OMFG! I Got Teleport Hax!!!1 (1606 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.16 on 74 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (View user info) at 2008-03-17 12:20:23 EDT
I fell asleep friday night before dinner.
At one point, I opened my eyes, staring at nothing and every single one of my neurones felt like it short circuited. Kinda like static electricity when passing your hand on a TV screen but in my brain.
It was so loud and unpleasant, my eyes rolled up in pain.
I tend to have a lot of sleep paralysis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis) so I know how to handle those fake "experiences", but that was different. I was getting afraid, I thought it was an aneurysm of some sort and that I was becoming retarded.
When my eyes closed, I found myself hovering above three people talking in a gym with a southern accent. One had redhair and looked juiced up. Oathmeal?!
I whispered: "J't'entends...j't'entends"
Realizing he didn't understand, I said: "I CAN HEAR YOU"
He heard me and turn toward the ceiling and I got sucked back in my room where I opened my eyes. My brick wall looked like a TV without a signal. How do you call that? We call it 'snow'.
I woke up convinced that I had entered some type of wormhole in the universe, even though I don't believe in that shit. I even told my girlfriend about it and her answer was:
"May I remind you that last night, you ate almost a whole jar of peanut butter, then used it as a drinking glass when you poored milk into it and drank that shit up? You're just confused again."
And there I thought I was special. :-(
Have you ever had so-called paranormal experiences that you were convinced were real, even though they aren't?
User Reviews
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-27 04:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
umm ok
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-03-27 04:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
let's have a threesome with a big-dicked stud, you gay whore!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-20 12:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
rob, your review felt like a handjob.
it's gay.
which i like
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-20 03:25:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you are fairly rated.
You entertain us. With your ESL brilliance.
You are like a giant French Canadian muppet. Your testosterone fueled performances and general scrappy demeanor inspire a sense of wonder in me every time you show up. I tingle with digital glee when you whip up something clever.
...OH and I am embarrassingly eager to admit that I do indeed think you are one hot sexy mother fucker.
Anyway, Bush is a retard. Democracy is broken. I have gas. Fuck your mom.
... is awesome.
Of course she is, Asshole.
In bed.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-20 01:09:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sounds like an emotional chick on her period below
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
#1 over-rated jackass on ubersite = YOU.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-03-19 20:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-03-19 13:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-18 22:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, sleep paralysis sounds like some seriously fucked up shit. Don't they have pills or anything for that?
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2008-03-18 19:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-18 12:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OMG! WAS THERE S3X INVOLVED?!1
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yeah, you were having sex with some dude :D hahah
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-18 12:55:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
m r ok?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-18 12:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
in my case, it's your limited intellect displayed in your english that bothers me
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-18 12:42:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-03-17 15:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-03-17 14:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your posts are even funnier because of your slightly flawed English.
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LIEK OMG ROFL
:) Does my shit English bother you or is it the fact that I don't bother to correct it?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-18 12:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2008-03-18 10:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha...where do you buy your peanut butter!?!"""
it's Kraft Light...the texture is so gooooooooooooood.
p.s. i actually had a dream about you the other night. i don't remember it, but it was seriously the best sleep i've had in a while! omg, you;re the man of my dreams!11 lol """
OMG! WAS THERE S3X INVOLVED?!1
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-18 11:12:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 front page because I'm miserably ill today and I couldn't possibly feel any worse.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2008-03-18 10:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha...where do you buy your peanut butter!?!
p.s. i actually had a dream about you the other night. i don't remember it, but it was seriously the best sleep i've had in a while! omg, you;re the man of my dreams!11 lol
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-18 03:42:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i had an ex who claimed to do this shit all the time. she's psychopathological in more than a few ways.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-03-18 00:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ALLONS-Y HABITANTS
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-17 23:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-17 21:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is so weird. I love it.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-17 20:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 20:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, you're not. I am, and scourge is almost one.
You're one of "those" other ones.
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TOO LATE!
I have already bookmarked that review.
I'm one of them!
WOOOO!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 20:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, you're not. I am, and scourge is almost one.
You're one of "those" other ones.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-17 19:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
An open minded human with social skills and musical taste and an appreciation of hard working garage bands that have made a living in the business for 15 years or more.
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I'm one of them?
Cool.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 19:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
...One of "them"...
An open minded human with social skills and musical taste and an appreciation of hard working garage bands that have made a living in the business for 15 years or more.
Yeah..one of "them".
