Shielded Land Chapter 4 (1 of 2) (324 hits)
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Submitted by Registered_S_O (View user info) at 2008-03-15 22:46:53 EDT
Chapter 4
"Leave us."
Minska looked up and blinked. The throne room was filled with people. Young children holding onto the hems of finely dressed women rubbed their tired eyes. People ranging from cooks in the castle's kitchens to soldiers with knots of rank on their shoulders were present. It seemed as if the entire castle had come to hear Minska's tale. Minska had been so caught up with the telling of his story that he hadn't noticed that his small starting audience had grown quite large. Flickering light from torches staving off the darkness cast shadows among the multitude of people as they exited through the doors in the back of the room. Minska looked through one of the round windows that was open and saw the moon halfway to its peak. He hadn't noticed that night had descended either.
"Well, that was some story." The Queen said stuffily, dabbing her eyes with a scented handkerchief.
"I'm sorry Minska." Kosh said sincerely, giving Minska's shoulder a gentle squeeze.
"There has to be a way out. I came in. There just has to." Minska said, silently embracing the torrent of emotions within him.
"In the thousand years since the shielding happened, nothing like this has ever occurred." Kosh began, ascending the stairs to stand besides the Queen's throne. "I don't think that we can offer much help."
"We will help you with whatever we can though, won't we Kosh?" the Queen chimed in excitedly.
"Of course we will your majesty." Kosh answered.
"I appreciate that." Minska said, doubtful that anyone could help him.
While Minska didn't doubt the Queen's sincerity, he did doubt her motives. It seemed like she viewed Minska's plight as a big game. To her, Minska was a new bauble in which to play with. Being Queen of such an isolated kingdom must make for many boring days. Minska would now make for a new diversion. He could see himself as a welcome change to the Queen's mundane days. No matter. An offer of help was an offer of help, despite its motives, and Minska would take it.
"I've just thought of a wonderful idea!" The Queen announced in a near giggle. "While you're here, you'll need stuff to occupy your time, and a place to stay. Why not become a member of the Queen's Furyriders? You'll have a room in the southwest towers like the rest of the soldiers. You'll be paid and fed and can have a real sense of fulfillment. What do you say Minska?" the Queen finished excitedly, sitting on the edge of her throne?
Minska groaned inwardly. Bering recruited in a kingdom's army wasn't his idea of self-fulfillment. However, he did recognize that he now only owned the clothes he was wearing. He would need a way to support himself while he tried to figure out how to escape from his lost kingdom. A lost kingdom who's Queen he would have to serve faithfully while he planned his next move. A Queen who would actively help him to escape her kingdom. Mikalik would be in the throes of laughter right now if he could see how Minska's circumstances were progressing.
"I accept your gracious offer." Minska replied, trying to muster as much appreciation in his voice as he could. By the slight furrow in Kosh's brow, Minska guessed that he failed miserably.
"Excellent Minska. I think you'll find your stay in Furylin to be wonderful." The Queen said enthusiastically.
"Guard!" The Queen yelled, hopping down from her throne.
The front door to the throne room opened and a pair of guards entered, quickly scanning the room for anything out of the ordinary.
"Yes, my Queen?" one of the guards asked.
"Send one of the servants over to the soldiers' tower. We need a room prepared for our newest addition to the Queen's Furyriders. Minska here will be joining your ranks."
Minska could see the disapproval in the soldiers' eyes as he looked Minska up and down, apparently not impressed in the least with what he saw. Any opinion he had he was wise enough not to voice.
"Our Queen is most wise." The soldier said, giving Queen Amber a deep bow.
Minska thought he detected the tiniest spark of sarcasm in the soldier's voice.
The two soldiers exited the throne room, closing the door behind them. Minska could just make out muffled orders being shouted on the other side of the door for room and a meal to be prepared for Minska. He was grateful for that. He hadn't eaten anything today, and he was completely exhausted. Minska just wanted five minutes with a washbasin and a hot meal. The emotional strain from today alone was nearly enough to make him lie down on the cold stone floor before the Queen and fall fast asleep. A full nights rest would do him good. He could worry about escape tomorrow.
