Tightcapism assholism (718 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.77 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rodion Raskolnikov <rodyarask.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2008-03-23 12:46:32 EDT
The other day I attempted to get a drink from the fridge, but failed because I could not get the cap off the soda bottle. The unexpected obstacle between me and soda infuriated me, because it is not the first time that I have faced it. I do not understand why people apply such extreme force when twisting the damn caps onto the damn bottles.
Anyway, I wasn't about to give up so I went up stairs and got my trusty pliers. Soon I was quite satisfied with myself while drinking a well deserved glass of Mountain Dew. With the bottle half full, I used my pliers to tighten the cap as much as I could before depositing it back into the fridge. Fuck you, bottle-cap asshole.
Fast forward to today.
I walked into the kitchen this morning and found one of my roommates struggling with the bottle. He has been for a some time, it appeared, because he was sweating and looked awfully frustrated. He was using his shirt to get a better grip in vain. I watched with glee as he struggled.
"Are you the fucking asshole that keeps doing this shit?" He asked me. "I swear to God, I will fucking stab you right now if you are."
User Reviews
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-03-26 14:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Often, carbon dioxide released from the beverage post-opening will build up in a closed bottle, adding tension to the lid, giving the impression of an over-tightening.
That's why I like cans. 12 oz for me, none for the roomies.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-24 18:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Mountain Dew used to have a spokes-icon named 'Willy the Hillbilly'. Just thought you'd like to know.
And we put the cap on tight so the soda won't go flat. Masturbate more, it will increase your hand strength and you won't whine so much.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-03-24 14:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They still MAKE Mountain Dew in bottles???
Holy hell, I haven't had anything out of a bottle except for beer since at least ten years ago.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2008-03-24 03:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
the abrupt ending left me wet and breathless for more.
Submitted by bjrog2 (user info) at 2008-03-23 23:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Needs more rape
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2008-03-23 21:30:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-03-23 20:58:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-23 20:32:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2008-03-23 20:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The intent was to insult you by suggesting that since your story was neither interesting nor amusing, it would have to be biographical, which you then admitted it wasn't. That's the joke!
BTW, after the first -2, my subsequent -2s don't count. There's no such thing as a -6.
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Well played, sir. You have won this round.
I thought you posted the definition to back up Ltap's assumption that it was autobiographical. Silly me. I am sorry to have assumed that you and Ltap think on the same level.
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2008-03-23 20:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please, go back to posting NY Times articles, cockeater.
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But you didn't like the article! How can I please you, Shlongy! Tell me! I will do anything for your approval! Just! Tell! Me!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-23 20:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU ARE A REAL WINNER.
Please, go back to posting NY Times articles, cockeater.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-23 19:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have tummy ache but if I didn't I know I would have laughed.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-23 19:04:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
back in the old days, ratings were continuous. you could -2 a post all day and bring the rating to a -1.98. Then Bart ruined all the fun.
this was yummy.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-23 18:52:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ltap is a douchebag.
I like PepsiCoke.
Scourge is dreamy - has he shown up yet? He will... be nice to him, he gives out the best candy.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-23 18:47:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fucking fantastic.
I am a happier person for having read this.
Asshole indeed.
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-03-23 18:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2008-03-23 16:07:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
anecdote: a usually short narrative of an interesting, amusing, OR biographical incident.
The key word here, Coke, is "OR."
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The intent was to insult you by suggesting that since your story was neither interesting nor amusing, it would have to be biographical, which you then admitted it wasn't. That's the joke!
BTW, after the first -2, my subsequent -2s don't count. There's no such thing as a -6.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-03-23 17:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was funny.
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2008-03-23 16:07:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
anecdote: a usually short narrative of an interesting, amusing, OR biographical incident.
The key word here, Coke, is "OR."
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2008-03-23 16:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus ... Coke! -6?
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-03-23 15:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Weak ass pussies. I used to not be able to open soda bottles, then I turned seven.
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-03-23 15:22:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you, idiot. :)
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2008-03-23 15:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just got mad two -2s on the same post :)
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-03-23 15:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2008-03-23 14:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This did not happen to me, you fucking moron. It is an anecdote.
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From Dictionary.com
"anecdote
One entry found
Pronunciation: \ˈa-nik-ˌdōt\
noun
: a usually short narrative of an interesting, amusing, or biographical incident"
Well, at least it was short.
Please don't -2 any more of my posts. You've already hit four of seven! You've made your point and I offer this +2 as a token of my surrender.
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-03-23 14:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
AND WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH AIRPLANE FOOD
Submitted by JustAnotherStudent (user info) at 2008-03-23 14:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lltap seems a bit like a douche... it's ubersite, dude, get over it already.
+1 for the mildly amusing story, +1 simply because I like your name.
And seriously, who the fuck keeps screwing the lids on so tight? Are there fucking coke bottle gnomes running around?
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2008-03-23 14:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-23 13:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If I work to find stuff I find funny for my posts, you shouldn't get away with a positive rating on shit that happens to you that isn't even funny or interesting, just boring.
___________________________
1. You work for your posts? I always figured that you blew your nose, smeared that shit on a piece of paper and scanned it. Now that you admit to actually WORKING on the feces that you call "posts" I can only feel sorry for you.
2. This did not happen to me, you fucking moron. It is an anecdote.
3. I do not give a flying fuck about ratings. Unlike you, I do not give +2s to my own posts, you shit-eating cretin.
4. You gave me a -2 on a previous post for bad grammar (since you are too stupid to understand first-person writing). "If I work to find stuff I find funny for my posts"? What in the flying-fuck is that?
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-03-23 14:24:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha, butthurt below.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-23 13:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If I work to find stuff I find funny for my posts, you shouldn't get away with a positive rating on shit that happens to you that isn't even funny or interesting, just boring.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-03-23 13:34:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i laughed out loud. well done.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-03-23 13:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Make love, not war.
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41P7Z7D232L._SS400_.jpg
Submitted by skyler (user info) at 2008-03-23 13:02:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-03-23 12:59:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You, sir, are worse than Hitler.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-03-23 12:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I lol'd.