Road Rage (1160 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 50 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ally <AllyJeans.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2008-03-27 12:27:40 EDT
A girl with a bedazzled cell phone cut me off in traffic today. I gave her the finger, called her a whore, questioned the tenets of her religion, and shook my fist at her. All this in under 1.4 seconds. I also called her a cunt but that was after the 1.4 seconds.
For her part, she didn't give me a second thought but continued to talk into her sparkly cell phone—probably about how much she hates the taste of cum after chewing "Ice Breakers." Wishing to have the final word, I pulled along side and mimed to her, with one hand punching through the other, that I hoped she would one day suffer a prolapsed uterus. Leaving it at that, I sped by her in the fast lane.
Five minutes later she was back, tailgating me until a spot opened up for her on the right. Now alongside, she was yelling something. I couldn't really tell what it was, but she was also aping the hand gesture I had made and throwing up her hands as if to say, "What was that?"
I hit the power window button and waited for her to do the same. Then I shouted out the window.
"HEY, THERE!"
"WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, BITCH?"
"I HOPE YOU GET A PROLAPSED UTERUS!"
"WHAT?"
"I SAID I HOPE YOUR UTERUS FALLS OUT AND DOES A FUCKING DANCE!
"FUCK YOU!"
"AND A GOOD DAY TO YOU TOO!"
I rolled the window back up and waved goodbye. Then I slowed down, pulled behind her, and took the next exit so as to avoid any unnecessary violence.
User Reviews
Submitted by Off_The_Wagon (user info) at 2008-06-04 11:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-04-04 23:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-03-31 00:26:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was my girlfriend and she is SO going to kick your ass now...
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-03-29 17:48:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<blinks>
okay what's a uterus.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-03-29 16:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're the best.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-03-28 08:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
this is the reason I keep all my pennies in my car.
The closer they are on my bumper the bigger the handful of pennies about to crack the shit out of their windshield. (I usually drive around 80-90mph on the highway so if i am getting tailgated there is something wrong)
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-03-28 02:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a funny chick.
Submitted by Godless_dave (user info) at 2008-03-28 00:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Definately worth at least a 1!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-03-27 23:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulfield (user info) at 2008-03-27 21:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2008-03-27 19:14:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pfft, if you were a real woman you'd have followed her home and passive aggresivly tidied her living room whilst she watched television.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love this guy.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2008-03-27 17:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice!
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-27 17:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I rolled the window back up and waved goodbye. Then I slowed down, pulled behind her, and took the next exit so as to avoid any unnecessary violence.
-----
I considered docking a point for the lack of unnecessary violence, but you're clearly a woman, and cannot help being at least a little bit incompetent.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-03-27 16:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-27 14:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
long time no see.
can a uterus prolapse? the very idea frightens me beyond measure.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-03-27 14:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-27 14:34:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have taken the spare dagger and ninja star that I carry in my glove box out and whipped one at her ear lobe when she rolled the window down. After she crashed her Mazda Miata I would've fed her kelp until she was healthy enough where I could then stomp on her stomach, effectively prolapsing her uterus.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-03-27 14:33:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone with a 'phone that girly probably has a spare uterus anyway.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-03-27 14:01:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dancing Uteri.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:24:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oathy is a very sensitive young man. His roids are like his children.
_________________
*flexes*
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha below
oathy has made me chuckle probably three times recently. he must be on his meds.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oathy is a very sensitive young man. His roids are like his children.
J/K Oathy you know I loves ya like a fat chick loves marshmallows
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At first I thought this read 'Roid Rage' and I thought, "Alright...who's the asshole making fun of me now?"
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:09:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:09:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, I'd make your uterus do a dance.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:08:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fan-fucking-tastic.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I learned it from my mother. Did you?
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are wonderful.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think the international sound for "catfight" is REAR!!!
this sound must be followed by a scratching motion with the hands
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yikes.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck yeah
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Berty alone.
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pfft, if you were a real woman you'd have followed her home and passive aggresivly tidied her living room whilst she watched television.
====================================
HAHAHA, no, only my mother does that.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pfft, if you were a real woman you'd have followed her home and passive aggresivly tidied her living room whilst she watched television.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:42:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a great start to the day.
Hey, if you and this broad DO actually get together to "catfight", would you be so kind to take and post pictures?
Thanks in advance.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry Jeanneee cut you off. That wasn't very nice of her.
----------------
How dare you. My cell phone is not Be-Dazzled. It's red.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:40:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm with FG...I can't stand tailgaters. Even if I'm not the one being tailgated.
Given the opportunity I'll get in front of someone acting a fool and slow down side by side with some other cars and box them in.
Yes I'm that dick.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:40:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:38:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
god damn!
TAILGATERS!
I'm in a coma today.
Sorry
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice
I can handle just about anything except tailgaiters. They're fucking dangerous.
Think about it, when you tailgait someone, you're putting a lot of faith in the driver in front of you. What if the driver in front doesn't like tailgaiters and decides to slam on their brake? The tailgaiter is fucked unless they have reflexes that are as fast as lightning.
I've often driven to work, thinking about how much I'd like to have a new car, when inevitably some douchebag in a Lexus, BMW, Jag, or some other pea dicked compensation car, decides to tailgait me. I'm going the speed limit or 5 over. In the right lane. 2 to 3 other lanes are wide open and they're going to tailgait me in a simple Ford Escort.
Hmmmm, I think to myself. I've got airbags and my seat belt is buckled. They're driving a Lexus SUV. I think I'd like a new car. I wonder what would happen if I suddenly slam on the brakes? I can always tell the police a deer ran across the highway. I think I can handle whiplash for a new car.
And so on.
I don't because it would be my luck that they'd have some 1,000 dollar and hour lawyer.
Anyway, fuck douchebag tailgaiters.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But it's so sparkly!
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry Jeanneee cut you off. That wasn't very nice of her.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, dancing uterus
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
W0000 IT'S MY FAVORITE LADY WRITER