"Minska, you can begin training in the Queen's Guard with Kosh next week. Take some time to recover yourself. We won't be going anywhere." the Queen finished, pleased with her clever joke.
"Next week then, Queen Amber." Minska said softly, dipping into another awkward bow.
"If that is all my Queen, I will show our newest guard to his rooms. I'm sure he could use some rest." Kosh said, walking over to Minska.
"Yes yes of course. Oh and Minska,"
"Yes?" Minska said, turning to the Queen.
"Feel free to drop by my throne room anytime." Amber said, shooting Minska another coquettish smile.
"As you wish." Minska replied warily.
With that, the Queen of Furylin swept down the steps of her dais and headed through one of the doors to her chambers, her lilting laugh echoing off the stonewalls of the throne room. Minska could still hear the Queen, even after she exited the room.
"You've managed to not only breach an impenetrable shield, but you've also gained an honored position most soldiers spend years trying to attain." Kosh said with a warm smile.
"I'll trade it all for a way back to Cyntha." Minska said quietly.
Kosh couldn't maintain the smile on his face.
"One day at a time sir, one day at a time. Follow me, I'll show you to your rooms." Kosh said, filling in the gloomy silence.
Kosh led Minska out of the throne room and through the waiting area. They headed down the hallway and into the cool night air. The soldiers guarding the entrance to the Queen's Tower had been replaced by a new group. Each soldier saluted Kosh as he and Minska headed through the courtyard. The sky was completely clear, with the moon providing more than enough light to see by. There were a few soldiers patrolling the castle grounds with torches raised overhead for additional light.
Kosh and Minska made their way to the Soldier's Tower. Minska had to pass through huge double doors to enter the courtyard where the Guards' Tower was located.
Once they arrived, they passed through the same type of doorway as the one they did for the Queen's Tower, except the sparkling jewels in the frame had been replaced with miniature soldiers carved in battle scenes.
Once inside, they came to a spacious anteroom. Staircases carved directly out of the stone of the castle led up to the higher levels. Bronze and silver statues of soldiers in battle stances dotted the room. Because of the late hour, there were only a few soldiers here and there talking quietly amongst themselves. Finely wrought tables with matching benches were positioned in seemingly random order throughout the anteroom. Some men were seated at those benches, enjoying a late snack as they relived the toils of the day amid hushed conversation. Torches in sconces around the anteroom provided a soft glow of light to see by.
Kosh led Minska to a side door on the right wall. Inside was a good-sized office where clerks were busily handling paperwork.
"I believe the Queen sent orders for a room assignment for Queen's Furyrider Minska here." Kosh said, gaining the attention of one of the clerks.
He was a minuscule man with a thick head of white hair that was in dire need of trimming. He was dressed in tight fitting black breeches with a red and gold collard shirt tucked neatly in. He examined his desk closely before rising from his seat, making sure every item was perfectly in place.
He moved around his desk, telling his co-worker to keep working while he took care of the Queen's business. A soft grunt from his apprentice was all he received as acknowledgement. He walked over to Minska and Kosh with a slow gate and stood before them, the hunch in his shoulders bringing him barely to chest level with Kosh.
"Follow me." He said in a nasally voice, pushing between the two.
Minska and Kosh followed the clerk into the anteroom, and up one of the sweeping staircases towards the back. After ascending three flights, the clerk led Minska and Kosh through the door on a nearby platform. Inside was a long hallway where five men could walk abreast comfortably that continued for nearly fifty feet. This hallway ended at another one that went left and right. On each side of the hallway were doors Minska assumed were bedrooms for the soldiers. The clerk led them to the end of the hallway, taking a right. The clerk's small feet shuffled along the stone floor as they went, making a scraping sound. As Minska trailed behind, following Kosh, he passed a window. The view before him was astounding.
From his vantage point at the window, Minska had a beautiful view of the entire city as well as the sweeping countryside. Torches that were held in large lamps with an odd surface Minska had scene on his way into the castle were now lit. They illuminated large parts of the city as well as the moat below. Looking down on the city from so high up, Minska couldn't help but appreciate the marvel of where he was, regardless of the circumstances the led to his coming.
