which is hung up on the wall.
I grinned ruefully. "Well, I play a little, yeah."
She shrugged off her coat and clapped her hands, boobs bouncing delightfully. "Oh, play me something!"
"What about the chips?"
"They can wait! What can you play?"
I showed her some piano books and ended up playing a little of 'Life on Mars', but my fingers were cold and my head was fuzzy with the drink. I didn't play it well and ceratinly didn't play a lot of it, but she looked suitably impressed nonetheless.
I ushered her to the couch to share our food. She snuggled up close, draping a thigh across my lap. She spotted the ash-tray on the arm of the couch.
"Em, excuse me," she said in a mock-motherly tone (which was weird). "What on earth is that?"
Well, it was a half-smoked joint I'd left for when I got home. Shit, what if she was a hash-Nazi?
"It's...ahem...a doobie."
"Seriously?"
"Well...yeah..." I admitted. "Look, its not like I smoke tons of-"
"Can I try it?"
Phew! "Yeah, sure, here you go," I chuckled, passing her the ashtray and a lighter. She sniffed it and looked at it quizzically before sparking it up, and had a smoke of her first joint. She seemed to enjoy it.
We ate the food, shared the doobie and I went to fetch the spare duvet from the bedroom, keeping up the pretence that I would sleep on the couch. She followed me, and when I asked her what was up, she planted on my lips the most seductive and gentle little kiss I've ever had. I wrapped my arms around her and threw the little minx onto the bed.
I've always enjoyed going down on a girl. I don't know why, but I love it. I love the taste, I love the position, I love the thighs around my neck and I love the reaction it gets. I peeled off her little dress, kissed her nipples, and down her stomach, and settled on her inner thigh. She giggled when I insisted her leather boots were to stay on
It isn't easy, in case you haven't tried it. It takes practice, but luckily I have. I used to go down on my high-school girlfriend for hours before I figured out what I was doing and where the sensitive bits were. Now, however, I've got it down to a fine art.
I gave her some preliminary nibbling, stroking her nipples with my hands and sliding my tongue gently up and down her lips. The key to success is variety, and observation. Try new directions, speeds, pressures, shapes. Kiss it, lick it, suck it and nibble it, and always be aware of her reaction - heavy breathing is good; moaning is very good; involuntary shudders in the hips and thighs are ideal.
When I was happy that she was enjoying herself, I took my hands from her boobs, and locked her in my patented grip - two fingers in, tongue on the bean and t'other hand applying light pressure just underneath her belly-button.
She went fuckin' wild.
Her legs locked around my neck like a vice, and I used my elbows to prise them open, so she was appropriately spread. I had her in the palm of her hand, so to speak, and I was looking for an orgasm.
It was tough. Girls are different, and minges are unique. I've got stamina though, and I stuck my tongue out like a good 'un, tickled her insides with my fingers, and settled in for the long haul.
By the time she moaned "I'm gonna cum" in a hoarse voice, my fingers were stiff. My tongue had been working for so long that my top teeth had begun to irritate and hurt it. My legs were cramped up and my dick was like a swollen baguette, and it throbbed even harder when she told me she was close. This was what I'd worked so hard for, and it turned me on like nothing else could.
She was fairly bucking now, and, with a second wind, I began licking with a fury. Her hands clenched the bedsheets, her chest heaved from the bed, her legs spasmed and I felt my her contract and clench around my fingers. She came, hard.
I kept going for about thirty seconds more, until she was utterly spent. She flopped on the bed, red-faced and panting. I stood up, wiped my chin on the duvet-cover, and, without warning, slid my entire lengthe inside her.
The beauty of the female orgasm is that, while it's fairly difficult to achieve in the first place, its easy to encourage an encore. She gasped as I impaled her, her legs wrapped instinctively around me, and I began fucking her with some serious gusto. I felt her clench around it again, she screamed bloody murder, and I heard a little squirt come from her pussy.
This set me off, and with a few final Hollywood thrusts which I thought might disembowel her, I spunked. I emptied inside her, and collapsed into her grateful kisses.
"Are you on the pill?" I asked, once we'd disengaged.
"Luckily for you, yes," she replied. "Are you clean?"
"Yeah, definitely." I'd had an STD test pretty recently.