Or, you can be an "oathmeal"- friendless and alone until the day he has his roid-induced heart attack.
No one will discover the body for weeks and even then, once they do, no one will care.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-17 18:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
: )
Different strokes n' all.
I actually animated and sang a speed metal Christmas card... it was hilarious. I think you would appreciate it if that kind of music appeals to you.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-17 18:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's ok, Rob. You can be one of 'them' if you want.
I just tend to listen to music that doesn't have only 3 chords and that isn't sung by a gang of prepubescent faggots.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-17 17:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kGPJ-ptmSo
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Nice.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=D5Hv0tsvpyU
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: |
...meep.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-17 17:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah yeah yeah
i'm not in the mood to bicker with you today, ginger whinger.
but shlongy has better taste in music than you.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-03-17 17:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love how no one ever calls you on having emoticons in your posts.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-17 17:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shut the fuck up Scourge. Siding with Shlongy only makes you that much more of an idiot (if that's even possible).
That video he posted is fucking laughable. What a group of tools.
And the lyrics? 'Thinking man'? HAHAHAHAHA
Absolute clownshoes.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 17:45:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The "Roid King Of the FratBoys" makes his musical stand.
Ugh.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-17 17:44:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
swingin' neckbreakers are fratboys? wtf?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-17 17:39:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
May I remind you that last night, you ate almost a whole jar of peanut butter, then used it as a drinking glass when you poured milk into it and drank that shit up?
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um...
you ARE special.
Who does that? Ya freak.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-17 17:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy if you're at all interested in growing up musically, then here's a great place to start:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=D5Hv0tsvpyU
Stop listening to such pussy music.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 17:26:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Frat boys"??? Are you retarded?
These guys, in addition to being a part of the NYC/NJ music scene for about 15-20 years, were on a fucking Soprano's episode.
If that doesn't establish credibility, nothing will for you, you fucking acne-ridden fatass.
Their records kick all kinds of ass.
No wonder you spend most of your life alone.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-17 17:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 17:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kGPJ-ptmSo
In case you need to see who the Swingin' Neckbreakers are. It rocks.
_________________________
A bunch of fratboys all playing shitty, balsa wood guitars in front of a tiny, retarded audience.
Yea. Great music, douchebag.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 17:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kGPJ-ptmSo
In case you need to see who the Swingin' Neckbreakers are. It rocks.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 17:02:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Actually I look good in the gym because my gloves are like 10 years old and I wear either a "Bad Religion" or a "Swingin' Neckbreakers" t-shirt.
But I admit, the money helps.
I just wish there were some good looking broads at my gym...there doesn't seem to be these days.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-17 15:58:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 14:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to go work out right now, oathy, but the main difference between our two workout routines is that I don't look like a fucking retard when I'm lifting and punching the heavy bag.
______________
Yea, instead you look like an old, unconditioned idiot who doesn't know what the fuck he's doing.
But hey, you have lots of money so it doesn't matter.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-03-17 15:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-03-17 14:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your posts are even funnier because of your slightly flawed English.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 14:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to go work out right now, oathy, but the main difference between our two workout routines is that I don't look like a fucking retard when I'm lifting and punching the heavy bag.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-17 14:28:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought i was having a heart attack last night, i'd been lifting stuff all day (i'm relaying my lawn for the summer) and my left arm was sore. I'd smoked a lot of weed as well so the paranoia made it seem very real.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-17 14:14:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:41:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
PS: PUT SOME RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE ON, EAT A BUNCH OF HGH AND GO PUMP SOME IRON!!!
______________________
I'd rather that than throw on some argyle leggings, kiss Marmaduke goodbye and go play the weakling's sport of Golf with 3 other pasty Alzheimer's patients.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-03-17 14:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your posts are even funnier because of your slightly flawed English.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was an aneurysm of some sort and that I was becoming retarded.
I'm sorry but I found that quite amusing.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:41:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ummm, Mr. Swanson...isn't "enjoyment of music" something of a personal choice and rather subjective?
PS: PUT SOME RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE ON, EAT A BUNCH OF HGH AND GO PUMP SOME IRON!!!
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy wouldn't know good music if it bought him dinner, took him home and anally raped him with a mic stand.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:35:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I like Disposable Music a lot, too. THANKS FOR THE LINK!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:17:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminded me of that episode of Deadwood where the Reverend had a leison on his brain and thought he was speaking to God. It was much less funny than it sounds.
