A Couple of Burnout Stoners Discuss Complex Issues (2) (885 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.84 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chronic (View user info) at 2008-04-07 11:05:14 EDT
(1) http://www.ubersite.com/m/73391
---
SONIC BOOM
"So I was watching Top Gun and was thinking about supersonic speed."
"You're a faggot and I want to play Sonic."
"Seriously, imagine going so fast that the air doesn't have time to get out the way and
then it cracks around you."
"Don't keep crack around you."
"What? What are you doing?"
"I'm not listening to you. Where do you keep the Genesis games?"
---
PHLOGISTON
"Do you know what Phlogiston is?"
"This is where you've been thinking about something for a while and you want to look
smart."
"No it's not. Phlogiston is cool. It's when.."
"Don't make me look it up."
"But I'm about to tell you."
"But why would I assume that you're accurate?"
"Because you don't know anything about it."
"I swear to God. Just shut up. When I find out what it is, I'm gonna kick the phlogiston
right out of your dumb ass."
"Well, it's a failed scientific theory, ANYWAY."
"Oh, so then phlogiston is nothing?"
"Well.."
"I'm gonna kick your ass, ANYWAY."
---
TERRORISM
"So suicide bombing..there's a hobby."
"Can't really blame them."
"Sure I can."
"Look, they hide the women to exploit them. We liberated the women to exploit them. They live in the desert because it's the holy land. We don't live in the desert because people are fucking touchy about it, and it sucks. They pray 8 times a day so God will like them more than the other people praying to the same God. We haven't prayed in years because religion is generally all the same shit."
"Dude, rationalizing."
"Dude, they blow themselves up for virgins. I won't even fuck virgins anymore."
"Why not?"
"When they scream and cry like they never have before, it terrifies them about what else
they've missed in life. People like me, breaking in virgins, IS terrorism. Then, they
never want to leave."
"What does this have to do with terrorism?"
"Who would come after us?"
"..Uh.."
"Exactly."
---
QUANTUM MECHANICS
"Anybody ever get one of those quantum computers poppin?"
"I saw Scott Bacula on TV the other day."
"What?"
"Quantum Leap."
"Oh, remember that other guy?"
"Yeah."
"..Me too."
---
SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES
"Yo, I learned all this shit about subliminal messages the other day in my Psych class."
"The shit with the movie theaters and the coke and popcorn, right?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"You told me in a subliminal message."
"What? But I thought.."
"Oh, I know what you thought."
"I don't think that's what subliminal messages are. I think they have to be, like,
pictures, y'know?"
"Rhodes Scholar in the making."
"Is that like a traveling student?"
"Sure."
---
EL NINO
"Nobody talks about El Nino anymore. What happened to that?"
"Blew away."
"I don't think that's how the climate works."
"You're a climatologist now?"
"Isn't it a meteorologist?"
"And when was the last time that cocksucker got ANYTHING right?"
"I think you made your point, ok?"
"No, I didn't."
---
SCIENTOLOGY
"Scientology is pretty massively stupid, huh?"
"Yeah, a bunch of people basing a religion around a sci-fi book. Shocking."
"..."
"..."
"..Oh. You're saying Jesus was like an alien."
"Are you a fucking alien? HIT AND PASS."
---
MAYAN CALENDAR
"So I heard that the Mayan Calendar is the most accurate calendar before a starmapping
supercomputer. Did you know that their calendar ends?"
"Yeah, Decemberish, 2012 or 13. I booked my tickets already."
"To where?"
"The Mayan Calendar."
"Oh, why?"
"After we cross the galactic equator, if the polarity of the sun flips and fucks up the solar system, I'd rather be standing where the last people to get it right were standing."
"Wanna go see that new movie, The Ruins?"
"No. Fuck you."
---
ABSINTHE
"Hmm, they have absinthe."
"You can't get good absinthe in America."
"Why not?"
"Well, it's not made the same way, and NOBODY makes it like they used to. One of those lost arts and whatnot."
"I wish I could see a green fairy."
"Lunesta?"
"What's Lunesta?"
