Boss Hawk (437 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.21 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by X54 (View user info) at 2008-04-08 23:17:23 EDT
Outside my third floor office window, a hawk hovers over an empty lot. Ground squirrels inhabit the weed-infested patch of dirt below. I pause from my work to watch. The hawk's wings quiver in the wind, making rapid, minute adjustments to maintain its position above an unsuspecting squirrel. Suddenly it dives straight down, plummeting so fast it seems to outrun gravity. Slowing at the last moment with flared wings, it hops twice on the ground and takes flight again empty handed, or empty taloned. The lucky rodent quivers inside its hole as the hungry raptor flaps heavily away.
I slam my fist against the desk with an oath. The hawk deserved to get the squirrel. I think of the men and women who report to me, their cubicle walls exuding false senses of security. Striding from my office, I vow to avenge the hawk.
Unsuspecting Jenkins, my biggest suck-up, is first on my route. "Dim" is what I call him to myself. Hovering behind him, I see a news site on his computer screen. "Jenkins," I hiss.
He turns and stares stupidly.
"Do you not have enough work, Jenkins?"
"I'm on my break," he replies.
I roll my eyes to let him know I know he's lying. Cringing, he switches to a legitimate looking spreadsheet. There's little sport in abusing Jenkins. I glide off, leaving him quivering in his cubicle.
Wong is not at his desk. I tap his mouse to override the screensaver, a colorful picture of Jesus nailed to the cross above some tedious biblical quote. His browser is opened to a financial website. Chuckling to myself, I place an order against his account: ten thousand shares of Bear Stearns, on margin.
Pressler is next. Finding her giggling over something on her computer screen, I cough pointedly behind her.
In an obvious attempt to block my view of her monitor, she leaps to her feet like a private in the Army responding to a superior officer. She's a slutty young crevasse of cleavage in a skimpy dress, long bare legs and cheap perfume, a ripe fruit begging to be plucked good and hard. My dick stiffens with the anticipation of making her squirm.
But all of a sudden she seizes the initiative! Sliding her dress off one shoulder, she exposes herself. I'm stunned. Quick as a striking snake, she grabs my wrist and presses my hand against her smooth, soft breast, her rubbery nipple.
It's like a dream come true. I squeeze her magnificent mammary, lean forward, my eager tongue extended, when out of the blue she screams and slaps my face. "Sexual harassment!" she cries.
"Wait," I whisper, realizing the trap I've fallen into. "Shut up! You win. Just shut the fuck up." Retreating from her cubicle, I glance at her monitor to see what had her laughing: some nonsense on a site called "uber." What the hell is that?
Back in my office, my cheek still smarting, the astonished stares of my subordinates peering out from their cubicles still fresh in my mind, I watch the hawk drop from atop a streetlight. A hapless squirrel scurries across the road below. This time there is no place to hide. But at the last second, a speeding car hits the hawk in a burst of feathers and passes over the unscathed squirrel.
Rather than continue on to the far, now near side of the road, however, the squirrel turns back and is run over by a second vehicle coming from the other direction.
A vulture circles overhead.
My phone rings.
User Reviews
Submitted by Glenn. (user info) at 2008-04-09 21:06:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OSM, d00d.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-04-09 17:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-04-09 17:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hats off for the hawk.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-04-09 16:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Squirrel death, auto+2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-04-09 11:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by jigglypuff (user info) at 2008-04-09 11:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I smiled
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-09 09:19:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-04-09 09:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked it.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-04-09 09:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-09 03:15:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is even worse then when we went to see the "Vagina Monologues".
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-09 02:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don'[t even know where I am right now
Submitted by loan_officer (user info) at 2008-04-09 01:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-04-09 00:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-04-09 00:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The hawk wasn't really avenged. Sure, you harassed a few employees, but you didn't do anything hawklike.
Hawks are cold, calculating, and ruthless, where here the boss wasn't nearly vindictive enough to make up for the hawk's lost kill. He was meek and cowardly, hiding behind a position of power. The most ruthless thing he did was buy Bear Stearns stock, and even at then thousand shares, it only would have costed him like fourteen dollars.
True cruelty comes not from violence, nor a position of power, but in destruction. Destruction of charachter, security, freedom, shelter, saftey, sanity, and one's entire reality.
That, and I'd have the hawk live. Birds never get hit by cars.
--------------------------
True, that might have been a better way to go. The boss succeeding in his abuse of his employees would have jived with the hawk living and succeeding in catching a squirrel. I was going for the opposite, the failure of both: the boss's failure to abuse his employees tied in with the hawk's failure to catch the squirrel; his defeat at the hands of Pressler tied in with the hawk getting hit by the car; the vulture circling overhead tied in with the phone call, presumably from the boss's boss. And the dead squirrel, to stretch things a bit beyond the pale, foreshadows Pressler's future with the company.
I hit a vulture with my truck, which is how the story germinated. I don't know how likely it would be to hit a hawk.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-09 00:22:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Cormorant
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-04-09 00:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The hawk wasn't really avenged. Sure, you harassed a few employees, but you didn't do anything hawklike.
Hawks are cold, calculating, and ruthless, where here the boss wasn't nearly vindictive enough to make up for the hawk's lost kill. He was meek and cowardly, hiding behind a position of power. The most ruthless thing he did was buy Bear Stearns stock, and even at then thousand shares, it only would have costed him like fourteen dollars.
True cruelty comes not from violence, nor a position of power, but in destruction. Destruction of charachter, security, freedom, shelter, saftey, sanity, and one's entire reality.
That, and I'd have the hawk live. Birds never get hit by cars.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-04-08 23:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thx. How would you have done it?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-04-08 23:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd have done this differently, but I generally loved it.