The Death of Sport (903 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.44 on 54 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by iddqd (View user info) at 2008-03-25 20:31:23 EDT
A while ago I called for certain olympic sports - Archery in particular - to be reviewed, with a view to removing them entirely, due to the growing lack of human element in it. My point about archery was that the equipment is so ridiculously technological, its like you're getting R2-fucking-D2 to fire your arrow for you. I likened it to contesting the high-jump using a step ladder. A simile that I was quite chuffed with, just quietly.
My influence with the IOC not being what it once was, my well-thought and well-written suggestions went overlooked.
Now I'm re-raising this point.
Currently, we here in Australia are having national swim titles. Here in Australia we excel in one thing: sport. I could blather on and on about it, but its fucking boring so I won't. Essentially, as a n elite sporting nation one sport in particular we REALLY excel at is swimming. Given that about 90% of the population lives on or near the coast, this is probably less surprising than you might think.
At these swim titles, and even before them, world records are falling faster and harder than a typical soccer (that's right, you cunts, SOCCER) player. I mean they're going down more quickly than Method's mother. Nope, that didn't really work. Do me a favour and re-read the soccer player joke again.
Moving on, we have 14-year-old girls breaking records, we have previous also-rans coming out and smashing their personal-bests by THREE FUCKING SECONDS to break records, we have records that have withstood some really amazing swimmers for in excess of 10 years suddenly falling over. You get the idea.
What is happening?
Steroids? Possibly. But to be perfectly honest, I don't think so.
A deal with the devil? I wish, because that would be awesome, and it would mean that I would be in with a shot at suffocating myself with the folds of Scarlett Johansson's vagina.
Good old fashioned hard work, carefully monitored diet and training regimes? I would say yes to this, but they've pretty much been doing this for a good 20 years or more anyway, so I think its unlikely that just now they worked out that if they'd just done one more hour a week in the pool they could have done all this ages ago.
Outboard motors? Fucking close on this one, but not quite.
Just as I finished the above sentence, on the news ANOTHER record (this one set by some roided-to-the-hairy-balls Chinese woman back in 1992) has just fallen.
No, it seems to me that the new suits designed by Speedo, NASA, the 'Greys', and that wild-haired 'Doc from "Back to the Future" is largely responsible. The swimmers put these fucking things on and putting records on the endangered list.
I mean three seconds in most sports is a real long time. In basketball for example, three seconds can pretty much somehow last for a good forty minutes. In the pool, breaking one's own previous best by three whole seconds in one swim is just ludicrous.
Clearly these suits are performance enhancing. I doubt there is a steroid, drug, or 'supplement' out there that could do that from one swim to the next, so what exactly is the difference between someone injecting horse testicles into their eyeballs until they look like Lurch, and these suits? In fact, why are we even bothering with people? If speed is all that counts, and big fancy record times are all that matters, lets just put some mako sharks in one end of the pool and a beaten to a tasty, bleeding pulp lawyer in the other end and watch the records fly.
Basically, this sport is now like car racing. The swimmer has basically become an incidental to the whole process. And if that's the case, what is the point of the whole thing? If you can't compete without wearing the fucking suit, let's just call the fucking sport LZR (that's the name of the suit) racing, make a whole new sport out of it and have done with it.
At what point does technology become too effective? Or is it fine for people to have to wear the suits to compete? Recently a disabled athlete was ruled unfit to compete because in lieu of lower legs he had these long bendy bits of plastic. The 'feet' were shown to give him an unfair advantage, and he was told he couldn't run anymore. How are this any different to a suit that has clearly been responsible for the breaking of literally now dozens of records?
It isn't any different. Clearly. Obviously. FUCKING obviously. Then why hasn't this thing been reviewed?
Because corporations are evil and money rules all. The athletes don't care about whoring themselves out. They've been doing it so long now, it's the norm, it's fucking required. The 'governing body' doesn't care, because they're getting paid, and that's all that matters. We the public don't care, because we're too stupid and it takes too much effort anyway.
After all, it's only sport, so who really gives a fuck, but jeez it'd be nice to have something pure left. Something you can admire, something that isn't as filthy as everything else has become.
Sport to me represents a chance to see some of the finest elements of the human spirit. Of seeing people win because they want to win more than the other person, regardless of talent, regardless of anything - their will prevails and it shows us what we, collectively, are capable of.
But that doesn't fucking matter anymore. As long as we win.
Aussie Aussie Aussie. Oi Oi Oi.
