Sun (1213 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.48 on 90 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by S.I. Co. Semen (View user info) at 2008-03-28 09:02:56 EDT
The phone rang, rattling in its holder as he watched. The mid-pitch grating squeal chattered his teeth, as the vibrations crawled across the floor and jumped through his body on their way to wherever vibrations ended up. His mind created a neon-shtick vibration disco for his amusement, with pumping tunes rocking the house as all the different waves of sound and movement met up for a piece of action.
He didn't answer it - he never did. He had long abandoned hope of a possibly compelling and interesting discussion being announced by that interminable ring. Besides, he knew who it was; always the same, always telling him not to be late for work. As if he could ever be late.
The sun was just beginning its downward motion into the western sky. He hurriedly left home and ran with it, only just making it to his row boat as the pink and orange haze of the sunset began to mingle with the pollution on the horizon.
He rowed with fury, churning up the water and skimming speedily across the glass-like surface. Just as it looked as though the sun would sink, and fall into the sea with an almighty hissing splash, he pulled out the huge Hessian sack he'd carried with him, and leant over the edge of the boat.
The burning sun slid inside the bag neatly; a few glinting rays of golden sunshine peaked out from some holes towards the bottom, but he had managed to do it again. Just as he'd done it yesterday, and the day before that, back as long as he could remember.
But he didn't have the time to sit on his laurels and congratulate himself on his seemingly fantastic accomplishment. He rowed back to shore and quickly ran across the waterfront, shoving his hand into the bag at regular intervals and flicking little specks of light up to illuminate the lampposts along the boardwalk.
As he ran around the city, the streetlights, and houselights would fire up behind him -a perpetual golden trail that lit up the tracks of his wanderings. He caught the local bus up the coast, and repeated his lamp lighting in the next town, and then the next.
"This was a lot easier in 1500's," he muttered, as he managed to catch the last train out of town, and onto the cities that lay across the hill line.
He checked his log book, and watched as new tickets wrote themselves up before his eyes. With every report of lights not working, or the power being out, he reached into the sack, pulled out a handful of sun, and spread it across the pages. Tiny dots of sunshine registered each order, and then zoomed off into the sky out the window, flying off to light the lives of those still stuck in the dark.
If only he had his own transportation. Ever since that idiot Helios had crashed the damn chariot, he'd been assigned the task of lighting the night, and picking up the damn sun every evening. It was starting to get boring - 5000 years can do that, whatever it is that you are doing.
The night crept on westward, and he stayed minutes ahead of the ever encroaching dark, using all the speed that the modern world could provide him with - buses, cabs, trains, planes and automobiles. Unfortunately, the goat he was forced to ride over the Andes left Chile and Peru in darkness for much of the next day, causing mobs of praying and chanting crypto-Catholics and peasant Indians to start welcoming in the second coming of their gods.
This sort of thing happened from time to time.
Etc etc.
The long night eventually came to an end.
He fell back into his crumpled, never made bed. Sleep jumped in with him, caressing his dirty hair as she accompanied him into her realm.
In the room next door, the other one rose at the same time. He pulled another intensely burning sun from the cupboard, and left in time to toss it into the air for another morning. Then he went and hid the night-guy's sack.
Even after an eternity, this joke never got old.
User Reviews
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-04-07 08:53:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just shit a load of shrimp.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-04-07 00:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I ate a shitload of shrimp tonight.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-06 22:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-04-06 21:20:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just for the record, I have no idea what's going on here.
I didn't write this, I have no idea who wrote this.
And why exactly did Sico get banned for this???
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-04-06 16:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-03-29 00:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-28 18:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I can't think of any "good" uber writer that uses so many adjectives and cliches AND the rampant use of commas is insane.
I mean... I use a LOT of commas in my writing, and this thing outdid me!
=================
Lots of commas? Not when you post my email.
-----
Will you shut the fuck up about that? It's more than a little old.
==================
Yeah, I'm more than A LOT old.
Fuck you Hadley. Wanna tell me again what to say? Can you shut me up?
