Toilet Paper Etiquette / Fantasy Baseball Sign Up (544 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.64 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by S.I. Co. Semen (View user info) at 2008-03-22 11:07:49 EDT
It was an awkward silence in the movie theater last night, moments away from the beginning credits for "10,000 BC," and I let out a juicy, nearly atomic fart to coo the whispering attendees. It was miraculous. All 10 or 15 members of the audience roared in laughter, my date included. Somehow that lead to a discussion of toilet paper etiquette between myself and the lady.
Before I continue let me say that "10,000 BC" is one of the best films I have seen since Borat, hands down. Camilla Belle is highly fuckable, as well.
I've been lead to believe that women tend to wad their toilet paper due to using toilet paper every trip to the lavatory. Whether pissing or shitting women require at least a few squares of toilet tissue. Why they can't just bounce up and down on the pot, effectively pulling the equivalent of the male "shake" is beyond me, but I'll leave the responses open for a good reason.
Me, being a near OCD asshole, must take exactly 4 squares of toilet tissue and fold it in half, in half again, and use that to wipe my asshole. It may sound militant but I find that I'm actually being eco-friendly as I'm able to get an extra usage or two if I fold over the mud depository once or twice (maximum: and this is only in cases of public restroom use or extreme hastiness).
That being said, we exhausted the possibilities of possible options, unless of course you are like me and occasionally origami your toilet paper to have the delicate wipe of a "lotus in suspended position" which gives my anus great pleasure. With this information I've determined that women, when pooping, will wad their TP out of habit and routine. Does this mean you only get one usage? If so, I think you are being detrimental to the ecological welfare of our forest and will call for your actions to immediately cease and desist.
Men, it's our duty to chant slogans to women every time we see them from now on...
"Wadding is for faggots!"
"Make folds, not wads."
"Up with folding, down with wadding."
etc.
etc.
*If there is anyone interested in playing fantasy baseball sign up below and so long as I get 8 I'll create a league.
User Reviews
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-24 08:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-23 05:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, i read somewhere (come to think of it, it might have been here)
i read somewhere that men are more likely to fold their tp and women are more likely to wad it. i fold tp usually unless it is that thin paper shit they have in industrial bathrooms, then i wad it up and fold that over once so that it is lenghty and with one wipe i can get my entire ass hole area.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-23 04:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit film
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-22 20:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy, you gonna do Fantasy baseball or are you gonna bitch out again this year?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-22 20:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, it's fairly obvious that your broad for the evening has herself the catch of the decade.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-22 19:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"...are a shitty aim with their pee..."
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Heh.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-03-22 19:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm down.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-03-22 17:37:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the people who wad toilet paper do so because folding doesn't give them the adequate friction needed to clean off all the poo. Paper towels or possibly corrugated cardboard would work better for them, but might damage the butthole. I avoid all of that by using those Cottonelles moist wipe things. Once you get past the cold, wet, "Omigod, a zombie is licking my ass" sensation, you'll realize how much better they are for your butt.
Oh, and most women can't "shake it off" because, where men's urine flows neatly from the tip of the penis, women's urethral openings are usually buried under flaps of skin (and hair, if they don't shave). When sitting on the toilet with our legs together, this can cause the urine flow to come out very messily and require a bunch of tissue to wipe up. Any woman who's ever used a public toilet after one of those chicks who "hover"(i.e., squat over the toilet without touching it) can attest to the fact that a lot of women are a shitty aim with their pee, even when hovering directly over the toilet bowl. It's ironic that these clap-factories are hovering so they won't "catch anything", then they just leave their pee for someone else to sit in, or have to clean up. Yuck.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-22 17:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i will play, brosef.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-22 16:31:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I enjoyed this.
But you seem to thrive off of negative attention so suck on this pointless rating.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-03-22 16:02:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There was a time when ancient Romans used a sponge soaked in brine to wipe their asses.
They'd just rinse it off, and use it again. Or others would. Jayzuz.
+2 for the hilarious use of 'militant,' as I do the same.
Now if I could just figure out those guys in the restroom at work who unspool about nine yards of tp and then wipe with such ferocity they sound like the are sanding down a door jamb. That's a fast track to Hemorrhoid City.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-22 14:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My obsession with fecal matter is none of your business tap. I have hit the alpha in finding my niche and it involves delving deep into piles of shit. You sir, are what I dive into.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-22 14:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-22 13:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why do about 3/4 of all sicosemen posts have to do with shit?
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Goddammit, tap, he's making a sociological statement about Uber. Or you.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-22 13:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why do about 3/4 of all sicosemen posts have to do with shit?
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2008-03-22 13:37:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Eco-friendly? Maybe a little, given all the refining that toilet paper undergoes, and the number of diesel-burning trucks it takes to get it from the forest to your house, you're probably helping out the planet a little bit, but you're not saving the forest.
Most toilet paper is made by companies like Abitibi or Kimberly Clark, who harvest timber from the boreal forest in massive clear cuts. The size of those clear cuts is generally determined by the government.
In short? The number of trees I cut down in a day is completely unaffected by how you wipe your ass.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-22 13:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who is that girl, she's hot
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-03-22 13:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
10,000 BC?
Are you serious?
I'll play Fantasy Baseball if you promise not to pull stupid shit as commissioner and cry when I still beat you.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-22 13:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-03-22 12:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I heard 10,000 bc sucked. A lot.