Relatively secure 30 year old gets re-introcuced to his 19 year, 'I'm in love' insecure, pathetic fuck past persona. (503 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -1.23 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Booo! Fuck Off - (View user info) at 2008-03-14 22:53:28 EDT
I found this on a diskette (yes, a fucking floppy that I had stored away with actual photographs) tonight while digging through my past at Mama-sans house. I actually sent this off to someone after being caught cheating for my first time. In and of itself, this doesn't even warrant a post, but the veritable plethora of other files I found on the diskette are funny and, without this outlining what a pathetic dick I was (have I mentioned that I was nineteen at the time and all the files on this disc were dated 1997. Please also note, this letter is to whom I considered then and, even through a decade of anonymous and 'not-so' anonymous female partners, the only person I have allowed to get close to me. This should deservedly get 'bombed' and, in all honesty, I refrained from editing it grammatically and content-wise to outline exactly the state of mind I was in when the letter was sent. The emails to/from the older woman I was involved with at the time are FUCKING priceless, so I as least know I can make up for it in some fashion once I go through those 'gems'. In reading the below a few minutes ago, I realized I had no fucking idea, acted completely pathetic, fulfilled every male 'caught cheating' stereotype...and can thank the heavens you fuckers will '-2' me....only until the 'I'm sorry you hit on me, you were married, I'm much younger, you ACTUALLY divorced your husband on the musings of a 19 year (you were 31.....smoking hot, but 31 nonetheless), and I changed my mind because you were a crazy fucking 'EYEtalian' broad emails get posted.
Moral of the 'stories'/'post' to follow: If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. Or, don't be a fucking asshole that is always looking for the next best thing.
.................
Dearest (???),
Hello there, hope things are well. Understandably, in writing this letter I am trying to bring some insight to what was once and could still be, a relationship built on love, beautiful character and souls of which only those in the heavens have experienced. With much angst, I bring myself closer and closer to realizing your want to no longer be part of me. In saying, "part", I mean just that. Sharing a person is something that, perhaps, I had never experienced before I met you, but I can definitely say it was well worth every breath expelled. "Two separate, distinct personalities, not separate at all, but inextricably bound, soul and body and mind, to each other, how did we get so far apart so fast?" A line from the book Ordinary People, which you should read. The book offers a great deal of insight as to what people think they strive for, only to realize that what they had originally perceived as important, would, in the end, turn out to be overruled by the hearts' desire. You would absolutely love this book, trust me.
In facing what hardships lay ahead of me, I have realized that I don't want to live- I want to love first, and live incidentally. Please don't mistake what I'm saying either, but to experience true love comes but once in a life; true love that has the power to justify all other actions. Perhaps that's where the mind sometimes supersedes the heart, trying to rationally explain something that can't be explained in the verbal world. That sensation occurs when you and I have looked at each other, completely randomly, and either known what the other was thinking or, at the very least, realized we couldn't possibly know. It's that look I've seen in your eye a million times waking up and twice as many curling our bodies together for an evening's slumber. Not having had children (Phew, human at least) at this point in my life, I can honestly say that looking into your eyes, whether on bad terms or not, brings no other feeling than that of elation, complete, body-numbing elation. To look into someone's eyes' and know that you've truly experienced their psyche, from the bottom up, brings a great amount of joy in and of itself. Realizing that one could ever offer enough space in their heart for someone so different, yet on the same level, so identical in the sense that their souls' yearned for the same comforts. I know that this has been portrayed as one the reasons we are in the situation we're in now, but honestly, look back at all the feelings you've ever had and tell me that, in terms of heart and soul, there could be any two closer human beings. "For love...has two faces; one white, the other black; two bodies; one smooth, the other hairy. It has two hands, two feet, two tails, two, indeed, of every member and each one is the exact opposite of the other. Yet, so strictly are they joined together that you cannot separate them." I reside here with 'your' bracelet around my wrist, and I say 'your' bracelet because that is exactly what it is. It may be nothing more than a physical object; dangling from my wrist with brilliant splendor, but it is without a shadow of a doubt an extension of you. Yours is the soul attached to this cold, hard object: Offering it to me to enjoy, to rejoice in, and even to shed a tear over; thinking how it should mean so much more and how you should be there, adding strength to it with every day it spends on my body... your body. In trying to find reason with everything that has occurred as of late, I can't help but wonder, "why, why now, why at this point and why for such gallant reasons"
I have to say that in dealing with this, you haven't displayed much compassion for a person that you say is held with such love, "Cowardice and courage are never without a measure of affection. Nor is love. Feelings are never true. They play with their mirrors." Agony, the feeling that one can be swayed by those of which have never experienced unconditional love, those of which would leave all others, at any cost, the day that love came knocking at their own door. Life happens as a matter of circumstance, there's no way around it. To learn to experience it with someone you care for is quite an accomplishment, one that we both know you are completely capable of executing with grace, if you so wish. Best stated by our friend, Anais Nin, "...and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Who is that certain that this "blossoming" can't be attained with someone you care for, with the correct amount of effort and willingness to change (on my part, of course). Fancies change, love doesn't.