"I...I don't know. Grab that box of Magic Hat and let us leave this place."
---
MARS
"So, I haven't heard much about Mars since that whole, "We're going to Mars" thing that
Bush did to distract us."
"Yeah, that was fucking bizarre. What was he trying to distract us from again?"
"I don't really remember."
"This is what I've been talking about."
---
SOLAR WIND
"I'm pretty sure I don't understand Solar Wind. There's no air in space, right?"
"Yeah, space is a vacuum."
"I thought vacuums were vacuums."
"Do me a favor. Don't worry about solar wind anymore, ok?"
"Okay."
---
PI
"Some Chinaman or something memorized 10,000 digits of pi."
"So? I know like, 20."
"Bullshit."
"Alright, count the digits. 3.14159362841356930. How many was that?"
"17."
"Close enough."
"I'll look it up and check."
"Yeah, let me know."
"How will I remember what you said?"
"You won't. Therefore, I can't be proven wrong."
"You're like some kinda math wiz, aren't you?"
"Whatever helps you sleep at night."
---
SUB-PRIME MORTGAGE
"I read the other day that the government might give people money to bail out their houses. It's about time they did something for people."
"Do you have a sub-prime mortgage facing foreclosure?"
"No."
"Then explain to me why you are paying to protect people that unskillfully speculated on property, housing, interest rates, employment, and macroeconomic stability? They bet on all those things and lost. It wouldn't happen to me, or even you."
"So people are supposed to be homeless?"
"People that can't pay for their houses ARE homeless."
"Why did you say I'm paying?"
"Sorry, I forgot that you don't pay taxes either."
---
MAGNETISM
"Electromagnetism is cooler than natural magnetism."
"See, this is when I'm sure you're an idiot."
"Why?"
"Because it's not. The electrical charge elicits a magnetic field from the substance. Natural magnets have their own stabilized magnetic fields."
"Electromagnetism is a long word."
"Duly noted."
---
ONLINE SOCIAL NETWORKING
"I found a cool band on Myspace."
"Uh huh."
"And this cute girl poked me on Facebook."
"Uh huh."
"There are all these great pictures from the other night on.."
"Uh huh."
"I didn't finish."
"I'm actually looking over your shoulder and acknowledging the muted TV."
---
ILIFE
"Yo, if I had a hundred K, I'd get a whole iLife."
"Excuse me."
"Y'know...iCar, iChair, iPen, iPod, iMac, i.."
"You're charging up my iHate."
"C'mon, Apple is cool. Didn't you own the stock and clean up?"
"Just because I made a value judgment about everyone on public transportation's transcendence into their own internal fantasy worlds, doesn't mean I approve."
---
YANKEE/REDSOX RIVALRY
"Why did you move to Boston? I thought you hate the Red Sox."
"I do."
"So..."
"...School."
"What about getting caught behind enemy lines and all that?"
"You're talking about Red Sox Nation, aren't you? You know that's not real, right?"
"What?"
"It's a propaganda machine. There aren't really very many real Red Sox Fans. The ratio of real Sox fans to homophobic bandwagoneers can't even be compared to the Yankee numbers. That's mainly because everyone in Boston cares about how good the Yankees' record is and everyone in New York cares about how good the Yankees' record is and at the end of the day, people in New England want to be better than the Yankees, and people in the Tristate want to be better than everybody. And we are, which is why we win more."
"You've been working on that."
"For years."
---
FUTBOL
"Soccer is gay."
"And yet futbol isn't."
"True. MLS is gay."
"I don't think America has a chance of ever really understanding the game. Not in our lifetime, anyway"
"Wanna go kick the ball around?"
"Hell yeah."
User Reviews
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-05-26 22:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I see the douche patrol hit this one too
long time no see! how are you?
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-04-17 12:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For this
"You're charging up my iHate."
I think that will be my new -2DIE comment, thanks.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-04-09 23:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-04-09 12:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gotta love that "Uberstyle 5am stumble around and -2 stuff."