User Reviews
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-03-28 09:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jesus now I'm getting angry. Green and fucking gold - what the fuck is with that. Nobody is going to be intimidated by a team wearing yellow socks.....well except for the english (sweden, and when we beat them too, 3-1) but bloody hell FUCK the english. I mean who hasn't?
the vikings,
germanic tribes...
then william the conqueror..
rob roy..
but it's no excuse. I say we build a uniform that makes us less susceptible to their taunts. When it's three nil and david beckham is crying in the change-rooms at half time, and somebody like that piss-poor excuse for vinnie jones john terry picks on our socks, he can think again like that guy in flower of scotland, and see that they're white. that's right. white. White socks, and a predominantly green strip with 'gold' adidas stripes, and a red circle on our hearts to indicate all the blood from the tasmanian aborigines. You *try* getting Lucas Neil to commit early in the eighteen yard box wearing THAT kind of kit, no fucking way.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-03-28 08:31:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just wait until they're in the green and gold shandy, just wait. green and gold - what a combination.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-03-28 08:12:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if the suits were sexually attractive i wouldn't mind, but they're not
although these new ones do seem to have some weird stuff going on the arse region
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-03-27 19:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im sorry to disappoint, but youd be horrified with exactly how prudish australia is.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-03-27 17:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When it comes to Olympic swimming and Australians, you downunderoos have pissed me right the fuck off.
Years ago there was SERIOUS discussion of having these girls swim NAKED to improve their time. And there was discussion that it would be televised. A bunch of wrinkled old prudes got all worked up about it, but COME ON, how much different would that be from the gymnastics or figure skating we see now, where commentators will quietly discuss technique or skill while the collective TV audience stares at the crotch of a young girl covered in a costume as thin as electroplate?
If any country had the balls to get the ball rolling on this it would have been Australia, where there is that rare combination of cute girls willing to loose their clothes on the slightest pretense, which relieves any stigmas about nudity.
Christ knows it wouldn't happen here in the Uptight States of America where, for example, a horror movie 'edited for television' will be shown minus a flash of breast or nipple, but throat-slashings and exploding heads will remain intact. A great message for the kiddies.
Australia was our last, greatest hope for slicked-up stripped-down bare flexing nubile ass on our prime-time wide-screens. I demand it, not for my own (possibly perverse) motives, but for the sake of the freedom of expression in every human endeavor!
What happened, Australia? Where are our naked Olympians?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-03-27 17:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2008-03-26 00:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the real problem is that people spend so much time focusing on pointless games of competition rather than on something that produces even a mild amount of value for society.
If you like swimming then go swimming. Who the hell cares who's faster at it?
--
Says the man responsible for this-
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Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, this post was fucking good. Rarely on uber (or anywhere on teh itnarw3b) do I find articles I agree with wholeheartedly. Don't know what else to add, so......yeah, I agree.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-27 10:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-03-27 05:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2008-03-26 12:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wish Thorpe hadn't retired.
I sure hope he wasn't taking steroids.
a bit of a controversy there, eh?
I wanted to see him beat Mr. Phelps again.
_____
Trust me, from what i've seen in "Wazza Camwhores" and "We're drunk ya faggots", Thorpe is NOT on steroids.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-03-27 02:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As a former JOAD (Junior Olympic Archery Division) competitor, even with a stabilizer, sight pin, release and kisser button, it's still HARD AS FUCK to shoot a bow and arrow. It looks easy. It's not.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-26 19:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How, exactly, do these suits work? I've never heard of them.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-26 18:41:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Totally agree with this.
Although, I think drugs are probably a bigger problem than is made public. There are drugs out there now that you can take to fool the drugs tests? So say you smoke a shit load of weed and you get drugs tested for your job then there is another drug you can take which gets rid of THC. People use it in my business all the time and you can buy them off the net. Many different names so I won't list them here. You can buy these to get rid of pretty much anything, amphetamines, barbiturates, benzodiazepines, opium derivatives, steroids.
For every drugs test, there is a drug developer one step ahead of the game.
Here's my generalisation of a whole nation - Aussies are good swimmers because they have big feet.
Why can't athletes just be naturally aspirated, they're sucking the fun out of the whole thing.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-03-26 17:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
they look gay too.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2008-03-26 13:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know...
I think the joke about method's mother works just fine.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2008-03-26 13:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While an athlete that beats a standing record usually has what I guess you could characterize as an unfair advantage over the old record-holder (whether it be better shoes, a drag-reducing swimsuit, etc.), the athlete is usually engaged in a competition where all of the current participants share the same advantages...so it is still a contest between the humans themselves, not their equipment.
And I think few record-holders that see their records fall would complain about the new/better/more technologically advanced equipment that the new record-holder had, knowing that they themselves would have used it if they had it at their disposal.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-26 12:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post for once, shitheel.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2008-03-26 12:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wish Thorpe hadn't retired.
