SPT - (34x - 1.22(3y)) = truth (683 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.45 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by OathMeal (View user info) at 2008-03-27 13:32:41 EDT
This post is a philosophical statement about everything as it exists.
This post endeavors to posit Certain Natural Maxims (CNM's).
It is a declaration.
______________________________________________________________________
It is better to exist than not to exist.
'Better' means more favorable.
'More favorable' means naturally positive for any one thing.
That which exists is better than that which does not exist.
What is better supersedes what is not better, over time and only for that which does exist.
That which does not exist can not get better as getting better depends on existence.
That which does not exist obviously, has no existence.
Humans exist.
There are in humans that which is better for them, and that which is worse for them.
These two forces are ubiquitous and certain.
Humans also are existentially cursed to be aware of themselves and time, yet they remain unaware of their sources and essences.
The warring forces of self-preservation vs. -destruction create all greed, fear, anger, hate, anxiety, ill will, animosity, selfishness and despair, and nowhere else can such things breed. These things which are bad for us can only thrive within ourselves; so we now rape our minds.
People fuck dolphins.
People dress up in Betty Boop costumes and pray to Mayan gods and in some places there are clubs for that.
Ignorance paralyzes entire societies.
Some dude hacks his mother up with a rusty ax before giving the same to the dog and then dies by his own hand, somehow.
HEY CHECK IT OUT LANCE FOUND A FROG WITH IT'S LEG BROKE COME QUICK HE'S NEAR THE TUNNEL C'MON! C'MON! [vicious recollection of darkness swirling as I ran through the underground tunnel...light barely shone off the standing water within it and all was about pitch black]
I remember, they blew that frog to bits with a firecracker. The greenish-brown skin and shit was all over Lance's porch.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WAS THE FUNNIEST IS WHEN WE TOLD LANCE'S DOG TO BE LIKE ALL DUSTBUSTER AND SHIT AND EAT ALL THE FROG GUTS YOU KNOW?!! AND SO HE DID THE DOG CAME OUT TO THE PATIO AND ATE IT!! HAHA! IT WAS HILARIOUS OH AND THEN...[I'm sure I annoyed many people as a child with that sort of storytelling]
And so humans develop. Their collective experiences as infants, children, adults and the aged all craft a sphere of everything that human knows, says, thinks or even believes exists.
Humans then evolve from their roots in Earth-borne life to roots soon elsewhere: in other galaxies; on other planets; within other realms; within other societies and lifeforms.
Alien sex becomes en vogue.
Certain alien races very closely resemble the human one, and so there begins a shift into the development of another plane of being. HAHA FOR THIS ONE ALIEN RACE IT WOULD BE LIKE, OUR PENISES WOULD BE ALL, YOU KNOW, TOO BIG FOR THEM BUT THEY'D LOVE IT, YOU KNOW? THEY'D LIKE WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ALL THE HUMAN DUDES BECAUSE OUR COCKS ARE SO FUCKIN' HUGE YOU KNOW!? BUT WHEN YOU FUCKED EM IN ONE OF THEIR LIKE 40 PUSSIES THEY'D ALL ORGASM LIKE INSTANTLY! HAHAHAHA
So the next time you see advertising for a certain product that offends you, or the next time you feel quite like kicking that dog who won't stop barking, stop for a moment and remember that PROPAGANDIZED ALIEN SEX is literally around the cornder.
Croner.
CORNER. Jesus I can't taype today.
Type.
But begging the question of what we're to do while we are here and alive doesn't do us much good. I am being very serious.
What we're to do is:
Play with chainsaws
Meditate in the company of delusional people
Drop bombs like Saga Nike
Boycott gay people who work at starbucks whose first names start with L and end with Y. Oh and who work in Pennsylvania.
Grab a coke and punch the guy behind the counter in the nose if he says anything about it.
Jack off with sandpaper
Write a concerto in F Minor while on some crazy ass shrooms you scored from your neighbor (the one who drives the BMW, you know, not the Hispanic dude. Oh wait...yea, I think he is Hispanic. Yea, so him. I think.)
Form a clan of ninjas who only need hard liquor as compensation for their defense services. Get drunk with them regularly and kill everyone.
Make a nation of your own even if you're the only citizen.
Only open mail that has it's address hand-written on the envelope.
Dropkick a random stranger and then run up to his face and be like, "HAHA PWNT!" and then run away
Go break some windows and kill some gophers
Find a cure for cancer.
Get a Ph.D.
Run away from home.
Have anal sex with a tree stump.
Stop caring about who thinks what of you.