In his entire life, Minska had never been in such a large structure as the castle he was now in. The large four-story inn that Mr. Hoss the innkeeper from back home was the biggest building Minska had ever been in. Minska fondly recalled memories of laying on the inns slanted roof with Carina on warm summer nights, enjoying the view of the marketplace below. The biggest worry Minska had back then was if he should try to kiss Carina or not. Minska sorely missed those times that seemed so long ago. With his hands on the windowsill, Minska leaned out slightly, letting the cool breeze wash over him.
"An incredible sight, isn't it?" Kosh said, coming over to Minska and leaning his back on the windows gilded frame.
"Reminds me of a time back home a little." Minska said, regretting that such awful circumstances brought him to such a gorgeous place.
"You should see the view from the precipice above. Far more dazzling than what you see here," Kosh said, turning to face Minska. "Come on; let's get you to your room."
Minska nodded, losing his temporary hold on a feeling other than sadness. He turned away from the window, quickly heading over to the clerk who was patiently waiting in front of a door at the end of the hallway.
"Someone will be along shortly to bring you a warm plate of food." The clerk said in his nasally tone, opening the door for Minska.
"I'll leave you to your rest Minska." Kosh called out, departing with the clerk.
Minska was grateful for Kosh's' abrupt departure. He didn't feel like talking anymore. Minska entered the open doorway, shutting it as he surveyed the room.
There were two opened windows with deep blue drapes pulled back, letting the fresh scent of the outdoors drift into the room. The bed was neatly made with a soft coverlet in shades of various blues. A wooden table with four sturdy chairs sat in the center of the room. The floor was made of the same wood as the table. Upon closer inspection, Minska saw that the table and floor were one piece. It looked as if the table was raised and formed out of the hardwood floor, like a sculptor raising a vase from clay.
On the table was a washbasin with some towels, along with fresh clothing. Minska dipped the first two fingers of his hand into the water, testing its warmth. The water must have only just arrived because it was still warm.
Minska disrobed and immediately set about washing up. He wanted to be clean and freshly dressed when his food finally came. By the rumbling of his stomach, he hoped that his late night dinner arrived soon. By the time he was finished washing, the washbasin was red with blood. The white towel Minska started out with was now a bloody mess. He must have looked a mess during his audience with the Queen. At least no one had mentioned it to him.
As Minska was pulling the short-sleeved shirt from the table over his head, he heard a knock at the door.
"Just a moment." he said in a muffled voice, finally getting the shirt over his head.
He scrambled to put the breeches that were left for him on. Minska grabbed his belt and clasp from his bloodstained clothing. He tucked in his shirt and secured the belt and clasp around his waist.
Minska opened the door and was hit with the delicious scent of food.
"Lamb roast with mashed potatoes and gravy, along with peas." A plump cook dressed in stained kitchen garbed announced, removing the metal cover from the dish.
"Thank you." Minska said, taking the plate from the man.
The man stood at the doorway, hands clasped behind his back, waiting to see if Minska liked his creation. Minska closed the door softly, bidding the cook a goodnight.
He sat down at the table, moving the basin out of the way, and set about devouring his meal. With his first bite, Minska's hunger hit him with full force. When he finished, he stood, stretching as he headed for the bed, Minska lay down and closed his eyes, yet sleep would not come despite his wariness. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw his city set aflame. He would push that image out of his head only for it to be replaced with Haddon's humorless smirk or Mikalik running for his life.
Minska rolled onto his side, staring out of the window. The moon was just beginning its decent. Minska recalled Kosh's comment about the view from the rooftop.
"Maybe some fresh air will do me some good." Minska said to himself, sitting up on the edge of the bed.
He rose and grabbed a cloak from the closet, a black one that matched well with his breeches. He closed the gold clasp around the cloaks neck, and left the room, entering the hallway. Minska recalled seeing a staircase that looked as if it led high into the tower.
"To the anteroom." Minska said quietly, heading down the hall.