Woo. Fun.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-09 04:43:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No amount of booze is a good excuse for you.\
Apparently
Submitted by spyder882001 (user info) at 2008-04-08 18:54:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I need to go smoke a bowl and then come back and read this.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-04-08 18:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tough crowd of names that I don't recognize/don't matter.
Fallen is the only one with usable information.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-04-08 01:17:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
next time i want a disccusion on the socio-economic repercusions of reganomics
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-04-08 00:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude. Uncool.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-04-07 20:17:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-04-07 20:00:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I prob would've given it a +1 but those minuses made me round up.
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then i'll bring my rating down a little more to make up for it.
ah ha!
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-07 20:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quantum Leap.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-04-07 20:00:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I prob would've given it a +1 but those minuses made me round up.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-04-07 15:11:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, as far as the Red Sox Nation thing goes...they've been referring to New England as Red Sox nation for many, many years now...since 1986 to be exact. It was only recently that it started getting blown up by the media.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-04-07 15:10:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-04-07 15:08:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-04-07 13:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
thanks, I wouldn't have known about the Red Sox slight, having only read down to phlogiston.
Here's what's official: The number of Yankee fans complaining about Red Sox bandwagoners has surpassed the number of Yankee fans actively rooting for the Yankees. I've seen this complaint so many times by so many hypocrites (people who didn't start rooting for the Yanks until 1 AJ [after jeter]) that a term for these people should be created.
I think blowhard-jerkoff would fit nicely.
==========================
One thing is certainly official: Yankee fans and Red Sox fans...nay, bandwagon fans alike for any sport are worthless and create a bad image for the real fans.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-04-07 13:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
')
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-04-07 13:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-04-07 12:09:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked this. Especially the part about Red Sox fans. I've been living in Boston since '02 and let me tell ya, I've never seen more jackasses come out of the wood work as soon as a team starts winning. So many fair-weather assholes who ruin the game and give Bostonians and New Englanders a bad name. I hate "jah-dude" sports fans. AKA kids who fake Boston accents and never shut the fuck up. They are also part Bro-dudes.
It's official. Red Sox fans have become more annoying thank Yankee fans.
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thanks, I wouldn't have known about the Red Sox slight, having only read down to phlogiston.
Here's what's official: The number of Yankee fans complaining about Red Sox bandwagoners has surpassed the number of Yankee fans actively rooting for the Yankees. I've seen this complaint so many times by so many hypocrites (people who didn't start rooting for the Yanks until 1 AJ [after jeter]) that a term for these people should be created.
I think blowhard-jerkoff would fit nicely.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-07 13:04:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray for discussing complex issues and being stoned.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-04-07 13:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know what phlogiston is.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-04-07 12:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
for the record, I just bought a bottle of real ABSINTHE this weekend in the states. not that bohemian shit. I'll let you know how it is.
www.drinklucid.com
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-07 12:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*were
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-07 12:41:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll just have to assume that the rest was as awful as the first two.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-04-07 12:34:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First lot was better in my less-than-humble opinion.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-04-07 12:09:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked this. Especially the part about Red Sox fans. I've been living in Boston since '02 and let me tell ya, I've never seen more jackasses come out of the wood work as soon as a team starts winning. So many fair-weather assholes who ruin the game and give Bostonians and New Englanders a bad name. I hate "jah-dude" sports fans. AKA kids who fake Boston accents and never shut the fuck up. They are also part Bro-dudes.
It's official. Red Sox fans have become more annoying thank Yankee fans.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-04-07 12:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I read it halfway through. It was kinda funny. The idea of it is funny. It's better than I could do.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-07 11:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everyone says stupid things.
Try saying something clever, now that's a challenge.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-04-07 11:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-04-07 11:34:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I thought there were going to be some swarthy men joining me... they'd better start suicide bombing pretty goddamn soon, or I'm going to go crazy stuck here in heaven with a bunch of bitches in tubs.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-07 11:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you should have put a funny one first (if there is one) and I would have kept reading
this was about as entertaining as fucking August Rush
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-07 11:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Like this lots!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-07 11:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sonic and Top Gun?
None more gay.