Ponder Bay (590 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.2 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JesterLilt (View user info) at 2008-03-22 17:13:05 EDT
He sat on the edge of the pier watching the waves spill into the bay, eyeing the seagulls as they hovered close to the water hunting down morsels of food for their young. He thought to himself....
Why is that empty packet of Walkers salt and vinegar crisps in a green packet and what gave Walkers the right to change the universal colour coding of crisp bag flavourings anyway? How many poor sods have gone to pull a packet of salt and vinegar Walkers crisps off the shelf in the supermarket and been greeted by the stale athletes foot tasting and smelling vulgarity that is cheese and onion crisps?
Waves slapped against the pier supports, green seaweed intertwined with the industrial steel struts. The grey concrete pier protruded on the skyline like an alien invasion on an otherwise blue and green pristine landscape. The steel struts interfered with the natural flow of the tide, breaking it before it hit the white strip of pristine sand before it is rapidly absorbed into the land.
He turned his attention away from the crisp bag fluttering in the wind and to the tide hitting the beach and thought...
So everybody says the water is mighty tough, an element even... the world was once all water but I reckon if it was a battle between the water and the land, say they were superheroes, the land would kick the waters ass every time. The land fights the water back and fair enough you might get erosion but the land will rise again victorious over the water - take that King Triton.
He then pondered the time old question - have wagon wheels got smaller or have I, and my stomach just gotten bigger?
Moving on from the wagon wheels to Jaffa Cakes. He was convinced once that these had gotten smaller also and so phoned the customer services line on the side of the tube. Banks and all other call centres should take a leaf out of the Jaffa Cake customer service line as they answered the phone straight away, not a call centre in India, not somebody answering the phone whose second language is English and most importantly not an automated service. He then poised the question, "Hi, I have a question, it has been bugging me for a long time and I'd like an honest answer."
The girl on the end of the phone politely replied, "Yes sir, I will do the best I can."
"Can you tell me if your Jaffa cakes have gotten smaller? I'm 22 at the moment, I'd say I've been eating them for as long as I can remember so that's probably from about 4 years old. Can you tell me if Jaffa Cakes have gotten smaller in the last 18 years and if so, why?"
"Sir, we pride ourselves on quality at McVities and I can tell you with certainty that neither the recipe nor size of Jaffa Cakes has changed in the last 18 years."
With a smile he thanked the girl on the phone and replaced the hand set with a click.
Back sitting on the end of the pier, his shoes off and trousers rolled up above his ankles he watched the teenagers with their fishing rods casting them into the bay. Cars rolled by containing Sunday drivers looking out to sea with their binoculars. Dive and fishing boats were pulling back in to the bay, ready to hang up their creels and diving gear, go home and hope for good weather the following day.
He got up, rolled down his trousers, pulled on his socks and shoes and thought one last thought...
Nice view, good fresh air but its bloody freezing out here!
User Reviews
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2008-07-22 04:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ghastly attempt at writing.
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-22 04:15:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One a day n00b
Submitted by silverbolt (user info) at 2008-06-10 03:31:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-23 18:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-23 12:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One post a day noob.
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Perfection.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-23 18:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Defo a 4 string
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-23 16:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you a four or five string?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-23 12:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One post a day noob.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-03-23 12:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/97230 Coincidence the picture cuts out just above the wrists? I think not. Emo.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-03-23 08:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, I just have an emo user name. I'm actually surprisingly well adjusted
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-23 06:35:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Emo is ok by me. Think I've said it already, rather an emo suffering from hormonal overload and over active tear ducts than a chav missing a major portion of their frontal lobe. I'd also take an asymmetrical hair cut over a skin head.
On the other hand, the dealer of death sentences ought to expect the occasional haunting from disgruntled executionees, it kinda goes with the job.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-03-22 21:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Redskies is a wee bit emo so I wouldn't say anything too harsh about him or he might slit his wrists. Just so you know.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-03-22 21:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually most of the people condemned pick the method of execution. I think I would choose a beheading, just to scar the person who would have to kill me. Also jolly good post and such.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-22 20:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Its probably better you decide, since when did the person sentenced to death pick the way they died anyway? I will warn you though, seeing as you've imposed this death sentence on me I'm going to haunt your ass for all eternity.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-03-22 20:51:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are condemned to death - just waiting for you to pick the mode of execution. May I recommend hung, drawn and quarterly?
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-22 20:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know you are, but what am I?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-03-22 20:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But seriously - which one would you pick?
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-22 20:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I've answered you x2 and ignored to death it is although I'm beginning to think it was a poor choice...
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-03-22 20:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still, you haven't chosen your form of execution yet - shall I just put you down for ignored to death?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-22 20:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not too shabby
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-03-22 20:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This, I will plus two with alacrity
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-22 19:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2008-03-22 18:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice read, wagon wheels have shrunk,to at least half their size, as have king size mars bars and Dairy Milk doesn't taste the same as it did, although that could be me smoking 40 cigs a day
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2008-03-22 17:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really great. Post more often.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-22 17:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh well, you live and learn.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-22 17:32:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Saves the front page from getting littered with idiocy.
There are some VERY bored dorks that infest this little cesspool. Most of the kids around here are rather entertaining, though.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-22 17:27:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I had thought about keeping it for tomorrow and then thought sod it, its Saturday, I'm bored shitless, skint with nowhere to go so why not.
Didn't realise it knocked the other off the front page, that's a bit crud.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-22 17:21:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best to only post once a day.
Little unwritten rule the nerds get all uppity about around here.
Besides, it just takes your other post off the front page limiting it's exposure so why bother?