"Falling out of love is chiefly a matter of forgetting how charming someone is." Look at the picture I enclosed of you, which I would like back (please). When I look at this picture, as I have a hundred times, I can't help but get swept away by both the ocean behind and the all-encompassing beauty of she who is my heart's desire. An infinite space, such as the ocean, can the heart travel, two hearts can go anywhere if love is present. I took that picture, not ever thinking for a moment of another person at the end of the lens. My eyes, my heart, my soul, they all belong to you. I'd travel farther than the background of that picture to hold you in my arms once again. Remember, you standing in the water, freezing as the ocean's icy bite sank its teeth into your tender hide. Me, gazing at you with such desire, such desire that I would feel cheap if ever offered to anyone else. The beauty that you hold within by far out-surpasses that of which you could ever expect in return. A black and white photo, but one of which your true colors can pierce through, turning it into a vivid collage of beauty, valor, and grace. I can remember driving there that day, having nothing to do than enjoy your company, a company which I could enjoy had my life ended that day. Can you remember standing on the beach, gazing out at the ocean, leaning against me, nothing but you and I, separated only by where our inner thoughts were taking us to in silence. Driving away from the beach, tired, cold and ready to get warm, having experienced another great moment that would live on in my mind forever.
I love you, (???), like I could never love another. Not wanting to keep your eyes too busy, I will end this letter, although I could write another twenty-pages if you so wished (try me). I will, however, end it with a couple of poems and/or phrases that mean a great deal to me. The first being the little Pooh & Piglet picture you gave me (which, to this day rests atop my monitor at work)..." 'Pooh,' whispered Piglet. 'Yes, Piglet' said Pooh. 'Oh nothing,' said Piglet. 'I just wanted to be sure of you" What galaxies I would cross to be sure of you, as in the day you gave that to me.
P.S. - Go fuck yourself, Capt. 'Reviewer'.
User Reviews
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-19 12:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy how to
be a man! Let's see; don't tattle, always make fun of those different
from you, never say anything unless you're sure everyone feels exactly
the same way you do.
-- Homer Simpson
Bart the General
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-03-19 12:02:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There are perfectly good answers to those questions, but they'll have
to wait for another night.
-- Homer Simpson
Homers Barbershop Quartet
Submitted by BlazinBull (user info) at 2008-03-19 11:29:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This has more quotes than a high school essay.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-03-18 00:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-03-16 11:57:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"In and of itself, this doesn't even warrant a post, but the veritable plethora of other files I found on the diskette are funny and, without this outlining what a pathetic dick I was (have I mentioned that I was nineteen at the time and all the files on this disc were dated 1997."
Well please, post the rest of the veritable plethora so I can appreciate this outline for the gem it surely is.
In ten years, your writing really hasn't improved at all, has it?
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-15 13:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-03-15 12:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Writing stuff is fun!
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2008-03-15 11:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is awesome. You should post this every day. I'm being serious.
Submitted by TheBrad (user info) at 2008-03-15 01:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So when did you get the sex change?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-15 01:34:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
my god
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-14 23:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You lost me at...some crap about the heavens experiencing my dick in their mouth.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-14 23:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're absolutely right: this didn't warrant a post.
Btw, didn't read it.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-03-14 23:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Holy fucking run-on sentences!