I sure hope he wasn't taking steroids.
a bit of a controversy there, eh?
I wanted to see him beat Mr. Phelps again.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-26 11:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-26 03:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2008-03-26 00:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the real problem is that people spend so much time focusing on pointless games of competition rather than on something that produces even a mild amount of value for society.
If you like swimming then go swimming. Who the hell cares who's faster at it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A lot of people, actually. I think it's pretty sad when a grown man can't find value in competition. Testing the limits of human capability is an evolutionary obligation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well said.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-03-26 10:38:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2008-03-25 23:53:23 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the real problem is that people spend so much time focusing on pointless games of competition rather than on something that produces even a mild amount of value for society.
----
Personally I'd love to see all the money that goes into professional sports (Football all the way down to fucking NASCAR) be used for silly things such as medical research, scientific research, alternative energy development. You know, frivolous things.
By the way, great post. You're highly enjoyable when you're not being a complete bastard.
Submitted by celtic1888 (user info) at 2008-03-26 10:26:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-26 10:15:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-03-26 09:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lurch is a good swimmer, by the way.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-26 08:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-26 08:43:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-26 07:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-03-26 04:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
professional sports does bullocks for society in general.
the olympics suck donkeys balls ever since they stopped doing barrel jumping with ice skates.
now THATS a manly sport.
swimming is for grrls
how bout speed amputations?
you win a medal for speed and finesse and you get to save a life, maybe.
you only get the medal if the patient lives for more than a month.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-26 03:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2008-03-26 00:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the real problem is that people spend so much time focusing on pointless games of competition rather than on something that produces even a mild amount of value for society.
If you like swimming then go swimming. Who the hell cares who's faster at it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A lot of people, actually. I think it's pretty sad when a grown man can't find value in competition. Testing the limits of human capability is an evolutionary obligation.
Submitted by DMBillies (user info) at 2008-03-26 01:30:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know anything about swimming (nor do I honestly care about that sport), but your point is well taken.
Shooting bow is an atrocious example in that a release, sight pins, and pulleys and levers essentially turns your bow into a crossbow or gun (i.e., it takes all of the points of human error, strength, and skill and trashes them). Consistently shooting at the same distance (or one of a couple distances) becomes trivial, so perhaps the athletes should have to start competing on rough terrain (elevation changes) and shooting at targets that vary in distance. This would require more skill in accurately judging the distance and the arrow trajectory to successfully hit a target.
That said, I couldn't take one of these swim suits, jump in a pool, and hit anywhere near the time that these athletes are... so it's all relative.
Nicely done post though +2
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2008-03-26 01:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-26 01:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're never going to attract any mates with that attitude, mister.
_____
What my roommate said
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-26 01:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're never going to attract any mates with that attitude, mister.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2008-03-26 00:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the real problem is that people spend so much time focusing on pointless games of competition rather than on something that produces even a mild amount of value for society.
If you like swimming then go swimming. Who the hell cares who's faster at it?
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-03-26 00:02:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's an easy solution to this. Make the Olympic Games naked again. Sure, the wang might cause a little drag in the mens' races since it's not being flattened into oblivion by manties, but everyone would be equally equipped and ratings would skyrocket. It's win-win, really.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-25 23:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-25 19:07:03 PDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You made some very valid points there amigo. However if we were to stick with your line of thinking, people would still compete naked.
-----
Then I can definitely get behind this post, if you catch my meaning.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-03-25 23:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
there are twenty million of us big dyke and we're pretty much the world champions at everything. And the things we're not world champions at we damn well should be, and it's usually because someone cheated - like italy for example.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-03-25 23:20:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-03-25 21:56:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I disagree, but this was an actual post.
-------------
I disagree too, Stephanie Rice broke the record by 6 seconds. no wait that was her p.b.
See? your point is invalid. six seconds is like only a third of a lap.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2008-03-25 23:06:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post.
I never quite thought of Australia as a sports elite nation though.
