Shielded Land Chapter 4 (2 of 2) (With Unrelated Hottie Pic) (478 hits)
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Submitted by Registered_S_O (View user info) at 2008-03-19 01:30:22 EDT
"I'm here as you requested, Lady Silahna." came a girl's voice from the doorway.
"Be seated. I'll speak with you when I'm finished." Silahna said quietly, not looking up from the book she was studying.
"Yes Lady Silahna." the girl replied meekly, sitting down on the bench near the window.
The book Silahna was reading was extremely old, written nearly a thousand years before the construction of the Castle of the Furyliner's Queen. Among the hundreds of books held in shelves around the room that were carved from the stone, this book was one of the more interesting reads. That was quite an accomplishment considering the subject matter of some of the other writings.
Silahna twirled a golden knot of hair around the first finger of her left hand as she lightly drummed the slender fingers of her other hand on the table. The passage she was reading and rereading sent shivers through her voluptuous form. And the domes shall be cast asunder, heralding a new age of chaos. Silahna laid back in her chair, letting the exciting implications of those words soak into her like a person in the worst of winter would soak in the warmth of a fire. And the domes shall be cast asunder... Of course, there was no way to know exactly when that would be. Silahna hoped this volume gave her a timeframe.
Apparently, construction through the bedrock far beneath the palace gave way to a long abandoned part of the castles basement. One of the miners, or diggers, or whatever they were called had found this volume. The worker didn't know nearly enough about the value of this book, therefore, Silahna purchased it at a very reasonable price.
From the little bit she gleaned before happening upon this passage, Silahna suspected she would find answers to a great many mysteries in the world within this book. Silahna believed this to be a book written by a very special Forerunner of Old. To have the ability to write down the future thousands of years beforehand was a feat Silahna envied. At least she had his work before her.
Silahna stood, closing the book she had been studying. She smoothed the wrinkles from her light green dress, running her hands down the contours of her body. The warmth of the carpets on her bare feet felt luxurious as Silahna sauntered over to her dressing mirror, running her fingers over the footboard of her bed. She gazed in the mirror and liked what she saw.
Liquid emerald eyes set above high cheekbones stared back at Silahna. She rose on the balls of her feet, turning slightly so she could see her profile, the wispy pieces of her dress swishing around her as she turned until they lost momentum and settled lightly. The dress, similar in color to her eyes, had a high neck. The way the upper part of the dress clung provocatively to her ample chest and toned stomach dispelled any notions of modesty a high neck might suggest. Silahna liked the affect her style of dress had on the soldiers who sometimes saw her when she had business in the lower reaches of the castle. She turned then, admiring the large canopied bed where some of those soldiers ended up.
Two good-sized bureaus with mirrors atop them flanked Silahna's headboard on either side. Each post that held her canopy up had twisting designs etched around them by some master carver. The floor was completely covered in a light green rug that was the shade of the surrounding meadowland. The perfect fit of the carpet was no impressive considering the size of her room.
Silahna's room was in the shape of a giant circle. She had once counted the number of steps from the doorway to the opposite end of the room. Fifty-three was the number of steps she had counted. Oddly shaped couches and chairs sat idly in different parts of the room amidst tables and tall stand lamps. Silahna found that by spending a small amount of time each day seated or laying down in a position that your body wasn't used to made a person more flexible. She coveted her shapely appearance, and wanted to make sure she was always a fit as she could be.
A heavy circular table with high backed chairs sat close to the closed doors of her expansive balcony. Silahna would sometimes entertain a small group of ladies of the castle when the mood struck her. Those women regarded Silahna as a trusted confidant held in high esteem by the crown. Silahna learned many interesting tidbits about current comings and goings within the kingdom by those women without ever having to leave the comfort of her room.
"Tell me about the one who has half the castle aflutter Amber, and don't leave anything out." Silahna said, dragging a cushioned chair whose back looked like long, cushioned fingers over to where Amber was seated.
"Only half the castle?" Amber questioned, a slight frown forming.