The next day, I made us scrambled eggs and showed her how to roll a joint. We smoked it, and I played a little Eagles on the guitar for her, before walking her to the train station. Nothing was said about seeing one another again; in fact, I got the feeling she might not be quite as single as she's suggested. I wasn't looking for much more than a good tumble anyway, and that's just what she'd been.
At that time, I didn't expect to see Busty again. But I would see her, just one week later, and not entirely on my terms.
To be continued...
User Reviews
Submitted by loveinbrevity (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-01 12:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-01 12:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
and this one made me cum
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2008-03-26 16:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminds me of my story telling, but with more getting laid.
-P
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-14 07:39:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok...6'5 is a bit tall. You are excused.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-14 07:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, its relative. As long as they're not taller than me, I'm happy.
But my boss is about 6'5". That's dam tall.
Although she probably has a remarkable grip with those big hands of hers...
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-14 07:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing wrong with tall women damnit!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-14 07:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nope, not bored, boat will be coming with. Family down there and they could do with me around at the moment. Plus, it's the pasties. Who could live without them?
And what with all the homos pretending to be straight down there, it makes for endless entertainment! Wait...straight men pretending to be homos....no that's not it. Which is it again Drogo?
Pastie land always calls you home in the end.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-14 07:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wouldn't anyway, she's far too tall. And she's got big hands.
So what's this about moving to Devon? Bored of the sailor's life?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-14 07:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww bless. Poor kipper.
RULE 1) DO NOT FUCK YOUR BOSS. EVER.
It never ends well and guess who gets canned when it goes tits up, it wont be her. Have drinks,casually mention some girlfriend you have stashed. Flirty away, but alway mention the girlfriend.
Best of british darling.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-14 07:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont think I have ever really drunk alone, just doesnt fit right with me.
I have only been camp for the last year, and it's only for the popular vote, deep beneath the facade of homosexuality lies the beating heart of a red blooded Heterosexual male just searching for lost and lonely ladies to lull into a drunken stupour.
Failing that Rohypnol Woo!
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2008-03-14 07:02:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Blah.
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2008-03-14 07:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Higher, damnit!
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2008-03-14 07:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This should be higher.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-14 06:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree re: the apple juice.
This is so meant to be...
On a completely unrelated topic, I think my boss at work fancies me. She keeps looking over and sends me silly little messages on the MSN thing. AND she's insisting that I go out with the team for 'easter drinks' next week. She didn't seem to care that others couldn't make it...
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-14 06:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Got to be clear and with ice. Cloudy tastes funny. Being at work for 9 is no excuse. I was up at 5. Which is proberbly why I feel so rubbish. Oh, and you shouldn't drink on your own, it's a slippy slope. Ask Drogo.
And here he is. Drogo camping it up since 1977
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-14 06:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Drogo, that was brilliant.
Oh look, here he comes now: http://blog.stayfreemagazine.org/images/pinup.png
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-14 06:41:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh My god! Flash is moving in on the Internet Ladies, confessions of love from Orphelia, discussing morning rituals of apple juice with Little M. Hmmmm. We need some Gay around here:
*Shines EmmissionImpossible Light into Sky*
*Waits whilst sipping a coffee and humming Elton John songs*
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-14 06:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, I'm afraid not. Had to be in the office at 9! I just stayed in and had a few lonely beers...
Sigh.
Apple juice is delicious. Is it cloudy or clear?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-14 06:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Horribly darling. Nothing three pints of apple juice wont fix. How about you? hit the town last night?
Submitted by theBarron (user info) at 2008-03-14 05:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
FUCK YOU!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-14 05:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hungover this morning LittleM?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-14 05:23:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Crazy boat lady works on the crazy boat. The contracter gets up at that time to go to work, so it makes sense that I do too. Too much time on uber at the moment for me. I'm rained off. Nice to have the rest though.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-14 05:02:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Orphelia - love? moist?
Oh, how you make me blush...
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-14 04:32:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Orphy - You get on here early lady. I'm up every day at 4:30-5am, what's your excuse?
I only get time first thing in the morning and last thing at night now. :(
What on earth are you doing up at that uhgodly hour, crazy boat lady?!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-14 04:23:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DROGO!!!!!!!! I'll have you know I'm a very well read indivi....bugger it. Who am I kidding?
They got left in my appartment by the previous tenent. I was bored, it was a lonely summers night, I had wine.