No? Then fuck you and yours.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 13:20:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
aaahhahahahahaha
and now he's banned.
poor simon.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-04-03 00:24:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i realize i referenced something without properly crediting in that review below. i'm so silly sometimes!
wanted to show those nudes that lauren hanley would hate to see in a link here as a reminder to everyone not to review or link them.
lauren hanley non-approved post-> http://www.ubersite.com/m/109629
lauren hanley non-approved post-> http://www.ubersite.com/m/109644
lauren hanley non-approved post-> http://www.ubersite.com/m/109645
lauren hanley non-approved post-> http://www.ubersite.com/m/109646
lauren hanley non-approved post-> http://www.ubersite.com/m/109647
i hope this clears up any sloppy drafting on my part and lets everyone know to steer clear of these posts in all ways so as not to anger simon or lauren hanley.
sorry simon.
sorry lauren hanley.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-04-03 00:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, i know simon doesn't always care for the lauren hanley talk, but in this case i only reference the tastes of lauren hanley and whether or not lauren hanley would give the lauren hanley stamp of approval to this non-nude lauren hanley pictures post.
obviously if lauren hanley was featured in this post, nude and shoving utensils up her snatch, say, or if there were actual images of simon and lauren hanley together, i would not speak of lauren hanley , but lauren hanley is not in this post.
no sir, this post is lauren hanley free.
i merely want to know what lauren hanley thinks of it.
i think that is a fair enough question and i think lauren hanley would agree.
would lauren hanley agree, simon?
you know lauren hanley best...give us a glimpse into the mind of lauren hanley (which we much prefer to the glimpse into the rotten herpes infested genitals of lauren hanley previously showcased below).
i hope you answer me soon, paisano!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-02 22:25:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why you talking about lauren hanley scourge?
wtf has lauren hanley got to do with anything?
stop going on about lauren hanley, simon doesn't like it.
it rouses his 'italian' passions when people talk to simon and lauren hanley.
leave lauren hanley out of this.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-04-02 19:07:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
did lauren hanley approve of this post? http://www.ubersite.com/m/109629
you know, her?: http://www.ubersite.com/m/109644
lauren hanley? http://www.ubersite.com/m/109645
the girl you posted nudes of along with her name? lauren hanley? http://www.ubersite.com/m/109646
apparently apollo knows lauren hanley as well? http://www.ubersite.com/m/109647
lauren?
hanley?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/109647
that girl, lauren hanley? http://www.ubersite.com/m/109629
i need to know if lauren hanley approves of this post, simon.
because when lauren hanley approves of a post, you can rest assured that it is a good thing, that lauren hanley approved post.
why, look at her...http://www.ubersite.com/m/109647
lauren hanley is obviously a very good judge of quality and character. why, lauren hanley fucked and sent nudes to you, simon. and anyone who can overlook that tiny dick and still try to be with a guy, like lauren hanley did with you, is obviously a great kid.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-04-02 12:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/4402#2682516
Claim denied.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-31 14:51:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-03-28 09:38:03 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know you try hard, but you really are a shitty writer, I'm not sorry if that hurts your feelings.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-31 07:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who are you, below?
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2008-03-30 10:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
even if somebody else wrote this it doesnt prove shit because you just ASSUME that it would be rated better had they posted it under their name. and yes, you do care so stfu about not caring
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-30 10:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-29 20:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here, let me help you icarus. You got bitched and you couldn't come up with anything clever so you resorted to your fall back plan. Now now....don't get too upset. You can do your quilting in between your internet time.
I'm going out to spend lots of money and stick my dick in incredible trim. Does that meet your stereotypical criteria?
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That's somewhat closer to English. Did you get your husband Oathy to help you? I'm assuming you're spending said money on the most expensive, luxurious, extravagant $5 reel Fleet Farm has to offer, and your trim has testes and works the local corner?
Submitted by Tjhom (user info) at 2008-03-30 05:40:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-29 20:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here, let me help you icarus. You got bitched and you couldn't come up with anything clever so you resorted to your fall back plan. Now now....don't get too upset. You can do your quilting in between your internet time.
