Tips for a successful job interview, Click Here! (701 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lostnphound (View user info) at 2008-03-27 15:31:07 EDT
1. Always bring a parent to the interview. It shows character and interviewers love to see that you're dependent even though you claim you're, "independent". Rule of thumb: If you're a male, bring you're mother. It's hard to deny you the job because those cookies she made were so damn good. If you're of the female persuasion, bring your father. It's hard to deny you the job when the interviewer is afraid of having a beer bottle broken over their head.
2. Run/jog to your interview. Contrary to popular belief, the interviewer won't be offended that you're sweaty, smell like sun dried dog shit, and can't answer the first few questions due to shortness of breath. They'll see a motivated candidate who is willing to work hard to get the job done. When you arrive with combed hair, a fresh scent, and a wrinkle free suit/skirt, they assume you drove. Driving = lazy. It also shows your lack of consideration for the environment...ok?
3. Bring your cell phone and leave it on! Hiring managers love having the interview interrupted due to phone calls. Don't forget to answer it as well! It shows them that your time is important too! It also shows them that you are popular and have a life outside of the workplace. The idea that you do have an outside life may be implied, but proof is everything!
4. Drop name brand products throughout your answers to their interview questions. For example:
"How do your skills and experience from your previous jobs translate to the role for which you are applying?"
"Well, I have found that in my current role, Pepsi has always help provided me with the energy and kick I need to get my work done or surf the internet. I consistently eat at Arby's as well which just puts me in a better mood overall and makes me a true pleasure to work with."
Responses like the above scenario show the hiring manager that you are a loyal consumer.
5. Hiring Managers love confident candidates. A great ice breaker would be to tell them how great you are in the first 2 minutes of the interview. If the interviewer is the same gender as you it will bode well for you to suggest that they could be more successful if they looked like you. In some cases, it is appropriate to suggest the same thing to the opposite gender as well. Offer names of plastic surgeons to get them started.
6. Don't forget to send them a thank you letter for taking the time to meet with you. A good example of said thank you letter could be:
Dear Sir/Madam,
Thank you for taking the time to interview me. I want you to know that I went through great lengths to set aside time for you today as well. I'll be expecting your "Thank You" letter along with a formal offer for the position I've applied for post haste.
Sincerely,
(Your Name)
P.S. My mom wants to know if you liked the cookies.
7. Lastly, have your mother or father call in a few days after the interview to see if you got the job. Remember Tip #1, mother fucker?
Now, go be great!
User Reviews
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-30 02:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You'll be ok.
Submitted by DreamWeaver (user info) at 2008-03-29 04:24:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-28 11:16:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You were doing so well!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-03-28 09:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm used to seeing people promoted ahead of me -- friends, co-workers,
Tibor. I never thought it'd be my own wife.
-- Homer Simpson
Marge Gets A Job
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-28 04:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This isn't as bad as they are saying :)
Hope it went ok.
Submitted by TheBrad (user info) at 2008-03-28 03:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Congrats on the zero.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-28 02:39:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/115787#2678636
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One of many undeserving examples, btw.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-28 02:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-03-28 01:45:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wonder, is there anything rob wont +2?
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Stop wondering about me, perv.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-03-28 01:45:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wonder, is there anything rob wont +2?
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-27 23:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The overall idea isn't original, but the tips were. Find me one where all of the tips match mine and I'd say you've won.
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There's more than one meaning to the word original. You may mean it one way, but mine is clear. You may not have stolen this, but there is nothing here that hasn't been done before. Hence, no originality.
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Thank you, Sherlock. I believe you've made the idea clear. I love your accusation of the,"copy/paste" and your follow up explanation. My apologies that you couldn't bust me on TOTAL plagarism.
I'm aware that the idea of taking true interview tips and twisting them is not my original idea. Rather, I was saying that my TIPS were original.
Were they terrible? Probably. A majority of Uber says so.
BUT, it is the internet, right? So who cares?
"I do...whaaaaa, your post was shit...whaaaa"
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-03-27 21:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You forgot the part about bringing along a six-pack of cheapass beer.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-27 21:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-27 19:15:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It wasn't as bad as everyone thinks it was...but it was close.
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'Shlongy'
Passing fair judgment on internet frivolity since 2004-08-02 17:37:55 EDT
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-27 19:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Some of this was all right... for instance, the bit about showing them you're important too by having your cell on or expecting a thank you note from them. I think the problem was you started with bringing the parents and right there, most people already decided what they were going to rate.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-27 19:15:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It wasn't as bad as everyone thinks it was...but it was close.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-03-27 19:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The thing about bringing a parent is actually a trend these days, totally lame. The parents get to negotiate salary and benefits and all. Gay.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-03-27 18:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The overall idea isn't original, but the tips were. Find me one where all of the tips match mine and I'd say you've won.
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There's more than one meaning to the word original. You may mean it one way, but mine is clear. You may not have stolen this, but there is nothing here that hasn't been done before. Hence, no originality.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-27 17:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That pic is kinda why I don't do below the neck pics :(
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-27 16:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
trust me, I regret posting this now. It's much like my first post which most didn't find funny either.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-03-27 16:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it wasnt THAT bad, but it wasnt good, either.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by 8bithero (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Maybe you should have stolen it.
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That review "Made me smile" so have a +1
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh well, it's my first post to go negative in awhile. I suppose I'm due.
Submitted by 8bithero (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Maybe you should have stolen it.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The overall idea isn't original, but the tips were. Find me one where all of the tips match mine and I'd say you've won.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:47:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You may not have directly plagiarized it, but it's hardly original...
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Where'd you copy/paste this from?
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Sadly, it's original.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this was crap
i'm sorry to have to tell you that as you seem like a very nice young man.
good luck in your future ubersite endeavours!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Where'd you copy/paste this from?
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm not going to be mean because I can tell effort went into this, but it wasn't funny. At all. Not even once. Sorry.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2008-03-27 15:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Lost me on the first one. Not very funny.