The shame.
FJ - Ship mate needs a good kicking from time to time, but rocking off to the pub early and declaring him a wanker very loudly at the bar when he walked in some time later actually helped. It proberbly would have been more effective if I hadn't slurred it at him, but hey, the end result was good. I think we are going to be moving back to Devon, I'm not sure that's a good thing though, but it might be.
Orphy - You get on here early lady. I'm up every day at 4:30-5am, what's your excuse?
ah, proberbly kids.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-14 03:14:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2008-03-14 05:47:11 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looking forward to part 2.
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I am totally moist for part two :)
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2008-03-14 01:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looking forward to part 2.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-03-13 21:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
so how long afterwards did it take "her" to tell you about the operation?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-13 17:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I love you... ;)
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-13 16:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
somehow i managed to read this.
i did it in this odd way i have of reading shit on uber though, where i read the review first and then a chunk of the end, then the next chunk above that, then the next above, and so on until i read the first few paragraphs last.
kind of started nowhere and finished in a different nowhere, didn't it?
and, the sex bit was a bit underdeveloped. could have done a bit more with it.
anyway, you string words and sentences together well enough, so here's hoping you get somewhere good in part two.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-03-13 16:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked this. Love the idea it's a series.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-03-13 12:12:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good but
meh
i dunno
liked it none the less
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-13 11:37:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This could have been a +2, maybe, if you hadn't included The Eagles without mocking them mercilessly.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-13 11:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'DRUNKEN Dirty soap-dodging bastard', for the full title.
Just dont say 'Buckfast Wine' in front of them, especially if you dont have any on you.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-13 11:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
'Dirty soap-dodging bastard', for the full title.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-13 11:24:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Is it true people from Glasgow are called Glasweegians?
========
No, they are called Soapdodgers. Or 'Scum' for short.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-03-13 11:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Looking forward to the next installment.
Is it true people from Glasgow are called Glasweegians?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:48:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sico made a funny. kind of. it's a trite and oft recycled funny but it works so whatev.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well Little M I refer to your comment where it says, and I quote, 'One of the Grisley ones...'
which implies that you have read more than one to know that they have different genres within the Mills & Boon label.
Is it the covers of those firm chested rippled and oiled chaps looking out across a desert landscape in search of Poonanny to rescue that get you?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doesn't sound good LittleM.
A weekend at the mother's...is your shipmate doing your head in?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:33:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY! I only read one once.....honest! Only once.
No TV on the boat. Crappy buggering boat.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Hang on a minute. So Little M knows how a Mills and Boon reads. hmmm? That is very sad Little M very sad indeed, do you not have TV on the boat?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well lucky you to have fun weekends. Mine read very differently to this.
The coming weekend will read very differently too, as I think it is going to involve me going to stay at my mothers until things die down.
Stupid crap arguements you can't win and can't walk away from. Sad and silly.
Get drunk, have sex, forget about it *best Godfather voice*
Motorbikes in this weather are no fun. Just wet, cold and slippy.
It's not even pub time yet.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*gasp!*
An uber veteran spoke to me!
THE sicosemen, spoke to ME!
Oh, goody goody gum-drops! I wonder if I could get him to autograph one of those poofy logos he makes for himself...
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
F.J., you'd be glad to lick the left overs from whoever I'm fucking this week off my unit.
Take your +2 and don't bitch when uber veterans make fun of you, stool moulder.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm guessing it's the parts that you actually touched a woman, you wang fondler.
--------------------------------------------------------
Yeah. I was too busy creating a collection of pictures of some girl from t'internet.
Oh wait...that was you.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm guessing it's the parts that you actually touched a woman, you wang fondler.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is all based on last weekend, by the way.
Although some parts have been edited for dramatic effect.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aw hell, this was like a mills and boon book. One of the grisley ones where the hero gets mutilated in a crash with Bustys husband.
or something....
good though
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-13 14:02:08 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kushion is a student shit-hole.
--------------------------
Yeah. Queue for the ABC was too long.
===========
ABC is a student shit-hole.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-13 10:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kushion is a student shit-hole.
--------------------------
Yeah. Queue for the ABC was too long.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-03-13 09:59:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good read but I have the feeling something horrible is going to happen in part 2.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-13 09:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kushion is a student shit-hole.
Also, fuck The Eagles.