The End Of The Road For Stabkill (730 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.09 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Delete This Account (View user info) at 2008-03-31 00:13:59 EDT
I am packing up my stuff and heading off into the sunset.
I like to end always at the beginning, so I have reformatted, edited and resubmitted my first post to Ubersite.
And here it is:
Multiple Uses For Atari 2600
The Atari 2600 Incident
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I was happily married for nearly 12 years until one morning I woke up and realized that my wife was no longer the fun person she was when I first met her. She actually never was fun at all. Years of constant nagging and verbal attacks on my self-esteem had worn me down to a shell of my former self. I was now a miserable, pathetic human being that dealt with my future by ignoring how bad it was going to be.
Reflecting on my past, I recalled the times when I was an avid video gamer. From the original days of Pong to when Space Invaders was all the rage. Eventually, it would move to Pac-Man and Donkey Kong. As the years passed, the old home consoles went by from an old Atari 2600 to the Colecovision and then on to the Nintendo. Those were the good ole' days and while playing Super Nintendo I felt like I was on top of the world.
Then came Tracy, my wife. Everything was fine until about one month into the marriage. While I was at work, she packed up my entire collection of video games and placed them on the curb with the trash. They were long gone before I could pull into the driveway of my house at the end of a twelve hour shift on the assembly line.
For the next 12 years it would be "Do this" and "Do that". She spent my money and absolutely none of it would be on the latest generation of game consoles. Hell, I wasn't even allowed to spend time on the home computer without her yelling at me or yanking the plug out of the wall. She said that games were for children and I was supposed to provide everything for her to have a great life.
This would go on until that fateful day when I woke up and realized that I wanted out. Tired and burned out of her shit, I wondered how it took so many years for me to figure it out. But now everything was crystal clear and a divorce and my subsequent freedom would soon follow.
The day after the divorce was final, I vowed to get back to what I loved and that was video games. The only problem was, I was out of touch with new game systems. I've heard of the xbox and playstation from folks at work, but I really didn't know much about them.
I wanted my old Super Nintendo back so I drove to Best Buy and asked approached a clerk requesting the latest titles and see if I could buy a new SNES. After getting laughed at, I was told that I'd be better off checking an antique shop or museum for Super Nintendo items. He showed me an Xbox 360 but the joystick was confusing.
I said "This joystick is weird!" but the clerk scolded me by saying "It was a controller, old timer!" before moving on to help someone else. I left without anything but anger at Best Buy and that jackass clerk.
On the drive home I noticed a garage sale with older items, so I stopped in to take a peak around at what they had. It would be a good decision as I noticed a very familiar object in an old cardboard box.
A classic Atari Video Computer System, also known as a 2600, was there in its full glory along with dozens of games. The wire controllers from a couple black joysticks, the ones that had the red button in the corner, were intertwined with the power supply cord and RF video and sound cable that connects the device to an older television set via a game switch. And oh how the titles brought back memories! Pitfall, Adventure, Yar's Revenge, Combat, and many others were in there.
"How much for this Atari?" I called out to an obese woman seated in a folding chair in front of a card table that had a metal cash box on top of it.
"What is an Atari?" She responded back. "Oh the Nintendo thing? That's $50."
"Ok. It is an Atari 2600 and it's a bit older than the Nintendo." I tried to correct the old woman but she wasn't having it.
"My grandchildren love that Nintendo game but I don't want any more violent video games in my house." She tapped the top of a bible that was sitting beside the cash box. "The good lord is all they need to know about."
"These cartridges come with it?" I asked and she nodded back.
I stuffed two twenties and a ten into her chubby hands and left with my gold mine of classic video game goodness.
The Atari would be plugged to my old television when I got home and I took a deep breath before turning it on. For a second I was back in 1983 with discarded Burger Chef burger wrappers tossed at my side and Def Leppard's "Pyromania" tape booming from my ghetto blaster.
The Atari's limited resolution and color selection lit up the television screen with the ugly maze of their version of Pac-Man replete with annoying flashing ghosts. I just used the cartridge to test the system and see if it works and but Activision's Kaboom!, my favorite, would be the first game I'd play.
As I put in the paddle controllers and cartridge, my blood raced faster in anticipation of the classic video game experience I would soon be enjoying.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?!" A familiar, and disapproving, voice hollered from down the hallway. "You're playing video games!?!"
Apparently while out, my ex-wife had let herself into my apartment with a spare key I had kept hidden under the doormat.
"I bought an Atari 2600! Remember this thing? It is so cool!" I said happily back to her and waved a joystick in my hand. "I haven't played one in years."
"Yeah, because I made you give up that game crap a long time ago." She reminded me before swinging her foot out and kicking the Atari as hard as she could. It ripped out from the cable that hooked it to the television and cart wheeled across the room.
What happened next seemed like a blur as I lost control of my abilities to control own actions. My mind could only watch in horror at what my body would do next.
"You are a fucking worthless whore that robbed me of the best years of my life. We're divorced! Get out of my life!" I bellowed fiercely and a raised finger closed within inches of the middle of her eyes. "You have probably just killed the only thing that I care about in my god damned life."
I glanced over at the Atari 2600, which now was upside-down, and wanted to cry. The anger grew stronger inside as each second passed. I could swear I felt pain come from the old fake wood-grained game console.
"You will not talk to me like that!" She yelled before I cut her off.
"Shut your fat mouth, you miserable fucking bitch!" My voice boomed and caught her by surprise. I had never spoken to her like this in my entire life.
I picked up the Atari from its position on the floor and held it firmly with both hands. I wanted to yell something really cool like, "See you in hell!" or "Game over, bitch!" like you see in the movies when something really bad ass happens. For some reason I just blurted out "Elf needs food badly!" before slapping the machine down on her face with all of my strength.
A solid popping noise of the random Asian-country built 80's technology followed along with a muffled cry. I struck her again and again, each time harder. I thought of her putting my video games in the trash and struck her over and over.
Every time I imagined something, I blasted her in the head again and again. My Vectrex was gone. My Atari 5200 was gone. The Colecovision I got when new, my Sega Master System, all gone.
After several hits, I realized that a few bruises, even a small skull fracture, wouldn't do the trick. So I flipped the joystick cable over her neck and pulled it as hard as I could.
She fought for a bit, but eventually her struggling ceased and at this time I could only think of one thing; Why have I abused this classic video game console I just plopped down $50 on?
Regaining my composure, the joystick was let go and Tracy's lifeless body flopped to the floor.
I calmly set the Atari 2600 down on top of Maria's lifeless body, which happened to be where I was thinking about getting a coffee table from Ikea the day before, and plugged the unit back into the wall and television and stuffed in an Asteroids cartridge. You know, that old system still worked!
Why don't you try that with your Xbox 360, Mr. Best Buy asshole!
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And that's pretty much it.
End of line.
User Reviews
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2008-04-17 14:46:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ch-ch-ch-ch-CHANGES
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2008-04-10 09:16:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to miss you randomly insulting members of my family.
Submitted by CatWoman (user info) at 2008-04-04 11:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Did his X hae two names (Maria & Tracey) or am I readig this totally wrong?
Regaining my composure, the joystick was let go and Tracy's lifeless body flopped to the floor.
I calmly set the Atari 2600 down on top of Maria's lifeless body
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-04-03 10:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-04-03 01:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bye stabby
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-03-31 23:36:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...AND THE JEWS GET ANOTHER ONE.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-31 19:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this a leaving post? if so, see you soon.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-31 18:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-31 14:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Someone should probably tell Bubba that no one actually gives a shit about him.
Poor thing.
======
Someone should tell Berg I wasn't talking to him. It's rude to interrupt.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-31 14:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Someone should probably tell Bubba that no one actually gives a shit about him.
Poor thing.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-31 14:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-03-31 12:42:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DAMN IT!
Whenever 1 decent right-wing conservative leaves ubersite, 10 liberal leftist spineless appeasing slobbering gutless socialist pinko pukes take his place.
Best of luck with whatever lies ahead.
======================
"slobbering gutless socialist pinko pukes."
Heh.
<doesn't have the heart to tell Jack I'm a Democrat>
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-03-31 14:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-31 14:01:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2008-03-31 13:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Vaya con Dios, Hermano.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-03-31 12:42:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DAMN IT!
Whenever 1 decent right-wing conservative leaves ubersite, 10 liberal leftist spineless appeasing slobbering gutless socialist pinko pukes take his place.
Best of luck with whatever lies ahead.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-31 12:24:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you will be back during election time to share your very important opinion, im sure
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-31 11:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-31 11:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Buh bye. BTW, that was a good first post...almost as good as this.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40504
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-03-31 11:04:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.
my current fiance's name is Tracy Maria ________
wierd.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-31 11:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-31 10:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You built up to the climax with all the grace and finesse of a quadraplegic toddler with a set of blocks. It sucked; which means you, as a "writer", also suck. You should consider cutting off your fingers, and possibly your head.
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-03-31 10:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always liked your posts. Take care; mulhalo.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-03-31 10:27:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww...
You were fun.
Bye.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-03-31 10:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-03-25 15:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Microwave baby on high for 30 minutes and let stand for 5 minutes before eating.
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Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-03-31 09:45:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Eh
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-03-31 09:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tracy or Maria?
who else knew that was a TRON game pic?
anyone? Bueller? anyone?
you can get a 2600 for a lot less than $50 on eBay.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-03-31 09:29:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Peace out. If you're ever downstate my way, drop a line and I'll GIVE you my SNES.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-03-31 07:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Adios, Stabby.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-31 06:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am having enormous difficulty in getting my head around Stoicism's bit about ordering one's desires as a means for attaining happiness (or harmony or virtue or whatever) and particularly with reconciling all this with my vice for taking class A drugs and listening to drum and bass.
Little help?
Submitted by darkforcesbane (user info) at 2008-03-31 06:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And now, I'm going to go unplug the xbox, with its difficult joystick, and play my intellivision until there are no more invaders from space.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-31 05:31:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
End of line
Most appropriate.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-31 03:16:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*bows*
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-31 03:03:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AND, for the record: I am rather pleased that in all of the feathers that our friend Mr. Stabkill here ruffled in his tenure here, that you alluded to mine.
How fun.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-31 03:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nay good sir, I merely qualified your astute prognostication.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-31 02:56:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
way to contradict me, rob.
you're always so confrontational and argumentative. do you ever just try to get along with ANYONE? sheesh...
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-31 02:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm...
I feel as though we had arrived at a bit of an understanding of late.
So I am left feeling very little giddiness, but even less disappointment.
Happy trails fella.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-31 02:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well...better post now than it was then.
keep on truckin' fella.
robert berg will be both giddy and disappointed to see you leave. this will confuse him for a moment, then he'll move on, not looking back.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-03-31 02:03:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't read it and you should'a waited till: 6-4-08
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-03-31 00:46:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Inasmuch as anything on the intarwebz can be real, it's been real.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-03-31 00:22:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow. I got lazy at the end and quit proofreading about 1/3'rd of the way through. I can't perfect any writing without about 2-3 total re-writes and about 10 proof-readings. I haven't ever done that for ubersite and why should I? L8r, lamers.
10 PRINT "YOU SUCK."
20 GOTO 10
RUN