Uberotica ‘08 - A Brief and Simple How-To Guide: Church (958 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.86 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ballare (View user info) at 2008-04-07 16:03:37 EDT
There's nothing to it. It's easy, really. The car door slams in an empty parking lot, and though you are tempted, do not slap his ass playfully. Do not slide your hands down the front of his pants - don't even hold his hand.
Crunch across the gravel, casually move up the familiar and worn stone steps.
Push open the heavy wood doors, and be reminded of the sharp pungent smell of God. Recall the long sermons, the instilled terror of eternal damnation, and your own particular sins against Him.
Think of the man beside you, of his strong arms and his hard cock.
Lead him down the familiar passages. Dwell on the sharp caustic tongues of the nuns, summon up the memory of their tireless scoldings.
Take a quick look around, and sidestep into a closed room. Pull him against you, slipping your hands under his shirt, feeling the tautness of his muscles, running your hands along the smoothness of his skin. Think of the cold, hard, benches, the mass congregations and the mass condemnation, and push your lips against his. Draw his tongue into your mouth and suck gently on it, circling it with your own.
He moans, and you hear the booming voice of the priest in your mind, threatening you and belittling you, and glide your fingers along his back, down into his pants, and caress his ass.
Push yourself against him, feeling his hard erection through his jeans. Sigh softly as he thrusts his hand against the skin of your stomach, and upward, cupping your bra and pulling it downward. Kiss him harder, feeling his palm against your breast between you as you draw him closer still, and inhale sharply as he roughly encircles your nipple with his thumb.
Think of the endless forced hymns, breaking through the mildewed silence; of the strident children's voices raised in chorus, and bring your hands around to clasp his hips, to move your fingertips along the bulge in his jeans.
Unzip his pants slowly, pulling them down just far enough, and hear him gasp as you bring his hard cock into your hands, gently drawing on it, feeling the rigidity under supple soft skin, and kiss him once more, closing your teeth on his lower lip and then releasing him.
Kneel.
Recall how you had learned, over and over, that kneeling is the ultimate in submission and surrender to God, and close your lips around the stiff dick before you. Begin gently; kissing the tip and running your tongue along the head. He exhales sharply and leans back, grasping at your hair with one hand and flattening the other against the wall.
Pull him deeper into your mouth, gliding your tongue along the underside of his shaft, and lightly cup his balls, rolling them delicately between your fingers. Suck harder, feeling the steady throbbing pulse in his cock, and bring the other hand up to stroke at the base - harder again as you remember the endless, meaningless discussions about God's love for you and everything around you.
Move your hand and mouth and tongue in tandem, pulling and sucking and licking harder and faster as he pushes down on your head, pushing himself deeper into your mouth and throat, and you can taste oh yes the taste of the Eucharistic bread but also you can taste the saline thick wetness and he gasps and you moan and he rocks forward into you and with a lingering kiss you swallow everything and run your lips one last time over his cock.
Sway back, and tilt your head upwards to gaze at him, with wide dark eyes, and wipe a white droplet from your lips.
There's nothing to it. It's easy, really.
User Reviews
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-06-04 19:30:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well now, doesn't THIS kick a little ass...
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2008-04-09 15:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn
Submitted by Glenn. (user info) at 2008-04-09 12:43:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll just rate it a 2 and spare myself the pain of associating your hideous face with the notion of sexual fantasy. You win.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-09 11:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is good. The whole office smells of gorgonzola now.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:18:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-09 03:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's as far as I go though. This was a damn fine tale.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-09 03:36:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Willie's being a nerd.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-09 03:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i guess that's all i can do by myself but i'll throw a few +2s on your other posts just in case ratings matter to you
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-09 03:29:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is funny it really does go down like bubba at a boy scout jamboree
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-09 03:28:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
let's see what another -2 does
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-09 03:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
it went down a little pun intended
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-09 03:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i won't be able to do it but i'll give it a shot
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-09 03:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i decided i want you to lose to snark's forfeit no offense
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-08 15:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how's that for a 'contribution'? http://www.ubersite.com/m/116028
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-04-08 13:59:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thy rod and thine staff shall comfort me
taking it to a whole 'nother level aren't we?
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-04-08 12:51:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just read this again and sweet merciful christ...
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-04-08 12:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-08 10:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-08 03:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Gave me a semi
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p.s. squid gangster hand signals must be incredible
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2008-04-08 12:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, that was a fun read. Deserves more!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-08 12:14:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read it again and it made me hard.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-04-08 11:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my boyfriend read this last night and hasn't stopped making fun of me since
he said there weren't enough references to "thick and throbbing holy meat wands"
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-04-08 11:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...
[ahem]
...
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-08 10:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-08 03:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Gave me a semi
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe the best story we'll see for uberotica.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my apologies in advance if I've messed up any of the religious references, I'm atheist you see. I spent like ten minutes Googling "little religious Jesus cookie".
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Byt the way, Jesus cookie is an entirely acceptable term. It's an abbreviation for "Jesus cookie, full of wafery goodness."
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-08 07:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't remember if I rated this this morning.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-08 07:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-08 05:15:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was a good bit of writing
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-08 03:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Gave me a semi
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-08 02:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-04-07 21:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Naughty
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-04-07 20:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmm...sacrilicious.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-04-07 20:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was pleasant. The previous sentence is very hard to write with one hand.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2008-04-07 19:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I need some more of that when I go to Church....you painted a very vivid picture in my mind, and now I want some action!
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2008-04-07 19:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Let the competition commence... I'm not going to be able to walk into a church now without the scene you've painted in my head flashing in and out sending me into a fit of giggles. Thank goodness its a serious rarity I'm ever in a church.
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Yeah. Except I teach Sunday school.
I need bleach for my brain.
++++++++++++=
Hilarious!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-07 19:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK.
If anyone needs me I'll be over there. Touching.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-04-07 17:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-04-07 17:44:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
little religious Jesus cookie !
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-07 17:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done.
Now to get my girl to blow me at church.
PRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAISE JESUS, AND GET YOUR KNOB BOBBED TODAY!
The church would have stellar numbers.
Stellar.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:59:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my apologies in advance if I've messed up any of the religious references, I'm atheist you see. I spent like ten minutes Googling "little religious Jesus cookie".
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+2 for this alone, awesome enough as it is, but the added bonus of reminding me of the song chocolate jesus.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
right after he cums, hold his balls and you can feel them moving but he has to lie very still and it only lasts a short time
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:49:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmmmmmmmmm.....
Sacrelicious.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Let the competition commence... I'm not going to be able to walk into a church now without the scene you've painted in my head flashing in and out sending me into a fit of giggles. Thank goodness its a serious rarity I'm ever in a church.
-----
Yeah. Except I teach Sunday school.
I need bleach for my brain.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:35:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BOING
Submitted by Charlton_H (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:42:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My rod and my staff shall comfort thee all the days of your life.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:35:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BOING
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are a very very bad girl.
Go to my room.
Now.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Let the competition commence... I'm not going to be able to walk into a church now without the scene you've painted in my head flashing in and out sending me into a fit of giggles. Thank goodness its a serious rarity I'm ever in a church.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-04-07 16:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my apologies in advance if I've messed up any of the religious references, I'm atheist you see. I spent like ten minutes Googling "little religious Jesus cookie".