Man wrestles croc to rescue wife - Or Australia, the land of the ludicrously brave (1159 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.55 on 73 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Apollo (View user info) at 2008-04-03 12:22:44 EDT
"A woman has been rescued from the jaws of a saltwater crocodile in Australia after her husband jumped onto its back and forced it to flee.
The attack took place in the Litchfield National Park near Darwin in Australia's Northern Territory.
The crocodile lunged at its victim as she stood on the banks of a river, locking its jaws around her legs before trying to drag her into the water.
Police have said the heroism of her husband almost certainly saved her.
As the crocodile attacked, Wendy Petherick shouted to her husband Norm who told reporters he acted instinctively.
"I saw Wendy in the water, trying to pull something out of her leg, and I knew it was a croc," he said.
"I acted quickly, just jumped on top of it, and looked for the eyes. I found them, and poked its eyes, and that's when it released her, I think."
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7327984.stm
Now don't get me wrong, I love the jewess dearly but when it comes to her being dragged into a river by a croc my response would be something along the lines of:
"Oh well Jew-Jew, you're nearly 33, you've had a good innings." And then I would be up the nearest tree as fast as my pale, wobbly school boy legs would carry me.
My reaction most definitely would NOT be to jump on the crocodile's back and poke it in the eyes. Nope, hard to think of any circumstance where that would be my preferred course of action.
I live in Texas, as you know, and we've had a little problem with snakes in our back yard. Therefore I no longer go IN my back yard.
As soon as snakes can work out door handles and alarm pin numbers then I'm fucked. I'll just buy a plane and live at 30,000 feet. They don't have snakes on motherfucking planes do they?
My neighbour told me - 'if you come across one, just stay still and let it slither by you, even over your feet.' This I quickly decided was the least likely to be observed bit of advice I've ever heard.
I've often wondered why Aussies are as a rule ludicrously butch (sure your have the effeminate poofs like Shandy and Iddqd but they are interweb Aussies, not real people) with moustaches, short shorts, boots and manly names. Some of the men are tough too. But this is the reason. BECAUSE THEY LIVE EVERY SINGLE DAY A WHISKER FROM DEATH.
THEY EVEN HAVE WEIRD 'SEA SERPENTS' and don't even get me started on box jellyfish. One guy was stung by a single flake of the jellyfish skin (it fell off his glove when changing) and he was in so much agony that even after being put in chemical coma he was still screaming.
Australians: You are nuts and so is your wildlife.
I'd love to visit but I'm too scared.
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-11 13:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-04-05 17:17:16 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"They don't have snakes on motherfucking planes do they?"
+2 just for that.
I'm not an Apollo aficionado, but I think this is the best post you've ever done.
well thanks, for the record I think you are a little prick and an absolutely dreadful 'writer'.
Just so we're clear.
Submitted by Glenn. (user info) at 2008-04-09 21:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Crikey! I just fought my way through a swamp of crocs and sting rays to get to my computer. Where the FUCK did they all come from? Oh right, from the swamp. Which I live in.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-04-05 18:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In Australia the golf fish can kill.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-04-05 18:17:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"They don't have snakes on motherfucking planes do they?"
+2 just for that.
I'm not an Apollo aficionado, but I think this is the best post you've ever done.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-04-04 23:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-04 08:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:08:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes my homosexual chum
===
then in that case, yes i did make sense.
posts about how australia's wildlife is scary are not exactly original.
besides, i'd trade the 17 feet + of snow that hit us this year for deadly snakes and sandy beaches any day.
p.s. baking powder?
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-04-04 04:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bubba just wants to know who to ask.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-04-04 04:22:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
always go for the eyes, that's the key
Submitted by Baxter (user info) at 2008-04-04 03:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Aussies make real men look like bitches.......
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-03 22:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Excuse me, "Bubba, you fucking perv".
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-04-03 22:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AUSTHUG4LYFE
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-03 22:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't "masturbate and tell", jack, you fucking perv.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-04-03 21:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Every year in Florida there's dozens instances of some stupid fool walking their little dog on a leash by the water someplace when it's grabbed by an alligator, causing the owner to yank on the leash to get the dog back. At least once every year this either causes the owner to get hit in the face with the severed head of the dog or causes the alligator to release the dog and opt to tear the owner's leg off instead.
See the giant green thing in the water with all the big pointy teeth? Don't fuck with it.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-04-03 21:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-03 18:33:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Good grief, this place sometimes, is really sad and pathetic.
--
It isn't exactly redeemed by 50 year old men screaming SHOW ME YOUR HOLE to girls half their age.
You are wrong.
That is one of the HIGHLIGHTS of Uber. Ask any of the Uber broads who've taken me up on it.
==================
hah!!! Name ONE!!!
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-04-03 20:17:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wait. is this an actual post with an actual opinion?
im confused. wheres the soccer?
yes, i said soccer.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-04-03 20:07:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha...
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-03 19:41:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:(
it's not?
................i wonder when apollo turns to look at someone if it takes like half a day, the tides change or if he gets a bit giddy?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-04-03 19:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
turning heads isn't always good.
Trust me, I know!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-03 19:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stuff you crystle. I WORE my checked shirt and pin striped trousers and have been turning a LOT OF HEADS - shows how much you know Anna Sui. And I *told* you, the assistant's not mine anymore, besides, she's from new zealand - wtf would she know?
i'm gonna go out and parade around a bit more.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-03 18:33:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Good grief, this place sometimes, is really sad and pathetic.
--
It isn't exactly redeemed by 50 year old men screaming SHOW ME YOUR HOLE to girls half their age.
You are wrong.
That is one of the HIGHLIGHTS of Uber. Ask any of the Uber broads who've taken me up on it.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what about that secretary...errrr assistant...who's always shaking her ass at you?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
eh - maybe some poor woman will see you and take pity on you, as you're so obviously alone, and let you bring her home.. if only to help coordinate your clothes.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Good grief, this place sometimes, is really sad and pathetic.
--
It isn't exactly redeemed by 50 year old men screaming SHOW ME YOUR HOLE to girls half their age.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:26:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TOO LATE CRYSTLE I'VE IRONED IT ALREADY
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Think about it...the only "person", if you can call him that, that would even WANT his email is sico.
Or, maybe that poor bitch jeannneee, but that's unlikely.
Fuck, his parents probably don't even want his email.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:15:39 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's some food for thought:
Who the fuck even knows his email? I thought that lying sack of shit moved to Colorado or something 5 months ago and got a new job.
No one probably emailed anyone...he's just stirring the shit, like any good 12 year old autistic fucktard does.
you're probably right.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
D_R: Jew says.....
eeeeeeeeerrrrm I guess........
for like...what?
hardly a ringing endorsement
----------------
I'm going to work you dolt. sighs.....fuck it I'll just wear jeans. I need a girlfriend, or a caul.
thanks for nothing anne frank
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:16:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PUT THE SHIRT DOWN D-R - no, you can't wear those together!!
also, speaking of South Africa, anyone heard from Phuzzy lately?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's some food for thought:
Who the fuck even knows his email? I thought that lying sack of shit moved to Colorado or something 5 months ago and got a new job.
No one probably emailed anyone...he's just stirring the shit, like any good 12 year old autistic fucktard does.
Good grief, this place sometimes, is really sad and pathetic.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm not shlong, everyone knows apollo88 address and sometimes random tards just appear.
he thinks I emailled his boss though, that 100% categorically was not me.
that's not how i roll.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
D_R: Jew says.....
eeeeeeeeerrrrm I guess........
for like...what?
hardly a ringing endorsement
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:04:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why the fuck are you exchanging emails with oathmeal?
He's about as mentally stable as John fucking Hinckley.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hang on, I'm just going to go rifle through the cupboard to see what it was you sent me on my birthday.
<rifle rifle rifle....>
oh, that's right - nothing.
Apollo could you just quickly go ask golda meir if I can wear a checked shirt with a pin-striped trouser? I don't have all day, and no tricking.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-04-03 17:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
they dream of electric sheep
and sheep have wool
ergo
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:57:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sweet
robots can knit now?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 21:47:23 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
its my birthday tomorrow - what have you got me?
---
A wooly hat.
He's been knitting it for three months.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
its my birthday tomorrow - what have you got me?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
right then, well no. I'm brave not stupid. way to place a hundred buck bet after the first leg when you've jagged an away goal. Speaking of pretty strips, I'm watching florentina - psv, and I have to go make myself some death adders on toast.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would love to visit Australia someday but yeah, the wildlife freaks the shit out of me. Same goes for South America as well.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:25:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually
that was stupid.
i think it's about 1.11 AU$ to the USD.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
crazy people one and all
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:24:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1 USD = about $1,000,000,000 AU$
or three GBP.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i want to visit australia some day just so that i can be more thankful for the temperate chicago climate and barely feral wildlife.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 15:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what's with the zeros?
---------------
you've hurt my feelings.
You want brave? I once told a pub full of Irishmen that the only thing their rugby team had going for them was their pretty green jerseys, and I STILL didn't get beat up. Ducky was there she'll vouch for me. Admittedly it was a very small pub, and there were only 2 or 3 of them of fisticuffs age, but I'm pretty sure one of them was brian o'driscoll.
Actually I'm more sure about that than I am about not getting beat up....
i didn't get beat up, did I Ducky?
How much is your american dollar worth at the moment seppo?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:08:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes my homosexual chum
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:02:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
are you talking to me?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:00:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
excsqueeze me?
baking powder?
you are not making the, 'ow we say, sense?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-03 15:56:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i've never read on that subject before
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 15:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what's with the zeros?
bet you $100 we make the semis.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-03 15:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my name's not brian, fathead.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-03 15:48:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
:(
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 15:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
even womanly, looks like he'd fit into the Milan back four, Brian here resorts to his fists immediately.
See?
Fists below.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-03 15:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<stands withs fists on hips>
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 15:38:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
aussies are the true savages of course.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-03 15:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So do those damned savages :(
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-04-03 15:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ubmitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-03 15:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh please. You Brits (God love you) have nothing left to be afraid of. Dire wolf? Gone. European Bison? Gone. Dame Edna, confidant to the Queen? Haven't seen her in a few years, hoping she's gone. You're not at all like the colonies. We've still got bears and raccoons and beavers the size of... well, very large cats anyway. Your crocodiles are basically large pussycats. Nothing compared to your average Jehova's Witness, or ornery yuppie.
========================
Those big beavers still post on Uber.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-03 15:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh please. You Brits (God love you) have nothing left to be afraid of. Dire wolf? Gone. European Bison? Gone. Dame Edna, confidant to the Queen? Haven't seen her in a few years, hoping she's gone. You're not at all like the colonies. We've still got bears and raccoons and beavers the size of... well, very large cats anyway. Your crocodiles are basically large pussycats. Nothing compared to your average Jehova's Witness, or ornery yuppie.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-03 15:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bret: nice stunt you just pulled there jackass.
I guess you win
whatever. enjoy your 'lulz' you piece of fucking shit.
me: me?
me?
Bret: fuck off. blocked.
me: oh man. blocked by oathmeal?
Sent at 2:02 PM on Thursday
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-04-03 14:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Making judicious use of the firearm I typically carry would seem to be in order in that situation.
it would play out something like this
croc: RAWAR!!!! *Chomp*
wife: SCREEEEAAAAMMMMM
me: *bang* Look honey I get some new boots *point at carcass*
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-03 14:50:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Let's see what's happening here...
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-04-03 14:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My reaction would be- "does her life insurance cover death by crocodile?"
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-04-03 14:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2008-04-03 12:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://gabbly.com/www.ubersite.com
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-04-03 14:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They don't have snakes on motherfucking planes do they?
-------------------
+2 for that alone.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-04-03 13:57:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Snakes on a Plane!
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-04-03 13:31:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-03 13:16:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As soon as snakes can work out door handles and alarm pin numbers then I'm fucked. I'll just buy a plane and live at 30,000 feet. They don't have snakes on motherfucking planes do they?
-----------------------------------
lol
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-04-03 13:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-04-03 12:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*screaming*
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-04-03 12:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Agreed!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-04-03 12:26:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF IS THAT THING
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-03 12:25:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They don't have snakes on motherfucking planes do they
BRAVO!
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2008-04-03 12:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://gabbly.com/www.ubersite.com
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-04-03 12:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment