White Mice and Dead Cats (604 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.6 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Oscar Z Acosta (View user info) at 2008-03-27 09:56:16 EDT
Hello dear. Bet you can't guess what's for dinner today." she called as he walked in through the door.
"Is it dogs bollocks again?"
"That's sweet and sour chicken, and no, guess again."
"Hmm. Just give me a minute, let me think."
He glanced around the kitchen, looking for clues. Up on the shelf he saw their venus fly-trap, and memories of that painful, frustrated afternoon came flooding back. 'Gobble, gobble, CHOMP!' Those plants really are a very poor substitute for the real thing. Mind you, it didn't get away scot-free either, suffering from terrible indigestion for months, not to mention the most unspeakable halitosis.
Still, there was a positive side to the whole incident... he had been inspired to produce the most impressive painting: 'Phallic Cactus Faces The On-Coming Lawnmower', subtitled 'Old Enough To Know Better'.
Then, noticing the oven was on, he said "I know what we're having. Fluffy white mice, with stringy tails, in a rich tomato sauce."
She frowned at him and he sighed as a vision of elephants attacking a flock of sheep flickered across his subconscious. "Did you ever wonder what shepherds crooks are really for?"
"Two men and a dog sat drifting in a boat. They hadn't yet decided where they were going to drift to, not having a map. In fact, they were so totally lost that they didn't even know if they were at sea, or simply playing in the duck pond at the end of the lane. The lane itself was a narrow and twisty affair. So twisty in fact, that you could be standing in the middle, turn around, and not know where you had come from. Mind you, knowing your origins has always been a bit of a tricky subject, especially for those of a milky coffee complexion."
I've always preffered mine on the strong side. After a few years of pumping iron, it should be just about ready."
It was no use. Discussing life with the fleas in the carpet didn't help his mood one bit.
The clock that had hung on the wall for years was no longer there, yet whenever he walked past its place, he could still see it.
"I wonder if that's what happens when someone you've lived with for years goes away?"
He sat there silently, staring at the walls, overcome with a strange feeling of loss. As if a lover that never was, had just died unexpectedly, while away. It was that dreadful empty feeling that something vital was missing.
He looked to the window, an expression of utter boredom hanging on his face like a sack of drowned kittens, lodged on a rock mis-stream. The rain poured down. He looked away, the kittens swept away again by the current. In the centre of the room, he picked up an old copy of 'Tampon Digest'.
In another room, she sat staring out of the window. It was pissing it down out there, and had been all day. She wondered if it was ever going to stop. Probably not.
She had been occupied until now, when the cat she had been playing with had abruptly died. Very inconsiderate of it, especially when the acid seemed to be working so well.
She pushed it around the floor distractedly, whilst trying to think of something else to do. She stood up and nudged the dead cat with her foot, enjoying the squelching sound it made as her shoe hit the animals stomach. She hit it a bit harder with her toe, and frowned as something stuck to her shoe. Bending down to look, she saw it was a small piece of cat gut. Standing there studying it, she wondered whether to put it back in the cat's body, eat it, or put it in the bin. She decided that the latter option was probably the wisest, but took a small bite anyway.
User Reviews
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2008-09-12 12:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:50:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hehe boobies hehe
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just looked for the Cool Whip clip on you tube, I think it has been removed.
The tooth fairy episode - Prick up your ears - is awesome.
What did ya wanna talk about for hours, like?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just bought season six.....fan fucking tastic
we could talk about family guy huh, hmmm not exactly what i was aiming for
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, it is an episode title.
Dude, I could chat FG to you for hours. Cool Whip.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:37:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my name on here is a link to family guy
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate Quagmire.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
giggity giggity goooooooooo
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read it twice!! It took two to try and get my head round it!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:26:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Like anyones gonna read this.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-03-27 17:05:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really wasn't expecting this today.
Submitted by celtic1888 (user info) at 2008-03-27 11:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by DreamWeaver (user info) at 2008-03-27 11:15:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant. You weirdo.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-27 11:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In life there are vibrant people and dull people. All other distinctions are merely academic; sraight, gay, man, woman, young, old and so on. Vibrant are the characters, dull are the stage. By that metaphore it is implied that vibrant and dull must belong together but is there not something beautiful about a manufactured set lingering unobserved and unused in a dark warehouse, huddled with equally unobserved and immortal peers?
Is it not an eternal image, like that of a black man smoking?
Still, I'd rather fuck an actress than the bed she's sitting on.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-27 10:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Some of the formatting here gave me a mini-headache but overall this wasn't too shabby.
Submitted by EkO (user info) at 2008-03-27 10:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-27 10:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-27 10:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is weird...+2 cos I'm in a good mood.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-27 09:59:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are completely without your marbles.