O'Nyquil (1043 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.84 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Siren© (View user info) at 2008-03-17 20:17:08 EDT
These days I'm a boring, boring old lady. I don't go out on weekends much, my acrobatic sexcapades are few and far between, I'm pretty sure I've lost all imagination, humor, and sense livelihood, and I'm fat. "But, Siren, you were always such a spitfire! Your radiance used to shine like the top of the Chrysler building and you could upgrade the mood of Uber from eternal hellfire to Baghdad at noon just by logging on." Well, bitterly sweet, I have transformed into the 4 word term that kills all chances of having adventure, fun, and youth in my life ever again- STAY AT HOME MOM. I might as well have the scarlet letter L sewn to all of my mom sweaters.
Yes, it's true- that's what having a wee babe does to a woman. I no longer party with rock stars and live up to my Irish heritage's stereotype by out-drinking all the other white people in the bar who claim they are Irish, too. My fun nights usually involve short bouts of Dance Dance Revolution in my living room and being in bed by 10:30.
As if that isn't bad enough, I also watch my niece during the week for some cash. That makes 2 babies under 1 year old that I am in charge of. Lame. They don't come any more matronly than I. So, earlier today when I discovered that it was St. Patrick's Day, I was saddened by the prospect of another day gone by that could've been spent downing in Irish whisky and flirting with drunken frat boys and former frat boys who think they're still frat boys. Instead, I numbed myself with Ubersite, my masochistic indulgence, and did a double shot of NyQuil.
Now I did have DayQuil in the house as well, but you see, NyQuil is green and I had to show my St. Patrick's Day spirit. I mean I really am sick, so it's somewhat legit, but, whoa, NyQuil! Ok, so I was desperate for the sweet release of a nasal decongestant and the drunkenness only moonshine and NyQuil are capable of providing. But, that "may cause drowsiness" warning should be written in the law books somewhere. Also, when they say not to operate heavy machinery, I think they should include nail clippers, full gallons of milk, and baby diapers.
Yeah, I know it was irresponsible of me with my dual baby duty and whatever... but my kid is sick and eventually just crashed with me in my bed, and the niece... well... she doesn't crawl or anything. She just sits there. If you leave her alone long enough, she just goes to sleep on the floor. She's real weird like that. Also, she has butt hair. I know it's odd, right? She's 8 months old and has a "happy" trail that starts right above her tail bone and goes into her crack. And she's ugly. I CAN'T HELP IT. I'm the worst aunt ever, but she's sort of gross.
Anyway, when I came to 2.5 hours later (when my boy woke me up), we went downstairs and the niece was right where we left her. Actually, she had rolled a few feet toward a toy, but she was just as happy and ugly as we left her. An hour later, her dad came to get her and I could relax with only half the baby responsibilities. The important and more attractive half.
The moral of the story: I should definitely drink NyQuil in vast amounts to pass the dull time of child care, especially when caring for other peoples' children, but only if the children are immobile.
Words my spell check is underlining as spelled incorrectly but aren't:
NyQuil
DayQuil
sexcapades
Ubersite
whisky
I am so much smarter than spell check.
User Reviews
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-03-24 14:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-03-19 20:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-19 18:42:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My cousins kid was really ugly until the kid turned about 9. Now the kid is 13 and winning pagents. When she turns 16 I'm going to kidnap her and sell her on the net.
Submitted by JustAnotherStudent (user info) at 2008-03-19 16:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Being a stay at home mom fucking sucks. I'm lucky though- I'm a full time college student so I get to get out of the house.
My kid is old enough that once I put him down at night, I can drinkity drink drink. But I miss getting to go clubbing and such.
STAY AT HOME MOM = PRISONER
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-18 12:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spacegrass (user info) at 2008-03-18 11:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Trippiest moment of my life. I was wasted on Nyquil listening to a Denis Leary skit about being wasted on Nyquil.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-03-18 11:15:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh heh heh...I don't have kids yet but I'm pretty much at this point already.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-18 11:11:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 front page because I'm miserably ill today and I couldn't possibly feel any worse.
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2008-03-18 11:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me smile - which is more than I can say about most uber drivel as of late.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-03-18 10:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by zxcvvcxz (user info) at 2008-03-18 10:37:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A double shot of nyquil typically leaves me comatose for no less than 48 hours. Needless to say, I keep several bottles handy.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-03-18 08:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-18 06:38:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-18 01:08:39 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I CAN'T HELP IT"
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I enjoyed the use of quotation marks for happy trail as well.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-03-18 05:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
just can't break the habit
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-18 04:08:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I CAN'T HELP IT"
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-18 03:25:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O'Plustwo
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2008-03-18 00:40:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha...you need to post more often.fo real.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-03-18 00:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2008-03-18 00:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're lovely.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-03-17 23:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
eww
baby crack-hair
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-03-17 22:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-17 21:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wouldn't engage that steak kid if i were you otherwise he'll end every review with sirentime
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It's only because she didn't immediatley get it. Now she's stuck with it from now on.
Although I do like the idea of "sirentime."
No. It wouldn't be the same. Although it essentially is.
I'm on the fence about it.
I also don't end every review with it either. It's usually in there, but not always last.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-17 22:28:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That baby scares the shit out of me.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-17 21:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell? There's some real creepy pictures on here tonight.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-17 21:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wouldn't engage that steak kid if i were you otherwise he'll end every review with sirentime
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2008-03-17 21:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, I'm indeed pale.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-03-17 20:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aren't you the one with the face and the really pale skin?
I could have sworn that was you.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-17 20:46:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you funny girl
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-03-17 20:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like drugs, but if I take NyQuil my eyes look like a cat in the morning and I can't drive. I won't touch the stuff.
True that I wouldn't want someone on NyQuil watching my kid, etc but I overindulged this weekend and despite it being one of my favorite holidays, I'm not going out tonight either and this post made me laugh.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-17 20:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If it'll help you get back to "un-boring", I'd be happy to let you take a spin on the Shlongy rodeo circuit, which consists of you riding...well, I think you get the idea here.