Jeremiah Killed a Bullfrog (414 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.83 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fungah (View user info) at 2008-03-19 23:33:23 EDT
I've made up quite a few characters in my time. They've all been shallow, inhuman devices to move along a story that will probably never have an ending. For the first time I've written something with people I've pulled from my imagination.
This will probably never be finished. Jeremiah gets away with shooting a bus driver and three innocent people.
I don't like Jeremiah. I harbor a vociferous hate towards this person. But.... for once he's a person. A real, imaginary person. I'm kind of drunk.
Any money says that Shlongy could never build a shed. Ever. The pictures he's had taken with him and women are debatable. Maybe he gets a fair amount of tail, maybe not. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. He's in fairly decent shape, and he's "aged" instead of being old. But he could never, EVER build a shed.
"our" manifesto:
The hammer is a way of life. One blunt end: checkered in dull even rows of raised metal, divoted or smooth. Two prongs widening out from the handle into a V, the point of which is pulling nails. One handle made out of wood or stainless steel or some space-age alloy. The wood is usually polished and bare. New wooden hammers shine in bright light, whereas the padding of new cast steel or alloy hammers is a dull foam pock-marked with even rows of circular impressions.
This way of life brokers no compromise. The swing is absolute: the target is driven, or it is not. Mistakes are correctable with enough leverage, though sometimes some digging is required. The only rule surrounding both drive and leverage is to never lose your grip. Hold on to nothing unless it's useful. What's useful always feels the same when gripped. What's useful often looks different, but its purpose is always the same no matter what mask of bells or whistles it wears.
This way of life has one objective: drive the point flat, straight and firm.
Beginning
Jeremiah wanted him to bleed out or hop. The bus driver was a bad, bad bullfrog and Jeremiah wanted to see him bleed. Jeremiah was holding a loaded Glock 22 pistol and pointing towards the driver's feet screaming: "hope like a bullfrog" quite loudly, over and over and over again. The driver was either too scared or confused to comply. Jeremiah was sweating, he had never done anything like this before.
"Hop like a fucking bullfrog!" Jeremiah screamed again. The bus driver was terrified. He was probably crying because his back was shaking and shivering. The bus driver was hunched over the steering wheel. He had come to the steering wheel from Iran two years ago. Iran was not a place he liked, so he left and brought his family with him to Canada. The bus driver's name was Rasheed Shahnaz, his wife's name was Irsa Shahnaz and their daughter's name was Shahnaz Shirazi. Jeremiah did not know the bus driver was from Iran. Jeremiah did not know that Rasheed, whose name was on his nametag, was very worried about his daughter. Rasheed was worried about his daughter because she watched too much television.
This was not the first time Rasheed had had a gun to his head. He understood what Jeremiah was saying, but he was scared. He thought about what he should do, could do, and might do. The thoughts didn't go very far because Jeremiah pulled the trigger and made an awful mess out of Rasheed's head. Irsa would hear about the death of her husband from Shahnaz who would hear it on the evening news five minutes before the police called to inform Irsa that her husband was dead. Irsa didn't pick up the phone because she was crying into Shahnaz's shoulder. Shahnaz didn't know what else to do so she kept watching the news. There was a boy in her remedial English class that she liked, but he was from Russia and neither of them spoke English very well. His name was Peter and he'd smile at Shahnaz on Monday as he entered their class room having no idea what had happened to Shahnaz's dad. Shahnaz wouldn't notice and Peter would never smile at her again.
Jeremiah shot three other passengers on the bus before he leapt out. His feet didn't touch the ground because he was high. He felt like his head was a million miles above the clouds and that his body was acting on its own. Strangely, he would never get caught for what he had done. Instead, a man named Joseph Smith would be arrested for Jeremiah's crime and be sent to jail for a very long time. After Jeremiah had shot Rasheed and the three other passengers in the head Joseph had run from the bus. Because Joseph's great, great grandfather was Jeremiah's great, great uncle's brother Joseph looked a lot like Jeremiah and many people on the bus said that Joseph was the man who had shot Rasheed. None of these people knew Rasheed's name when they picked Joseph out from a line of people standing on the other side of a two way mirror. Joseph, in the middle of the room, looked right at everyone who said "that's him" and never knew it.
After running out of the bus, Jeremiah tossed his gun on the road. Although it was statistically impossible, Jeremiah's finger-prints matched Joseph's exactly except for a small twist at the side of his thumb. Joseph had never been caught for committing a crime but he'd been finger-printed when he was in grade 6 so they'd know it was him if he ever turned up missing.
Jeremiah had taken the gun out of his pocket to take money. He was afraid of not being high anymore. With the gun out, Jeremiah decided that he didn't care if he was high or alive or dead anymore. What Jeremiah really wanted was to see the bus driver hop like a frog or bleed out. He thought that he had shot the bus driver in the foot, but he was wrong. Things were starting to look very strange for Jeremiah.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-04-06 15:56:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jeremiah turned into a giant monkey and his homicidal rampage was finally ended somewhere near detroit.
Yes,
Jeremiah was THAT monkey.
The end.
Submitted by Zerachi (user info) at 2008-03-20 13:46:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Epic win.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-03-20 13:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-03-20 13:42:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-03-20 12:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking Canadians.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-20 12:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-20 10:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So what you're really saying is that you have to be careful about what you name a kid. I mean, I knew this kid named Jeremiah back in grade school, and all the kids, being the mean little bastards they are, used to call him "bullfrog", or sing the four words they knew from the song at him at least eight or nine times a day. I have no idea what happened to the guy, but this is as good of a theory as any.
Anyway, this is the name-occupation chart:
Chuck - Mechanic
Jeeves - Butler or chauffer
Kuriko - Japanese person
Jeremiah - Drugged up serial killer
Submitted by BlazinBull (user info) at 2008-03-20 09:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-20 09:02:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hope/hop
still goodddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd d d d
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-20 05:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-03-20 03:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-19 23:51:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was good. But something didn't sit right with me in the story. Maybe there were just too many unanswered questions. Try again sober and see if that helps. But here's a +1 in the meantime.