Two Posts In One- Zicam Does Not Work & My Eyes Were Raped (437 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: -0.41 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by frankthebear (View user info) at 2008-04-03 00:23:21 EDT
Zicam does NOT work!
Last week I suffered through what was probably the worst cold I have ever had. Usually I can beat a cold in 48 hours at the most, but this one took me 4 and a half days! All through the first day, I used the Zicam every three hours like the directions said on the box. Long story short: it did absolutely nothing to help.
I ended up going through two whole boxes of Puffs+ and an entire bottle of Nyquil. The only good side? I was out sick on the two days I was supposed to be doing housekeeping at work.
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My eyes were raped
Last night, after I had posted my April Fools Day post (I still can't believe you people fell for it!) I was about to run the night audit at work when a guest came to the desk asking to get some quarters and laundry soap so he could run a load of laundry. After he got his laundry going, he came back to the desk asking if he could go into the pool room and use the Jacuzzi while he waited for the machine to finish.
Now this was around 3 in the morning, and the pool closes at 10, but I caved in and let him into the pool room. Next he asked me to keep the lights off in there because he didn't have a swim suit. Figuring he was going to use the tub in his underwear, I relented again and turned off the lights.
A short while later, he came back out to ask me how long the laundry machine usually takes to finish a load. I told him about an hour. So he asked me to bring him another towel as he had used the one I already gave him to dry off so he could get dresses and come back out to the lobby. When I came back to the desk with his new towel, he was already gone back to the pool room.
So I go to the pool room, and in the dark, I can hear him using the shower to wash off the chlorine. I left the towel for him and went back to the office, thinking nothing more about him. Finally he comes back through the lobby with his laundry and goes to his room. "Well that's the last of him" I thought. If only.
About five minutes later, he calls the desk and tells me he can't get his heater to work. So I go to his room to check it because it's my job. I knocked on his door and he opens the door, poking his head around the edge and hiding the rest of his body behind the door. It was about this time that my bear sense started to tingle.
He led me into the room and I could see he wasn't wearing any pants, but did have a long shirt on, so I figured he was just hanging around in his underwear, it was, after all, 3:30 in the morning. So I walk past him to check the HVAC. Apparently when he had set down his bags, one of them had yanked the plug out of the wall socket. I say apparently, but he obviously did it on purpose.
So I plugged it back in, and turned on the machine, and I was just about to turn around when my trusty bear sense started tingling again. And even as I started to turn around, I KNEW what I was going to see. And sure enough, he was sitting at the desk with his legs spread as wide as the chair would allow with no pants on and his dangle in plain view.
Now I'm not gay, and I'm no gay basher, but I'm proud to say that even as I saw his junk, I quickly averted my gaze and started back to the door. Before I got there, he asked me to bring him an extra blanket. So I retreated to the safety of the office, debating in my head if I should call my manager and get permission to kick him out or not. I found a blanket, which hadn't been washed, folded it, and brought it back to his room.
I knocked and from inside I heard him call out "Come on in, Frank." (He only knew my name because of my name tag) "The door's locked, sir." I answered, knowing full well by this point that he was probably lying butt naked on the bed hoping I would come in and see his tallywhacker again. After a few seconds, he opened the door, once again peeking his head around the edge of the door, and I handed him the blanket. As I started to walk away again, he made one last attempt to get me back in his room. "I still have one of those pool towels in here, shouldn't you get that while you're here?" "No that's okay, sir. Just leave it and the housekeepers will take care of it in the morning."
He thanked me and I wished him a good night and nearly ran back to the office. I was still flustered by what had happened as I started to fold my nightly batch of sheets, when all of a sudden, I burst out laughing. What else could I do? The whole situation was just so absurd, there was nothing else I could do but laugh it off.
I especially thought it was funny because it was so much like the scenario someone, I can't remember who it was now, had made to prove I was gay as a follow-up to the embarrassing e-mail fiasco where sicosemen wanted to prove I was a virgin.
So go forth and be warned: beware the stranger's dangle, it could be anywhere, just waiting to rape your eyes!
User Reviews
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-04-03 12:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy crap. You bring out the bitch in everybody around here. Are you related to Eric Rice of West Virginia?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 10:29:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
we didn't 'fall for it' maybe one retard did.
the rest of us called you a cunt and moved on.
you got like, what - 30 reviews on your most amazing shenanigans?
my picture of stevie gerrard got more you simpering, irrelevant, loser retard.
how you can remain alive without killing yourself i don't know.
now go clean up other people's cum soaked sheets.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-04-03 10:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
'bear sense'?
I hate you fucking furries
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-04-03 10:04:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-03 06:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There's no need to inflict your miserably boring anecdotes on us either.
haha
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-04-03 08:50:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2008-04-03 04:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
be glad it wasnt your brown-eye that was raped
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You're both more queer than a football bat.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-03 06:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There's no need to inflict your miserably boring anecdotes on us either.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-04-03 06:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
now there's no need to be nasty
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-03 06:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your mother must have been depressed when she realised she'd given birth to a complete cunt.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-04-03 06:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shut the fuck up you cock
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-04-03 06:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's a general purpose bear sense
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-03 06:28:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow. You have a special 'Bear Sense' for blokes wangs. You must have seen a lot of them for you to have actually developed a sensor for them.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-03 06:23:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Two posts I didn't read.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-03 04:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2008-04-03 04:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
be glad it wasnt your brown-eye that was raped
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-04-03 00:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Two posts I didn't read in one!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-04-03 00:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
david sedaris had a very similar experience. did the gentleman ask you if you had ever been to "fire island?"