Ereuthophobia or perhaps Jellyophobia (595 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by loki (View user info) at 2008-03-19 20:58:20 EDT
Yesterday there was a breaking news story that had everyone at work all in a tizzy over some mysterious substance found in the cargo area of an airplane. Naturally the baggage handlers who spotted it immediately lost their minds and called the fire department's hazardous materials team out.
to discover
that the substance
was
Jelly
or perhaps cough syrup but probably jelly
For this 183 passengers were delayed 3 hours and 20 minutes.
A few years ago, I was in Mexico when our illustrious Department of Homeland Security rather notoriously recommended that everyone in These United States use plastic sheeting to duct tape themselves into their homes. When I first heard that one I thought that since I was hearing it in Spanish there was some sort of comprehension problem. Surely the US Government is not actually recommending that we the people turn our homes into plastic sheeting forts. What exactly was this supposed to protect us from? I seriously thought about going native and not coming back because lord knows what I was going to be walking into. Then I came back and nothing out of the ordinary was going on.
I'm sick and tired of not being able to take my own water, lotion, shampoo, and other volatile substances like oh say a lip balm onto a plane.
I'm completely over the practice of removing my shoes before going through security.
Every time something happens and the news adds a tag line that "terrorism is not suspected as the cause", my blood pressure goes up. Oh so the terrorists did not cause that tornado that ripped pieces of tile off the Georgia Dome - who knew.
We use that one at work all the time, "the printer is jammed, terrorism is not suspected".
The whole country has a hero complex. Everyone wants to be the one who stops the next terrorist attack no naturally we immediately call hazmat whenever we see a bag of jelly on a plane.
I had no idea I lived in an entire country of thumb sucking, window lickers who are afraid of the dark.
Unfortunately I will be the one standing there saying, "cowboy up it's just a bag of jelly" when the thing blows up. Then "they" will find this posting on that internet and use it to prove that I am a bad person who was punished by God for her insolence.
Until then can I please take my eye drops with me when I fly?
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-03-20 13:43:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-03-20 13:43:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-20 13:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-20 13:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2008-03-20 11:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
loki=auto+2
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2008-03-20 10:31:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jelly is very dangerous.
It was '83. A P&J hit me in the temple. I was in the nurse's office for over 20 minutes.
...thanks for the flashback. That's two more months of therapy.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-20 02:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
riddle me this, lokiman: Why am I on ubersite when I just bought a new david sedaris book and I have to present Yertle the Turtle to my Children's Literature class in the morning?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-03-20 01:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know I always thought it would be cheaper and simpler to put 3 armed guards on every flight. I would trust them a hell of a lot more than I do Homeland Security.
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Unfortunately the guys with the guns would probably be the same caliber individuals as the ones who work for Homeland Security.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-20 01:19:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am a bad person who was punished by God for her insolence.
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Wait, I thought you were that dude that rapped about Uber on myspace, sounding a little like Buck 65 if he wasn't super awesome.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-03-20 01:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"cowboy up"
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-20 01:10:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it wasn't a big deal because he was not a foreigner who is different than us, which would be much more of a threat.
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lol
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-19 23:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it wasn't a big deal because he was not a foreigner who is different than us, which would be much more of a threat. McVeigh was probably really an A-RAB who got plastic surgery and skin treatments and changed his name.
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That dastardly bastard.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-03-19 22:57:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
window lickers?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know I always thought it would be cheaper and simpler to put 3 armed guards on every flight. I would trust them a hell of a lot more than I do Homeland Security.
And why wasn't terrorism a big deal when Tim McVeigh blew up that federal building? Did it get any harder to rent a U-haul? HELL NO IT DIDN'T!!
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it wasn't a big deal because he was not a foreigner who is different than us, which would be much more of a threat. McVeigh was probably really an A-RAB who got plastic surgery and skin treatments and changed his name.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:33:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You may take your eye drops and lip balm on the plane, but leave that fucking Smuckers shit at home.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i fly about 4 times a month. i'm still angry that i have to take my fucking shoes off. i try to refuse but they just make it harder on me.
this one time, i was checking out the super hot girl in front of me in the security line at O'Hare and they made both of us stand in this glass enclosure thingy while we waited for them to pat us down. we both had our shoes off and her feet smelled like a rotting corpse mixed with vomit and diarrhea. it took everything i had not to vomit all over her feet (which would even have made them smell worse). she was significantly less attractive to me after that, obviously. at least they didn't find the drugs.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know I always thought it would be cheaper and simpler to put 3 armed guards on every flight. I would trust them a hell of a lot more than I do Homeland Security.
And why wasn't terrorism a big deal when Tim McVeigh blew up that federal building? Did it get any harder to rent a U-haul? HELL NO IT DIDN'T!!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:04:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
With 3000 dead at 9/11 and 200,000 killed a year in car accidents you'd think Americans would be pathologically terrified of highways and calling Homeland Security every time they saw a Dodge.
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This is quite possibly the best comment ever.
Sadly, on one of the worst blog postings ever.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:04:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We do.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:04:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
With 3000 dead at 9/11 and 200,000 killed a year in car accidents you'd think Americans would be pathologically terrified of highways and calling Homeland Security every time they saw a Dodge.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-19 21:00:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
amen