"The other half is comprised of those dusty clerks. You couldn't excite one of them if you offered your feminine charms for use at their discretion." Silahna replied, smirking at her witty description of the castle's lifeblood.
"No I suppose you couldn't." Amber replied, her frown being replaced by a knowing grin.
"Oh Silahna, he's the most marvelous man I've ever met."
"Due tell." Silahna said, arching an eyebrow.
"He's from a city called Cyntha. It's just a few miles outside of the shield." Amber began, her demeanor becoming serious.
For the better part of the next two hours, Amber retold Minska's story. She spoke with sadness while describing Cyntha's destruction, with pride over her Furyrider's handling of encountering Minska, and with huskiness when she told of her meeting with Minska. Amber finished with her order to make Minska a Queen's Furyrider, a dreamy look in her eyes.
"He was pushed into the shield, and made it to the other side intact. Marvelous indeed." Silahna whispered.
Silahna stood and went over to the window on Amber's left. She gazed at the glorious view of the castle's southwest section. The view from her room at the Central Tower's top floor was the best one could find within Furylin. The reflection from the moon's light off the water below was breathtaking. Silahna could just make out soldiers moving about near the guard stations around the moat.
Silahna would sometimes blow out all the lamps in her room at night and just gaze endlessly at the view below. She could always make out the fields and meadowland outside the castles boundaries for miles on end. Silahna loved the peaceful feeling that washed over her whenever she stood at the window, appreciating the ascetics of her surroundings.
Movement on the roof of the tower to her right interrupted Silahna from her quiet reverence of the scene around her. She scanned the tower with her piercing green eyes. Just as she began to suspect that her vision was playing tricks on her, she saw movement again. Silahna saw a man walking slowly around the edge of the towers top. It was him. Silahna didn't know why, but she knew with absolute certainty that that was Minska below her, apparently enjoying the view of the land himself. Her heart began to quicken at seeing this fascinating creature for the first time, even if it was at a great distance. Silahna was glad that the lamps were all turned low, for Amber might have caught a glimpse of her reddening cheeks.
"Would you like me to arrange a meeting between the two of you?" Amber asked, interrupting Silahna from her thoughts.
"No. Not yet at least." Silahna replied, turning away from her window. "I do want to know all about Minska though. I want to know who he talks to, what he says, where he goes, and any details he may reveal about himself, no matter how insignificant they may seem. I want to truly understand this man who has accidently found himself within our midst."
"It will be as you request, Lady Silahna." Amber said quietly.
Silahna began a slow walk around her room, rubbing the goose bumps on her arms. She was so excited about Minska, this remarkable person who made it through the shield of death, that she wanted to jump up and down, giggling all the while.
This giddy feeling that was washing through her reminded Silahna of nothing so much as when she was a girl, being courted by her first love. Despite how long ago that was, Silahna vividly recalled her giddiness when Lavin clumsily recited poetry to her in her father's barn. How great those times of innocence were. Silahna felt now how she did all that time ago.
"Amber," Silahna began, turning to the queen on the balls of her feet "when you learn anything, come each night to my chambers and give me the full report in person."
With that, Silahna waved Queen Amber away. Amber stood, murmuring that she would do as Silahna wanted, and left the room, gently shutting the door behind her. Silahna began snuffing out all the lamps in her room. Soon she was alone with only the light of the moom and the sweet scent of the oil lamps' smoke for company. Silahna tiptoed quietly to the window, thinking herself like a hunter in the wild, stalking its prey. She pressed herself to the windows frame, one hand on its ledge as she scanned the tower top below. The roof of the Guards' Tower was as still as an undisturbed lake. After several minutes of waiting, Silahna moved away from the window, flopping down on her bed. She regretted not being able to catch one last look at Minska before he retired for the night. There was always tomorrow though, and the next day, and the one after that. Silahna had time on her side, and she could be more than patient. She briefly considered going back to reading that book, but she was tired. It could wait until tomorrow.
Silahna slipped out of her dress, enjoying the breeze from the window on her bare flesh.