It's because I'm American and have been force fed the idea that Americans are better at everything. That's the whole reason why the rest of the world hates us. It's our arrogant ideals about our self worth. Oh, that and the fact that our president is an a-hole. Can't leave that bit out.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-03-25 22:31:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2008-03-25 22:25:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
too many useless words not enuff BEARSS
lame
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2008-03-25 22:25:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
too many useless words not enuff BEARSS
lame
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-25 22:07:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You made some very valid points there amigo. However if we were to stick with your line of thinking, people would still compete naked. That might up the ratings for gymnastics(sex) or fencing(violence), but I'd prefer not to see most Olympic athletes naked.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-03-25 21:56:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I disagree, but this was an actual post.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-25 21:17:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-03-25 21:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thing is, it is still a contest between men, not gizmos. At the olympic level everyone has pretty much the same level of toys.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-03-25 21:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-03-25 20:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the suit is not inherent to the sport. you cant ski without skis, you cant cycle without the bike, the advancements there are a much more grey area, i think. archery is like that, but they have abstracted the sport so much now, and basically the 'sportsman' is now little more than a technician who applies the arrow to the bow, aligns the instruments and lets the tech do its job.
shoes and running is a bit of a tenuous point. sure, they have changed a bit, but have never had the dramatic effect these suits are having. i mean, in that sport youre not going to see some guy lace up some spikes and cut 3 seconds off the record. well, unless its the coyote in some acme rocket boots.
-------------------
That is because shoe technology is only improving incrimentally now.
Try running in shoes from 50 yrs ago and see how much it hurts your mile time.
Thing is, it is still a contest between men, not gizmos. At the olympic level everyone has pretty much the same level of toys.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-25 21:12:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<old joke>
Your idea won't work. Sharks won't attack a lawyer- professional courtesy.
Good post.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-03-25 21:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You don't need a swim suit to swim at all really. Say, this isn't just you wanting to turn the Olympics into a manly peep show like they did back in Shlongy's day do you? Cause I didn't know you swung that way.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-25 21:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well you're going on and on about how the suits are causing people to drop three seconds, but it aint all the suits. faster pools allow swimmers with artificial enhancements to zoom through the water at astronomical paces. im'a just sayin in factors in.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-03-25 21:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pools i dont have so much of an issue with. sure, they have a massive effect, but the pool itself is an artificial constraint upon the swimmer. the suit however is an artifical enhancement.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-03-25 20:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the suit is not inherent to the sport. you cant ski without skis, you cant cycle without the bike, the advancements there are a much more grey area, i think. archery is like that, but they have abstracted the sport so much now, and basically the 'sportsman' is now little more than a technician who applies the arrow to the bow, aligns the instruments and lets the tech do its job.
shoes and running is a bit of a tenuous point. sure, they have changed a bit, but have never had the dramatic effect these suits are having. i mean, in that sport youre not going to see some guy lace up some spikes and cut 3 seconds off the record. well, unless its the coyote in some acme rocket boots.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-25 20:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
also, pools are changing. they're getting wider, which means there's less resistance from water turbulence. when mark spitz broke all those records all those years ago, he was swimming in what most american high shcools now have, with whatever amount of lanes and then the flat wall directly at the side. in sydney, (correct me if im wrong) the sides of the pool gradually got shallower until it was zero-depth along the sides.
that makes a HUGE difference.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-03-25 20:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where are you going to draw the line here mate?
Running shoes have advanced considerably since the Nike Cortez. What about bicycles? Don't they have that thing in the Olympics where they ride a bike really fast in a little arena. I'm pretty sure those bikes are nothing like the original bikes. I can't imagine how many bones I would break if I tried to ski a typical slope I ski all winter on those old wooden things that you strapped to your feet back in Tahoe 1960.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-25 20:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
plus the smaller aussi penii cut down resistance quite substantially
roughly 1 inch = 3/100's of a second over each 50 meters
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-03-25 20:46:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Frisbee.
That is, and will remain, the last bastion of human sporting, although most will rightfully question it's qualifications as "sport".
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-03-25 20:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is a different case, i believe. a particular piece of technology is introduced and records INSTANTLY fall. if that disabled guy cant use his plastic legs ( i mean for fuck sake, the guy is running on plastic boomerangs, thats gotta get some credit, doesnt it?), then why can we use these fucking suits?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-25 20:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry mate, the post was good.
i keep forgetting, and most people on here do, that the post not the opinion should be rated. if it's well written, persuasive and elicits a response then +2 even if you disagree.
/end sanctimony.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-25 20:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's just the way it is.
lets stop all technology eh?
right tiger you cunt, you're using a feather ball now. get your mashie and niblick and get out of that rough.
eras change, athletes from different eras can't be compared. deal with it.
you might as well give people worse nutrition, 'cos stanley matthews used to eat lard before a game.
it's all relative and they are still superb achievements no matter the era. you can only beat what is in front of you.
but i do feel your pain.
look at this 'ronaldo is better than george best' nonesense, if you look at the old video he was fucking HACKED mercilessley, same with pele and eusebio. but the counter argument to that is the pace of the game is 100% faster so it's harder.
no one can win the argument.
and that's what makes sport so fucking interesting.