Puking in a urinal is not a good way to start your evening -or- My adventure at Oktoberfest! -or- Minimal effort post for people with ADD (786 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.04 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (View user info) at 2008-04-08 09:22:36 EDT
Sam Adams Oktoberfest. What a fantastic time of year. They have their festival of beer in September, usually around the 15th (or whenever a Friday and Saturday fall near the 15th). Why they have it in September? Not sure. Maybe to give people a chance to go to the Harpoon Oktoberfest, which is in the beginning of October, as well. In either case, it is a glorious event to go to.
You walk in the front doors of a building called The Castle (because it looks like a castle) and see a spectacle like none other. Big tables to seat 30+ people, German food being cooked around the sides, a German folk band, as many kegs as there are hot chicks in Sweden...it's pretty fucking fantastic.
The event is held on two days. A Friday and Saturday. Saturday is the day to go. Doors are open from Noon to 10pm. They let us assholes stay there for 10 hours to drink as much as we want. Its fucking beautiful! So, me and my crew of deviants and cynics arrive at 1145am. We finally get inside around 1215 and begin our day of debauchery.
Around 430 (maybe?) we start playing quarters because we're shitfaced. The way we were playing was like so: You try to bounce a quarter into someone else's beer and if you make it, they have to chug it. My friend's girlfriend managed to get a lucky bounce into my beer. I had just gotten a refill. These were big glasses. I think they held either 16 or 20oz. I can never remember... I wonder why? Anywho, it was a full glass of Sam Adams Oktoberfest, which is my favorite seasonal brew. I stood up, took a deep breath, and pounded that beer harder than I pounded my ex girlfriend the night before I broke up with her. I set the glass down, let out a massive burp and sit down.
I'm sitting there, fighting back the urge to puke. I can feel it in my throat. The need to just let it rip and hurl. I didn't want to. I couldn't! But I had to. After maybe 2 or 3 minutes of concentrated breathing, I stood up and starting walking to the bathroom. The walk became a speed walk. The speed walk became a jog. The jog became an all-out sprint. I spinkick hadoken the bathroom door open and cut three people in line. I hover over a urinal in a full house and pause for a moment. "Fuck it" I said in my head as I let 'er rip and started projectile vomiting into a fucking urinal. Everyone in the bathroom was too grossed out to say anything. After I puked up about $15 worth of beer, I unzipped and pissed right there in my puke, in the urinal, all nonchalantly.
When everyone had cleared out, I flushed and went to the bathroom to wash up. As I was washing my hands and face, a new group of people came in.
"Holy shit! Who fuckin puked in the urinal!? Fucking gross, dude!" One of them cried.
"I dont know...some fuckin asshole...cut me in line and let 'er rip. What a douche..." I said as I sneakily slipped out the door.
I returned to my table, got called a pussy by all my friends and had a hot dog thrown at me. Awesome.
I love Oktoberfest.
User Reviews
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-04-09 20:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i like harpoon fests. never been to a sam adams fest.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-09 04:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Last one.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-04-08 21:56:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I once had a similar experience.
...and I posted it, too.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/62119
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2008-04-08 20:01:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While reading your story I thought you were going to puke because you had chugged the quarter too....but maybe you did, maybe you didn't, either way, you puked. Oh well, what can ya do?
Submitted by jigglypuff (user info) at 2008-04-08 18:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When I worked in a nightclub I refused to clean sick. Eapecially in urianals!!
Use the bowl!!!
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-04-08 18:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Learn to hold your beer, pussy
Submitted by bjrog2 (user info) at 2008-04-08 17:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking been there before once or twice... And handled exactly as one should
Top knock old bean
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-04-08 14:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I figured as much :)
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-04-08 14:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i know what oktoberfest is, rhythm-osaurus. i don't tend to drink macro-brew shit like budweiser or coors.
unless i wanna slum it. then i'm all about the pbr, which is the slumming it beer of champions. hell, pbr is even Shlongy approved.
anyway, i was just poking at you, fella.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-04-08 13:49:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-04-08 13:18:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who the fuck, besides junior high school kids, pukes from drinking too much beer?
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Let me know when you spend 4 or 5+ hours drinking oktoberfests and then try to chug one. its heavy beer, man. a lot different from light shitty beer thats easy to chug, like bud light.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-04-08 13:18:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who the fuck, besides junior high school kids, pukes from drinking too much beer?
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2008-04-08 12:31:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice job, Farva.
Submitted by lexie_98 (user info) at 2008-04-08 12:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-04-08 11:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What Cracked said and:
http://www.oktoberfest.de/
Servus!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-08 11:06:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a friend that works in Munich. He says it is terrible because you buy one beer and you drink it for the rest of the night because the serving staff are so efficent they bring you another beer just as you're finishing.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-04-08 11:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Simple story with someone making a twat of themselves through booze = 1 point.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-04-08 10:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-04-08 10:24:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-04-08 10:20:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I had a beer right now. I cant believe it's already time for Summer Ale. It seems like Sam Adams White was here for only like 2 months. Mmmmm. Beeeeeeer.
Someone is cooking a pretzel or something in the kitchen at work. Its making me fucking hungry.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-08 10:18:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't hold her beer below.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-08 10:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Huh, that is not true - I was dying, I've never been so nearly dead!
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:47:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:37:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Been living in Germany for a little over a year now. Went to my first "Legitimate" Oktoberfest in Munchen (Munich) last year. Though I'm sure you thought you had a good time, I guarantee you it came nowhere close to the week long debauchery I was partook in.
Seriously, save up some money, and get over here for the real thing. You will not regret it.
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I want to go to Munich this year. I need to convince some friends to make the trip with me. I've been wanting to go for like 2 years now!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:44:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is no 'in joke' Orphy, Banjo just can't drink for shit.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-08 14:33:17 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, Banjo you'd have to break your dress and throw a hissy fit.
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Better than your balls on the back of my neck you funny fucker.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/7336490.stm
I want to go here.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Captain Crap
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
At a meeting of the Tappa Kegga Bru Hop-Tasting Society, Petty Officer's Club, US Navy Nuclear Power School, Orlando, Florida, I saw a guy fill with beer a 2-liter glass mug on which was emblazoned the words "I Bet You Can't", breathe much as you describe, and swill the whole thing. He looked sick for a moment, much as you describe, and then put it all right back, now a lot foamier and a bit warmer, in and over the glass. Good times, good times.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:37:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Been living in Germany for a little over a year now. Went to my first "Legitimate" Oktoberfest in Munchen (Munich) last year. Though I'm sure you thought you had a good time, I guarantee you it came nowhere close to the week long debauchery I was partook in.
Seriously, save up some money, and get over here for the real thing. You will not regret it.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2+ beer festivals
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:36:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quit it with the 'in' jokes already, you two.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, Banjo you'd have to break your dress and throw a hissy fit.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:27:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds like a pretty standard night out...
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's pretty fucking funny.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-04-08 09:24:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Decent title -or- I think I'm being witty -or- Watch me really try to be funny but miss