Are you sure you don't have a brain leison? Maybe you should go to the doctor for a scan. I'd hate you to end up like that Reverend, he met a bad end.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The fact that you "teleported" to Oathmeal makes you beyond any redemption as a normal human.
And there I thought I was special. :-(
-------------
You're "special", all right.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
3) You're semi-gay
===
http://www.thecliches.com/MusicforWeb/RiverviewS.mp3
refrain:
now boyz meet boyz and girlz meet girlz, they like that way
there's nothing better and in the whole wide world, they're all happy and gay"""
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:08:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That wasn't teleport Hax, That was astral projection hax.
:P
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-17 13:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my favorite Cliches song:
"That disco beat, will not make me move feet!
It's making me sick, all of that disposable music
Hit, pinch me, wake me up! wo ho ho ho
Pimp me to the rock and roll go up (or something) wo ho ho ho"
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:56:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yup, they do.
I enjoy eating alone while listening to my favorite CD: "Best of the Cliches"
...talk about a great way to relax after work.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:54:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
They make those in 'singles' too, right?
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just a heads up: I've graduated to cup 'o soup.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:52:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You CAN be...Never give up on your dreams!
I mean, look at oathmeal. He dreamed about being a friendless virgin with steroidal back acne and a freezer full of Swanson Dinners. VOILA!
Wait...scratch that one.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:50:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why can't i be completly gay?
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effort?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:50:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why can't i be completly gay?
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shut the fuck up Shlongy you're just pissed because your nose can do more push ups than your actual body can.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You should consider killing yourself.
1) You dreamed about "oathmeal"
b) You admitted to people that you dreamed about "oathmeal"
3) You're semi-gay
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck.
Caul has discovered a power of mine that I was HOPING to keep secret. Alas, I guess it was just a matter of time before everyone found out.
I guess I'll go ahead and let the cat out of the bag.
Folks, I have the ability to inject my likeness into people's astral projections.
Caulaincourt is one of the few individuals who can actually project themselves astrally...and, being as I am a demigod on account of my massive size and sculpted physique, it only makes sense that he can view me in such instances.
I guess he chose to check out my massive trapezius muscles and bulging quads while I was actually IN the gym and conversing with 2 other built dudes. Of course, I make no other sort of company anyway (not at least while in the gym, getting ripped).
Sorry to have abruptly made my appearance in your projection caul. I'll try to keep my ethereal existence less pronounced going forward.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
'tard.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:36:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Retalitory Retalitory
"May I remind you that last night, you ate almost a whole jar of peanut butter, then used it as a drinking glass when you poored milk into it and drank that shit up? You're just confused again."
Did you really do that?!
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yeah, she found out the next morning, when the brand new peanut butter jar was nearly empty with a bit of milk stagnating at the bottom.
i remembered when she told me about it. i sleepwalk a lot.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am sad to say I fell for that sico. Ta
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What does f5 do? I know that the shortcut to Uber's html page is alt + f4 but I'm afraid to him f5.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So you won't cry, I was only joking. I still didn't read it.
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there was a two minute delay between your initial comment and this one.
give me some time to cry. not everyone has your l33t Uber hair trigger to reply to everything.
your F5 must be worn out.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:33:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have found that eating certain foods, peanut butter being one, late int he evening will cause weird and vivid dreams.
One dream had me, a friend and an unknown 3rd man digging a hole and burying a body. As we dropped the body in the hole, an explosion occurred in the distance and then a mushroom cloud appeared.
Another dream had me hanging out behind a grocery store in a small town in Arkansas. I left my truck running and walked away (not sure why) and someone stole it. I had to live with a farmer and his family and search for my truck when I was not working on his farm. The sheriff found my truck but refused to return it to me since there had been a different exhaust system and new wheels put on it.
This also happens with tomato based foods (piza/pasta sauce).
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Peanut butter is the devil and I refuse to eat it anymore.
I will have cracked on this stance by the end of the week.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:27:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:25:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I couldn't get past the poor English/French conversion :(
i did actually laugh a little when I read that but it could have just been gas.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Retalitory Retalitory
"May I remind you that last night, you ate almost a whole jar of peanut butter, then used it as a drinking glass when you poored milk into it and drank that shit up? You're just confused again."
Did you really do that?!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So you won't cry, I was only joking. I still didn't read it.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:25:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I couldn't get past the poor English/French conversion :(
============
how could you tell?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-17 12:25:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I couldn't get past the poor English/French conversion :(