"In time my dear Minska, in time." Silahna whispered with lust as she fell into dreams of her newest infatuation.
I'm partial to the one on the far right. I really love the mysteriousness of her eyes.
User Reviews
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-20 00:00:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-19 18:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where'd you find the pic? tripletsbytheton.com?
Good writing BTW.
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I forget sir. I have a folder on my comp named "Teh Funny" with these sorts of pics or gifs on them. A couple I got from ubersite but most are from other places. Someone once posted a message here maybe 6mo - 1yr ago about a website named pocky or something that had tons of funny pics. I could never find the link nor post since losing it.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-19 23:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Unfortunately thecaes, I haven't given that as much thought as I should. On the one hand, as I continue to write and think about Silahna's character, I feel that while she is a sexual being, I shouldn't make her out to be such a large slut i.e. banging soldiers. I am thinking about removing that section all together.
Basically, she kinda sorta is the power behind the scenes when it pertains to things that meet her fancy, namely Minska. I'll have to expand on the idea that she is now becoming more active with the appearance of Minska.
No one really knows specifically WHO she is aside from being a trusted confidant of the queen. The ladies of the castle she speaks with here and there are under the pretense of showing the queen's favorite ladies a nice evening of chatter.
She will only appear in this book the chapter you read and probably for the epilogue so this won't be a big deal right now. I personally know who she is and exactly what she is doing. By the time she makes an appearance in my story again, many truths about the Forerunner's series will have been revealed. I already have in my head how to tidy up her role within Furylin. Ideas change as I go. Believe me.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-03-19 20:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-19 18:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where'd you find the pic? tripletsbytheton.com?
Good writing BTW.
Submitted by bjrog2 (user info) at 2008-03-19 17:21:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That...
...is just the creepiest fucking thinig ive _EVER_ seen, and ive seen Bart in Gym shorts
*vomits a little inside*
Needs more suicide
That is all
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-03-19 14:33:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-19 02:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, yes she is very horny. Her character is very sexual. Minska has done something no one has ever done before. He crossed the sheild and lived. When we have 2 or 3 books the delve into the profoundness of the shields, than the feat becomes more and more impressive. It ties in with the type of person Silahna is.
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I see. I wonder if you're not approaching that a little backwards, though. I mean, things are rarely more impressive when you look back on them...like, you have to be careful that it doesn't end rup one of those things where the reader goes, "Hmm, I guess that was a pretty big deal." And how much more impressive can you make it? You've already said it's never been done before. Just be careful that your story doesn't overfill with too many "OHHHHH, now it makes sense" moments.
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There were a couple parts I noted mentally about integrating more, especially the section when she refers to her bed and the soldiers who wind up there.
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Yeah, about that. Do you have an idea in your head as to how Silahna is regarded in the castle? Obviously people know she exists, but likely not that she's the real power behind the throne. But she bangs soldiers and walks around naked with open windows, so people in the castle probably know her as the castle slut in the big round room on the top floor. That's what I figure, anyway. Is that accurate? What kind of impression are you trying to give off with her?
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-03-19 12:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yozz's review.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-03-19 12:08:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
havent read the story yet... but all three chicks have POTENTIAL if they shed the whale blubber.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-03-19 11:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Those girls are probably GREAT at sucking cock.
And ribs.
And chicken bones.
And their fingers.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-19 09:11:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sea cow is quite fitting here than.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2008-03-19 09:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Manatees (family Trichechidae, genus Trichechus) are large, fully aquatic marine mammals sometimes known as sea cows. The name comes from the Spanish manatí, which itself comes from a Carib word meaning "breast."
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-19 08:45:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm glad this is keeping you interested I walk alone.
Man I wish I could reveal my major plot points, but that would be silly when you are creating an 'epic' (lord willing).
One thing I will say though, that twist you like plays a huge roll within the general arc of my Forerunner's Series. A very big part. Once I reveal the ideas I have in my head, a lot of what seems odd or vague of what I have already written will not only make perfect sense, but give the reader the impression that I am clever (hopefully). I hope it will leave people more satified then that time I lost my virginity (4 minutes to cum).