I'm going out to spend lots of money and stick my dick in incredible trim. Does that meet your stereotypical criteria?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-29 18:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BAHAHAHAHA! That was awesome. One thing I like about you; whenever you get shoved into a corner you duck and weave in the most incoherent ways. Do you want to try it again using words? Maybe English ones?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-29 18:23:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stating the value of something is a fact, not an impressive mission. The mere fact that you look for something to rag on shows how much I get under your skin. Maybe you should pay close attention and scrutinize every detail to that catch rag you call a wife and you'll be more happy, without needing to come to the internet to get your "man" on. I bet you sit at home doing needlepoint waiting for your wife to tell you what to get at the grocery store, when to get it, and how much you are allowed to spend.
You are a corn on my foot.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-29 14:35:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just ignore me, I'm a dough ball. There was a covert sticky bit on the end sealing the lid shut. Goddamn Apple, everything is so fucking discreet!
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-29 14:33:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, I don't give a shit if the post is mediocre, the comments are worth a +2 in there own right.
Ps. I've just bought a new ipod nano and I can't get into the box. It is the most frustrating thing in the word and I feel like a complete pillock. Does anybody know how to get into the box?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-29 13:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, you're right. The whole SUPER EXPENSIVE fishing reel and HAWT SKIRT things were only passing references. You included such necessary details to prove that you don't CARE what ubersite thinks. It's also why you post every day, and check up on said posts every fifteen minutes so you can respond to people's opinions (which you don't care about) in real time. Because you don't care. Because you're too school for school. Way to shame me there, coolio. You sure schneidered old bruce.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-29 11:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Icarus, please do us all a big favor and show me where I tried to convince anyone that I make money. Go ahead, we'll wait. Your futile attempts to rile me are sophomoric at best.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-03-29 11:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you have way too many alters.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-29 11:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-28 18:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just got back from Cabela's and I bought a damn expensive Abu Garcia reel and some nice line to string it with.
First of all, Jeanneee or whoever said it, I'm not "waaaaahhhing" I'm just stating an observation. I don't really care if I am being "picked" on and quite frankly, I enjoy the hate as is evidenced. This notion that I care enough about any of you to let you affect me is absurd. I come here to release, to make fun, to throw some sparks around here, etc. In no means should that be interpreted as I care.
Secondly, and take this at face value: I know that I'm not a good writer, hell even an average writer. I know that I spend 15 minutes on a "serious" post and it normally comes out looking like I spent 15 minutes. Truth is that I've cranked out some good post that were meant to be taken seriously and you are all right. When I do put the effort into something, it shoes and is received fairly well.
The whole point of my statements are to show that I elicit some reaction from you people and it is as amusing to me as it is to you. Take your buddy Robbie Bergeron and notice that the only -2 he passes out go to me. You see Badlands below? Where the fuck is he other than the occasional sicosemen post? I don't hate or dislike anyone here, even Icarus, because he's interacting here much like me without concern.
Seriously, quit over-analyzing my every move and you guys could maybe enjoy yourselves as well.
Now, I'm having dinner made for me by some hot skirt and drinking a Sam Adams variety pack. Everyone have a good night as well.
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Does finding the whole "I need faceless entities to believe I make money and have sex with women" schtick pathetic count as concern? I find it amusing how you try so hard to convince everyone you don't care about what they think -- despite the daily tantrums. It's comical, really. If someone ever claims you as an elaborate alter, I'm not going to be all that surprised.
Submitted by DreamWeaver (user info) at 2008-03-29 05:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT CHOCOLATE LUCKY CHARMS!!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-03-29 00:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-28 18:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I can't think of any "good" uber writer that uses so many adjectives and cliches AND the rampant use of commas is insane.
I mean... I use a LOT of commas in my writing, and this thing outdid me!
=================
Lots of commas? Not when you post my email.
-----
Will you shut the fuck up about that? It's more than a little old.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-03-28 22:33:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I could caption that picture, it would be:
"Pull my finger."
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-28 21:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dinner was awesome thanks for asking, however, the sex was average.
