The Tale of the Last Vampyre (NSFWish) (1764 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryLabels: poetry
Rating: 1.5 on 85 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Flashphelia (View user info) at 2008-04-10 06:28:47 EDT
User Reviews
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-01-26 07:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah. On uber, we are always reluctant to take on the idea of character development. We prefer to stamp a personality on a user and stick with it: EmissionImpossible is weird, JackMcCallum is racist, Sage is a blether, and on and on. Subtleties take us by surprise.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-26 07:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
or that sico isn't really italian, oathy isn't really ginger and method is actually the sweetest guy on uber. (thanks so much for the baby gift basket, method, and of course we will name the teddy bear after you)
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-01-26 07:43:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, I can't admit to that. I have carefully cultivated an image and to change it now would just confuse everybody. How would you feel if you found out that Berty wasn't in a wheelchair, or Shlongy was impotent? Utterly bewildered, I'd imagine.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-26 07:38:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
After I grow the penis?
I think you should come out to uber that you are really hetero. No matter how many uber male hearts you will break.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-01-26 07:34:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
...and I invite you up to my hotel room after the gig and compose songs inspired by your beauty?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-26 07:28:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gawd, i have trouble choosing which colour lip gloss to use each morning.
i can't decide the topic or style of our next post.
what happened to my musical :(
post about how you are the lead singer for scouting for girls and i am your groupie
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-01-26 07:21:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I remember getting rather hot under the collar putting this together.
I'm open to suggestions.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-26 07:18:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
don't know, I have always liked our ideas since but nothing has ever really grabbed me.
should certainly contain sex :)
hahaha gay sex, no?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-01-26 07:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What do you fancy trying?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-26 07:00:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is awesome, we should do more
Submitted by loveinbrevity (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by spyder882001 (user info) at 2008-04-13 13:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-12 11:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol.
I hoped you wouldn't see that typo.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-12 11:07:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am NOT on a 12 year old.
I don't do that anymore.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-12 10:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really? Who would have thought! This comes as such a shock.
Oh noes, some random dude on the internet doesn't like me! What shall I do?
So you just -2 every post I do as you don't like me... I didn't realise you were on 12 years old.
My bad.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-12 10:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have excellent taste.
I just really dislike you.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-12 09:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
apollo, you have no taste. Go make a cheap ass sports post.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-12 09:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
auto spelling vampire like that -2
it doesn't make them any more 'real' you know, kaos king.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-04-12 06:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-11 13:23:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This deserves more reviews. I spent ages on my bits :(
---
Giggedy.
I thought it was very good! Rhyming couplets are the way to my heart
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-04-12 05:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I probably should have read this but I have a distinct aversion to Vampire Stories, and blood on boobies.
The pictures made me go all unngnnggeeea ewwwwww plurp.
You are Sacrilicous other bridesmaid.
You're a girly right?
I'm sorry. I should have capitalized Girly.
Submitted by loan_officer (user info) at 2008-04-12 02:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-04-11 17:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2008-04-11 16:36:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Flack can't help but +2 titties.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-11 13:23:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This deserves more reviews. I spent ages on my bits :(
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-11 12:35:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I missed you by minutes :(
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-11 10:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Because it was about vampires.
Submitted by Glenn. (user info) at 2008-04-11 10:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why did this suck so much?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-04-11 09:11:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-04-11 03:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-10 13:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet werewolves could beat the everloving crap out of vampires.
---------------
...but not vikings. they conquer all.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-04-10 14:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot her blue eyeshadow.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-04-10 13:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I highly doubt anyone is surprised by my rating...
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 13:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-10 18:21:32 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet werewolves could beat the everloving crap out of vampires.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Werewolves are one of the few things i am really scared of :(
And thanks Lib!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-10 13:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet werewolves could beat the everloving crap out of vampires.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-04-10 13:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rockin' good
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-04-10 12:25:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
huh.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-10 12:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do any of those at least resemble yours?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 12:22:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/59505#1141145 NSFW
None are mine. Not on this website.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-10 12:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My boobies are nicer than Leonores.
=================
I'd *love* to see you prove it ;O)
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-04-10 12:13:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 12:11:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rad doesn't like me. I bring down the tone of Uber with my crap posts and circle jerks and I take it all waaay too seriously.
My boobies are nicer than Leonores.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-10 12:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What? Rad neutered one of my extremely rare and coveted +2's?
That rat bastard.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 11:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-04-10 15:13:49 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
this -2 is for shlongy
----------------
And *I* am all that is wrong with the Uber of today.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-10 11:03:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
throwing them in the bath and then tying them to the bed
===================
Can I come to stay with you?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 11:02:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin' kids. Slould all get home at a decent hour like mine. 6pm - two hours of pretending I like them before throwing them in the bath and then tying them to the bed. Under the stairs.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-10 11:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*thankfully takes cookies*
Yahoo are mean. So is getting rejected. It's proberbly because they are on over load from all the kids getting home from school.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:59:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks FJ. I'll take another punt at it at some point.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:59:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*passes LM some subway cookies*
Yahoo keeps saying there is a temporary fault and I can't send mail. Why does this keep happening? Are they on to me?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I remember that post LM, it was brilliant. Write something else for them!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:55:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Warm tea brewed in a teapot?
Hopefully, they will be ignored otherwise your kindness may have negative consequences!!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:( I just got turned down by yachting weekly. They said they all laughed at my post about the toilet, but it was too strong for them to publish.
I need cookies :(
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Debenhams stock fiorelli and berty bags to name but a few.
Their CCTV is always dodgey. I could always borrow one for you.
I got one more before my third strike.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You deserve the +2s, dear. It is not fair that your efforts should go unrewarded.
I am drizzling them down upon your uberposts like sprinkles of warm...
...well, I'll let you provide your own metaphor.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My handbag is stolen :(
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FJ I will never forgive you for sending my old posts round the MRR! For this, you will dieee!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well at least my handbags Guuci ;) darlings
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ladies!
PLEASE!!!
Play nice.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chill out Orphelia, they werent snide.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
emission, quit making snide comments and then pretending you are joking.
Thanks experima!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:40:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 15:38:01 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you trying to make some kind of point here, emission?
Do you like this post or was your +2 B@W comment just some kind of sarcasm?
------------------
WTF is the matter with you? LOL
I think you are reading in between, underneath AND above the lines.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i didn't read the reviews, don't have time.
so this 2 then is for you orphelia. :)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:38:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you trying to make some kind of point here, emission?
Do you like this post or was your +2 B@W comment just some kind of sarcasm?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok well that would be amusingly awful, hell with you two, you may aswell just make a porno
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What was I saying earlier, FJ...? :)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ROWL!! i think you should sing a song together next!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I also wrote it experima.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:19:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fj!
ps: why am i not in this
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this -2 is for shlongy
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll throw a +2 out there under the slim chance that I could possibly get an email.
I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm so cheap.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:06:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-04-10 09:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-04-10 08:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-10 08:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-10 08:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck it.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-04-10 08:00:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice work.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 07:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard that! You'll be asking me to send you my underwear for 'inspiration' next!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-10 07:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks LittleM and Sgt.
It was really just an excuse to get Orphy to send me smut ;)
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-04-10 07:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good collaboration.
im jealous! ;-)
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-10 07:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good effort you two!
I thought this was great. People should do more things together like this. I'm not a huge fan of poetry, but I do make the odd exception.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-10 06:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Cool, but it's still poetry.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-10 06:45:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
auto english +2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-04-10 06:44:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
should have(of) bumped up the quality. it's only 400kb as is.
artifacts make baby beeb cry
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-10 06:35:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The pleasure was all mine, dear.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 06:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, it looks fantastic.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-10 06:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for your 'bit', Mr Harry.
Was a pleasure working with you.
Take me back to bed now or lose me forever...