Submitted by i_walk_alone (user info) at 2008-03-19 07:54:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im gonna have to agree that when you first described amber as a girl i didnt even think of her as being the queen until you called her the queen. i pictured somebody else completely, but like you said i guess that comes into play later ... thought this was a nice twist to add though, just another element to keep me interested in ...
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-03-19 07:49:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
they have a medium build...
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-19 06:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-19 05:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Christ you wouldn't wanna let any of those girls get on top.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-19 04:47:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The unrelated pic was for hitwhoring and a bit of fun.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-03-19 03:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That girl in the middle is pretty.
SHAME SHE'S A FUCKING SEACOW.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-19 02:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know thecaes, if I ever get published, I may have to pay you some royalties. Yeah the spatial thing is a bit off there. I toned it down a bit just now.
On the matter of the relationship between Queen and Silahna, well "all will become clear". That small section of writing is included to make the reader wonder about wtf is going on behind the scenes of Furylin. Wait til later chapters when more people of prominence in this kingdom are introduced/expanded on.
Also, yes she is very horny. Her character is very sexual. Minska has done something no one has ever done before. He crossed the sheild and lived. When we have 2 or 3 books the delve into the profoundness of the shields, than the feat becomes more and more impressive. It ties in with the type of person Silahna is.
On the subject of integrating the descriptions when I write, I agree. There were a couple parts I noted mentally about integrating more, especially the section when she refers to her bed and the soldiers who wind up there.
Amber called girl. Very important plot element that will be expanded on when time goes by.
Expect your first check sometime around 2011 :)
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-03-19 02:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh, I see you replaced that bit about carpenters with: "The perfect fit of the carpet was no impressive considering the size of her room."
Never mind what I said about that then...though there is a typo there (but i don't really harp on typos so much).
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-03-19 01:58:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A couple of nit-picky things about these lines:
"The perfect fit of the carpet was no small feat for a carpenter considering the size of her room.
Silahna's room was in the shape of a giant circle. She had once counted the number of steps from the doorway to the opposite end of the room. Fifty-three was the number of steps she had counted that day."
1. Carpenters don't lay carpet. And fitting a carpet perfectly isn't really a big problem for anyone who knows how to do it. You get a big piece of carpet, lay it down in the room, and cut off the excess. This sentence makes it sound (to me) like you're trying too hard to tell the reader how lovely and amazing this room is.
2. Fifty three steps? Not to harp on spatial proportions again, but if each step she takes spans about two feet, that room is 106 ft in diameter and has an area of 8824 sq ft. That's a huge room, which is fine...but do you really mean for it to be that huge? I think if you're going to have a giant room like that, you should describe it like a giant room, play up its size and such.
Also, I don't like that you referred to Queen Amber as a 'girl' in the first sentence. You already established that she's a full grown woman, calling her a girl automatically makes me conjure up a completely erroneous image of the person waiting to have an audience with Silahana. And her demeanor changed a lot...first she was meek and subservient, then she talked to Silahana like they were old friends or even partners, even getting horny with her, and then she was all subservient again. Currently I can't decide, from that interaction, if Amber and Silahana are friends or enemies; I don't know if Amber is afraid of her or resents her. What was your intention there? How is the reader supposed to interpret their relationship at that point in the story? Interesting that there's someone other than the Queen running the show, though...
Also (i know, i'm just hacking away at you today), the descriptive portions of your post don't flow very well for me...I think you need to find a way to work them into the story a bit better; to me it seems like you're just stopping the story so you can describe stuff instead of working it in naturally.
And finally, I don't get why Silahana is so turned on by the distant nighttime shadow of a man she never met, heard of, or saw before. He could be as ugly as Gary Busey on a crack binge and she wouldn't know it. Is she really that horny?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-03-19 01:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
theyre fat.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-03-19 01:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn forgot to hit repost. At least it doesn't appear twice on the front page.