Rabbit Jesus. My constant fight (467 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tj Wilk <no_blank_spaces.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2008-03-21 23:22:39 EDT
The last time I encountered Rabbit Jesus was around this time last year. I was working at the petrol station (as usual) and it was about 4:30; in that wonderful time when nobody comes in for at least an hour. This is because they are all rolling around, fucked on meth and booze. I was halfway through the previous day's newspaper and was up to an article about 'sonics'; when the mighty noise of the automatic doors sounded. I looked up from my misery and saw nobody at the door. I figured that the door had just opened because of the passage of one of those fucking massive moths we get around here on hot night. The moths that somehow always find their way into the toilet bowl and cause customers to scream for hours and hours.
But none of those bastards seemed to be around. I looked back to my newspaper, but looked up quickly when I heard the sound of tiny footsteps. I say footsteps but really the noise is like little bones clacking together evilly. Suddenly from around the side of the ATM near the door came Rabbit Jesus; shuffling along and swinging his bone cane. I screamed a bit, but came to my senses after a few moments. Rabbit Jesus is about two feet high, he is basically a skeletal rabbit with bulging black eyes. He is adorned with robes of skin...other people's skin, clearly a terrifying sight to behold.
I leaped the counter and ran at him with the iron bar beneath the counter. Rabbit Jesus hates iron for some reason. He also hates being smashed with other things but iron makes him scream louder for some reason. Rabbit Jesus leaped out of my way with surprising speed for a rancid bag of bones. He leapt right into the confectionary aisle and began tearing open bags of sweets. I ran after him swinging the iron bar left and right and causing quite a deal more damage than he was. We continued like this for several more aisles of the petrol station until Rabbit Jesus swung around and looked at me with his bulging eyes. His tiny mouth opened to release a high pitched evil scream. I shouted and brought the bar down onto his head. I felt the bar crack through the rabbit bones and collide with the floor, jarring my arms. The lights flickered in the store and the echo of the scream went on and on in my head. When things had gained some sense of normality I kicked the tiny pile of bones and went back to my station. I called the police and reported a robbery. This is what I usually do, it saves on explaining Rabbit Jesus to the police and it means I can put some of the money from the till into my wallet. What about the security cameras? Well they are only for show and aren't actually connected to anything.
Another night ended with the destruction of Rabbit Jesus. But true to his name, he was to resurrect again.
I originally called Rabbit Jesus into existence because I wanted to win a tennis match against my friend. It was three years ago during a full moon. I snuck out to the park and buried a handful of old rabbit bones in the dirt near the tennis courts. I thought that if I could make my own God, I would be totally likely to win. Turns out I was right. Deadly right.
The next day my friend and I went to the tennis courts to play. Little did he know; he would be playing with Rabbit Jesus. I played pretty well, not godly well, but pretty well all the same. I was beginning to wonder whether or not my little spell would work. It was my serve and I was winning. But my Filipino friend seemed to have no limit to his stamina. I was worried; truly worried, I couldn't lose another tennis game, especially as this time round, we were playing for keeps. Suddenly there was a high-pitched scream, although somewhat muffled. It came from behind my friend. The ground near his feet began to fracture and out sprung Rabbit Jesus! The evil fiend slashed my friend's ankle and there was a sharp crack as his achilles tendon blew to pieces. This all happened as I made my final serve. My friend screamed in pain and fell to the ground. Rabbit Jesus leaped onto his face and tore off one of his ears. I whooped and laughed and danced my victory dance. But something disturbed my happiness. It was a thought, a simple thought: What if summoning Rabbit Jesus was wrong? What if there was a price to pay.
This thought manifested itself into an answer the following day. My brother was walking down the road when a truck hit him. The poor boy died instantly, but his body was caught in the truck's front grill and dragged all about town. Nobody found the driver of the truck; he just seemed to disappear. But do you know what the licence play supposedly said?
R.A.B.B.I.T J.E.S.U.S
Coincidence?
I thought so too. But that was until Rabbit Jesus showed up at my house with my brother's scalp.
I've fought Rabbit Jesus every year since then. The day you ask? Why it was Easter Sunday...
RABBIT JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2008-03-22 13:35:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good concept, but you forgot to edit.
Submitted by JustAnotherStudent (user info) at 2008-03-22 09:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck the others, I liked this.
You do need to clean it up a bit, but great concept.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-03-22 02:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What Apollo said, only with more chest-heaving and less eye-rolling.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-03-21 23:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You tried, I know you tried. it wasn't great but you really did try didn't you?
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-03-21 23:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You and Tanya Harding.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-21 23:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh