Smoking Marijuana At the Office, or How to do it Right. (561 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.13 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SkullBite (View user info) at 2008-04-04 14:59:18 EDT
Going to work stoned when you don't work fast food, or a farm job is amazing. It can lighten a mood and add enjoyment to a bleak workplace. However, this is not for the faint of heart. Depending on where you work, going to work blitzed can have disastrous consequences.
************************WARNING**************************
Stoning at work is for those who can maintain. If you're still in the stoner stage but not limited to; the giggly one, the loud one, the napping one, the twitchy one, or the bottomless pit going to work stoned will be troublesome.
Before Smoking/Smoking
First and foremost, feed your belly. Smoking on a full belly* will allow you to go back without the fear of the munchies. If you're not constantly feeding your face you won't tip off your fellow narcs, and by narcs I mean co-workers. After you have consumed some food, or not head back to work, take a slower route. Taking time to smoke in your car (with the windows down) can keep the smell off of you, and be enjoyable. Space cruise anyone? When arriving back to work, take a few minutes to catch your breath. How much you smoke, your tolerance and a lot of things come into play. Use common sense. Honestly, depending on how far out you go to smoke, the high will hit you as you return. Anyone going BACK to work stoned can attest that you get higher when you walk in. Then the real fun begins.
Hydrate
Bring a beverage. I usually bring a large container of water, then a smaller tastier drink also. To rid yourself of cottonmouth use the water, to stave off the liquid munchies use the tasty. This will also keep movement to a minimum. Going to the water cooler seventy-five times in the first thirty minutes can tip off the narcs. Remember, going to work stoned ALTERS YOU. You will not act the same, so you must be careful.
Breakroom
Avoid the break room. This place is the holy-grail of booby traps at work. You walk in, there is at least three people waiting to conversate. There is snacking foods, snack machines and soda pop. If you dwell in this evil abode you run a high risk of outing yourself. You may stop and talk to someone, then after an intense defense of why twinkies should be eaten in three bites, someone notices.
Busy time
This won't be hard for anyone. All you have to do is your job, and if you're not doing it look that way. When I am stoned its the little things that count, really. Life is smoother, I take pleasure in the simpler things. Such as ubersite, which is actually rather funny while baked. What you do not want to do, is look like someone who has no soul. Forever wandering the planes, looking for those that forsake you. Come on, if you look like someone just told you that tits are now illegal, the narcs are coming. For you, can't do nothing for you.
Outed, now you're fucked.
The worst thing about going to work stoned, is being outed. "Dude, are you STONED? No way, you must be crazy, wait till blah blah...." First, calm down. Do not panick. You havent been totally outed yet. If the person that outs you KNOWS you, and you know them use it to your advantage. They might be inclined to talk about it, NEVER ADMIT TO BEING STONED EVER. Ever, I am fucking serious. Calmly, and nicely tell them that you do not use drugs. Never have, never will ect. Talking to narcs will get you one thing you don't want, the "bosses" attention.
Stoned with the boss
This is not a place you want to be. You're eyes are slightly slits, you're eyes are red, you're eyes are glassy. This is a sample conversation that may or may not take place. Respond as YOU would, not extreme paranoia im not stoned, and you can't prove it you. Ok, take it easy. Answer the questions, admit no defeat, and take no prisoners. Think about it, the last line before the unemployment line. Defend yourself, but make it look sincere. You can get out of it, allergies, sleep deprivation, hell you maybe able to spin half a day off out of it. Just never overreact. Do NOT GO IN THE OFFICE and beg forgiveness.
You never know, you could of have that promotion.
Insted you just had to walk in stoned and yell, "For the record that bitch smokes way more pot than I do"
User Reviews
Submitted by theBarron (user info) at 2008-04-27 06:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS GAME
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2008-04-07 19:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fairly accurate, although in my situation it is not quite possible to take breaks to get it done. I have to do it before, or not at all.
Morning meetings are awesome when you show up in an altered state.
The dope we smoke is too good for the smell to just dissapate; it can take many hours for the sweet pungent smell of marijuana to drift off of my clothes and body.
After smoking, I always brush my teeth and put a drop or two of visine in my eyes, then spray myself with my Axe deoderant prior to going to work.
Good tips though on the eating / drinking habits and how to not get noticed too much.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-04-04 21:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-04 13:31:16 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey pal, if you're content to walk around with jizz-breath, that's your right.
------
Pot, meet Kettle....Kettle, Pot...
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-04-04 20:40:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-04-04 20:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-04 18:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Its true.
I read it, then instantly regretted it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-04 18:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Liar below.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-04-04 17:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
worth reading: http://www.ubersite.com/m/115915
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-04 17:40:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, I get it.
Your RETORT is FUNNY!
But Shlongy isn't.
OK...NOW WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE!
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-04 16:44:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-04 16:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey pal, if you're content to walk around with jizz-breath, that's your right.
It's still a free country, last Shlongy checked.
==
Ok. Thats so funny. My GOD you have a magical comic wit. I will never have the problem of semen breath because I will never have semen IN my mouth.
Sadly, I cannot say the same for you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-04 16:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey pal, if you're content to walk around with jizz-breath, that's your right.
It's still a free country, last Shlongy checked.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-04 16:20:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok. Any reviews on what I wrote?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/115256
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-04-04 16:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The last "sentence" (as it excluded any punctuation) saved this from a -2.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-04 16:13:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-04 16:07:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Conversate" is not a word.
You were looking for "Converse."
--
I actually thought about that.
not the converse part of it, but conversate. Being a real one or not.
I love that word.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-04 16:07:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Conversate" is not a word.
You were looking for "Converse."
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-04 15:59:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As in having the smell of semen on my breath, rather then getting rid of it.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-04 15:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-04 15:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How do you get rid of that smell of semen on your breath, Skully?
==
I'll never have that problem Shlongy.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-04-04 15:41:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't really have that problem luckily. Everyone knows, and nobody cares because I'm paid to shill bullshit for a living anyway.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-04 15:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How do you get rid of that smell of semen on your breath, Skully?
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2008-04-04 15:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I used to roll 2 small joints for my evening shift, I'd take 2 ciggarette breaks and smoke them downstairs as normal, to the cameras they looked like normal roll ups.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2008-04-04 15:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for having and knowing what Cali' kush is.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2008-04-04 15:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
cool.
I have decided to smoke more weed. I really never did only because of baseball and shit like that. But since I'm fucking over school I want to enjoy times high with my buddies.
So smoking weed will commence tonight.
Fuck yeah. We have a bong called the "one hit wonder". Cali kush is the shit.