Uberotica 2008 - To Love a Pirate (More Than You Should) (848 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.5 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (View user info) at 2008-04-09 09:06:57 EDT
She had considered quitting working at that great institution known as The Gap for a while, until he walked in that was. This is their story.
One winters day, which was incidentally posing as a summers one with gentle sun and few clouds, she was folding a pastel shirt in the men's section of the shop. She heard a clinking, but not a clanking, and looked up to see the cause of such an uncommon noise in a usually quiet and well-mannered store. She looked deep into the eyes of the man in front of her and though he spoke no words she could understand his need. And it wasn't a pastel shirt, dressed as he was in full piratical regalia he would have looked most stupid in a pale blue polo neck, though they were attractively priced at $14.99.
She followed him to the back of the store to the little cubicles where people struggled into unattractive and too small clothing. He chose changing room number 7 and obedient as a well-trained dog she followed him into it. However, it wasn't the ordinary pokey little closet she was accustomed to seeing, it felt somehow larger and grander. She looked around to see her new friend and there he was, grinning rakishly at her.
He gently removed her tank top ($17.99 but reduced to $6.99 for a sale) and she stood there in naught but her bra and worn skirt, oh, and her shoes. He was still fully clothed but when have you ever seen a naked pirate?
He spoke these words in a gruff but strangely gentlemanly manner, "We're going to fuck, OK?" She inhaled deeply for although he was striking she was nervous that he would carry all sorts of diseases from one of his women in every port. That soon slipped her mind as he began to kiss her and caress her breast, it wasn't really a caress to be honest, though it wasn't exactly a grope either: felt damn good in fact. But then she hadn't felt a good length inside her for a while.
After what seemed like only seconds, and it probably was for pirates are not the most patient of people, her skirt, bra and shoes were off and she stood in nothing but her nakedness for she never wore underwear. He was still fully clothed, though he had conceded to take his hat off for he was in the presence of a lady.
She decided then to make a move and reached into the area of his garb where she supposed must lie his manhood. Let's be honest here: she was looking for his cock, she found it and it was long, hard and full of, actually, fuck that joke, this is supposed to be arousing! Though it was far from rough it felt a little different, it still throbbed magnificently however, and in no time at all, she had her hands up against the wall and was feeling his probing member being thrust almost unceremoniously into her. He grunted with excitement and she felt a little quiver of delight as she realised that he was, in fact, superb at that most animalistic of all human characteristics, fucking.
Before she knew it she had an orgasm but he didn't stop, he merely removed her clutching hands from the wall and laid her down on the floor, which was suddenly carpeted, soft and inviting! It cradled her ass and she watched him lie down between her shapely legs. He now removed his cutlass for fear of cutting his lady and set to, this time he was rougher and pushed deeper into her. He was buried to the hilt of his weapon inside her sweet womanhood, and she loved it! He continued filling her with pirates booty and as she came again she thought "Fuck, I love this", and she really did. Visions of the high seas and many more pirates to fuck flooded her endorphin filled little brain and she now considered leaving the drudgery of The Gap in favour of a little, or a lot of pirate loving.
As she came for a third time he decided to share an orgasm with her, which he did so it only felt half as good for both of them. But she was hardly complaining, he had given her greater pleasure than any man before him ever had, not that there had been many of course, especially not after the last sniveling little shit-bag whose erection had crumbled out of her, much to both of their dismays. (He later killed himself when he fully realised that he was crap in bed)
After he had come he pulled out slowly and teasingly, collected his hat and cutlass and walked straight out of the store. She picked herself up off the now shrunken cubicle floor and re dressed, tracing the marks of where he had touched her. Her manager began to call for her and she was jolted back to reality. She left the cubicle and went about the rest of her day in a normal fashion.
That was why she kept her job at The Gap, just on the off chance that the pirate who had spoken only five words (but what a memorable five they were) came in and filled her gap for her again.
User Reviews
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-04-10 16:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-04-09 16:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
YARRR!! Surrender tha booty!!!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-09 14:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and her shoes.
Great critical detail. Very erotic use of sales prices.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-09 12:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, do you know, I have been sat here freezing, waiting for a heating engineer to call.
Well, bugger me, did you know wall mounted thermostats run from a 1.5v battery?
I didn't. In all the houses I had, I never changed one. And a digital screen to me idicated they run from electric. Did I feel silly.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-09 12:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hilarious.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-09 12:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hurtinthebuns
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-09 12:26:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just thought you might like a laugh. That FJ chap put Gnarls in his Uberbeauties section. lol.
I have requested I be removed.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-04-09 11:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't read it but AAA-HAARRR MATEEEEY
Submitted by Glenn. (user info) at 2008-04-09 11:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't read your post, I just assumed it was okay and wanted a chance to tell you that you're a COCKSNIFFER.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-04-09 11:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The scots know how to please a lady.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-04-09 15:58:14 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maddox?
=========
Haha, fuck I never even considered that! Makes it funnier, in my head at least.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maddox?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:40:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WJ, I'm gonna hold you to that some day.
20 years from now you will have forgotten all about that little comment you made and I will come charging through your office and violate you infront of your colleagues. I will also be shreaking
"WHO IS THE MOST FEARSOME PIRATE IN ALL THE SEAS?!??!"
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:38:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
He continued filling her with pirates booty
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DONE!!!
My only great regret is that I'm not a boy pirate.
**********************
If it makes you feel better you can try on me. I'd protest internally...
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So so, the "fill her gap" comment at the end saved it.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:26:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll look into it....still could be a bit awkward though, would need a bit more planning I fear than the usual rough and tumble of pirate rape.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Strap on with some kind of vaginal stimulant attached?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DONE!!!
My only great regret is that I'm not a boy pirate. I would have been great and fearsome.
It's hard to rape and pillage with a virgina.Plus the phrase:
"ooooh, hang on whilst I put a condom on you...haha...don't want little pirates running around"
Takes away the essence of the rape and pillage.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:19:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha! There were a few parts I actually laughed aloud. Humor + Erotica? Great.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're not a boy pirate though! If you'd like to consider it for you then by all means, go ahead, wench!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:( there was me thinking you might have been writing an erotic story for me.
If you can forget my one redeaming quailty (that I'm a pirate - almost) then there is not much hope.
*slopes off to find a spare bit of rope*
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's just I forget sometimes, your timely reminders really help!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know this already. Everyone knows this.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WAIT OMG YOU LIVE ON A BOAT?!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:08:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ONE MORE
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It would look so much better and more romantic if I was looking out over water rather than the waste land of wrecks.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PIRATES FTW
you have made me so very happy in my special place!!!!
*Skips off to the deck to look menacingly at the workmen*
OAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-04-09 10:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it even though it was random shit.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-04-09 09:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BOING
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-04-09 09:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-04-09 09:34:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-04-09 09:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-09 09:17:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Original.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-04-09 09:16:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good work hurty, odd but good
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-09 09:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fair enough. I didn't really want to stick to the norm.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-09 09:12:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was...unusual.
I'm just gonna mirror your rating on mine since we're in competition.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-09 09:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read it and never will.
KISS KISS.