Brush your teeth more often and less vigorously (because you know, if you keep brushing that hard eventually you're going to wear away your gums and your teeth will be really, really LOOOOOOONG like a saber-tooth lion! [I remember thinking, "yea and so what's wrong with that."]
There's nothing wrong with that and there's nothing wrong with anything.
'Wrong' is an illusion.
...so let's all just do what's right.
User Reviews
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-03-29 02:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
x = {...,-3-2,-1,0,1,2,3,...}
y = {...,-3-2,-1,0,1,2,3,...}?
such that
truth = f(x,y)?
or is SPT variable?
you should specify.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-03-28 22:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oathmeal fucked jeanneee. pass it on.
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...and Lojope was raped.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-03-28 07:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's numberwang.
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2008-03-27 21:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Humans also are existentially cursed to be aware of themselves"
I'm pretty sure this statement doesn't mean anything.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-03-27 21:24:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oops
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-03-27 21:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As a philosophy major, this felt like being a qualified mechanic while someone told you cars work "By God's hand".
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Form a clan of ninjas who only need hard liquor as compensation for their defense services.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Already done - I'm a founding member.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:11:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait... You are good looking AND intelligent AND ginger? How can that be!! <3
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-27 16:33:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is it fried chicken and french fries tonight? Or are you going with the salisbury steak and mashed potatoes, "big guy"???
--
Well look who's back. I guess you got kicked out of the pediatric cancer ward again today for laughing at the kids because they are shorter and balder than you. And now it's time for the easy chair and the computer and the prime-time sitcom quips.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:02:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A lot of people have...Doesn't phase me in the least, Virgil.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-27 16:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Come to think of it, Shlongy, I HAVE seen your wife.
At least, the top of her head.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-27 16:33:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is it fried chicken and french fries tonight? Or are you going with the salisbury steak and mashed potatoes, "big guy"???
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-03-27 16:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
omg
I have nothing of value to add! O.O
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your premises are shaky at best.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:40:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i know what unsubstantiated means. i didn't know about that other one.
and did you just attack my english?
did you have to cut that deep? that's going to far...man!
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Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm pretty sure everyone already knows about that.
Oh crap I mean NO COMMENT.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oathmeal fucked jeanneee.
________________________
This is unsubstantiated rumor and holds no verisimilitude.
(wow caul. two big words you can add to your pathetic english lexicon.)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oathmeal fucked jeanneee. pass it on.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i actually enjoyed this.
i must be getting daft in my old age.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:23:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HAHAHA
Shlongy, defending the hotness of your 'wife' is like tying a bow on a freshly-laid turd.
...no matter how you package it, it's still shit.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A) you've never seen her
2) She's fucking hotter than anyone that you've ever even spoken with (And by that, I mean, anyone that actually spoke BACK to you)
PS. Don't forget to pre-heat the oven to 400 degrees when you get home tonight!
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I got bored near the end...
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Famous Tennis Stars LARPER, below.
Arthur Ashe....psshaaww.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:06:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-27 14:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't I read somewhere that you "quit ubersite" and moved to Montana or something to raise sheep so you'd have something to have sex with?
____________________________
I'd rather have sex with sheep than with that horrid instance of a woman YOU sleep with every night, Jacob.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-27 14:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Read it, enjoyed it.
Rock on.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-27 14:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't I read somewhere that you "quit ubersite" and moved to Montana or something to raise sheep so you'd have something to have sex with?
Yeah...it was you. I recognize the stench.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2008-03-27 14:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why wouldn't you just write 3.66y
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-03-27 14:39:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read it.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
One of my brushes with greatness: I built a guitar similar to that one while I was in college. I sold it to a guy who lent it to the infamous Don of Don's Guns. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynCsFZ3AS3E It was in an Indianapolis commercial for the store (not this one) in which he changed his normal tagline from "I don't wanna make any money, folks, I just love to sell guns!" to "I don't wanna make any money, folks, I just always wanted to sing on TV!".
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Most curious...
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:50:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fag below.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny...I did the same conversion after seeing that picture.
If you are trying to say that you suck dick in a round about way, without actually coming out and saying "Hey I suck dicks and I like it" you don't have to be so coy. There's no need to protect your considerable dick sucking with some formulaic post about the cosmos in such a way that even the most douchey of the douche can't see past your alacritous penis to hand to mouth tendencies.
You sir, suck cocks, and I accept you for that is all I'm trying to say.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
79,800 Japanese yen = 801.51 U.S. dollars
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:37:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminds me of the Oliver Stone movie that exists only in my mind.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you can't handle the truth