User Reviews
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-17 14:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
An establishing piece. That is very important:) While what I'm doing now sets up the stage for the end of the book, man, this first book really sets up what is gonna happen in later books.
This thing I'm writing, well, it's fucking huge. I mean enormous. It may even rival Terry Goodkind and Robert Jordan in enormity (I'm referring to scope of story as opposed to how good the actual writing will be).
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-17 14:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
His userpage look very scary to me.........
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-03-17 14:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/u/bickerstaff
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-03-17 14:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was just joking with you, dude. As for 'establishing piece', that's not an official writer-y term or anything; I just meant it's an installment where you set up a new situation or status quo for the main character...like, there's very little action or drama, but you give him a job, flesh out the world that he's in, that sort of thing.
I wrote a retardedly long series once, and a couple of times I got complaints that some of the installments were light on action, but you need those installments to set up action and drama scenes for later on. And if you write a story where every page is full of action, that's usually a recipe for boredom.
Hey, want to read some stuff that will convince you that you totally suck? Check out Bickerstaff, each and every one of his posts are ridiculously awesome.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
On a side note I sent a potential agent the information he requires before taking a look at a potential story. He hasn't gotten back to me. I hope I blow up like Rowling (Won't Happen) and then he's like "WOW I have egg on my face."
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:20:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ha ha, well apparently you don't need me at all, then. Glad that you're taking the criticism well.
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Nonono. I mean to say there are some things. Definitely not all. That ten minutes walk things was a big one. There have been various other things you have mentioned that I myself have missed. You rock man.
As far as criticism goes, criticism can be good. There have definitely been some things you had stated that I disagreed with. It's my choice just as it is yours to say said things are not particularly good. Rather than be some kind of dickhead and say "YOU SUCK YOU'RE WRONG" you say thank you, and take the things you feel you can use.
Establishing piece?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:20:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ha ha, well apparently you don't need me at all, then. Glad that you're taking the criticism well.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
btw, what do you mean by 'A decent installment -- very much a kind of 'establishing' piece.'?
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:18:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks I walk alone.
Thecaes, its funny how a lot of what I keep in the back of my mind on what I write, things I may potential change, you point out. I was on the fence about the chaning "an offer of help is an offer of help part". Also yeah, all the people who just suddenly appear without a behest of the queen shouldn't be able to do that in the "Queen's Tower".
I think I can fix that with adding two sentences in.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A decent installment -- very much a kind of 'establishing' piece.
I didn't like the part where all of the sudden he had a huge audience in the throne room...mainly because it's a throne room. I don't care HOW lax a royal personage's security system is, it's still royalty, and I don't think there's ever been a royal person ever who just lets random people stroll into the throneroom. If you really want the audience there, you need to establish a better reason for them to all spontaneously flock to the one area in the castle that they probably shouldn't be allowed to go into.
There was another section where Minska is inwardly judging the character of the Queen; I think you should handle that differently. It's the old 'show don't tell' line. Don't have Minska tell the reader exactly what the Queen is like; have the Queen SHOW you what she's like through her actions and your descriptions of her. It's much more fun as a reader to go, "Hmmm, there's something shifty about that guy" and have our suspicions confirmed later on, than it is to have a character tell the reader, "Just so you know, there's something shifty about this guy."
Submitted by i_walk_alone (user info) at 2008-03-17 08:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
in keeping with what everyone else has said ... i really like them and want you to continue posting. Keep it up
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-17 07:38:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-17 06:12:09 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you very much to both of you guys.
I get very few reviews. I was thinking about not posting these anymore because no one cares.
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In general, lame bullshit gets hits & heat, whereas stuff that's genuine quality or even just interesting is ignored. Keep it up fella.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-17 02:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you very much to both of you guys.
I get very few reviews. I was thinking about not posting these anymore because no one cares. You guys bubba and hurty have reinvigorated my resolve.
I managed to write 3 new pages of chapter 7 today WHILE working. Hopefully my delivery driver job isn't the only thing that EVER pays me to write.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-16 21:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
90+ hits and all of you are too chickenshit to rate. This is good shit, folks. . .
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-16 12:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been enjoying these.