The Office Strikes Back (252 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.33 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jasumthin (View user info) at 2008-04-05 16:18:42 EDT
When the company you work for assigns you to the office of the guy paralyzed from the waist down and no sense of smell, it becomes pretty clear that they may not be getting rid of you right away but you may want to refrain from pinching everyone who goes near you on the ass. Unbelievably, that kind of thing is frowned upon these days. Even the gay guy isn't down with that sort of thing which is how you wind up in the spot you are in today.
The cheap bastards who run this company are worried about the bottom line. The irony is regardless of what they think of you and your antics is a perverse way you are concerned about bottoms as well. Thus your love of pinching asses which of course is the very same reason that you are condemned to share this corporate prison cell with a man with a man who never knows when he shits himself. This is the price you pay for your sins. Little do they realize that this is all a part of your master plan.
My office mate, the one with the numb ass, is exactly the target that I am looking for. He even comes with a scapegoat for you. You've got big plans for his male nurse. His incarceration and victimization will be your crowning achievement. With each pinch you will cause bruising. With each prick you will draw blood. Even with you less than stellar history, you will not be blamed. No one will suspect you had anything to do with it.
Eventually someone will notice that the poor sap has bruises and blood on his ass. The male nurse is not going to report it because he doesn't want any investigations launched his way. Innocent or not, once accused your career is over. Ask OJ. The nurse's sense of self preservation will prevent him from making the choice which could have saved him a lifetime of humiliation and torture.
Oh well. You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.
Oh the nurse will catch on but no one is going to believe him. Imagine the poor bastard sobbing to the judge, sobbing to the prosecutor, "it was his office chair, there was something wrong with the cushion". The jury chuckles. The louder sobs, the funnier it becomes, the crazier he appears to be. He either gets sent to prison where he experiences the joys of shower rapes daily or he goes to the nuthouse to live out his days with people who are pet and feed animals that aren't there.
You actions have sent notice to the world. Respect your office equipment. Wipe properly when you take a shit at work because your chair has to smell your ass the rest of the day. Don't force the chair to strike back.
User Reviews
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-04-06 01:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Delightfully tacky and unrefined.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-05 17:13:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Never write again.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-05 16:23:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Ok.