On a different subject, I find myself liking Bubba more and more often. I'm sure he's swell guy.
To bed at 9:30 on a Friday for an early day at the office tomorrow.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-28 21:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey Bob,
Remember back when you were trying to take the high road?
That was funny.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-28 21:14:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-28 21:07:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-28 18:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I say ANYTHING, it is unfunny.
---
EVERYone agrees with that, Crusty.
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No one asked you, shitsuck. Did that ignorant twat leave you yet??
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-28 21:07:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-28 18:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I say ANYTHING, it is unfunny.
---
EVERYone agrees with that, Crusty.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-28 18:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I can't think of any "good" uber writer that uses so many adjectives and cliches AND the rampant use of commas is insane.
I mean... I use a LOT of commas in my writing, and this thing outdid me!
=================
Lots of commas? Not when you post my email.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-28 18:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:16:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For all the dipshits that bashed this let me give you some information. This was an experiment run by myself and another, well received writer on this website. This is not plagiarized although it was not written by me. I was given exclusive permission to post this under the premise that the faithful lot of you would come by to give it your normal attempts at witticisms only because sicosemen posted it. For the record, the writer of this is in my eyes, the best talent around here as far as coming up with concepts, writing ability, etc. Had this been posted under that person' username it would have undoubtedly been a different tune in the reviews.
I just like that the mere letters put together in order of S.I. Co. Semen brings people to negatively laud whatever the content is. Does my moniker really mean that much to you sheeple? I'm going to make a post on Monday perhaps listing who I'm supposed to dislike because I can't keep up with this shit.
For the record I love each and every one of you with all my heart.
Kisses, dears, kisses.
============
Sico, many of us have been saying the same thing for quite a while. If I say ANYTHING, it is unfunny. Let Method say the same, and people cackle like old broody hens. Yes, the name is everything, the content means squat.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-28 18:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ps - Giving you a -2 seems to make you happy, that is why I do it.
I'm happy, knowing you are happy.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-28 18:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*shows
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-28 18:33:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Clearly showing he doesn't care.
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V
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-28 18:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just got back from Cabela's and I bought a damn expensive Abu Garcia reel and some nice line to string it with.
First of all, Jeanneee or whoever said it, I'm not "waaaaahhhing" I'm just stating an observation. I don't really care if I am being "picked" on and quite frankly, I enjoy the hate as is evidenced. This notion that I care enough about any of you to let you affect me is absurd. I come here to release, to make fun, to throw some sparks around here, etc. In no means should that be interpreted as I care.
Secondly, and take this at face value: I know that I'm not a good writer, hell even an average writer. I know that I spend 15 minutes on a "serious" post and it normally comes out looking like I spent 15 minutes. Truth is that I've cranked out some good post that were meant to be taken seriously and you are all right. When I do put the effort into something, it shoes and is received fairly well.
The whole point of my statements are to show that I elicit some reaction from you people and it is as amusing to me as it is to you. Take your buddy Robbie Bergeron and notice that the only -2 he passes out go to me. You see Badlands below? Where the fuck is he other than the occasional sicosemen post? I don't hate or dislike anyone here, even Icarus, because he's interacting here much like me without concern.
Seriously, quit over-analyzing my every move and you guys could maybe enjoy yourselves as well.
Now, I'm having dinner made for me by some hot skirt and drinking a Sam Adams variety pack. Everyone have a good night as well.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-28 17:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought you already proved this tired subject to yourself with EkO and that nicballs alter. Why is this still happening?
If you end up being that dude writing that chapters long fantasy epic too, I'm going to kick you in the balls, man.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-28 17:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ps- Please put me on the list of people who like you.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-28 17:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rob_berg below.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-28 17:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't give a rat's ass if Charles fucking Dickens wrote it...it's shit.
But thanks for conducting this "social experiment" for us today. You proved that shitty writing gets shitty ratings and that people here tend to not like you because you are an unoriginal douchebag. Bra-vo!
(Nah, I didn't read it. Cool pic though.)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-28 17:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey i want to buy a ticket, so long as theres a refund for a no show
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Make me again, oathy!
Just like you did last time.
______________________
Ok, Shlongy.
The next time you 'come to Denver' on another one of your 'business trips' be sure to let me know.
Fucking jagoff.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like you - I think you're a fun person and probably a riot to drink with - but this whole "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH EVERYONE PICKS ON MEEEEEEE" thing is tired. Grow up.
========
This may be true but his last few posts have been shitty and rated accordingly. However, I do think most of the people here, myself included, do tend to rate the post and not the poster. This post, whoever wrote it, was of poor quality.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Make me again, oathy!
Just like you did last time.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:48:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And why are you writing like you're British?
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:46:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I happen to know who actually wrote this and frankly, I was damned surprised to hear who it was.
Truth be told, Sicosemen here COULD be a decent writer if he didn't try so fucking hard.
Shlongy can't even sign his name legibly let alone write anything of significance. STFU old man.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your usage and syntax are torqued. It makes your writing very difficult to read. Many passages have to be read multiple times, not because one wants to read them again, but because one has to in order to make sense of them.
I like you - I think you're a fun person and probably a riot to drink with - but this whole "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH EVERYONE PICKS ON MEEEEEEE" thing is tired. Grow up.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't give a rat's ass if Charles fucking Dickens wrote it...it's shit.
But thanks for conducting this "social experiment" for us today. You proved that shitty writing gets shitty ratings and that people here tend to not like you because you are an unoriginal douchebag. Bra-vo!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:24:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That's why I come to ANYONE'S posts: My own reviews.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:21:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Now that the proverbial "cat is out of the bag and shitting on Sico's kitchen table", I must confess:
I am the "partner in crime" in this Uber sociological experiment.
I wrote this.
How did I do it?
I mixed a can of "SpaghettiOs" with a couple of scoops of "Alpha Bits", stirred until frothy, and whatever came out of that, I typed it out, verbatim.
It read exactly like your usual Sico posts, only with better punctuation.
YOU'VE ALL BEEN PUNKED, BEYOTCHES!
--------------------------------------------------------
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! This is why I come to Sico posts; the reviews.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-28 16:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Now that the proverbial "cat is out of the bag and shitting on Sico's kitchen table", I must confess:
I am the "partner in crime" in this Uber sociological experiment.
I wrote this.
How did I do it?
I mixed a can of "SpaghettiOs" with a couple of scoops of "Alpha Bits", stirred until frothy, and whatever came out of that, I typed it out, verbatim.
It read exactly like your usual Sico posts, only with better punctuation.
YOU'VE ALL BEEN PUNKED, BEYOTCHES!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:58:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is his typical shtick. Say that if someone else posted it, we'd all love it.
He knows we're onto that ploy though, so he switched it on us. No longer is it hypothetical. Now he has outright proof. Some nameless pussy wanted to try the experiment so he let Simon post his writing. And now, simon can sleep at night knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt (in his mind) that we all hate him and would criticize him if he wrote [insert cool book by trendy author].
Of course, on that outside 1/1,000,000,000 chance that he isn't full of shit (stop me before I make myself laugh), that rules out kaos-king. That guy won't post something unless he plans on slapping it into some "I'm a big boy now" scary book of cliches.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and come on, like you read things before you rate them!
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mccallum-esque
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't even know what to say so i won't
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
There are a lot of uberers who overdescribe. I can't say you're one of them, but Sico certainly is. Perhaps whoever it was didn't want to make it too obvious (if he didn't outright steal it). Or maybe they just like to write lots of fruity description.
Hard to say.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I can't think of any "good" uber writer that uses so many adjectives and cliches AND the rampant use of commas is insane.
I mean... I use a LOT of commas in my writing, and this thing outdid me!
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wow...
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
KK would make sense; post practically reeks of Neil Gaiman influences. On the other hand, there were a good number of clichees, which is usually below your better uberwriters. You got your glass-like water, your golden sunshine, your well-sat laurels... I'm going with "Sico was probably just bright enough to steal it from someplace that can't be readily Googled."
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DID KAOS KING WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He's a lying sack of shit, he wrote this giant steaming pile of shit and he's trying to play it off
YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT, SICO
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who wrote it, then?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:17:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
love you
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:16:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For all the dipshits that bashed this let me give you some information. This was an experiment run by myself and another, well received writer on this website. This is not plagiarized although it was not written by me. I was given exclusive permission to post this under the premise that the faithful lot of you would come by to give it your normal attempts at witticisms only because sicosemen posted it. For the record, the writer of this is in my eyes, the best talent around here as far as coming up with concepts, writing ability, etc. Had this been posted under that person' username it would have undoubtedly been a different tune in the reviews.
I just like that the mere letters put together in order of S.I. Co. Semen brings people to negatively laud whatever the content is. Does my moniker really mean that much to you sheeple? I'm going to make a post on Monday perhaps listing who I'm supposed to dislike because I can't keep up with this shit.
For the record I love each and every one of you with all my heart.
Kisses, dears, kisses.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-28 15:09:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It could have flowed a little smoother I suppose, but I liked this premise and was engaged enough to read the whole thing.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-03-28 12:18:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thank you for taking the initiative and passing it along.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-28 12:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-03-28 12:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sicosemen likes chicks who are cute but also have a penis, pass it on.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-03-28 12:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-03-28 12:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ballare has a penis pass it on
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2008-03-28 11:23:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know you try hard, but you really are a shitty writer, I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:52:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think it's good that you want to write.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy that was awful, even for you. Try harder. I'm now bored.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
REALLY OATHY?
I dropped $2.22 on a double cheeseburger yesterday at Dairy Queen on my drive home! It was delicious!
YOU ARE REALLY GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO IMPRESS SHLONGY...Too bad this $1000 tube amp isn't going to help you:
1) Play guitar any better
b) Get you laid
3) Eat dinner with you
But ROCK ON, dude!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know you try hard, but you really are a shitty writer, I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:29:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy I just dropped a grand on a new tube amp. Even with that hit I'm still in the black this month.
The money comes easy these days so you can fuck off with your assertions, shitforbrains.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My paychecks aren't boring.
Can't say the same about yours though, can you Swansonski?
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:20:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't have a daughter and I am perpetually "B @ W".
What's YOUR excuse?
______________________________
WOW YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY BORED WORKING IN RADIO ADVERTISING?
YOU DON'T SAY!!
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO BELIEVE! WOW! RADIO ADVERTISING IS SO EXCITING AND BLEEDING EDGE...HOW COULD YOU *EVER* TIRE OF IT?
...fucking jackass. Go away.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't have a daughter and I am perpetually "B @ W".
What's YOUR excuse?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy, I'm curious. Do you ever think to yourself:
"Hey! I'm almost 50 years old and I'm trading potshots on the internet instead of being with my daughter, spending time with my depraved wife, sinking a birdie on hole 7 or making money with my business associates!"
*sigh*
I didn't think so.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
IF THIS WAS POSTED AT 6:50am, as you usually do, I think it would have been rated higher.
Also, oathmeal is a real good person to take "English Lessons" from.
He's a helluva writer.
Remember that one he wrote about the sock and his microscopic penis and he included a picture?
A Uber classic.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-28 09:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here are a few pointers for you since apparently you're actually TRYING to create something resembling English fiction:
1. A semicolon is only used when separating full sentences or when separating items in a list.
2. Never use more than 2 commas in a sentence unless you absolutely have to. It just tires the reader to have to pause that much in one thought.
3. Avoid such verbosity as using fat, multisyllabic words where smaller ones will suffice.
4. Take a break from sucking horse cock long enough to take a remedial Creative Writing class.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-28 09:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-03-28 13:20:34 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
hmmmmm
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-03-28 09:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A well-deserved 0
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-28 09:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was a pretty good story despite the shitty photoshop and the idiotic "Etc etc" paragragh. It seemed too... broken up? Too many commas and really short sentences.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-03-28 09:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-28 09:10:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Summink about the Sun???
I've read something like this before...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-28 09:03:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
LOVE YOU SICO!!!!!!!